Category romance snark: alternative families!

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Candy: You know, the way those boys are looking at the baby? Not cute. I imagine veal farmers looking at their little boxed-in baby cows in much the same way. These guys are not contemplating what a blessing that kid is. Theses guys are contemplating whether they should bust out the fava beans and Chianti.

Sarah: They say women and men can’t relate, but that poor man right there, he understands our pain. His stretched out cranium is like mommy-belly. Women can’t fit in to their pre-pregnancy jeans; he can’t put his Stetson on right since baby Athena sprung fully formed from his forehead.

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Candy: Damn, those pleated pants are FIERCE. And look, just because the FTM hasn’t quite finished transitioning yet is no reason to call him “bad.” Tsk.

Sarah: You’ve seen the trifecta of hero, version 1.0, with mullet, sword, and shirt undone but still tucked in.

Behold: the trifecta of hero, v. 2.0, more badder than bad: mullet, contrast trim pima polo shirt, and pleated khakis. Rwor. Just wait until the Fabio covers roll out with this getup.

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Candy: Wait, is this a modern-day retelling of the birth of the Minotaur? Kiiiiiinky.

Sarah: “Hey. At least I’m not veal.”

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Tina C. says:

    I know that first one is going for a Three Men and a Baby vibe, but those guys look more like “This Threesome Made a Baby???.  I had no idea that child services in Texas was so progressive!  Or maybe they used a surrogate.  Either way, way to be far ahead of your time, Gay Texas Cowboys!

    As for the second cover, nothing says BAD like a polo shirt and pleated Dockers.  Now, if he’s wearing loafers, we’ll really have to keep an eye on that bad boy!

  2. 2

    The Bachelor’s Bovine Baby?

    Awesome!

  3. 3
    Cara Davies says:

    Shhh! Don’t let the menfolk know they’ve got the power of ovary-free reproduction … provided they can find two good buddies and a three-for-one deal on button-up work shirts.

    Alternatively, if you swapped the baby in that first cover for a coquettish paralegal, you’d have the makings of a fine yarn for the Male/Male (plus one more bonus Male) section of Ellora’s Cave.

  4. 4
    Elizabeth says:

    I own quite a few m/m romances. I don’t think the covers of any of them yell “gay” quite as hard as the one for Baby in the Bunkhouse. Going by that cover I’d be amazed if there was any other lady in their lives except that little ‘un.

  5. 5

    One of the family!?  So this is the hidden “anything goes” agenda being touted by those revamped Iowa marriage laws!

  6. 6
    Sarah Frantz says:

    OMG, I’m still giggling over that last cover. Did no one SEE what they were making?!?! With the title? and the COW?

    And yeah, I agree with @Elizabeth: I’ve never seen a cover quite as gay as #1.

  7. 7

    The legs in the first cover confuse me.  We’ve got one that appears to belong to the baby-holder but is oddly forshortened, knobby-kneed, and has holiday lights instead of a foot. Maybe he’s an alien, and has (jean-clad) glowing tentacles instead of legs? And where’s his other leg? Notsure. Then there’s the guy to his left, who might be squatting down next to BabyHolder’s chair, but has his hand propped on a knee that seems to be sprouting from his (enormous) belt buckle.

    Alternative title: Three heads, five hands, two legs and a baby

  8. 8
    Carin says:

    I can’t get over the 2nd one.  From the cover blurb, apparently, Mr. Pleated Pant Polo Man is a “bad boy”????

  9. 9
    Karla says:

    Oh come on, what’s with all the gay remarks about cover #1? It looks trite, sugary and awkward, just like 95% of all Harlequin covers with m/f models.

  10. 10
    Alyssa F says:

    Oh my god, Jessica’s right, there’s NO FOOT at the end of that leg! Rugged cowboy archetype + Damaged Former Soldier archetype + Homoerotic Overtones of “Who knows what’s been goin’ on in that bunkhouse”  FTW!

