First, from Kristen Painter, My New Pink Button, a dye to down your nether lips (or neither lips, whichever you currently possess) back to a lovely pink, should the normal process of aging and hormonal changes mean that your downthere is a bit more brown or red in color.
A: OMG, this MATTERS?! I’m filing this under ‘Really? You bleach your anus? Why?’
B: I better see some seriously florid and elegant descriptions of nether lips that reference the color. I barely pay attention to what my own hard-to-see parts look like, but I darn well want to know what a romance heroine’s hey-nanner-nanner looks like beneath the hood, k? Synonyms for pink: get on it!
Second, from JKR, I bet this guy cares a LOT about the color of your meat curtains.
Third, from anonymous, who says she is cringing over and over, comes this announcement: the admins of an online fanfic community devoted to Twilight have announced a new publishing company. Of course, yes, they are specializing in romance. After all, how hard can it be?
The twist on this one? Omnific is “a publishing company specializing in the publication of authors with a proven track record of online success in transformative works.”
How does one measure “online success” as a writer of transformative works? Hits? Number of people telling you you’re awesome? The owners of the press really, really liking your stuff?
But the real amazing part for me:
Omnific Publishing is a publishing house with a myriad of resources for author development and promotion, including post submission editing with Certified Editors, associated art development, publication in various media, national marketing, and profitability.
“Post submission editing?” Isn’t that kind of the point? And what exactly is a Certified Editor? Many, I’m told on twitter, are “certifiable” but Certified?
I found one such certification through a site called Grammatika but I’ve never seen that seal of wtf on anyone’s site before, either. Certified by WHOM? Half of their staff is listed as being among the “certified” but no reference of the certification source. Are there certifications for editors I’m not aware of?
Can I declare myself Certified Awesome? Certified Carnival Ride?
If it weren’t so irritating, it would be hilarious.