While looking up the links for the Alexis Harrington review, I found this cover:
WOW. OH, man, what the hell is he doing? No, really, tell me: what the hell is going on in there? Caption this cover! You’ve got 24 hours to leave your best caption in the comments. I’ll pick the winner (and feel free to nudge my vote), who will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his or her choice.
Really, what the hell is going on in there?!
“I need to fart so bad, I’m clenching these drapes, and I’m holding your head towards me because I want you to smell it with me. The fart.”
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Fabio!”
“Have you pray’d to-night, Desdemona?”
Not captions exactly but this is what is running through my mind:
My dear, what?! No, not your bodice! I realize that my manly physique is irresistible, but I am not for you!! It is Raoul who I…here let me cover you with these curtains.
Also
Never fear, my lovely! We may have forgotten the sunrise in our passion, but I will shield us from the burning rays of daylight with these thick blackout curtains I have conveniently installed for just such an occasion.
“After I shaved my chest I painted my fingernails, and now my hand is stuck in these drapes. I don’t want her to know that, however, so I’ll smolder at her. Wow, she’s smoldering back. I’ll smolder more.”
Degree’s new deodorant efficacy testing.
‘He flies through the air with the greatest of ease
A daring young man and his sore-necked new squeeze…’
(Did anyone else LOVE Brendan Fraser as George of the Jungle? Or is it just me?)
“Your gown seems to be falling off of you, here, use these drapes to cover yourself.”
or
“I tell you I am strong! Look, look at how I can rip these drapes down with just one hand! You can’t leave me for that Fabio!”
“Bella, I grew my hair back just for you! You don’t need that filthy vampire! Here, let us close the drapes so we are not blinded by that silly sparkle of his.”
‘Hello, I am your lactation consultant for today. Let me show you how to get your baby to latch on.’
“Baby let me pull the curtians so the neighbors won’t see me choking you out.”
Dr. Manlichest: I have cured your cancer, but liquefied your bones in the process. However, you are hot, so I will just hold up your neck, shut the divider, and make love to you on your rose covered hospital bed.
Hey Baby, ever heard of a dutch oven? no? excellent.
So many strange things happening in that picture. But the funiest to me is that her face is practically jammed into his armpit.
“Smell the pit, baby. It’s sooo good, you know you want to. Your little fetish will be our secret.”
I’m with j.f. and Chance—this is totally a Dutch oven scenario, or the merciful release from said Dutch oven. Homeward Farts, more like.
“Now look, this is how we hang the sheets at my mother’s house. Are you watching? See, it’s just that easy.”
This will only hurt for a minute…..
The Tentmaker Takes an Assistant
Logline: Casting tents in the drapes was only the beginning….
The world’s sexiest blanket fort.
“See? I told you the egghell drapes wash you out. NOW will you believe me and buy the chartreuse?”
“Look out your window at your man. Now look at me. Now look at your man’s nipple. Now look at mine…” Apparently resistance is futile.
And thanks Chance for giving me something new to look up in urban dictionary. Blargh, bwahaha.
Damn these drapes! I need more light to inspect that mole.
A devastated Stephen finds Zoe drained of her precious life blood in the morning. Dead not turned. How could he have done this to her? Gazing into her eyes, he pulls down curtains to let in dawn’s deadly light.
OMG, Brianna! Too funny!
“Heidi says it’s linen. Michael says it’s cotton. Nina says it’s damask. *I* say it’s silk charmeuse. Look at it! LOOK AT IT!”
I couldn’t help but notice, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes
“Drink from my magnificent nipples!”
“I really have to go but there isn’t any toilet paper in the bathroom. If I turn her head like this, she’ll never notice the difference….”
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
“OK, I believe you – my left armpit smells different than the right one. Can I lower my right arm now?”
Isn’t it lovely, my manly chest? Please look at it closer.
I love Lisa’s idea! ‘I’m the man your man could smell like…’
No matter how hard he tried, Marko just couldn’t get the “Happy Ending” part of the massage right.
He could make the bed one-handed and sprinkled the sheets with rose petals, but could she resist his ‘headlock to the heart’…?
Having killed her with the passion of his gaze, the serial smolderer wraps up his latest victim in the symbolic shroud.
“If I hold the sheet just so, you can totally give me a bj and nobody else in the park will see!”
He discovered her in desperate danger of being smothered by the sheets. Can the greatest passion Bed Bath & Beyond has ever seen save her now?
Jason failed to pitch a tent twice that night.
“Suckle here, my dear. It’s alright. I have a modesty cover…”
“Celia, let me now show you my favorite game….
PEEK-A-BOO!
Buffeted yet again by a wind that only affected him and his glorious hair, Armand held on to both the curtain and to Winifred for dear life.