The Unsung Archetype: the 99% Hero

Lately there’s been a number of articles online that I’ve read that discuss a hero type that isn’t defined, and isn’t often present in romance novels, though it’s one of my favorites. Maybe it’s because it’s not as dramatic a persona, or maybe because it’s a heroism that’s sometimes quiet, often subtle, and perhaps difficult to render in text, but the hero who defies the archetype. He’s not outsized and XXXL (as Jane wrote recently), superpowered and megaendowed financially or physically. This hero… shows up when it counts. I’m still working on a name for this one: it’s not quite beta, and it’s not rogue, and it’s not alpha, either.

There are a number of different ways to define him, both what he is, and what he’s not. In this recent article that went around Twitter, the hero is the one who holds your purse:

It’s one of the biggest take-home lessons from my years as an oncologist: When you’re a single woman picturing the guy of your dreams, what matters a heck of lot more than how he handles a kayak is how he handles things when you’re sick. And one shining example of this is how a guy deals with your purse.

I became acquainted with what I’ve come to call great “purse partners” at a cancer clinic in Waltham. Every day these husbands drove their wives in for their radiation treatments, and every day these couples sat side by side in the waiting room, without much fuss and without much chitchat. Each wife, when her name was called, would stand, take a breath, and hand her purse over to her husband. Then she’d disappear into the recesses of the radiation room, leaving behind a stony-faced man holding what was typically a white vinyl pocketbook. On his lap. The guy—usually retired from the trades, a grandfather a dozen times over, a Sox fan since date of conception—sat there silently with that purse. He didn’t read, he didn’t talk, he just sat there with the knowledge that 20 feet away technologists were preparing to program an unimaginably complicated X-ray machine and aim it at the mother of his kids.

I’d walk by and catch him staring into space, holding hard onto the pocketbook, his big gnarled knuckles clamped around the clasp, and think, “What a prince.”

When Jane and I wrote about this type of hero in romance at the Borders True Romance Blog, we received a number of truly amazing stories from women who are fortunate to have this type of hero in their lives. Some told of men who treated them as women, not as patients, even while they undergo continual care for difficult and onerous physical conditions. Others talked about men who listened, who were equal partners in marriage and responsibility.

 

Contrast these men of quiet valor to the “bro culture” discussed at Jezebel in the wake of a new iPhone app from Pepsi that purports to assist men in picking up women by type:

Artist
Aspiring Actress
Athlete
Bookworm
Businesswoman
Celebrity
Cougar
Dancer
Foreign Exchange Student
Goth Girl
Indie Rock Girl
Married
Military Girl
Nerd
Out-Of-Your-League Girl
Political Girl…

I’ll stop there, I’m getting nauseated. And of course the app comes with a “brag list” so if you “get lucky” you can remember her name and any pertinent details- and given the tone and lame humor of the app and its description, I’m willing to bet that “Had two tits, a hole, and a heartbeat” is an option.

Hortense has it right when she writes in conclusion to her rant about this spectacular piece of programming poo:

There’s a reason why I go after bro culture as often as I do: things like this, which are completely unacceptable and ridiculously offensive. This is a program sponsored by a major corporation that encourages men to look at women as objects to be won, used, and tossed away after a “victory” is obtained….

I have said it before, and I will say it again: I am just really tired of bros, man. It would be nice to turn on the television one day and not see some dude completely dehumanizing women as a part of some asinine “game” in order to promote deodorant or soda pop or body wash, but I guess there isn’t an app for that yet.

Whether it’s a joke that edged too far into reality (I’ve so met guys who think like that – have you?) or a genuine piece of utter asshattery, the blowhard clueless hero type is much more common in mass media portrayals of men than the real men we know who are actually heroic.

I wish I read more of these heroes in romance.

I’d pick men like LaConnie Taylor Jones’ late husband, who changed her life and left a wonderful legacy of being a true romance hero:

As a romance author, readers often tell me the only place a woman can meet a beautiful, strong Black man is between the cover of a romance novel….

