Dear Smart Bitch Sarah:
I know this guy, and we’ve been friends for a long time. I’ve always been attracted to him, but he’s never really made it clear how he feels about me. Sometimes there will be a moment when he says something and is looking at me in a way that makes me wonder if he’s trying to communicate something more, or he’ll do something incredibly kind out of the blue, but never anything definite.
The problem is, I’ve got a terrible crush on him, and I don’t know what to do next. If I make a move, it could ruin the way things are now. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder. What would you – or a romance heroine – do?
A few choice words come to mind: this guy needs to shit or get off the pot. Fish or cut bait. Grow a pair and use them.
Really, there are two scenarios here. Either he’s too shy or afraid to make a move, or he’s dicking you around because he can. I’m voting for the latter. In my experience, the guys who know how to use subtlety to string a woman along know exactly the power of what they’re doing, and they have no intentions except to sustain your admiration. This isn’t the behavior of a hero. This is the behavior of a narcissist.
A romance hero would want to be with you. Plain and simple. Not make you wonder if he likes you, or make you question whether it’s your imagination that he’s maybe possibly into you. Any guy who takes the time to play games isn’t worth your time, and no hero worth his codpiece plays games with a woman’s heart. A real hero knows better.
So to answer your question, you can either ask him what’s up with the “maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t” crap, and see if you get a straight answer. He might be totally oblivious to what he’s doing, to the remote possibility that you might be attracted to him, or to the concept that he’s dropping hints that are twisting you up.
Or, and this is the scenario I’d bet my dollar on, ask him straight up what’s going on. And if he spins more hints and odd subtlety, look everywhere BUT at this guy for a relationship, because I don’t think he’s aware of anyone but himself. As far as the risk of “ruining the way things are now,” unless you like being unsure, better to move forward with him, or move on to something better for your happily ever after.