Even in the Freezer, It’s Still Wrong

From Zoe Archer, a link that proves that two forms of wrong do not ever make it right.

Behold, an erect monument (heh) to anyone who really, really wanted the full Edward experience. A dildo that SPARKLES … AND you can put it in the freezer. Not only did TantusInc come up with (heh) a sparkly peen vibrator, but they updated it for those whose tastes run cold:

Updated by popular request… Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

Oh. Dear. Lord. It gets worse: you can be shadow stalked around your bedroom, too.

What’s next? (Don’t answer that).

Comments are Closed

  1. Laurel says:

    I’ve been trying to figure out what was sooooooo wrong about this since it posted. Perhaps the myriad of reasons cited here, valid each and every one, was what kept me from reaching the very obvious.

    Um, who cares if it sparkles? When applied appropriately can you actually see it? And if you can, how are you getting sunlight there?

  2. Lori(K) says:

    Um, who cares if it sparkles? When applied appropriately can you actually see it? And if you can, how are you getting sunlight there?

    Earlier I reserved comment on the toy and just mocked the wall thingie. However, I will admit that I was mocking inside though. For me the sparkles aren’t actually the issue, the marketing is. Goodness knows that isn’t the first adult toy to be sparkly or iridescent. And as you noted it’s not like you can see the sparkles when the toy is in use. It’s also far from being the first one to advertise that it can be used cold. Sensation play is a lucrative market. 

    For me the problem is that the name + the sparkles + the temperature issue + the ad copy = explicitly marketing to people who want to pretend they’re having sex with Edward McSparklepants. Something about that just feels off to me.

    Everyone is entitled to whatever fantasy floats her boat and I’m not going to judge. There is something about marketing so specifically to such a specific fantasy that makes me feel the need to mock though.

  3. Casse says:

    OH Good-NESS. This is just…too….too much.  *Speechless.*

  4. Laurel says:

    Lori:

    Ah. A very valid and dare I say scholarly analysis of the issue in question.

    At the end of the day this resonates WRONG on so many levels the fibers of my being vibrate in rebellion. No pun intended.

    I wonder if poor, wholesome Stephenie Meyer has got wind of this yet? On the other hand, she must be aware of the cutout since it appears to be licensed. Whatever happened to a nice poster of the BeeGees?

    In a word: ICK. But funny!

  5. LOL says:

    How much more proof do you need that Twilight promotes abstinence? LOLOL

  6. camille says:

    OMG. It must sto-o-o-op!!!! I cannot …
    OK Does any one know where I can get a gallon of brain bleach institutional strength?

    I’ll pay a hefty finders fee.
    Please?

  7. Liz says:

    Am I the only one that thought of Peter Pan when the shadow thing came up.  I’m actually picturing Edward Cullen fighting with his shadow the way that Peter Pan does in the Disney animated movie.

    Also, I hope the sparkles don’t come off of the dildo while you’re using it.  I mean yeah there is that joke about dressing up for the gyno, but COME ON!

  8. Sal says:

    I still think the creepiest thing of all are the comments. I mean . . . look at this:

    “OMG! I LOVE the Twilight Series so much! This dildo is great because one minute I shut my eyes and pretend I am screwing Edward with his cold, sparkling, marble cock; then the next, I warm it up and pretend Jacob is doing me from behind [you know, DOGGY STYLE! LOLZ!!!] I have multiples because sometimes I like to pretend they are both ravishing my body at the same time. Also, I like to tie them to my cats and pretend they are were-vamp-kitties! I just wish a balls were included with the shaft, so that Edward and Jacob could take turns tea-bagging me…another good idea is to hold your hand in ice water for a bit, and then you can act like Edward is giving you a donkey punch as well!”

    I’m so happy I’m too young to know what a “donkey punch” is. Or “tea-bagging”, though I can guess on that one.

    But the part that freaked me out the most was the bit about the cats. Why would she tie sparkly dildos to her cats? Does she . . . You know what? I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.

    Here’s another gem:

    “I dream about them biting me and I also dream about their big cold cocks inside of me. I just ordered 3 of them, and I plan to freeze them all and use them all at once.”

    D8 I don’t like these people. They scare me.

    P.S. My spam verification is “above24.” I’m not even gonna touch that one.

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