He didn’t drive a luxury vehicle or go head off to work all suited and booted in the latest Dolce and Gabbana collection. He was the father of our four children and the one who occasionally headed out the door sick, but somehow managed to work all day to earn an honest day’s pay in order to support his family. He was the man my children were and still are proud to call “Dad.” He was the one who spoiled me rotten, in spite of my shortcomings. He was the man who honored and respected me with his whole heart and demanded the same from others on my behalf. He was the man who cried with me and for me. He was the man who celebrated my joys and shared my pain. He was the man I entrusted with my darkest secrets and deepest fears, which he safely tucked them away inside his heart and carried to his grave.

Or Elise Logan’s brother, who, as she told me on Twitter, went to high school his sophomore year on National Coming Out Day in a dress in “solidarity.” Or her dad, who, when the principal called to report her brother’s apparel, said “Is it a violation of dress code?” Ms. Logan’s brother and Ms. Jones’ husband are no longer with us – and we’re missing some genuine heroes in these two dudes.

Jessica Scott’s blog entry for today came to me via Laura Kinsale’s Twitter feed as I was writing this entry: Something Neat from a Year in Iraq: “I got my husband back.”

We have a few minutes at lunch and dinner and maybe an hour or two before we go to bed. It’s more than most couples have and less than others, but it works for us. I’ve learned a lot about him this year, both as a husband and as a soldier. I think he’s learned a lot about me and how we’ve both changed over the last half decade. But the best thing is discovering that there’s still a whole lot of love, mixing in with a lot of like and it’s not just the kids holding us together….

It’s been a long known fact in the Army, since the war started, that deployments can make good marriages stronger but it destroys weak ones. This is my husband’s third and my first. I look to him as the voice of experience and he’s talked me through some of my fears. I’m glad I’ve gotten this time with my husband the man, not the daddy and I still love it when he plays with the kids on the webcam.

So getting to be husband’s wife this year, even with everything else that’s gone one, is at least one good thing that’s come out of being in Iraq.

Media, and to a lesser extent, romance, has a very limited set of roles for heroes, particularly those who are husbands or fathers – secret baby notwithstanding. In pop culture portrayals, they can be uber-studs or bumbling dads or quiet geeks or angry rebels – and every now and again you meet a deft mix of one or more, with a touch of something new and realistic.

In romance, the hero isn’t just the Wang of Mighty Lovin but all too often, he is reduced to that stereotype 3/4ths of the way through the book.

It’s not always compelling romance to read of a hero who listens and shows up and steps in and stands up and does all those nameless, subtle things that compile this type of hero. But surely there’s more room for this type of man in romance (and watch – the comments will be full of “Sarah, duh, did you not read…?” Get your bookstore shopping lists ready – there’s no group better at proving me wrong than the Bitchery).

Meanwhile, I’m still trying to think of a name for this real-life hero. Maybe it’s the 99% hero: 99% of life is just showing up, as a fridge magnet tells it, and I bet 99% of women would pick this type of hero over all the others in real life, if not in romantic fantasy. Regardless of what you call him, the “99% hero” is 100% awesome. I love encountering him in different places, even if it’s with the painful knowledge that the gentleman I’m reading about isn’t alive today.

Who’s your favorite 99% hero? Do you disagree that this guy who holds your purse, listens, and does those million little subtle things is absent in romance?

ETA: Polly, in the comments below, nailed it: “Maybe omega? Since he’s the guy you’ll wish you ended up with?” Yes. This is the Omega Hero: the one you end up with, or wish you had. Well said, Polly!

 

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  1. Lara says:

    Three years ago, I went through a very rough time—anxiety/panic attacks, depression, and all the fun physical symptoms that tend to accompany them. My husband wasn’t even my husband then, we’d only been together for a few months. But he visited regularly (and this was while he was living eight hours and three states away), called every night to talk to me until I was calm enough to sleep, sent cards and gifts and little pick-me-ups, and reassured me that I was not going crazy and I was going to get better.

    Now, two years married, I assure him every time he looks askance at the chiseled hero on the cover of whatever I’m reading that I’d pick him over anyone. All the guns and leather in the world do not trump a hot cup of tea and a listening ear when I get home from a late shift. Omegas rule!

    Password—looking24. Already found him, thanks.

  2. Lyssa says:

    This article reminded me of my bff reason she finds her dh so sexy.

