Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: Fear the Champagne bottle

Jac asks for your help:

I am in need of some help ladies! I read a book way long ago in the dark
teenage years and am aching to re-read it. The only problem…I have no idea
who wrote it, who published it, or any of the other important names (main
characters, title, location etc.) But all is not lost; I feel it’s fairly
identifiable based on a wondrous sex scene that shocked my teenage
sensibilities to their prudish little toes!

So there is angry sex all over this book, and one scene involves a
champagne bottle. He is angry at her/about loving her/some other kind of man
angst and forces her into bed, pours champagne over her, says angry things,
perhaps * gasp* penetrates her with a champagne bottle and so forth.

That’s the only thing I really remember. She might have been lured onto a
luxury resort island to extract revenge under the guise of her selling high
priced villas. She forms a bond with the manager of a upscale motel on the
island of course the manager is in cahoots with the leading man.
I hope you all can help me find this one!

Teenager or not, I’d be shocked by the champagne bottle. Damn. I’m crossing my legs now.


Help a Bitch Out

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  1. 1
    MamaNice says:

    No idea what this book is,  but the the bit with the bottle would have been a total deal breaker for me. No thank you.

    I’m all for fun and games, but something about the way she describes this scene sounds degrading and borderline abusive.

  2. 2

    As usual I have no clue…but for once I bet the normally blurry line between “I’ve read that! It’s so-and-so’s,” and “No, it was such-and-such!” will be champagne-bottle-clear within the Bitchery. Sounds like Angry Boner Man strikes again, with an extreme breed of carbonated specificity! I just hope that poor heroine didn’t get a cork in the eye… Unless that’s what she’s into, in which case, more power to her.

  3. 3
    Overquoted says:

    Muwahaha, sounds like a Harlequin Presents to me. Or a Thea Devine novel. :P

  4. 4
    Missy Ann says:

    My first thought was Susan Johnson; but I don’t remember a modern setting like that. I agree it could quite possibly be a Thea Devine too.

  5. 5
    ashley says:

    owwie! champagne in my poon? GLASS in my poon? so not working for me.

  6. 6
    teshara says:

    :: facepalm ::

    the champagne bottle narrowed it down to about 5 books, but none of the other stuff matches…

    apparently bubbly is getting popular these days…

  7. 7
    beggar1015 says:

    I dimly recall reading a romance in which, during one hot and heavy session a WINE bottle was used. But she was all for it so it was okay. The book I’m thinking of was set in the past, whereas this HaBO sounds more contemporary, so I’m not really helping at all. I’m just saying the use of bottlewear is not altogether new.

    Great. Now I’m going to to go crazy trying to think of the name of the book I’m talking about.

  8. 8

    The Angry Sommelier’s Consenting Virgin Ice Bucket

  9. 9
    H says:

    Oddly enough, I was thinking about this a couple of weeks ago and trying to remember the book/author. I think it was an established writer and the book was released in the mid-90’s, with the book being a full-length novel and not contemporary. I keep circling through names beginning with “V”.
    Of course, I could be wildly wrong!

  10. 10
    MarieC says:

    The Angry Sommelier’s Consenting Virgin Ice Bucket

    That is to funny!  You nearly made me spew my coffee out!

  11. 11
    Blush says:

    Back in the days before I was brave enough to buy a vibrator, I used to use cleaned, empty wine bottles.  And then I realized they were glass, and gave that up.

    These days, I see articles about glass dildos and think, ouch.  Although I hear they’re shatterproof or something.

  12. 12
    FD says:

    @Cara McKenna – you just made me very grateful for the spill proofed keyboard on my netbook. *snicker*

    I dunno about the book, the Angry Man and the plot excerpt bit sounds like a Presents, except waaaay too risqué. 
    It is ringing some bells as regards a scene from a film, except I think that was a wine bottle and drunk-sex, not angry. 

    I gotta say, being of inquiring mind I´m thinking not so much glass splinters as a)  unopened, OW, wire cages and foil, do-NOT-want and b) opened, OMGWTFBBQ – I forsee a trip to Casualty to break the vacuum. *shudder*

  13. 13
    AlyCatNat says:

    I’m pretty sure that one’s by Erica Jong.

  14. 14
    JamiSings says:


    These days, I see articles about glass dildos and think, ouch.  Although I hear they’re shatterproof or something.

    Yeah, you’re right, the do exist.

    Sorry I can’t help with the book, Jac. The only foreign object I’ve seen in a romance novel used as a sex toy was a parrot’s feather. And it wasn’t for angry sex either.

  15. 15

    Unless your Kegels are like strung out on ‘roids and Olympic-level strong, I don’t think anyone should live in too much fear of a glass dildo spontaneously shattering in their velvet love tunnel.

