When Everything is Twilight, Even Your Bosoms

Twilight, you may have noticed, is everywhere, especially now that UK and US editions of Wuthering Heights have been rereleased. This is the UK version:

Book Cover

And this is the US version:

Book Cover

both, obviously capitalizing on the fact that this is Bella and Edward’s favorite book in the fictional Twilight universe. Never let it be said that the iconic red on black imagery isn’t effective. Those books are gorgeous. But the redesigns got me thinking, especially with the use of other people’s names to market different books and similar marketing hijinks, that it’s time I did Simon & Schuster a favor.

Hi Simon! Hi Schuster! Should you be thinking, “Hmm, how can I sell another 5 or 6 copies of the Bosoms?” I have the answer for you. RIGHT HERE. I did all the work! Just slap this puppy on the cover and ship ‘em out. It’ll be great!

image

No, no, don’t thank me. I do this for you – all for you.

What other covers need the Twilight revamp?

Comments are Closed

  1. CEmerson says:

    So much is wrong here, I can’t believe I’m making this particular objection, but –

    Am I the only one to whom it came as news that WH was Bella’s & Edward’s favorite book?  I can only remember a conversation where she was reading it and he said “I don’t know what you see in that book.”  And I don’t even remember her pointing to it as her favorite; just one among many books she liked.

  2. snarkhunter says:

    No.

    NO.

    10000 times NO.

    Like teaching the Brontes isn’t hard enough already.

  3. JoanneL says:

    I’m in the minority but I like the single flower cover, especially on the black background. It would at least call me to the bookstand. I wouldn’t have picked a white flower for Bronte but then I Hated Heathcliff with a passion.

  4. Teresa says:

    Whenever people start talking about Wuthering Heights (which is on my list of great books I never ever want to read again), I can’t help thinking of Well of Lost Plots. This is the third book in the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde.

    http://www.jasperfforde.com/subindex/tn3subindex.html

    In Well of Lost Plots, Thursday Next visits Wuthering Heights and finds all the characters in group therapy (which is where I’m sure I would be if I had to live inside that book for long). You probably really need to start with the first book in the series, The Eyre Affair. (And bonus get to visit inside the book Jane Eyre). Really fun books.

    Sorry for the side-track. I couldn’t help myself!

  5. ksquard says:

    @melB totally creepy
    @shae totally awesome
    @christine – are those mums on P&P? how are mums hot, sexy, and tragically romantic?
    @phyllis right there with you. I hate Wuthering Heights; suffered through it once and wrote a blistering paper on it because I hated it so much.

    What kills me is that the tripe Meyers is writing is being used to sell Bronte. I may hate WH, but the legacy can’t be ignored. Without it, we wouldn’t have Monty Pythons’ versions of Heathcliff and Catherine on the moors with semaphore flags, and that would

    be tragic.

    I love a new cover treatment to elevate a classic from the trappings of classic and help new readers get over the image hump of it all and into the great prose. But this? No. Just big heaping no.

  6. Christine M. says:

    @ksquard – I think they’re mums, but I’m shite at identifying flowers and plants. But that’s what they look like to me. But I agree with you that the flowers aren’t representative of Lizzie and Darcy.

  7. Randi says:

    @Teresa: I love, love, love Jasper Fforde! So clever! So witty! So pun-tastic! Plus, you know, his grasp of the English language is awe inspiring. Can you tell I have an author crush on Fforde? LOL!

    I have to second Teresa; if you haven’t picked up Well of Lost Plots, do it. Do it now!

  8. Rene says:

    Because I am a nerd who worked at a flower shop:

    those aren’t mums.  They’re garden roses.  (That is, not hybridized to be sturdy like commercially produced roses.)  They are fragile and don’t last as long, but they often smell amazing.

    The unopened bud is the giveaway; I thought they were peonies at first.

    / flower nerd

  9. Alison says:

    God I hated Wuthering Heights.  I find the new covers just bizarre, and oh so amusing to think of diehard Twi fans buying it thinking there’s going to be vampires in there!

    Loving the covers so far, especially yours Shae.

  10. caligi says:

    I believe those are peonies on Pride and Prejudice, though I’ve never seen a red peony before.

  11. katiebabs says:

    I am not big on these covers, but if Meyer’s books can get teens to read classic novels like Wuthering Heights and move on to say Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, I say she has done a great service with her writing.

    I adore Wuthering Heights so I guess it makes sense I would love the Twilight series.

  12. AJ Chase says:

    Wow, see when I saw this for the first time about a month ago I was stunned completely speechless.  For a moment, I couldn’t even believe that it was real.  And then I got confused because I was offended for Wuthering Heights.  For it to be subjected to that kind of prostitution.  And I freaking hate Wuthering Heights.  So that was kind of an odd feeling.  Heathcliff and Catherine are two of the most irritating characters ever, which may in fact be the biggest comparison between Twilight and Wuthering Heights.  Both are populated by fully ridiculous asshats and psychos who think that being in love justifies any amount of ridiculous behavior.