    “It’s not that he is good looking, or that he always makes the right decisions. It is when the sink is backed up, or the air conditioner dies, or the car won’t start, he fixes it. After two husbands who acted like children who wanted mommy to fix it, it is so nice to have a man who goes, ‘Oh don’t worry hon, I will have this working in a second.’ And then I look at him, getting hot, and tired making our life better, all I can think is Wow, my man is Sexy.”

    She says she had to grow into seeing that self confidence is not about what a man says, or how he seems to be, but about his actions. And what he puts importance on in his life.

    As far a novel heroes that make that grade? Dave from the Troubleshooters series by Brockmann falls into that niche quite well.

  3. megalith says:

    The author who first comes to mind for me is Nora Roberts. The “tough enough to be tender” thing seems to be a real theme for her, and it’s part of why I really love her heroes.

    I just re-watched “Wives and Daughters” based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell. (She also wrote “North and South.”) Maybe it was closer to the values of the period in which she wrote, but the strong, dependable guy beats out the flashy guy to win the girl in both of those stories.

    I also see your Col. Brandon and Edward Ferrars and raise you Capt. Wentworth, Edmund Bertram, and George Knightley. Even Bingley is pretty much an amiable Omega hero. With the exception of Darcy, are all Austen’s heroes celebrated for their dependability? Maybe even Darcy, in the end, only becomes acceptable because his servants love him and he comes to the rescue of Lydia as he once did his own sister. He has to show his softer side before we truly love him.

  4. Elise Logan says:

    Oh. Oh, Dad got a kick out of this when I told him. He’s DEFINITELY a purse-holder. I see it in him every day: he’s fantastic.

    I don’t think that alphas should be excluded from the purse-holder gallery. Off the top of my head, Kresley Cole’s alphas, particularly Lachlain and Bowen MacRieve both do things I think of as akin to purse-holding. Bowen, especially, in Dark Deeds at Nights Edge (Conrad’s book) takes care of Mari in that way.

    I think a number of Nora Roberts’ heroes may fit the Omega profile – I’m thinking of Ford in Tribute, for example.

    In any case, it’s thought provoking.

  5. Marja says:

    Robert Heinlein didn’t write romance novels, but most of the heroes of his stories are pretty much this type. Once they have made a commitment they stick to it, and unless they are released from the deal by the other partner (or that other partner very thoroughly breaks that deal) whether that other partner be a wife, bride, business partner or country, they will stay until the end. Probably the main reason why I fell in love with his books.

  6. Thank you for this post. I agree the man is a Hero.

    He fights a battles every day. The battle to keep going and many others.

    It is not for the faint of heart to watch your beloved go through Chemo and/or Radiation therapy. He is there…fighting everything and everyone to keep his love here. He is her shield when visitors stay too long and she is tired. He is her sword when those few people come with hurtful words. He is her eyes when she is so tired she cannot read another form. He is her ears when she cannot bare to hear. He is her memory when she forgets due to treatment and stress. He is her tireless companion who listens to the same words over again because her mind cannot move forward right now. He is her armor to keep the pain at bay.

    To me he is 100% Hero. And how would one write about such a hero?…I just did.

    Again thank you great post.

    Debra

  7. shannon says:

    my omega would be Jamie from Outlander….he has this ” quiet strong ” about him…not to mention what he did to save claire…(sigh)

  8. Sarah,
    First, thanks for featuring my blog on your site. Talk about a cool thing to discover half way through redeployment paperwork.
    So I’m thinking that calling this type of hero a swashbuckling pussy pirate (the alpha stereotype gone terribly wrong) is probably not the name you’re looking for. The men who act like juvenile’s and play those stupid treat a woman like crap games are just that: children. I worry about pop culture as a mother of two daughters and I’m grateful that my girls have their daddy to look up and crush any boy who gets out of line.
    But to name this kind of man? The man who sits and holds the purse, who’s there when it really counts? All those -able words: reliable, dependable don’t really get to the heart of it. When Nora Roberts says the sexiest thing her man does is take out the trash, she’s right.
    The 4th Infantry Division’s motto is Steadfast and Loyal. It’s not one of the ‘famous’ divisions like the 82nd or the 1st Cav but it’s always there, ready to go when the nation calls. Steadfast and Loyal. Kind of like the man you describe and we all hope to find. The Steadfast Hero is not a dominant name like alpha or anything but the name speaks to the character of the man.

