Whose Mullet Collection Reigns Supreme? KristieJ vs. Sarah

There are a lot of romance bloggers and book bloggers and I’ve met many many people since Candy and I started Ye Olde Bitchery. Among the very best of the best is KristieJ. KristieJ is amazing: she’s funny and sharp and witty and such a fan of the genre. She’s easily one of my very favorite people to visit with when we’re at conferences.

But not this year. THIS YEAR it is ON. KristieJ has called into question my ability to identify a mullet. WHA-WHA-WHAAAT?! I live in New Jersey! I grew up in Pittsburgh! When I met him, HUBBY had a mullet, albeit a curly one. I read romance novels and have amassed quite a collection of be-mulleted man-titty cover art – HOW could I not be able to truly identify a mullet?!

KristieJ is not impressed. She is from Canada, land of hockey. Her sons were athletes, and she knows from mullet, she says. She has collected a…dare we say… millieux of mullets and the gauntlet has been thrown.

So we devised a contest, and YOU must pick the winner, and more importantly, the loser.

Below the fold here and over at KristieJ’s Ramblings on Romance are a selection of mullets. The very best mullet pics we could find from our respective countries. Your job: pick whose collection of mullets reigns supreme. The wager? Whoever loses has to wear this wig at both RT AND RWA 2010 in public for at least two hours, preferably in the bar.

Oh, yes. It is ON. Mullet identification is ON THE LINE, to say nothing of national pride. It’s bigger than US Olympic Hockey, it’s bigger than anything. It is US vs. CANADA, Sarah vs. KristieJ: THE MULLET SHOWDOWN. Remember: when you pick the winner, you pick the person who Does Not Have to Wear the Mullet.

One of us is going to be mullet-champion, and the other will be be-mullet-ed. Bring it on, y’all, and help us declare Whose Mullet Collection Reigns Supreme?



I must defend the American Mullet, a hairstyle of pride and honor and bombs bursting in air.

First, a little hometown pride: Pittsburgh Penguins Mario Lemieux, and Jaromir Jagr, sporting absolutely majestic hockey mullets. WHY the Stanley Cup doesn’t have one, I couldn’t possibly tell you. but this alone demonstrates my understanding of the mullet millieux.


Now, the mullet is the unofficial haircut of New Jersey and there are plenty of examples from the fine Jersey shore. It’s a pity I don’t have a few weeks of hot weather, a camera, and some time at the beach, because I could get some live action mullet shots that would put this contest to bed in a hurry. Pity we don’t have showdowns about back hair, because there’s plenty of that, too.

But let’s move on – to neighboring Pennsylvania. John Kruk, formerly of the Philadelphia Phillies, combines that fine mullet of wavy hair with a beard:


There are few things better than a baseball mullet, really… except when that mullet is worn by a man whose name is Randy Johnson. Behold: it has style, grace, and movement! A well conditioned mullet is a beautiful thing.


Lest you doubt the state of the Randy Johnson mullet, here’s another picture of it, sans ballcap:


In other parts of the world, there’s just hockey and baseball mullets. Here in the USA, we have… MacGyver Mullets, worn by television stars and romance novel cover models alike:


The US also boasts many, many celebrity mullets, like Kevin Federline, who combined cornrows and mullets and… I really don’t quite know what to say about that.


There’s the amazing hard-rocking badass mullet… when the man who wears it is so cool, the mullet is entirely excused:


But what puts the American Mullet over the top in terms of sheer beauty is that we, here in the US of Awesome, boast the King of All Mullets, Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus.

There’s the Frost and Tip Cyrus Mullet:


And, for bonus romance action, the shirt open, chest-hair-regrowing, three-foot-long mullet of amazingness. Cyrus style is truly a US Original.



General Bitching...

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Kim in Hawaii says:

    Great idea for a freindly cross the border rivalry!  NAFTA would be proud.  Too bad I cannot attend RT in Columbus, but I look forward to see the mullet wig at RWA!

