There are a lot of romance bloggers and book bloggers and I’ve met many many people since Candy and I started Ye Olde Bitchery. Among the very best of the best is KristieJ. KristieJ is amazing: she’s funny and sharp and witty and such a fan of the genre. She’s easily one of my very favorite people to visit with when we’re at conferences.
But not this year. THIS YEAR it is ON. KristieJ has called into question my ability to identify a mullet. WHA-WHA-WHAAAT?! I live in New Jersey! I grew up in Pittsburgh! When I met him, HUBBY had a mullet, albeit a curly one. I read romance novels and have amassed quite a collection of be-mulleted man-titty cover art – HOW could I not be able to truly identify a mullet?!
KristieJ is not impressed. She is from Canada, land of hockey. Her sons were athletes, and she knows from mullet, she says. She has collected a…dare we say… millieux of mullets and the gauntlet has been thrown.
So we devised a contest, and YOU must pick the winner, and more importantly, the loser.
Below the fold here and over at KristieJ’s Ramblings on Romance are a selection of mullets. The very best mullet pics we could find from our respective countries. Your job: pick whose collection of mullets reigns supreme. The wager? Whoever loses has to wear this wig at both RT AND RWA 2010 in public for at least two hours, preferably in the bar.
Oh, yes. It is ON. Mullet identification is ON THE LINE, to say nothing of national pride. It’s bigger than US Olympic Hockey, it’s bigger than anything. It is US vs. CANADA, Sarah vs. KristieJ: THE MULLET SHOWDOWN. Remember: when you pick the winner, you pick the person who Does Not Have to Wear the Mullet.
One of us is going to be mullet-champion, and the other will be be-mullet-ed. Bring it on, y’all, and help us declare Whose Mullet Collection Reigns Supreme?
I must defend the American Mullet, a hairstyle of pride and honor and bombs bursting in air.
First, a little hometown pride: Pittsburgh Penguins Mario Lemieux, and Jaromir Jagr, sporting absolutely majestic hockey mullets. WHY the Stanley Cup doesn’t have one, I couldn’t possibly tell you. but this alone demonstrates my understanding of the mullet millieux.
Now, the mullet is the unofficial haircut of New Jersey and there are plenty of examples from the fine Jersey shore. It’s a pity I don’t have a few weeks of hot weather, a camera, and some time at the beach, because I could get some live action mullet shots that would put this contest to bed in a hurry. Pity we don’t have showdowns about back hair, because there’s plenty of that, too.
But let’s move on – to neighboring Pennsylvania. John Kruk, formerly of the Philadelphia Phillies, combines that fine mullet of wavy hair with a beard:
There are few things better than a baseball mullet, really… except when that mullet is worn by a man whose name is Randy Johnson. Behold: it has style, grace, and movement! A well conditioned mullet is a beautiful thing.
Lest you doubt the state of the Randy Johnson mullet, here’s another picture of it, sans ballcap:
In other parts of the world, there’s just hockey and baseball mullets. Here in the USA, we have… MacGyver Mullets, worn by television stars and romance novel cover models alike:
The US also boasts many, many celebrity mullets, like Kevin Federline, who combined cornrows and mullets and… I really don’t quite know what to say about that.
There’s the amazing hard-rocking badass mullet… when the man who wears it is so cool, the mullet is entirely excused:
But what puts the American Mullet over the top in terms of sheer beauty is that we, here in the US of Awesome, boast the King of All Mullets, Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus.
There’s the Frost and Tip Cyrus Mullet:
And, for bonus romance action, the shirt open, chest-hair-regrowing, three-foot-long mullet of amazingness. Cyrus style is truly a US Original.
Mel Gibson counts for team USA because he was born in NY, Peekskill I believe. I have to go with Sarah on her variety of mullets in different professions. Plus, I have a soft spot in my heart for MacGyver as he was the reason an impressionable young me went for an engineering degree (although I never did learn anything about stopping a car with shoelaces).
Gotta vote for Kristie, her mullets look like the ones I remember in my youth over her in ye olde England 😛
It’s hard to be KFed.
Der, I mean beat KFed.
Oh – I really am laughing at that typo error!! There are so many ways one could respond 🙂
This! And that’s how this whole thing started, was it not? The hair on that book cover wasn’t even vaguely mullettish.
I havent read all the comments yet, so I don’t know about anyone else, but IMHO, mullets don’t necessarily look any better on women.
And finally, Kiefer’s Lost Boys mullet for the Canadian win!
Had to go with KristieJ’s nonchalant, hip-thrusting mullet on skates.
Have to vote for KristieJ based solely on the fact that whatever it is Kevin Federline is sporting, it is NOT a mullet. Sorry.
spam-a-lot : longer34 …… exactly! the back must be 34 inches LONGER than the front to be a true mullet! 😀
Sorry, I don’t think Dee Snider counts—that’s just long hair, and I don’t think Federline makes the cut either—I don’t think you can cornrow a properly structured mullet.
But with MacGyver and Billy Ray Cyrus, how can we lose?
Spamchecker: both83 When they’re both 83, will they still be sporting mullets?
Ha! You made me blow milk out my nose and I wasn’t even drinking milk! LOL
And didn’t MacGyver and Billy Ray invent the amazing mullet???
How can Canada ever hope to compete, eh? 🙂
Lisa 🙂
Head 65? Ok I’m not mature enough for this one… 😛
I noticed that the canadian version are a little lacking in “the party in the back”. Party in the USA! lol
Oh, man it SOOOO close. Kristy almost won it all with Elvis Stojko’s picture. But SB Sarah had 2 Bill Ray Cyrus. Sarah won…by a hair.
and really “other69”….WHAT other 69????