  9. Polly says:

    @megalith: Capt. Wentworth? Edmund Bertram? Totally not Omegas. Anne’s the purseholder in Persuasion. Wentworth was sent away, yes, but then he DIDN’T COME BACK. If handy-dandy fate hadn’t lent a hand, he would have gone on thinking Anne was faded and past. And Edmund totally got his head turned by Mary Crawford. If he was really a stick to his guns guy, he would have stuck by Mary when she revealed her not so upright morals.

    I actually really like Wentworth, but for me, part of what makes Persuasion so wonderful is seeing how he grows, even though he doesn’t really think he’s changing. Edmund, on the other hand, is an ass (can you tell I’m not a fan?—in my version, Fanny ends up with Henry, who was inconstant, but there for her when she needed a friend in Portsmouth).

  10. Anne says:

    OK, we’ve got Omega, 99%, Gamma, Tough and Tender (T&T?), purse-holder, and steadfast hero names.  May I add Everyday hero?

    I agree Roberts write great (insert term here) heroes.  The one from Tribute is one of my favorites.  And Vision in White.

    My Dad was an Everyday.  Purse-holder, Intellectual-style Tough and Tender.  Not an Alpha bone in his body. 

    I must add, though, that when the purse-holding, hospital-waiting mode was a remote possibility, he always carried a Western in his pocket to while the time – and calm himself with words.

    series36:  Dad could read 36 books in a Western series in no time flat

  11. Anne says:

    Another observation:  Ever been on a dating site?  Every man there tries to make himself out as an Alpha!  Hiking, working out, working on cars, camping.

    Alphas are fun to read about.  But really, who’s gonna tell these poor men that the Gamma/purse-holder/everyday guy is very attractive too?

    Spamword: man38

    I’m not kidding, that was the word.  ‘nuff said

  12. Brooks*belle says:

    Yep—I can remember telling my girl friends in College, “Who cares if he’s got a great arse?  You want a man who’ll get up with you in the night when the kids are sick.”

    I was already deeply in love with my husband, but fell harder and more permanently that way the night after our son (firstborn child) was born.  Little guy woke and started crying and I just tucked him, turned him, and patted his bottom and voila! back to sleep.  Jeremy looked at me with his jaw on his chest and whispered, “You’re amazing.  That was magic.”

    Swoon.

    And he’s the first one up out of bed when the kids need something.  And he loves that I’m a good mom.  And he’s tender and sweet with all of us.

    God—I’m turned on.  Maybe I can get him to come home from work early today…

  13. One of my favorite romance “everyday heroes” is Will Parker from LaVyrle Spencer’s Morning Glory.  Shows up at a dirt poor farm and starts working to make the place better for a pregnant widow and her children.  Quiet, capable, does the job that needs to be done. All he wants in return is a little softness and tenderness, a place to call home.

    I love that book.

  14. liz m says:

    I second all the votes for Spencer & Roberts. Also, I am married to this dude. He’s not verbally demonstrative, he’s not showy, but he puts his family above anything (and I don’t mean his mother) and spent 2 years effectively functioning as a single parent while I did cancer treatment. Any concern I had about anything he swept away with “You let me handle / worry about that. You just work on getting well.” The purse holders are rare, and I am grateful I had the good sense to snag mine.

  15. willaful says:

    I think part of why you may not find them too often is because too often that’s who we have in our lives.

    I sort of agree with this, except that I don’t think we can have them “too often”!  Every woman or gay man should be lucky enough to have one. Also I really enjoy reading about this type of hero, despite being married to one.  But I do also enjoy going in completely different directions and reading about men I would never be (or want to be) involved with in real life

    an49 – an he will still love me when I’m 49

  16. Lori says:

    I think that there’s some truth to the idea that sticking around when you’re sick is part of the basic requirement for a hero, but there are other ways Omega qualities can show through. Last night I was channel surfing and happened across a reality show that included a good example.

