So many people have written to me asking about the Dreamspinner ad running in our ad column. Some are dying to talk about it, some are asking me to create a thread just to discuss it, and some are absolutely turned off. What, a man with his pants down wearing some mistletoe around another area that may in fact be well hung is worth talking about?
You bet your sweet bippy. So with the generosity of Elizabeth, head of Dreamspinner, who sent me a big ol’ high res version of the cover so you can appreciate the pants mistletoe’d man in all his splendor, we have: Holiday Caption That Cover!
Leave your caption in the comments, and on Christmas Day, I’ll pick a winner. Said winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to the bookstore of their choice. Comments will close at midnight on Christmas Eve, Eastern Standard Time – I hear Santa needs to borrow those tightie whities for a trip round the world, you know?
Mad props and full credit for the image go to Paul Richmond, the artist who created this holiday wonderpiece. And oh, what a wonder it is. You ready? Come out with your pants down!
“Oh Christmas Lee, O Christmas Lee, how lovely are your branches!”
“Forget about your nose…Jack Frost would rather nip on that, honey!”
“FOR ME?!”
“Looks like Santa brought me something to play with…”
“All I want for Christmas is—oh wait.”
Havin’ a holly jolly Christmas already and it’s just the start of Advent.
You bring the mistletoe—-I’ve already got the madness.
Rudolph, with your pants so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?
Peter looked over at Joe the handyman and grinned. “Joe, are you sure that branch is strong enough to support two ornaments of that size? Maybe I’d better double-check for you….”
“Silent night, horny night, boner’s warm, underwear’s tight.”
I couldn’t get the following tune out of my mind.
“Oh, by gosh by golly! It’s time for mistletoe and holly!”
I think that one is perfect!
“Have I got a Yule Log for you…”
A Visit from St. Prickolas
I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s drawers…
“Would you mind helping me? My enormous prosthetic leg has ruptured my pants.”
Shoot that would have been better as
I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s balls…
Yeah Craig, I’m pretty sure it’s not deck your balls with boughs of holly.
“Need I remind Santa that he ruined my belt last night playing all those naughty reindeer games, just before I loaded his sleigh—and sent him ‘round the world all night long?”
Yeah, didn’t think so. . .
“No, Bruce, I didn’t say suck it in—oh . . never mind.”
An excerpt from the book that accompanies the Mistletoe Madness Advent Calendar, Goy to the World:
“Mark looked over at Gary’s package and thought “Christmas is coming early this year!”
“Hey, Chris…I think you’re hanging that a bit low this year.”
“Billy looked down in horror as Tommy started pawing his underwear. All he’d wanted to do was hint that he needed a new belt for Christmas!”
You promised to wait for Christmas!
My caption would be:
“Seriously, how often do any of us lose our pants and get a hard-on, while forming an almost perfectly equidistant isosceles triangle of space between another guy’s face and three lit candles—all while climbing a ladder to put up mistletoe?”
Mistletoe Madness in my Advent Calendar Balls indeed!
“Can’t you see I need a little help hanging this mistletoe? Don’t just sit there staring as if my pants had fallen down and my holly-print underoos were showing…oh, right.”
This year kiss whatever you want under the mistletoe.
“Can I get some Eggnog to go with that Yule log?”
“Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!!”
“Can I polish those Christmas balls for you?”
Mistletoe, a simple solution for Angry Boner Man.
“A kiss under the ol’ twig and berries”
Ding Dong Merrily on High
mistletoe madness…….
when more than the stockings were hung.
Scrooge finds extra duties for Bob Cratchit at Christmas.
Xander finally quit the demon women and found someone who made him want chocolaty goodness for Christmas; he just hoped that he wasn’t being too subtle. All he knew for sure was that he was finally looking forward to being someone’s butt-monkey.
Johnny knew that now was the time to make his Christmas wish…for Fa-la-la-la-la-la-latio.
“Fundaroos in my Underoos”
“You’ve got my Yule Log burning”
“Jack Frost Nipping at my Dong.”
OMG – A Visit from St. Prickolas- BAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Fa-la-la-la-la-latio? Awesome, Edie. Could somebody get on trimming / rimming, please? Stat.
“A Winter Vision in White (ty titghties)”
AND
I am weeping with laughter. I have nothing to add. Nowhere else to go with this. The SB minions have outdone themselves. The collective genius represented here warms- dare I say it? Why, yes, I do. Warms my cockles.
How about this:
“It was then that Jeff realized that Doug’s offer to do his laundry had been more than just a neighborly gesture of friendship. That special brand of bleach he used really did make things whiter than white.”
Happy Hornidays,folks!:)
“Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way!”
“Um…when I said I wanted a joy stick for Christmas, I meant for my XBox 360.”
“Here let me help you hold the holly while you hang the mistletoe.”
Spamword: through39 – I’m through cause my 39 other ideas were already taken!
He is totaly going to shoot his eye out!
THIS is what Santa brings the naughty boys…
“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged Chris away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”
(Another nod to A Christmas Story)
More junk for Christmas