  11. 11
    Gail S says:

    Has no one else noticed how short-waisted bachelor #2 is (The one in cover #2)? Either that, or he’s got his pants pulled up to Steve Urkel height. Little old bald man region…

    Other than that, yeah. What everybody else said…

  12. 12
    Jennie says:

    The poor veal (oops, I mean calf) in picture #3—thankfully I swallowed my coffee just before scrolling down to that cover.

    The woman looks like she’d rather be with the calf than the guy.

  13. 13
    Tamara Hogan says:

    Cover 1:  It’s the standing man’s hands that makes me think ‘threesome.’  Straight guys don’t touch eachother that much. 

    I choose to believe that Cover 3 is a subversive political statement about the prevalence of cover babies in category romance.

  14. 14
    Nadia says:

    The third was from Superromances’ short-lived foray of blending home n’ hearth with the PNR popularity.  Sadly, the life and times of a family of were-cows didn’t catch on with the reading public.

    And dude, nothing says badass like a polo and Dockers.  I know when my engineer husband hangs with his similarly-attired homeys, nobody be messin’ with their shit.

  15. 15
    Bonnie L. says:

    #3 : Don’t have a cow, man!

  16. 16
    militaryspouse says:

    I thought cover number one was a dig at the August Series by LL….

  17. 17
    Cyranetta says:

    That calf in #3 is just crying out for a thought-balloon.

  18. 18
    SB Sarah says:

      I know when my engineer husband hangs with his similarly-attired homeys, nobody be messin’ with their shit.

    I just choked. HAHAHAHA.

    When is the Engineer Badass series coming from HQN?!

  19. 19
    Scrin says:

    Cover#2…Look at where her gaze is directed. Look at her expression. It’s like she’s examining the cleft of his chin for some kind of alien egg-laying proboscis. Not that I blame her…

  20. 20
    Alley says:

    What’s with the two-headed horse behind “The Lady” (or “Alex Peyton.”  Could go either way, really.)?

    That calf’s expression is KILLING ME.  I’ve spent the last three minutes just cracking up at how old-man-disgruntled it looks.

  21. 21
    Karmyn says:

    The men in cover #1 are obviously putting on a production of ‘Stalag 17’ and that guy on the right is playing the guy with one leg. There’s a scene where he hides a Christmas tree in his empty pant leg.

  22. 22
    Kit says:

    I love Cover Snark so much. I hope y’all do it regularly again!

  23. 23
    Amy says:

    Hmmmm. I don’t know, but the three dudes on cover #1 look like the kind of guys who would hold your purse for you :)

  24. 24
    Susan says:

    Oh, God.  I’m sick and have sore muscles from coughing.  I should have known better than to come to this site, ‘cause of course I started laughing like a fool!

  25. 25
    Nifty says:

    Baby in the Bunkhouse looks like the cover for the sequel to Colters’ Woman (Maya Banks).

  26. 26
    Nadia says:

    When is the Engineer Badass series coming from HQN?!

    Cops, SEALs, PIs, Mercenaries, Vampires, Cowboys…so over.  Badass Engineers, saving the world and getting the girl from their secret lair in the basement cube farm, using only their mad PowerPoint skillz and what they learned in that physics class that everyone said they’d never need in the real world.  Just call them the Sigma hero, ‘cause they are gonna get all standard deviation on the bad guys’ asses.

  27. 27
    Lovecow2000 says:

    Well we would know if chinos and polo man is truly a bad boy if he’s wearing his loafers w/o socks.  Thinks Pretty in Pink’s baddie, James Spader.

  28. 28
    CrankyBeach says:

    Hey, Susan Floyd is a good friend of mine. That was her first book, unless I am not remembering correctly, and it takes place on a dairy farm……

  29. 29
    MonkeyHateClean says:

    #2 is what the MonkeyHateClean household refers to as UWG: Uptight White Guy. Nothing bad about him except the stick up his butt and his slavish devotion to Dockers ™.

  30. 30
    JaniceG says:

    Anyone notice the strung lights in the background in #1? Maybe one of the guys just bought the baby as an Xmas present to his gay couple friends :->

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