Grace Before Meat

Denise sent me the following link, which has put me on a full-on high-speed ponder-fit: a slideshow of Mills and Boon covers. I knew I’d seen this before – I wrote about it in December – but now that I’m looking at the cover for Grace Before Meat by Sara Seale, I have to wonder: what is the proper grace before meat?

Certainly this is a question that needs to be addressed as part of the formation of Inspirational Erotica as a subgenre in romance (tagline: Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!). What is the proper grace before meat? “Bless this wang to our use and loving service?” “We thank you for the gift of schlong… through it we grow closer to one another?” “Blessed are you who hallowed us with the mighty thunderstick?” “Holy holy holy manmeat?”

This will keep me entertained for hours.

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  1. 1
    Sarah W says:

    This one circulated when I was in junior high:

    “Hail Mary, full of grace, bless my boyfriend’s foxy face . . .”

    I don’t remember any more, but that’s probably for the best.

  2. 2
    Marski says:

    Hail Mary full of grace, bless my boyfriend’s darling face.  Bless his hands so big and strong and make them stay where they belong.  Amen

  3. 3
    Sarah W says:

    Amazing wang—-the sturm und drang
    That made a wreck of me!
    My life was tame
    But then I came
    Was dry—-
    But now I squee. . .

  4. 4
    Sarah W says:

    Thanks Marski!

    Hmmm—-you could interpret that last phrase whichever way you liked.

  5. 5
    lustyreader says:

    Give us this day our daily meat

    For the meat I am about to receive may the Lord make me truley grateful

    Rub a dub dub, I like my meat in the tub. Thanks for the grub!

    The wang is good to me
    and so I thank the wang
    for giving me the things I need
    the meat and the climax and the hot man seed.
    Oh the wang is good to me!

  6. 6
    Iasmin says:

    Must remember not to read SB comments with coffee in hand…

  7. 7
    Jessa Slade says:

    I was going to suggest something a tad more Song of Solomon-esque, but beverage out nose is good too.

  8. 8
    terri says:

    Blessed be the meat

  9. 9
    Kismet says:

    Holy, holy, holy wang, thrust of power and might. Mouth and hand so full of your glory.

  10. 10
    Joanne F says:

    Meat is great.
    Meat is good.
    I thank you for my daily shtup!

    BTW, I love the next cover in the gallery just as much as “Grace.”  It’s “Romance Goes Tenting.”  The mind boggles at the “tenting” visuals.

  11. 11
    Kimberly J says:

    Is it just me, or do the people on the Grace Before Meat cover have goat legs?  His knee is definitely in the wrong place.

  12. 12

    You should consult the people that run the Christain sex toy site. They might have some good ideas.

    (I wish I could remember the name of the site, It’s a bible verse number I think)

  13. 13
    Joanna S. says:

    A Christian sex toy site?!!  Do they sell items to pleasure both your Genesis and your Exodus?

  14. 14
    Amy Nichols says:

    OMG.  This is what I get for surfing during computer class! ROFLMAO! Thanks for the giggle.

    amy

  15. 15

    A Christian sex toy site?!!  Do they sell items to pleasure both your Genesis and your Exodus?

    Yes in fact they do!  And I remembered the site It’s book22.com
    I found their “What’s Okay? What’s Not?” page completely fascinating. 
    http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/sexuality/splay/whatisokay.shtml

  16. 16
    Joanna S. says:

    Chloe -

    You are my hero…my jeebus (if you will)!  I was so amazed by the detail of the “What’s Okay? What’s Not?” page, especially when discussing whether or not dirty talk during the fiznuckin’ is a damnable offense.  What is better than:

    Do phrases like, “Please initiate coitus immediately” or “My sexual climax is imminent” communicate the thoughts and feelings as well as a more “colorful” phrase would?

    *snarffle*

  17. 17
    Rebecca says:

    I think Grace is the woman and Meat is the man behind her.

  18. 18
    Julianna says:

    That M&B slideshow was hysterical.  I mean, we joke about these titles, but I don’t think I could make up “Virgin for the Billionaire’s Taking” or “Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame”.  Oh, and hon, if you want to look like an innocent wife, avoid red satin dresses slit most of the way to your armpit.

  19. 19
    kinseyholley says:

    A friend of mine is involved with a new site for Christian erotica.  I can’t remember the URL – it wasn’t intuitive.  She invited me to contribute a story.  And you know what?  I just might.

    The cover titles are almost as much fun as the artwork.  I like Romance Goes Tenting.

    The 70s one – Beware the Beast – I should say so.  Ick.  It’s from 1981, but that’s totally 70s hair, clothes, feel.  I have a reflexive abhorrence of all things 70s ‘cept, in certain cases, movies and music. 

    My spamword is attack73 but I can’t think of anything clever right now.

  20. 20
    sandra says:

    Except for the first few, these are NOT the same M&B covers you looked at in December:  where’s JUNGLE LOVE ? DIE WITH ME LADY? etc.  Spamword various33:  various covers are the same, but not all 33.

  21. 21
    sandra says:

    The woman on the cover of INNOCENT WIFE, BABY OF SHAME is obviously pregant, which is an unusually realistis touch.  Spamword (and no, i’m not joking) is two69:  no comment necessary.

  22. 22
    Alex Ess says:

    Okay, so, I went to that “What’s Okay? What’s Not?” page and under the heading “Oral Sex” it says:

    “[...]many scholars of the Song of Songs are convinced that several passages describe oral sex being performed on both the man and the woman. (SS 2:3, the woman preforming oral sex on the man, and SS 4:16 and possibly 8:2 for the man doing it to the woman).”

    Now when I read that I thought “I’ve got to find my Bible, because I’ve got to look up these passages and figure out how I missed multiple oral sex references in the Song of Solomon because I’ve read the Song of Songs and I don’t remember that.

    Song of Solomon 2:3, in the King James version reads:
    “As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

    Um, I’m not really seeing it…“I sat down under his shadow?”…well, maybe…

    Song of Solomon 4:16 goes:
    “Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden,that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.”

    I dunno. Well…Okay, yeah, I might be able to masturbate to that if I really tried.

    Song of Solomon 8:2, King James version goes:
    “I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house,who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.”

    “Juice of my pomegranate?” I’ve never heard it called that before. “…bring you to my mama’s house, who would instruct me”…That’s a little freaky. I don’t think I could masturbate to that thought, no.

    did98
    Not all at once, ya freak.

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