Grab a flask and play along: it’s time to get head-weaving drunk with “Someone Without A Clue Reviews Romance: the Drinking Game!”
While multiple-mullet salutes have been found with increasing frequency, it’s still cheap and easy humor, akin to blonde jokes and snide comments about overweight people, to slap at romance novels, and of course the women who read them. So let’s see how many lame and tired points of insult Kimya Kavehkar comes up with before she runs out of column inches: Judging Romance Novels By Their Steamy Covers!
Comment about the covers: DRINK!
We’re going to judge the book by its cover! Because the covers are SO lame (yes, sometimes they are) and it’s SO funny how they’re all SO LAME.
Except for the part where you’ve already outed yourself as being a steaming pile of imaginationless dookie. Judge books by their covers. Wow. Will wonders never cease.
I need another drink. Hang on.
Ok: let’s read on past the headline, which someone spent copious hours on, I’m sure. It’s a clusterfuck of cliche up in here, up in here.
Reviews that aren’t really reviews but instead plot summaries of dubious grammatical construction: DRINK!
Did you know that any book, regardless of it’s social status and intellectual cache, can be reduced to fascination levels previously achieved only by lukewarm yogurt? So true: just summarize the plot points badly. For example:
Jesus’ half-baked buddy gets all asshurt when he’s forced to live in a motel and write his memoirs.
Three women living in the rural South explore the many layers of life women face living in the rural South.
I think my kid killed someone.
Some guy dies in a cave.
So yeah, doing the same to romances? First, not a review. I don’t think you’ve read the books in question past the back cover copy. Poor dear, was that all you could manage?
Second, still not funny.
Third, that’s the best you got? Come on, I got half a flask left here.
Tangent Question: which is easier to mock, NASCAR or romance? I think it may be a close tie, but both parties are going to laugh all the way to the bank so you have fun with your flaccid humor.
NASCAR and romance have a lot in common, though: dismissed by outsiders as dreck for the unintelligent, yet made up of fascinatingly brilliant people with incredible intellect and creativity.
Reference to nausea as appropriate response to happiness: DRINK!
Yes. Because happiness is, like, so lame. Too easy a target – next!
Obligatory reference to romance readers as lonely, boring women: DRINK!
Equally important depiction of romance readers as women who have many, many cats: DRINK MORE!
Required snide mention of Nora Roberts: DRINK MORE!
This one is just pure chortling gold: Author Nora Roberts is known for her grocery store check-out aisle fame, her books typically picked up by single ladies and accompanied by nine tins of cat food.
WOW. I think Nora’s got some hot marketing potential here: “Nora Roberts: Bigger Than Tic Tacs.”
(I’m going to need some Tic Tacs after all this drinking.)
SWEET DELICIOUS IRONY: this article is from the Berkeley Beacon, the newspaper of the Emerson College, where they’re “Bringing innovation to Communication and the Arts.”
Yes. Because nothing says “innovation” like being uninformed, ignorant and lame! Ms. or Mr. Kavehkar, let me know when you’re ready to bring it, because then I’ll be ready to take you seriously.
Tune in next time for another round of, How many tired cliches of romance snippery can you fit in one lame article? with your host, “Whomever thinks they’ve got a clue about romance but knows jackall about it.
1: YAY DOG PEOPLE!
2: Heh, I just can’t stop myself from commenting to people like her. And, if you go to look at all 33 comments you’ll actually find mine where I called the “writer” an idiot and a bigot.
Aren’t we missing the bigger picture here? We need to unite as writers and readers of romance and get grocery stores to start stocking our books in on the other side of the pet food aisle! We’re obviously missing out on millions in sales because books are only near the checkout line! *snort*
Ok, but seriously, the flask would be fabulous. And whether or not she’s 19, and no matter how she spells her name, if you’re a journalism major (been there, done that), then you ought to know that anything you write for public consumption is open to public “analysis” and you ought to do yourself (and your future career, should you actually hope to have one) a favor and do your research. Know how to construct an ACTUAL review. Make sure your headline matches what your article is about. And for pity’s sake, know the correct useage of words (immigrate vs, emigrate). Sheesh.
I’d type a witty reply but I’m smashed. Nightie night. [falls face down in TBR pile]
I’m nineteen years old and I’d be ashamed of posting something this half-assed on my own LiveJournal, let alone my college’s online newspaper.
Hi there, me again. I’m wondering if Harriet Klausner reads this blog? She needs to go school this young lady on reviewing novels. I always find her reviews very helpful.
Single woman / spinster – check.
Nora Roberts reader – check.
Romance reader – check,check,check check !
Obsessive animal lover (implied by article) – Only if they’re steamed, boiled,grilled,or roasted & served with a decent sauce. (+ some fava beans & a nice Chianti !!! )
Can someone please send this dozy dora the link to Sarah’s blog on the 17.2.10 re:- interweb links/assorted content.
You never know -, she might actually learn something useful; instead of making sweeping generalisations about a subject of which she knows remarkably little.
Shoddy, shoddy research for a wannabe journo !
Ok, in the funny coincidence pile – just went to the grocery store today, and guess who’s books I saw? At numbers one and two of the best sellers list? Nora Robers and Danielle Steel!
(and seriously? steamy? This girl needs to get off her computer and get out more. I’ve seen steamier on a Cosmo cover. Perhaps retaking Writing 115 would be a good idea for her, as well……)
laurel: I don’t even know who kavehkar is. I just voiced an opinion. you’ll notice everyone else did that.
ash: I think Mala may have meant the comments on the actual website. i didn’t really notice any high horsedness on her part, I think she was just remarking on something she noticed.