    The show is about people who train girls to be in beauty pageants. One of the clients was a 12 year old girl who has her heart set on being Miss America. To get there she has to enter a lot of smaller pageants & work her way up. Her mom has been helping her with them and is a world class “pageant mom”. Everything was going great until mom, who is in the Army, found out she was being deployed to Iraq for a year.

    Among other things that meant that the daughter would have to stop doing pageants for that year because at 12-13 she’s too young to manage on her own. She needs to be driven to & from the pageants, but she also needs help with her hair and costumes and everything. “Pageant Mom” is a big job. The pageant trainer was really concerned that if she missed whole year of experience it would basically kill her chances of being Miss America (pageants are a tough gig) so he suggested that maybe her dad could step in.

    The dad is also in the military, has zero interest in pageants and no clue how to sew or do hair. More than that, he was already facing the prospect of having to cover all the standard parenting duties for the girl & her brother for a year as a single parent and he was concerned about that. He felt like the nurturing stuff wasn’t really his strong suit & worried that he wouldn’t be able to do it all. I don’t think anyone could really have faulted him if he felt like that was all he could manage. In spite of that he said he would do the pageant stuff.

    He wanted his daughter to be happy, especially during a stressful time worrying about and missing her mom. He also knew that his daughter’s happiness was important to his wife and that she would be more at ease while she was deployed if she knew that her kid’s dreams weren’t being ruined because of her job.

    So, there he was—this big, buff guy learning to fluff crinoline and sew broken zippers. What made it even more touching for me was that he was not the kids’ biological dad, he was their step-dad. And yet, he referred to them as “my daughter” and “my son” and he was willing to go the extra mile or 10, to take care of them. All I could think was “Damn, that’s a good man.”

  17. Candy says:

    Christy Morrell of To Love and To Cherish  by Patricia Gaffney is my favorite of this sort of hero. Michael from Wild at Heart is a little bit, well, wilder, but he’s just a good, good guy underneath—we didn’t get to the purse-holding parts in the book, but dude’s got it in him. Loretta Chase’s long-suffering nerd hero in Devil’s Delilah fits the bill pretty well, too—God knows Delilah puts him through the wringer and he’s steady as a rock.

  18. Henofthewoods says:

    The Boyfriend School by Sarah Bird

    It was made into a smarmy movie with Shelly Long, but a funny book. It explores the difference between what the heroine says she wants, what she wants, and what she actually likes. It has been years, but I think the heroine is trying to write a romance, initially with the idea “anyone can write this”, and learning that there is more to it. The hero uses her book as a guide to be her perfect hero (he is actually recovering from cancer/chemo when they first meet and doesn’t impress her).

    It is not a great book, but it was pleasant and it does really work for this subject. I usually don’t like a hero to lie to the heroine about his identity, but this one takes the idea and makes it work. (I am a sucker for books about authors though, which is good, because authors like to write about authors.)

  19. Amy R. says:

    I actually married an Unsung Hero, but didn’t realize it until my battle with breast cancer two years ago. 

    I was 29 when I was diagnosed, and my husband and I have hadn’t even been married for a year yet.  Being five years younger than me, I wasn’t sure how he would take this kind of news.  I shouldn’t have wondered.  He attended every treatment and every surgery and held my hand all the way through.  It was never a question of whether or not he would be there.  He would be there no matter what.  He even shaved his head for me that summer.

    I’m a two-year survivor now, and I think our marriage is very strong because he’s an Unsung Hero.

  20. What’s ironic is that while the “bro’s” are over there sniggling at the Pepsi thing and punching one another in the arm, what they really want to know about how to get a woman is all written right here.  *smile*

  21. Melissa Blue says:

    Have to say I find the Omega hero more in Women’s Fiction than in romance. Not saying he doesn’t exist in a straight romance, but WF is from the heroine’s POV. It’s her journey. The genre lends itself to the purse holder because he’s not necessarily getting a character arc. It’s hard to be the stable one when you don’t have your own foundation, which is why I love the both genres. Romance is more about how two people can conquer whatever together and most times it’s why they are able to conquer The Big Bad Conflict, because of love.

