There’s this guy, see, and he really, really likes clavicles. And the subtext of romance doesn’t examine enough the intricate allure of the collarbone – so his deepest desire is to highlight this really, really hawt body part.
That’s the only reason I can come up with for the following reuse of stock imagery. I mean, maybe there really isn’t that much stock photography in the world that’s any good.
First: Collarbone and Castle!
Not bad. But the collarbone vampire really, really looks much better in blue. See?
So what’s really going on here- aside from grievous use of Photoshop and overuse of one stock image, I mean?
It’s time for Caption That Cover – Collarbone Edition! What’s he thinking – or better yet, what’s she thinking? Leave your caption in the comments in the next 24 hours, and the best one as judged by me will win a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of the winner’s choosing. Feel free to vote in the comments for your favorite caption to try to sway me. Winner announced on Friday.
Whether it’s a clavicle fetish or he’s hunting for her third nipple, something very odd is going on here, clearly.
Next time, gotta leave the bar sooner. Nothing good comes from jaeger shots…
“I can’t wait to tell Penthouse that I had sex in a tanning booth.”
Broke-Neck Virgin
She wished he would quit her…
So Becky from morethanbrothers.net used to write het porn? Wow!
Or else this is where she got her inspiration.
And I’m sure I just confused everybody reading this.
Oh and I’m still snorting over the first comment posted!
I vote for Caroline’s. *snort*
Do not enter into affairs with were-dragons, for you are yummy, and amell of A-1 sauce.
SNORT!
I’ve got nothing. Just had to snort on my way back to the Deadline Cave. Which is sorta like the Bat Cave, except with fewer latex costumes and lots more chocolate. (Makes note that we’re low on costumes after that unfortunate incident during the last post-deadline party.)
Him: “Should not have taken that allergy medicine…”
Him: Oh sweetie. Really I want to do this, but it doesn’t seem like it is going to happen.
Her: uuuhhh. Really. *head drops back*
Him: nah. Clearly we had too much to drink at dinner. In fact…
It’s chest compressions then breathe, right? No, wait, it’s breathe-two-three-compress. No, no, it’s blow-blow-push. Hey how many times do I do the push thing? And where do I put my hands?
[Ad flashes on screen: LEARN CPR. THE LIFE YOU SAVE MIGHT BE REALLY HOT. ]
Brooks*belle gets my non-vote, both of her offerings were great.
The Modified Seldinger Technique for Vampires
With the patient was sedated and mesmerized in the typical vampire fashion. She was then held in a modified reverse-T position with exposure of the right inferior neck which was licked and salivated upon using the listed vampire phlebotomy protocol. Double stick aspiration of venous contents was attempted by dual modified dental-trocars (tapered 7/20 gauge). Once access to the IJ was obtained tongue was inserted and suckling commenced. After approximately 40mL of blood was collected the tongue was withdrawn from between the dental-trocars. Trocars were then simultaneously removed and the lateral neck site was cleansed with vampire saliva and tears of gratitude. Stat CXR was then obtained as patient complained of SOB but no pnemothorax was noted. Patient recovery was uneventful. No memory of the procedure was noted under the given sedation and mesmerism regimen.
Now class, this is what happenes when you try and play “light as a feather, stiff as a board” with only two people – and your second is an inexperienced wizard/vampire. He falls asleep and you are stuck in that compromising position until he gets a full night’s rest.
::shakes head:: Last time that happened to me, I had a stiff neck and back for a week. Let that be a lesson to you: magic is not for amateurs!
~~~
And I vote for KatherineB as well. Wish it could’a been me 🙂
I think he’s asleep
exhausted and depressed
thinking…
“…I’m soooo tired. And it’s always with the collarbone. I’m geting typecast here. That’s not good for my career at all. What’s with the collarbone anyway? If I see another fricking collarbone, I’m gonna lose it. What’s wrong with the mouth? Or the neck? I could do great things with the inside of a knee …or – but no. Not me. Every time, I get stuck with the fricking collarbone…..”
Does this mood lighting make my clavicle look big?
Richard’s new life as a zombie was harder than it looked. Everyone else just shambled around, groaning, “brrraaaaiiiinss” while he had to force the word, “cooolllllllaaaarrrrrbooooonnneeesss” from his lips. As a result, he had to shamble and groan twice as long for half the meals. On the upside, it kept him fit enough to maintain his career as a romance novel cover model, and his co-models were usually female, which made the access to the tasty tasty clavicle a lot easier than having to gnaw through mantitty.
Him: Oh de neck bone connected to de collarbone, the collarbone connected to the BONER…
Her: Gosh – you didn’t tell me you were a doctor, too!
For Nick the Neckrophile, the third time was the charm….
The didn’t call it neck-ROMANCE for nothing.
/hur… I couldn’t avoid the pun.
Her: I appreciate your checking my moles, but wouldn’t it be easier if you used a magnifying glass?
Love it, Jess!
Her new “Inflatable Valentino” TM was absolutely the best purchase she had ever made….now if she could only figure out why she was waking every morning with a crick in her neck.
Her: When you said you weren’t sure where the g-spot was, you weren’t kidding…
“Wow, that was a great sandwich! What’s that? There’s a spot of mayo on my lip? Hand me a napkin. No napkins? NO NAPKINS? Come over here. COME HERE! Lean your head back. JUST DO IT! There. Is it gone?”
“And to think they laughed when I said I was getting clavicle implants. Who’s laughing now?”