WE at the bitchery don’t bitch about each other’s comments. because if there is one thing I’ve learned off this website it’s that everyone has an opinion and should be allowed to voice it.
I’m not sure if all the people who commented on her blog are from here but that would be sort of awesome if it were. Everyone disagreed with her in a well-written, well thought out way. If we are an army than i am glad to be enlisted.
And slightly frightened of the power.
Firstly, if Ms. Mala was talking about the comments on the original site, she should have either posted them there or made it clear what she was referencing.
Second, I don’t appreciate you implying that I was bitching about anything. I made it clear that the comments on this site were in no way offensive to the author of the review’s name.
I was actually referencing comments made in this very thread, namely Nora Roberts’ “What a sad, self-important person this woman with the strange name must be,” and also Karen H’s “I just cannot tell if that is a male or female name.”
How lovely of you to make that judgment call for everyone, Ash. I don’t think I’m on a “moral high horse” simply because I disagree with it.
And, ashley, I didn’t realize “WE at the bitchery don’t bitch about each other’s comments.” Oops. Back to lurker mode for me!
I just realized that the last line of my previous comment sounded like a petty “Goodbye cruel Internetz!” thing, and wanted to clarify that it wasn’t that at all. It was definitely meant to be more of a “let me learn the social culture of SBTB before I wade in again” thing.
:::off to refill my own flask:::
I’m sorry Ms. Mala, I don’t see how someone who is genuinely wondering if an unusual name belongs to a male or a female is in any way offensive.
As for making the judgement call for everyone, I have been to this site for a very long time and the wonderful people here don’t stoop so low as to make fun of someone’s name because it’s different. I simply don’t understand why you feel you need to lambaste people who made innocent comments.
I’m generally a lurker as well, but I hope I see you around. This is a great place to me. 🙂
I googled the writer, too. Obviously a college student with a few blogs and a class deadline.
My favorite line: “Puking ensues.”
Her journalism professor must be so proud.
And YES Her Colorado Man is available for Kindle!
I really want a flask.
I find this “article” really not worth the energy required to comment on the original page.
I do think it is funny that out of all the covers she chose some of the tamest covers I’ve seen. She chose a really strange selection of covers spanning a decent period of time, and what she did with them was kinda disappointing. It would have been a lot more interesting if she had analyzed the content of the covers from different time periods and then compared it with the content of the books to help understand the norms/gender roles and or courtship customs of those times. I guess thats just the sociology student in me.
“What a sad, self-important person this woman with the strange name must be,”~
I actually think opining someone’s sad and self-important is a lot more snarky or offensive than commenting on a strange name.
But if you’d rather tsk over that part of my comment, feel free.
I keep going back hoping she replied. Am I just a hopeless dreamer, longing for people we’ve challenged to respond that they learned their lesson?
I’ve posted on the actual article about the viciousness that I perceived in the comments there, and although the comments here are somewhat more restrained, I just want to point out something of which all of you seem to be aware, but not FULLY realizing.
She is a NINETEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. She has a lot to learn about journalism, yes, but she has time to learn it. She’s still practicing, she’s still learning, and she’s just a kid. It actually makes me a bit sad to think of all the grown women here picking on a girl’s attempt at journalism.
Perhaps I have sympathy for her because I’m just 20, I write articles for my school newspaper, and I think I’d just about have a breakdown if I got the sort of reaction she’s getting. We make mistakes when we’re twenty! It happens! I know you guys say you remember being that young, but really?
She’s a girl having fun at other people’s expense. It’s too bad, but it happens. And now all of you are having fun at her expense. She might deserve it more, but I don’t think she does deserve the full war y’all seem to have waged on her.
And no, I don’t know her. I just feel really bad for her.
@Ali,
You have a point. In that case we should also be asking why and how her editor let that “article” (for lack of a better word) be published. Unless they are also 19 y/o girls. But seriously that article was barely high school newspaper worthy, someone attending a university as prestigious as Berkley should really produce better.
It probably didn’t do anything good for me to add my comments to Ms. Kavehkar’s article, but I felt compelled, because as I stated there: “anything you say about women who read Nora Roberts, Ms. Kavehkar, you say about my mother.”
@Ali – I don’t feel bad for her at all. Being young is no excuse for stereotyping and bigotry. Which is what her “article” is.
I’m always hearing about how much more open minded the young of today are compared to say – my parents. That they’re so much more accepting of homosexuals, “minorities”, etc. But I see JUST as much bigotry, but aimed at other groups. The overweight, people who believe in God/many gods and goddesses, romance novel readers/writers, those who don’t watch What Not To Wear or Sex In The City.
The groups have changed, but the bigotry and the hatred is still there.
Bigotry is bigotry is bigotry. Period. It doesn’t matter if your target is fat people (Such as the insulting remarks I read about writer/director Kevin Smith when he was thrown off a flight for being “too fat) or fans of romance novels or any group you can name. There is NO EXCUSE for bigotry. NONE. Not youth or inexperience or anything.
It’s one thing if you hate your neighbor down the street because he’s be proven to be a pedophile – rape is repugnant and raping kids even worse. That’s because you’re judging him by his disgusting actions.
But to judge every single person who enjoys something by a stereotype is wrong. Period. No excuses.
She deserves no sympathy. She deserves a big verbal smack in the face to show her that she’s not so high and mighty.
Berkley….
you’d think this center of enlightment would have a little bit more respect for a genre that is largely:
Written by women
Read by women
Agented by women
Published by women
Edited by women
And yet the article is narrow minded and intolerant. If anyone is surprised, you haven’t been paying attention.
I heard from Kimya’s boyfriend via a personal email today. He’s fiercely protective – a very romantic and hero-like trait.
🙂