When Everything is Twilight, Even Your Bosoms

Twilight, you may have noticed, is everywhere, especially now that UK and US editions of Wuthering Heights have been rereleased. This is the UK version:

Book Cover

And this is the US version:

Book Cover

both, obviously capitalizing on the fact that this is Bella and Edward’s favorite book in the fictional Twilight universe. Never let it be said that the iconic red on black imagery isn’t effective. Those books are gorgeous. But the redesigns got me thinking, especially with the use of other people’s names to market different books and similar marketing hijinks, that it’s time I did Simon & Schuster a favor.

Hi Simon! Hi Schuster! Should you be thinking, “Hmm, how can I sell another 5 or 6 copies of the Bosoms?” I have the answer for you. RIGHT HERE. I did all the work! Just slap this puppy on the cover and ship ‘em out. It’ll be great!

image

No, no, don’t thank me. I do this for you – all for you.

What other covers need the Twilight revamp?

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Elizabeth says:

    Wait.

    You’re allowed to do this?  To put as the recommendation that sells the book the fact that it is the favorite of some fictional characters?

  2. 2

    I’ve got that Kate Bush song in my head now!

  3. 3
    Priya says:

    That cover made an otherwise boring evening a whole lot more bearable.

    You guys crack me up.

    And I’m with @Elizabeth – I’m supposed to buy a book because fictional characters from another book entirely like it?  WTF?

  4. 4
    Mina Kelly says:

    See, I’d have been glad if Wuthering Heights had had those covers back when I’d bought it, instead of the standard Oxford Classics vaguely relevant looking portrait period cover. Something that says “this book is like Twilight” rather than “this book is like Jane Austen, and that Bronte you actually like”. I wouldn’t have bothered slogging through it then! Give me Villette any day.

  5. 5

    It’s a mark of how ridiculous they are that I had to read this entry like three times before I realized that the top two were not faked.

    And – sorry – but aren’t we pretty tired of the single flower? At this point no matter how gorgeous the photography-n-photoshopping is, all I hear is the publisher saying “Look at this flower. This flower has a single petal dying. Dying. DYING. It’s a CLEVER METAPHOR. THIS BOOK HAS GOT TEH DEADNESS.”

    That being said, I am reluctantly amused by the red ribbon in book the first; it’s sort of a “THIS BOOK HAS GOT TEH DEADNESS OF GROOMSMAN BOUTONNIERES.”

  6. 6
    Ros says:

    Excuse me while I vomit. 

    Also, the fact that this is apparently Bella and Edward’s favourite book?  Yet another reason never to try Wuthering Heights again.

  7. 7
    Shae says:

    Hehe, I could not help but join in on this. So I have made a Twilighted cover of Dark Lover

  8. 8
    Typ0 says:

    OMG Shae that was too funny!  I literally just spit my drink all over my monitor.  LOL

    You could cross-sell the BeDazzler as a Twilight product: Make your BF sparkly just like Edward!

  9. 9
    Niamh says:

    that is so ridiculous!! poor Emily Bronte must be rolling in her grave.

    TypO- speaking of

    Make your BF sparkly just like Edward

    - a friend of mine sent me the link below….I nearly fell off my chair I laughed so much!! It is completely NOT WORK SAFE!!

    http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP

    Talk about cashing in on the sparkly vamp craze!!

  10. 10
    Tina C. says:

    “Bella and Edward’s favorite book”
    Wow.  Because that’s not ridiculous on so very many levels.

    Joanna said:

    And – sorry – but aren’t we pretty tired of the single flower?

    I was just thinking, “What the hell does a single flower have to do with Wuthering Heights?  And if you were going to have one, shouldn’t it be heather?”

    @Shae:  That was excellent!

  11. 11
    Cat Marsters says:

    Yes, because nothing says romance like a necrophiliac puppy-killer.

    Yet another reason not to read Twilight.

    And Shae, that was brilliant.

  12. 12
    Carin says:

    I bet the cover blurb helps them sell more copies of Wuthering Heights.  I would think you could do the same thing by putting a sticker on existing copies, though.

    Cheesy atempt to sell more books by redoing a cover.  Yep.  Will it work?  I bet it does…

  13. 13
    Anna/ocelott says:

    Because of course all the die-hard Twi-fans are at a level to appreciate Wuthering Heights.  Naturally.

