Even in the Freezer, It’s Still Wrong

From Zoe Archer, a link that proves that two forms of wrong do not ever make it right.

Behold, an erect monument (heh) to anyone who really, really wanted the full Edward experience. A dildo that SPARKLES … AND you can put it in the freezer. Not only did TantusInc come up with (heh) a sparkly peen vibrator, but they updated it for those whose tastes run cold:

Updated by popular request… Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

Oh. Dear. Lord. It gets worse: you can be shadow stalked around your bedroom, too.

What’s next? (Don’t answer that).

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Sandy says:

    Wow.  I can’t believe that I not only followed your link to the website, but I actually watched the little video.  (Although little might be the wrong word to use in this case…)

  2. 2
    Tina C. says:

    Not making any value judgments here, but what exact do you google to get that first link??

  3. 3
    DS says:

    Oh, no, not the silhouette.  Black painted wooden silhouettes were a popular flea market item for a while—probably right after the cut out of the old lady bending over and showing her knickers. There was one popular one of a man in a hat smoking a pipe that always gave me the creeps when I would see it next to someone’s mailbox or on a porch.  Edward the Stalker gives me the same reaction.

  4. 4
    AgTigress says:

    Goodness gracious.  What a lot of very strange-looking vibrators there are these days!
    :-D

  5. 5
    Dark Puck says:

    There’s also an Edward shower curtain.  I just about died laughing.

  6. 6
  7. 7
    katiebabs says:

    OHH it sparkles! Does it fly around the room and shoot out rainbows and stars?

  8. 8
    JoanneL says:

    Not making any value judgments here, but what exact do you google to get that first link??

    *snort!*

    I don’t feel so bad now since I’ve been obsessing on a tee shirt that was in this weeks sale flyers.
    I HATE tee shirts with sayings.
    And, for full disclosure, I didn’t read Meyer’s books
    And I don’t like sparkly vampires.
    But still…. a tee shirt that says “I heart sparkly boys”????
    What is wrong with me that I can’t forget seeing it?

    And now this.
    I need mind-bleach.

  9. 9
    theo says:

    WOW…um…well…though if they could teach it how to mow the lawn, we’d never need a man again…

  10. 10
    JaneyD says:

    Curse you Theo—now I have a mental picture of a riding lawnmower tricked out with a sparkly dildo and all my female neighbors want to borrow the danged thing!

  11. 11
    theo says:

    LOL! Sorry, Janey. My first picture was it walking behind a push mower with little retractable stick arms and legs. I know, I’m sick…can’t help it though. That’s just too funny looking to take seriously.

  12. 12
    Carrie Lofty says:

    From the cut-out thingie: “…put him on the back of your bedroom door so he can be intrigued while you sleep!”

    I haven’t read the novels, so is Edward intrigued by a pile of cats, snoring, and the occasional bit of drool? Oh, wait, Bella probably doesn’t have any of that going on.

  13. 13
    Lori(K) says:

    My first thought about the silhouette was that if you buy that you better also spring for the vibrator because no actual man is going to be caught dead getting it on in a room with that thing on the wall.

  14. 14
    Shana says:

    Does it also beat the snot out of you when you’re…um…pleasing yourself? :D

  15. 15
    Zoe Archer says:

    My first thought about the silhouette was that if you buy that you better also spring for the vibrator because no actual man is going to be caught dead getting it on in a room with that thing on the wall.

    Hee!

    I wonder if the dildo engages in subtly abusive and manipulative behavior, isolating you from your family and friends and making you increasingly dependent on it.  ‘Cause if it did, that would be awesome.

    Also, I enjoy how the silhouette is displayed in a very West Elm room, and not, say, a cluttered bedroom full of empty soda cans and piles of clothing strewn over the chipped, pink furniture.

  16. 16
    Betsy says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    sorry, I think I may have had something to say about this at first butBWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I can’t stop laughing long enough to think what it was.

    spamword call68 reminds me of an old joke.  What’s a 68?  It’s when you go down on me and I owe you one…

  17. 17
    Monica Burns says:

    Not only did TantusInc come up with (heh) a sparkly peen vibrator, but they updated it for those whose tastes run cold

    I think it’s overpriced, because it doesn’t come with that vibrating little bat attached to that’s designed to help a woman achieve the ultimate orgasm.

    I mean there are plenty of educational objects out there with rabbits and dolphins on them. Why not made a real statement with a bat beating it’s wings?

  18. 18
    SonomaLass says:

    Wow.  Really, there are no words.

    wonder if the dildo engages in subtly abusive and manipulative behavior, isolating you from your family and friends and making you increasingly dependent on it.  ‘Cause if it did, that would be awesome.

    This.  Absolutely.

    But the only t-shirt I want from Twilight is the one that says “Then Buffy staked Edward.  The End.”  My son wears that one a lot.

  19. 19
    Brandi says:

    I’m half-expecting one of the companies that makes, uh, animal-based toys to rebrand one of their canine models the “Jacob Black.”

  20. 20
    Ashley Ladd says:

    LOL. This reminds me of the video I just watched of Adam Lambert in an American Idol concert where fans (are they fans?) are throwing dildos at him while he’s on stage.

    I never dreamed they’d have cold dildos. Who wants a cold cock?

  21. 21
    JaneyD says:

    SonomaLass—this is for you and your son:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM

    Buffy vs. Edward

    Wish I’d done that one!

  22. 22
    Saam says:

    The wall decal comes in silver metallic – then he can sparkle on your wall…
    I suppose you could somehow attach the dildo to the wall at the appropriate place & there you have it – 3D Edward!

    Can’t believe just said that.

  23. 23
    dreamweaver says:

    Holy crap!  What an a**hole!!!  I almost choked when he said he doesn’t date women who are not psychologically normal.  Um, dude, take a look in the mirror.  What a freak!!!

  24. 24
    mingqi says:

    my fave line: “try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle”

  25. 25
    nekobawt says:

    my mind won’t stop screaming. o.o

  26. 26

    I don’t know, I think the sparkledong is worse than the cut out.

    But both are MONUMENTALLY CREEPY WTF WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THAT?

  27. 27
    GrowlyCub says:

    I watched the little video too, and my impression is not so much of the dildo itself (kinda pathetic sparkles, those), but about how I would never buy a dildo from a company that has a spider running through its advertising.

    Sorry, arachnophobe here.  Keep your semi-sparkly, cold thingiemabob, thank you very much!  :)

  28. 28
    Carin says:

    I watched the video, too.  I’m not sure what I was expecting, but not just jaws type music…  And as in the movie, the sparkle effect fell kind of flat for me… :)

  29. 29
    Jennie says:

    Rainbows and kittens and sparkly dildos, oh my!

    And of course my spamword is “came93”.

  30. 30
    Cat Marsters says:

    Can’t say how much I love that the Edward silhouette is displayed in a room with a double bed.  Because nothing says grown-up relationship like a teenage vampire cutout watching you sleep.

    I saw the dildo thing the other day.  Why have I not read any vampire books with sparkly penises?  I demand they become the standard for all vamp romances, now.

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