While looking up the links for the Alexis Harrington review, I found this cover:
WOW. OH, man, what the hell is he doing? No, really, tell me: what the hell is going on in there? Caption this cover! You’ve got 24 hours to leave your best caption in the comments. I’ll pick the winner (and feel free to nudge my vote), who will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his or her choice.
Really, what the hell is going on in there?!
1. Wring neck; wrap corpse in shroud.
2. ????
3. PROFIT.
Nah, I got nothin.’
Gagged with the Drapes —A heartwarming tale of pervertible love!
“Darling, before we kiss, can I just wipe that snot off your upper lip?”
These curtains are like our passion: fierce.
The tragic decline of Rico Suave: from pop star to nipple model.
I am man enough to admit, I picked these drapes to match your so lacy nightgown.
Ugh…I can’t win with these killer comments, but I’ll try.
*******
Caption: Earl Duke Regent Wallinshirefordeim is ready to love Duchess Lady Mariflower, until her breath reaches his chiseled man-nostrils. With a gaspeth and a reach for the heavy, though horridly thin curtains behind him, he recoils. Can a man like him, with nipples as pointy as harpoons and hair that waves in a windless room, be able to tame a breath so vile and cantankerous, along with the suckling woman underneath?
*****
Again, not even close. This is what happens when I get bored and see these covers…. xD
When I said blow job, I didn’t really mean blow.
I have never been Rick Rolled in a discussion thread before. Thanks, Snidley Whiplash!
As for the cover, I think the girl is asking:
“Where am I? Why are there no clocks in here?”
Because she is dazed by the odor of his armpit. Its probably pretty manly and pungent up in there.
My nipple is the elixer of life. I will hang on here while you taste of me.
Abracadabra,alakazam,presto-chango. Izzy wizzy let’s get busy!!
Her skin was smoother than the softest satin…until he felt the bed sheets. “Is that…thousand-count?”
Oh, and points to Cassie for the “Othello” reference. Totally the first thing that popped into my head. 🙂
WANNA BUILD A SHEET FORT?
I’m going to second:
K. Hitchens said on… “Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a drape.”
Perhaps “Scarlett” will make a dress out of the sheer drapes (ala Carol Burnett spoof of the movie).
The Search For the Fountain of Youth
“It’s right here, baby. Now suckle me.”
K. Hitchens’ caption inspired me to look up memorable quotes from the movie, which would make funny captions for this cover:
Rhett Butler: With enough courage, you can do without a reputation (replace repution with negligee)
Rhett Butler: I’m very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening’s over.
Scarlett: Great balls of fire. Don’t bother me anymore, and don’t call me sugar.
Scarlett: I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.
Rhett Butler: No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.
Rhett Butler: What a woman.
Rhett Butler: I can’t go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands
Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.
Rhett Butler: I’ve always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely.
Mammy: It makes my blood run cold, the things they say to one another.
“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”,I’ll have you my pretty!!
“You will nurse from my man-titty, or it’s curtains for you.”
Oh this is fantatastic! I hurt so much from laughing. Thank you so much!
All I can think is ‘those giant flowers at the front have grown legs and are coming right for us!’
no no….He is really saying to her
“What are you making for dinner? and do we still have
some of those cookies you made last night?”
Give me just one sip… one sweet sip of that man milk…
Forget vampires and blood exchanges, it’s all about lactation exchanges!
“And I was thinking of these for the downstairs bathroom.”
Go Homeward, Geek
“The Vulcan death grip, you’re doin’ it wrong”
One with the guy’s view:
“She complains she’s cold, so I reach up to tear down the drape for blanket and she faints. Now, I dramatically check her pulse as to not be outdone in our foreplay theatrics.”
One with a different heroine’s view:
“He may think he has the upper hand in this murder, but he’s oblivious to my hand unsheathing the dagger strapped to my back. I’ve almost got it.”
“These flowing drapes are awakening my feminine side, my dear. Please – suckle my breast!”
I vote for Jen.
(‘should77’ – yes that cover should be on a vintage leisure/zebra)
“Bob was right! Hanging the sheets first does make it easier to wrap up the corpse when you’re done!”
Welcome to Bed, Bath, and Boobies. How may I help you?
Oh god! It’s my mom! Hide!
If borrowing from movie quotes is allowed:
“You know what I like best about you?”
“My clean close mantitty shave?”
“No, waking up in your arms.”
“Really, you need to check out my clean close mantitty shave. Here, feel it! Smooth, eh?”
Oh, my love, how will I get to your chastity belt when this wedding dress train goes on forever…
I know you’ve been dreaming of being in “Cirque de Soleil” darling. Tonight…with the silks grasped in one manly hand and your flowing tresses in the other…tonight we fly!
“Yoiks and away!”
or
“Quick, darling, it’s a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast! We’ll wrap these curtains around our heads and be absolutely safe, for if we can’t see it, it believes it can’t see us. What do you mean that makes sense?”
Who83
No, not Who. Guide.
“You were snoring again!!!!”
Him ‘Hang on, let me just get the washing in, luv”
I just thought of another one.
“Oh sheet!”
“And now, when I pull aside this sheet, the zucchini will have turned into a beautiful woman….Hey! Who killed my assistant??”
Lisa Law that was great!
I will wrap us in this sheet before making love to you! Oh shit that was the drapes! I will hold you close to protect you from the falling drapery rod. Oh shit my pit funk knocked you out cold!
Our hero learned he was not capable of multitasking, as foreplay, putting up curtains, and yoga poses just aren’t a good mix.
“Oh, you have a smudge on your face. Turn your head just so and let me wipe it off with this cloth.”