  14. 14
    Lori says:

    My 8 year old just got her 6th Twilight poster for her bedroom. Somehow I don’t see her reading Wuthering Heights though…

  15. 15
    emdee says:

    Not Twilight, but how about putting on the cover of Pride and Prejudice “The Book That Inspired Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”

  16. 16
    Tabithaz says:

    The ridiculous is off the charts.  Shae: AMAZING.

    Books that need the Twilight redo?  I think this needs a contest.  What do the Bitchery Leaders think?

  17. 17
    willa says:

    Wait. Wait. Those WUTHERING HEIGHTS covers are REAL?

    Are they really real?

    Can I get a link to the home page for these editions, please?

    If that’s true, I’m really disappointed. Both of those covers look ridiculous. It’s like the art department spent about three seconds on the covers and then outsourced the project to an eight-year-old child. A really bored, really busy eight-year-old child.

  18. 18
    willa says:

    Can I get a link to the home page for these editions, please?

    Never mind, found the links, and these are both Harper books. WOW.

    P.S. SB Sarah, the UK link is off a little, FYI.

  19. 19

    Love your new heaving cover.

    Gosh, I guess I know what I want the cover of my next book to be!

  20. 20

    Darlene- I know, right?  Forget painstakingly forwarding the art department pictures of Mayan ruins and hot guys (though I’d miss that part of the research- lol), I’ll just tell ‘em to stick a cacao flower on a black background, slap on a quote from the heroine saying how much her roommate’s-sister’s-friend’s-second-cousin loved Twilight, and move on.  (rollseyes)

  21. 21
    Diana says:

    I love, love Wutherine Heights, but I think it’s hilarious that Stephanie Meyers says that it’s Bella’s favorite book.  I mean, Heathcliff IS Edward, people – an abusive, obsessive psycho with anger management issues?  Check!  What I don’t see is the Bella = Catherine connection; Catherine at least had a smidgen of spine and aggressiveness, whereas Bella was as passive as a damp dish towel.

    Those covers are awful, btw.  Like a 12 y/o Twi-hard got into MS Paint for a book cover contest on a fan forum.

  22. 22
    Nicole S. says:

    The best I could come up with foggy brain this morning.

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/nicolesphotos/Outlander_edited-1.jpg

    (Crossing fingers and seeing if the link works)

  23. 23
    Muselady says:

    Kudos on the bonsai Bosoms cover.  Unlike those appalling Wuthering Heights covers, I can see that yours actually bears some relevance to the book—oh look, it’s a bosom-shaped bonsai with a pretty flower demurely tucked into its decolletage.

  24. 24
    Nicole S. says:

    @Anna/ocelott

    Because of course all the die-hard Twi-fans are at a level to appreciate Wuthering Heights.  Naturally.

    Totally!  They’d find it unbearable—especially since I can’t recall Heathcliff or any of his family being sparkling in any way.

  25. 25

    Jessica—Heck, I told my agent he could rename my next book “Gone with the Wind” if he thought it would sell 10 million more copies.  I’m not above making an extra dollar or two.[g]

  26. 26
    MelB says:

    Shae, that cover was brilliant. Still wiping the coffee off my screen.

    And for all the little Twilight pyschos we know…

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vt_related_1&listing_id=29652662

    Too creepy.

  27. 27
    SB Sarah says:

    That is my actual personal Bonzai tree, too. His name is AJ. I like how in the picture he’s sort of shrugging.

    And thanks for the heads up on the link, Willa – I fixed it.

    So you think we need a Photoshop contest for Twilight re-covers? Remake your favorite book Twilight-style? That could be a LOT of fun. How long is best for you guys in terms of creative pressure? 24 hours?

  28. 28
    teshara says:

    well, it’s nice to know stalker books seek each other out…
    it’s like they made a baby…

  29. 29
    Christine M. says:

    Err….you guys are aware there’s a whole series of those ‘revamped classics’ available for sale on Amazon? Even a ‘twilighted’ version of Pride & Prejudice?

  30. 30
    Wendy says:

    This lotion co out of Minneapolis—which I totally respect and adore—made a lotion which I believe is meant to piggy-back on Twilight as well. 
    http://www.thymes.com/Thymes/Collection.aspx?nodeid=65374

    If the “Glimmer of Twilight” tagline doesn’t do it for you…it leaves you glittery. 

    I put it on ‘cause the scent was lovely. Then I left the store into the bright, happy summer sun and realized I was all vampirically glowing in the light.  My brain did one of those terrible slow connections: “Wait…twilight.  MOONflower….sparkling…Twilight…oh CRAP.” 
    The worst part is, I may actually have to go buy the damn stuff ‘cause I like the fragrance so much.

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