  2. 2
    Vuir says:

    I need another example of the hard rock mullet. I can’t tell how short the hair is, as it seems to be gelled down.

  3. 3
    Maggie P. says:

    I never realized how diverse the mullet is in the US, that makes it a clear win IMHO.

  4. 4
    Ros says:

    I couldn’t really judge the mullets apart but I wanted Sarah to wear the wig, so that determined my vote!

  5. 5
    eaeaea says:

    Kristie’s ‘greasy mullet’ on a pink-lycra-wearing wrestler WINS!

    The only time when wrong is right.

    spamwor – trial25 – a trial for my burning retinas…

  6. 6
    Cris says:

    A clear win for Team Bitch/ Team America.  The Canadian hockey mullets were impressive, but we have the King of Mullets, Billy Ray – no contest.

  7. 7
    KristieJ says:

    Kristie’s ‘greasy mullet’ on a pink-lycra-wearing wrestler WINS!

    Thank you!!  While Sarah certainly gets points for Billy Rae, I think a greasy mullet on a pink-lycra wearing wrestler tops Bill *g*.  I went YES!!! when I found that pic *laughing* and then the shaking started.

  8. 8
    SB Sarah says:

    I think there might be a greasy pink mullet vs. Billy Ray Cyrus showdown on the line here.


  9. 9
    DS says:

    I CANT MAKE UP MY MIND!  While a bit south of Pittsburgh—quite a bit south, I too live in the land of the mullet (and the hairy back and shoulders)  But those Canadian examples have a je ne sais quoi, ya know.

  10. 10
    JJ says:

    Perhaps it is my national pride (heh heh), but I will have to claim Sarah as the winner. The sheer diversity of mulletry counts for something! We have hockey mullet, baseball mullet, wannabe-celebrity mullet, rockstar mullet, country music singer mullet…

    Let us not forget Jersey Shore mullets, which are really their own species. I never knew! I’m from southern California. Yes, we really are that tanned and good-looking ALL THE TIME. (Ha.)

  11. 11
    joannef says:

    Really tough choice. Mario Lemieux cancels himself out for being on both Mullet Team Canada and Mullet Team USA.  Going by sheer numbers, USA wins hands-down due to the far greater population.  On creativity, 2 to 1 edge to team Canada – Wendel Clark’s crew-cut mullet plus Bret Hart’s greasy, man-titty mullet narrowly beats Federline’s more creative (IMO) cornrow mullet.  For global mullet influence, gotta go with team USA.  McGyver’s mullet is probably still seen in syndication in dozens of countries, and who can forget (no matter how we try) Cyrus’ huge flash-in-the-pan doing the “Achy-Breaky” dance.  I’ll have to go 51%/49% for Canada for having the classiest mullet wearer (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) listed by either team – Wayne Gretzky.

  12. 12
    KristieJ says:

    I think there might be a greasy pink mullet vs. Billy Ray Cyrus showdown on the line here.

    But HE’S not wearing PINK LYCRA like my guy is ;-)
    Go CA-NA-DA!!

  13. 13
    MicheleKS says:


    I’m from the Deep South and the mullet still rains supreme here. Personally, I don’t think anything can match what I call a redneck mullet.

  14. 14

    Just wanted to chime in and say Belgium deserves a little shout out for their first son Van Damme’s jerry curled mulletude in the amazing film Hard Target. JCVD also punches a rattlesnake in this film, and it features a Cajun Wilford Brimley as a moonshine brewer. Definitely my favorite film from the cinéma mulletté genre.

  15. 15
    Saundra says:

    I don’t think Dee Snyder counts- the hard rock mullet you have here, is actually his (all over) long hair, pulled back in the front to keep it off his face. While the style is definitely mullet-esque, it’s not really a mullet. You can also see this permutation on Lars Ulrich from Metallica and Slash from Guns & Roses. On stage, all the hair is wild and free, offstage, the front is pulled back so they can see.

    That said, American Mullet is plainly the winner. To have this many fine distinctions shows we have come a long way in mullet science and deserve to be the glorious winners! (Or losers…)

  16. 16

    American mullet all the way.  It makes a lovely dip, and fried up with a side of slaw is some good eating.  Canadian whitefish just can’t compare.