My vote goes to Lily. George Clooney with a mullet beat Billy Ray and the pink Lycra mullet. IMHO.
Plus, it would be beyond awesome to have Sarah and Kristie J wearing Theresa’s version of the mullet wig.
I have to agree that K-Fed and Dee Snyder don’t count toward mullets. But between Billy Ray and MacGuyver and the fact that I spent the 90s in Texas, I may still have to vote for Sarah.
I see that Mel Gibson and Eric Bana have both been mentioned and named as Australians. This opens up the fact that Australia leaves the USA and Canada both for dead in the mullet stakes. Just go to a rugby league match in parramatta and every second man (if not more) has absolute killer Mullets. My Brother grew his hair for a year just so he could he could cut the filthiest mullet he could and wear it for a week. There are some very special photos of that occasion.
If we’re going to divert down the Australian sidetrack, I can’t resist presenting this one of Russell Crowe with the honest-to-God comment “My mullet is like having a dead Koala on my back.”
WTF???
http://www.metro.co.uk/showbiz/332560-russell-my-mullets-like-a-dead-koala
The sheer volume of cheating and misidentification on the American side forces me to hand this to Kristie. As many have pointed out, Lemieux and Jagr are not American. Mel Gibson, in the comments, also not American. Dee Snyder, not a mullet.
So I have to agree with Kristie: Sarah, not only do you struggle to identify a mullet, you also apparently struggle to identify an American!
Now see here, hairball. (SNORT)
I’m well aware that Jagr and Lemieux are not American. However, they were part of the Stanley Cup winning wonderbunch that was the Pittsburgh Penguins. I say if you help a team win multiple championships, you get honorary local, if not state/federal citizenship.
I think most Pittsburgers who witnessed the Era Of Lord Staney And The Accompanying Mullets would claim them both as “One of us.” Or “One of yinz,” depending on whom they were talking to.
But this gives me an idea for next year: KristieJ vs. Sarah: The Mario Lemieux tug of war. We each grab and arm and pull until someone wins.
*laughing* But hey!!! That give you an unfair advantage. You grew up in Pittsburg and probably have connections!! And I’m not a Quebequois so I don’t have that, that I can use for leverage.
What is it about hockey and soccer that brings out the mullet?
I can’t believe you left off Dog the Bounty Hunter.
“Business in the front party in the back” the mullet motto.
IMHO the Canadian side had too many Shags pretending to Mullet.
Greetings to all!
Now, I realize that Canada has some truly gag-reflex inducing examples of the Mullet; however, being from the South (and being forced to watch a lot of NASCAR and NASCAR fans), I can tell you that nothing says “Southern” like a Femme Mullet topped off with a cammo inspired tube-top and jean short hot pants! Of course, this individual is usually accompanied by a male-mullet wearing ripped jeans, a John Deere trucker hat, and a Confederate flag shirt – Oh, and a baby wearing only a diaper drinking Coke out of a bottle. Aaaahh, good times. Good times.
Also (and here is the kicker for me), Canada may have fierce competition with regard to the mullet, but in America, we have a movie dedicated to this unfortunate hairstyle. It’s a documentary, entitled American Mullet and here is my proof:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0284329/
**Please forgive my poor internet skills if the link doesn’t work**
I rest my case, and cast my vote for SB Sarah!!
I had to go with USA because I adore MacGyver. That’s all. Simple, really.
If you go to Awkward Family Photos (the .com one) and search for “mullet” it is pure comic gold.
Check this out: it’s a mullet for the ages.
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/08/22/saturday-night-special-watchman/
Does anyone know why the hairstyle is named after a fish? I don’t get it.
I’m voting USA simply on the basis of the fierce mullet-tude that is Randy Johnson. He made the Mariners great (for a while), and come on. Randy. Johnson. WIN.
Oh, come one. That Russell Crowe do isn’t a mullet, either!
Come one, come all! I meant “come on”.
I agree the Rusty do isn’t a mullet. It’s just long all over. But the whole dead koala quote got me laughing so hard I just had to present it to you.
And believe me, Russell’s had some special mullets in the past.
Sarah, yours wins hands down, but I’m surprised you both forgot that hideous mullet David Spade sported in “Joe Dirt”….
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Joe-Dirt-david-spade-332560_450_300.jpg
I’m a Jersey girl, and we Jerseyans have to have at least some shred of solidarity, right?
Besides, I’d love to see Kristie wearing that wig.
There was a first-class female mullet worn by “Shambo” on Survivor last season.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor/bio/shannon_19/bio.php
I am Jersey girl and hell yeah, we have rocked the Mullet hard in this state at times.
This is the best contest ever and I am honored to vote! HAHA!
Oh, I love this! Although I do keep asking myself why I have a compulsion to look at all these links in the comments – that is truly scary stuff! 😉 I am just soo glad that mullets are not common here anymore!
Lily, thanks for bringing up John Stamos. He definitely belongs in the Mullet Hall of Shame.
SuperWendy, I’m counting on you to laugh at whoever ends up in the wig. Laugh extra for me!
As someone who for many years was married to a mullet man from Minnesota, I’ve gotta go with Team USA here. But I know Kristie J will be a good sport about it!
And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Stallone sport one in “Rambo”? I mean, I know he was in the jungle and all, but come on…
By the way, my kids were watching Hannah Montana tonight and Miley and Jackson were making fun of Billy Ray’s former mullet-do so naturally I thought of you, Sarah 🙂
My spam word: growth85 – I think Billy Ray must have had a lot of hair growth since then!
In the 1980″s on “21 Jump Street” Johnny Depp wore a mullet. It was very sexy! 😉
I wish I knew how to scan in the picture I have of him. It’s really good.