    *shrug* My theory anyway.

  22. caligi says:

    Nice link, Laurel, but the god stuff lost me at the end.

    I think you guys miss the point of the original article, in a way. It seemed to me that she wasn’t talking about guys who always doted on their wives at all, but rather men who were “men’s men” acting out of perceived character when the going got rough.

    It seems to me that these princes of the purse are actually your “average” alpha hero, albeit much after the book has ended.

    After all, the novelty of a wizened old blue-collar grampy clutching a purse is what made the gesture notable in the first place.

  23. Laurel says:

    caligi:

    Jay is a preacher’s kid. The God stuff is genetic;)

    Seriously, though, for all of them faith has been a huge coping mechanism during the entire ordeal. Whatever works is fine with me. All I know is when everybody, including Jay, had the throw ups, he got up with Katherine at three am to help her wash vomit out of her hair. He put off taking the California Bar Exam to take care of his wife. He is totally the Omega described here.

  24. Eva Lynn says:

    Personally, I can’t go with ‘omega’ because ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ are already used in analogy with wolf pack type roles—and an omega wolf is the lowest-ranking outcast wolf who lives on the fringes of a pack, often picked on by the others as a sort of ‘game’ and used as a scapegoat.  That might be a very interesting romantic hero, actually, but it’s not the guy you’re talking about, and every time I read ‘omega’ here I get mental whiplash.  Even though the guy-you-want-to-end-up-with idea is clever.

  25. Lori says:

    Jay is a preacher’s kid. The God stuff is genetic;)

    Well, not exactly. We PKs have the rep of ending up either very into the God stuff or total heathens. IME that rep is well-earned. FWIW in my family it turned out 2-1, with me being the 1 heathen.

  26. megalith says:

    Well, Polly, we’ll have to agree to disagree. Wentworth proposes to Anne, but she is persuaded by her godmother that Wentworth isn’t good enough for her. After she refuses him, he does what naval men do: he goes to sea to make his fortune. Once he has made a big success of himself and is able to retire, obviously pride won’t allow him to admit he’s still in love with Anne. Which is why he tests her and makes her prove she is steadfast this time around, just as she tests him to make sure he’ll fight for her love this time around.

    “Mansfield Park” is not really one of my favorites, so I’ve only read it once or twice. I’m not a big fan of Fanny Price, for one thing. But I do think that Edmund shows sense by seeing through Mary’s wiles, eventually. I admit part of me thinks he fits the mold simply because he ends up with a heroine only a mother hen could love. If you don’t like this storyline, I’m afraid you wouldn’t like Gaskell’s “Wives and Daughters” much either. Although, I find Molly much more lovable than Fanny.

  27. Cate says:

    Mel (Sunshine’s human boyfriend) as opposed to Constantine (vampire hero) struck me more as this type.

    I never really got on board with a Sunshine/Con romance.  Mel was super cool though.  Very laid back, and always there for her.

  28. Sarah says:

    Another great omega story:

    My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. On the day of my grandfather’s funeral there was a terrible snow storm and 100 miles of mountain highway was closed (I70 from Vail to Denver for those of you who are familiar). Closing that much of the highway almost never happens, but it was a big storm. My boyfriend found a back way and made it in time to attend the funeral with me. It took him many hours of driving, but it meant everything to me.

  29. I suspect trying to label a particular ‘type’ of man is getting us confused. IMHO, it’s not so much a ‘type’ of man, but what we understand true courage and heroism to be – and also how we define love.

    Our culture has a huge respect for the notion of physical courage – particularly physical courage in the face of danger. But let’s be honest – for the huge, strong, alpha-leader of the pack, it’s relatively ‘easy’ to face physical danger – especially when there’s a rush of adrenaline as well to deafen the ‘OMG WTF Am I gonna get hurt?’ voice of fear. And even that’s absent when he’s pretty certain that he’s tough and strong enough to defeat almost everyone. This is why many of the paranormal romances just don’t do it for me; they’re reliant on the notion of physical strength as heroism.