    Oh, wait…we’re not talking about fish?

    Never mind.  The Yanks still win.

  17. 17
    Bibliophile says:

    The American mullet wins hands down, for sheer length and variety.

  18. 18
    Sewicked says:

    I’m sorry, Kristie, that pink-lycra-wearing-mullet is a strong contender and I did have to deduct points for Dee Snyder (he has long hair pulled back), nonetheless, I had to go with Sarah on this one. The sheer variety of mullets, not just hockey players makes a huge statement.

    I’m still not sure what the statement is or if we should be proud of it. And I don’t want to know. Really. Even if you know, don’t tell me.

  19. 19
    serpentj says:

    And thanks to the television show “Supernatural” we have the… memorable description of the mullet as:

    “Business in the front, party in the back”

    That alone might lead me to vote for the American mullet.

  20. 20
    Cassie says:

    While I concur with KristieJ that the term mullet is sometimes used incorrectly here at the Bitchery, I must side with Sarah in this mullet show-down – she certain brought the business-up-front-party-out-the-back to the table here.

  21. 21

    Sarah, hometown pride notwithstanding, you can’t use either Mario Lemieux or Jaromír Jágr .. Great mullets, I agree, but Lemieux is as Canadian as I am, and Jágr is a Czech.

    If you want to have a Pittsburgh touch, you might be able to claim this .. http://bit.ly/b4sb9h

    But then I, out of national pride, would have to counter with this .. http://bit.ly/aW1LbW

    Which, in my view, puts Team Canada in front!

  22. 22
    closetcrafter says:

    Sorry, Sarah by geography alone, wins.
    1. I reside in Pittsburgh and while ice skating with my children 2 weeks ago, saw no less than 5 mullets at the rink. 2 were a father/son combo, both wearing Penguin jerseys.

    2. Sarah, you may not have lived in Pgh in the mid 90’s, but if you did, do you recall the Jaromir/Fantasy’s clock on WDVE? Everytime I see a pic of him, I think of his heavily accented ” I love Fontosees” they used to plug in at commercial breaks.

  23. 23
    Shaheen says:

    Hmmmm…. Not sure if the Federline do strictly qualifies as a mullet. And rock star dude’s definitely does not.

    Thus despite the true excellence of the Billy Rae Cyrus and McGyver Mullets – which are mullets to silence all mullets, I felt I had to vote for KristieJ over on her site, on the grounds of disqualification. (Unfortunately, I then came back here and accidentally voted for Sarah – so my vote is now completely irrelevant!!!)

    Am I the only one who thinks that on a lass the wig won’t look quite so repellent?

    audience34 – you will have an audience of at least 34 to the mullet-wearing drinks party!

  24. 24

    I’m still trying to recover from the fact that there exists a mullet wig. A WIG. Cut into a MULLET. Why, dear Lord, why?

  25. 25
    Babs says:

    & Billy Ray’s frost and tip cinches the win for Sarah! Or at least, it should…


  26. 26

    OMG I almost died laughing.  I loved the original post at KristieJ’s, and her Canadian mullets are compelling, but I’m firmly on Team USA!!  You can’t beat Billy Rae.

  27. 27
    Amelia says:

    Billy Ray wins it for Team USA hands down with his song “I Want My Mullet Back”

  28. 28
    Niveau says:

    Dude, Mario Lemieux is OURS. He’s Canadian, baby! Stop stealing our mullets! *votes Canadian, partly out of pride and mainly because of Thornton*

  29. 29
    SheaLuna says:

    Kristie J did a most excellent job representing the Canadian mullet, but NOBODY does mullet like McGyver does mullet!  Nobody. You win, Sarah!

    hot62:  The McGyver mullet is 62 kinds of hot!

  30. 30
    kinipelak66 says:

    Ah, the mesmerizing combo of the Lemieux-Jagr mullets reminds me of my yinzer youth…

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