  16. 16
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    I tried Googling “romance novel champagne bottle” and the first 1/2 dozen hits were this site, but I did find the following, titled “The Unfinished diary of Rachel Carter”:
    However it seems to be an online work, so I doubt if it’s what Jac is looking for.

  17. 17
    ks says:

    These days, I see articles about glass dildos and think, ouch.  Although I hear they’re shatterproof or something.

    Actually, that’s the only kind I own.  They’re really nice, no splinters or shattering so far (and, without getting into details, I have a couple that are well used), and they get the job done.

    However, an opened wine/champagne bottle doesn’t sound pleasant.  I would also live in fear of the vacuum that could form from that.

  18. 18
    Nicole says:

    I just recently subscribed to this blog, and boy, am I EVER GLAD I did…you ladies crack me up!!!
    I’m not going to be any help, consdering I have never read that book, but I think I may be looking up the title once it is found…I’m intrigued!  I would never use a bottle for this purpose, though, being a nurse I an attest to the vacuum problem as a REAL hazzard…

  19. 19
    Throwmearope says:

    Sounds like old, old JAK when she was writing as Stephanie James.  Sex as punishment was pretty big in those.  Fortunately, I somehow skipped this one if it was JAK.

  20. 20
    Ann Bruce says:

    @ beggar1015 – The book you’re thinking of is probably Master of Paradise by Katherine O’Neal.  I remember that sex scene vividly because two words kept going through my head: suction and ow.

    Can’t help with the HaBO title because I can’t thinking of something similar with a contemporary setting, even though Susan Johnson keeps coming to mind.

  21. 21
    Lindleepw says:

    It does sound like a Susan Johnson book. I know I read one at one time where a bottle was used as a dildo. And isn’t all her sex angry sex? It feels like it. I’ll be interested to see what book this ends up being.

  22. 22
    Carrie Lofty says:

    I thought Susan Johnson too, because she shocked the shit out of me as a teenager. Her heroes were always using props. Made me uncomfortable in the girly pants. That said, I can’t remember a damn thing about any of her books, just the memory of finding it all a little too much.

  23. 23
    Amanda in Baltimore says:

    There is a scene in the movie Paris Trout where the crazy man Paris Trout, played by that crazy man Dennis Hopper, rapes his wife (the beauteous Barbara Hershey) with a bottle. But it is not sexy, it’s angry and scary, and altogether offputting.

    That movie is based on a Pete Dexter novel.

    This has nothing to do with the OP’s question, but I just had to get it out there.

  24. 24
    Kay Webb Harrison says:

    Sounds like old, old JAK when she was writing as Stephanie James.  Sex as punishment was pretty big in those.  Fortunately, I somehow skipped this one if it was JAK.

    Definitely NOT Jayne Ann Krentz under any of her noms de plume.


  25. 25
    militaryspouse says:

    My first thought was “Princess Daisy”  because I remember all sorts of strange sex (well, I was young, back then) in that one.

    spamword:  mother55.  Yes, I’m a mother, BUT I haven’t reached 55 yet.

  26. 26
    Lisa R says:

    The sex scene described reminds me of a Lori Foster novel, though none of the other plot points line up. The only thing I remember for sure about that novel is that the hero’s last name is “Wilde.”

  27. 27
    Nadia says:

    I know I’ve read at least one Champagne douche scene, but I just cannot place the book.  I’ve never read Susan Johnson, so that can’t be what I’m thinking of.  Don’t think it’s JAK, even her angry sex from the early books was pretty conventional. 

    Oh, lard, I adored Princess Daisy and all the other Judith Krantz books back in the day.  What I most remember about that book?  That Daisy farted in bed after finally doing it with the hero.  Hilarity ensued.  Never have read that in another romance!  I remember getting my hands on Scruples when I was just way too young to appreciate that the heroine blew the pilot after she scattered her dead husbands’ ashes from the plane.  I put the book down and waited until college to pick it back up, LOL!

  28. 28
    GirlyNerd says:

    I remember The Lady’s Tutor by robin schone having a champagne scene, but it wasn’t angry.

  29. 29
    sandra says:

    Mention of the name Erica Jong rang a bell for me.  I think it was her historical novel, FANNY, that contained the bottle scene. Spamword central59.  No, I don’t think it was central to the plot.

  30. 30
    BevQB says:

    Yeah, it was The Lady’s Tutor by Robin Schone that had the champagne douche scene. But even though the hero fizzled the heroine with it,  it definitely wasn’t in anger or for punishment. Set back in the Victorian era, the champagne was thought to prevent pregnancy.

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