    However, there are other types of courage, and many other ways in which heroes – male and female – demonstrate courage and heroism. And often those less obvious things demonstrate far more strength of character than the fights do. Now, I’m not denigrating physical courage here – it’s wonderful and admirable, and deserving of respect – but I’m arguing that there’s a hell of a lot more types of courage and heroism than a strong man facing down an enemy.

    The man holding the purse is demonstrating emotional courage: the strength to face the unknown, and to keep facing it through months and years, steadfast, doing what needs to be done with humanity and love even if it’s stuff he does not know how to do – physically or emotionally.

    Love needs emotional courage even more than it needs physical courage. There’s the courage to put one’s own needs aside and to consider another’s – and the courage to also ensure our own needs aren’t ignored. There’s emotional intimacy – being vulnerable, letting others know our deep selves; and having the emotional strength to recognise and accept the deep self of our partners, and love them, flaws and all.

    All types of men – and women – can demonstrate that emotional courage. But without it, there’s no convincing HEA. At least, not for this reader 🙂

  30. AgTigress says:

    Haven’t read all the comments, but this is an interesting subject.  Two things occur to me:  (1) the ‘99% hero’ is basically a mature human being:  that practicality, reliability and competence is simply a part of being really grown-up and responsible. 

    (2)  I am not convinced that this quality, and many of the leadership qualities of the more obvious ‘alpha’ hero (and that is a much-misused term) are mutually exclusive at all.  They can co-exist in the same person.

    I agree that Freddy in Cotillion is a fine example of (initially unexpected) competence and reliability.  Heyer also plays with the idea in The Grand Sophy —the man who matters may not write poems to one’s sparkling eyes, but he can procure a carriage when it is raining.  But many of her heroes, to my mind, are both   conventionally attractive and practical and reliable, e.g. Miles in Black Sheep.

    A more recent example of the ‘unexpectedly reliable’ hero is Rupert in Loretta Chase’s Mr. Impossible:  he doesn’t seem like much of a hero at the start, but like Freddy, he gains in stature, and he is ultimately the one to whom people instinctively turn for help and advice.

  31. Amber says:

    I’m married to my “omega” hero.  He’s the type of guy who might be considered old-fashioned. I’ve seen him sprint across a store to open the door for a young mother struggling with a stroller. He routinely gives up his seat on a crowded bus to an elderly lady (or gentleman). He’s the type of guy who gets up an hour early so he can snowblow the drive for our elderly neighbor. And I’m sure, if I ever had to go through treatment, that he’d have no problem holding my purse for me.

    I’d have to say that Nora Roberts is the QUEEN of Omega heroes. Especially her older Silhouette titles.

  32. Janet W says:

    Miles in Black Sheep is conventionally attractive? According to my perhaps faulty memory, wasn’t he swarthy, always slightly underdressed and really not a pattern card of attractiveness? Not like his horrid nevvy! It was his wit, his frequently outrageous conversation and just allowing the marvelous heroine to laugh with him that made him so wonderful. Oh that and the Banbury Tales about India he shared with her credulous older sister.

    Maybe you’re thinking of the hero of Venetia? I always picture him as over the top handsome in a rake*ish way 🙂

  33. I must say I prefer the Unsung Hero title to Omega, which somehow, to my rat-race-infused mind, seems somehow ‘lesser’. I’m pretty lucky to be married to one, and wouldn’t exchange him for an Alpha type!

    Thought-provoking post and comments. Just realised that I’m writing an Alpha male right now when I’d really rather make him an Unsung Hero. Perhaps that’s why I’m struggling with his characterization…

  34. Glynis says:

    I knew that I’d found my real life romance hero when he walked into my dying mother’s bedroom, leaned over, and said, “Don’t worry about your daughter. I’m here, and I’m going to take care of her.” Priceless, particularly to the mother of an only child. Then he took me out to dinner for my first proper meal in a week, to remind me to remember to take care of myself.

    His awesome isn’t limited to the big things. He holds doors, helps friends and strangers, and loves the little kitties, every day. I am a lucky woman.

    As I get older, the quiet fortitude of real men becomes even more appealing. My appreciation is directly proportionate to my level of self-respect. It’s reflected in my reading; the alpha-males of yesterday no longer appeal.

  35. Well-said and definitely something to think about while writing that hero that the heroine first falls for, then falls in love with.