    But then I got over that period of being offended.  But then I saw the Pride and Prejudice cover and my delicate literary sensibilities are offended again.  And that book I do like.  But I figured out a long time ago that almost everything in this world related to Twilight was going to make my skin itch like a full body yeast infection, so what’s one more thing, right?

  13. Anony Miss says:

    @emdee, it’s only a matter of time.

    Let’s see if I can kill that italic tag.

    Ah.

  14. Shae, that Dark Lover cover was fricken hilarious!

    Mel B., I love creepy, but I bet that sucker would cause a lot of middle of the night freak outs…LOL

  15. Hey!T says:

    The only good thing about Wuthering Heights is the reference in Well of Lost Plots!

  16. Ann Rose says:

    The white flower on the UK cover looks to me like a freesia, and I’m drawn to the stark contrast of white flower/black staircase background, but the half-tied red bow is driving me to drink. Ultimately, the concept is, for me, a steaming pile of NO. Must everything revolve around atrociously written tween stalker pr0n?

  17. megalith says:

    I don’t hate Wuthering Heights, but I don’t see what a staircase that looks like it came off the set of Hitchcock’s Notorious is doing on the cover of a book by a Romantic set on the English moors. It’s bizarre.

    I would shun these editions because of these covers.

    But then again it pissed me off to buy the Harlequin trade editions of some Heyer novels recently only to discover the typesetter failed to use any ligatures whatsoever. I had to return them because I found them unreadable. So, maybe it’s just me, thinking classic books should be held to a higher standard.

  18. asianromance says:

    can’t believe this exists!  I thought it was photoshop fake at first!  I wonder if it will really sell….

  19. earthgirl says:

    Dear universe, especially moonstruck teens:

    Wuthering Heights is not about love. It is not even about romance. It is about obsessive, crazypants, soul-destroying desire and/or stalking which, after being thwarted, reasserts itself a generation later as desire for the woman’s DAUGHTER. Ew.

    Granted, I read this book ten years ago, and maybe I missed something. But people calling that book OMGROMANTIC rubs me the wrong way.

  20. earthgirl says:

    In other news, it makes me want to cry that those covers are real.

  21. Lindsay says:

    Any fan would recognize the cover style, but the fact that they slapped “Bella and Edward’s Favorite Book” on there disgusts me. I enjoyed Wuthering Heights, rank it up there as one of my favorite books ever along with Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, and Romeo & Juliet, and feel that Twilight is just a poor regurgitation of those classics. I actually would have bought the US version as well as P&P and Romeo & Juliet, just to have a matching set but NOT with that “seal of approval.”

  22. asli says:

    LoL check this shiz out…

    http://cloudb.stores.yahoo.net/ongo1.html

    they are trying to brainwash our babies people!

  23. Liz says:

    Pride and Prejudice:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061964360?ie=UTF8&tag=stepmedi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0061964360

    Did you notice that all of the “related items” just happen to be about Twilight?

  24. Minze says:

    Why not put a drooping rose on a Terminator DVD set while we’re at it? Those covers don’t fit Wuthering Heights at all. Isn’t the whole point of Wuthering Heights (one of the points anyway) that Heathcliff is exactly what Cathy would be like if she weren’t forced to be a lady? And their love story is about as pleasant as a dislocated joint.

  25. library addict says:

    http://cloudb.stores.yahoo.net/ongo1.html

    they are trying to brainwash our babies people!

    I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the twilight turtle and his buddies were around before the Twilight book mania craze.

    I think is may just be an unfortunate name’s-the-same situation.  It’s not like they’re calling the stuffed animals Edward.  And as far as I know, none of them are bats – LOL.

  26. Star Opal says:

    Maybe somebody in the art department got their Brontes mixed up and thought they were doing Jane Eyre? That’s the only reason I can come up with for the staircase in the UK version.

    Not a big fan of Wuthering Heights, but this still makes me want to curl into a ball and cry.

  27. Brooks*belle says:

    Just in case having a wall decal of stalker-Edward on your wall isn’t creepy enough…  (Work & kids safe)

    http://twilightdolls.wordpress.com/

  28. Sarah says:

    I have never wanted to read Wuthering Heights less.

    Yay Simon and Schuster!

  29. Weez says:

    Books I’d like to see re-covered in the Twilight style:

    The Stars, My Destinationthis is how you do “unappealing hero” and still make him completely readable and awesome.
    Lolitathis is how you do “older guy has unsettling obsession with much younger girl”.

    Oh, who am I trying to kid? Please excuse me while I go off and literally weep for humanity.

  30. Jennifer says:

    And it’s not just in English, here are some Twighlighted Spanish titles.

    Anne Rice, Armand El Vampiro, Cronicas Vampiricas VI
    http://www.amazon.com/vampiro-Cronicas-vampiricas-Vampiricas-Chronicles/dp/8498722179/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253112189&sr=1-1

    and

    Anne Rice, Merrick, Cronicas Vampiricas VII
    http://www.amazon.com/Merrick-Cronicas-Vampiricas-Vampire-Chronicles/dp/8498722233/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253112290&sr=1-1

    We wouldn’t know they were about hot, hot vampires without the rose and the red moon.

  31. Vicky says:

    That is unbelievable, but sad, sick, money grabbing genius!!

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