  36. Sheila says:

    So I read this post early this morning…like 5am…and was not coherent enough before the caffeine transfusion to respond, but determined that I would consider the question when I got a moment during the day. 

    Now more than 14 hours later when I’m finally home again I see that several people have expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I ever could, but here goes anyway.

    First thought for our Everyday or Omega or whatever we want to call our Hero was every Nora Roberts book I’ve read has one.  Guys who aren’t guys.  Guys who are men.  Because that’s what it comes down to, these are men.  Grown ups.  They can be playful, funny, sweet, sometimes idiotic or macho, but they have put being a child behind them when it comes to the important things in life (like relationships).

    What was Col. Brandon but a man?  And Willoughby was a guy.  Darcy, once he faced some home truths, became more of a man.  Wickam… guy squared.

    If you’re a woman and not a girl, you like men, not guys.  There’s nothing wrong with being a guy, but in the words of the classic 80’s film. ‘Don’t be a guy, be a man.’

  37. Lindsay says:

    This type of man is exactly the type of hero I like to read about. What does it for me isn’t just the dependability, but the unselfishness behind it – I might even argue that that quiet unselfishness is the real defining trait of this sort of hero. Mary Balogh’s got a couple of these heroes – the Marquess of Carew in Lord Carew’s Bride comes to mind, as does Tom Russell in The Trysting Place, and even Francis Kneller in The Famous Heroine, though he can hardly be described as not being flashy. I’d also add Carla Kelly’s heroes in With This Ring and The Wedding Journey.

    As to the “bro” culture thing, I think it’s really sad that this is how masculinity is portrayed in our culture. Despite the fact that all the men I grew up with, were kind and dependable and mature, I’ve somehow picked up this image and I find myself wary of starting a relationship with a man because I expect him to be either an overgrown man-child looking for a mommy or else a sleazeball looking for anything female that will put out. I think I can’t be the only one, but isn’t it awful that we should expect the worst of men and consider decent men to be a pleasant surprise rather than the norm.

  38. Polly says:

    @megalith: Yeah, I think we’ve definitely got different readings. That’s the great thing about Austen—so many ways to love her! Fanny’s a heroine I have very mixed feelings about; despite finding her about as tiresome as possible, I like her greatly.

    Anyway, you’re right about Wives and Daughters. I didn’t care for it much (though I did love how the stepmother was a real person, somewhat dislikeable, selfish, and not at all evil). I didn’t like Molly too much—my tolerance for heroines we’re supposed to love and admire because they’re sweet and innocent and chock-full of tender admiration is limited at best. North and South is a different matter, though. Yummy complex mill owners!

  39. Estelle Chauvelin says:

    I think that Vicki Lewis Thompson’s nerd heroes are probably purse-holders.  Yes, they tend to get pushed into situations where they have to save the day in ways that might usually be left to Alpha heroes, but they’re not necessarily more suited to the job than any guy off the street.  Maybe they have to save the heroine from a crazed stalker, but their previous experience has more to do with accountancy than law enforcement or defense, so it comes off as more of an outrageous example of their willingness to suit up for whatever she needs than of evidence of their alpha machismo.

  40. beau says:

    To my mind, these qualities are not necessarily lacking in the hero but considered unimportant in plot and character building. Many stories are consumed by world building, conflict and plot points answering who, what, where and how and “purse moments” are deemed inconsequential—sort of “just the high points” mentality.

    One series that has built much of the story on those everyday moments is the Jarhead series (m/m) by Sean Micheal. Don’t get me wrong, there are large arcs with death, and illness as well, and certainly huge amounts of sex. It’s the daily little moments, the rituals of affection and consideration as told from the differing points of view of the central characters that draws the reader in and fleshes out the emotional bond. In the case of that particular author, there are probably some that follow the trail of sex through the story and some that follow all of the things in between. I became one of the latter, spending my time skimming quickly past the sex to get to the next little daily moment.

    JD Robbs’s Eve Dallas series (and maybe for both this is because they are series) has many of those same kind of moments; the accommodation of quirks, fears, illness and need, the ability to stand side by side even in the small moments and little caretaking rituals performed for each other.

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