Cover Snark: Yawn

Old school romance: where the men were men and the heroines were…sleepy.

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Sarah: While Emma Merritt is best known for her tireless service to the romance genre, this book is a little known gem which reveals the struggles of two amorous narcoleptics who put out the fire of their passion by sleeping on it.

Candy: That’s not sleepiness—that’s lip collagen poisoning we’re seeing. Egad, those lips are eerie-looking.

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Sarah: He’s waiting… waiting… waiting patiently for the acid to take effect, so he can see what freaks her out more: The Parrot or His Mullet.

Candy: That look on her face wasn’t particularly slumberous or sexy; it mostly made me think “Dude, taking advantage of somebody with chromosome 21 trisomy is NOT COOL.”

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Sarah: Just another day of ho-hum, if by “ho-hum” you mean pressing a throbbing lovesword against her femoral artery while distracting her with the erect cacti-peens and the flaming fuschia landscape. It’s sad he no longer enjoys his job.

Candy: She doesn’t look overpowered by lust so much as rohypnol; then again, he looks like a guy who doesn’t necessarily care to distinguish between either. Date rape in the desert underneath a cactus: mothers, don’t let your daughters grow up to be cowgirls.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Moley Willows says:

    This is just what I needed, a good laugh. Thank you.

  2. 2
    Betsy says:

    Word on the erect cactus.  I kind of felt like it was giving me the finger, though.

  3. 3
    Michele says:

    Betsy, I’m in agreement with you on the cactus.

  4. 4
    J.C. Wilder says:

    Yawn…I never noticed how many romance cover models went to work without caffeine.

    Liberate the coffee.

    T-shirts will be available at….

  5. 5
    Silver James says:

    Okay, what’s up with the giant hand in the first one? Either her thighs are the size of a five year old’s or dude! I’m dyin’ to find out if that old wives’ tale about a man and the size of his hands is right!?!

    Spam word kept44: I WISH I’d kept 44 of my old romance covers!

  6. 6
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Even the giant parrot in book #2 looks bored.

  7. 7
  8. 8
    DS says:

    Well, if the models are falling asleep in #1, the vegetation is certainly erect. Phallic looking bluebonnets, something that might be an aloe to the left and prickly *snicker* pear cactus to the right.  While in the background is either a mirage or one of Texas’ rare desert lakes.

  9. 9

    I’ll put my killer pink flamingo of doom cover up against that parrot any day! Avian smackdown, bitches!

  10. 10
    joykenn says:

    I must say on that first cover those plants don’t look very soft.  With the cactus and spiky dried grasses or weeds, I wouldn’t want to park my ass there no matter how full of flaming lust I was.

  11. 11
    rebyj says:

    #1 has the ” I could have had a V8 ” face . Also, what is with her CHIN? It makes her look like a barbie doll head that is broken and constantly falls off. lol

  12. 12
    Katie says:

    I am sure I have seen that second book kicking about at my mums.

  13. 13
    Myriantha Fatalis says:

    “either a mirage or one of Texas’ rare desert lakes”  Could it be the Rio Grande?  And the Great Desert of Mexico on the other side?  (And since when do cacti & bluebonnets grow next to one another in the midst of amber waves of, uh, grassy stuff?)

    More importantly, however:  what on earth is Mr. Savage Dreams wearing around his waist?  Is that some sort of Ye Olde Wilde West fanny pack, or is he just happy to see her?

  14. 14
    allison says:

    Um… why is the guy in #3 wearing a sword in the desert? Is Arizona now medieval England (but with saguaros!) and I just didn’t know it? I know we have the London Bridge down here but I didn’t realize that necessitated having a sword on our hips.

  15. 15
    schwartzie says:

    Has anyone noticed that the guy in #3 doesn’t have any appendages below his butt?  Is she holding him up, and that’s why she’s leaning back?  And along those same lines, where’s the rest of the sword?

  16. 16

    Maybe the guy with the sword in Arizona came out with Cabeza de Vaca or Father Kino?  Those guys probably had swords.  But seriously, I live it out here and there is no way I am going bare anything our in the desert.  There are thorns on everything! I think even the grass may be vicious.

  17. 17
    Jessa Slade says:

    Jocelynne, we rate our Eastern Oregon desert plants as: Annoyed (cheat grass), Angry (prickly pear), Vicious (sand spurs) and Vampiric (saw grass).

    The pix loaded slowly for some reason, so I had a good seven seconds to imagine what all that pinkness was.

    :show16: That’s exactly what I thought I was seeing.

  18. 18
    Marie says:

    Am I the only one who sees the third cover and thinks:

    “Dahling, I love zee new perfume… it smells like zee bloomingk cactus… like, ah, ah , AH-CHOO!  AH-CHOO!”

    I mean seriously, that guy is totally about to sneeze.

  19. 19
    Ciar Cullen says:

    They all have Epstein Barr. I know the feeling.

  20. 20
    ev says:

    Also, what is with her CHIN? It makes her look like a barbie doll head that is broken and constantly falls off.

    We refer to those as no-neck barbies in this household since none of my daughter’s kept their heads for long. I think she has a think for Henry the VIII.

  21. 21
    Anony Miss says:

    I will be back home in Texas in a month – I’m-a going looking for desert lakes near Bluebonnets (miss my state flower, I’m such a nerd). To give that heinous cover credit, though, at least her dress looks accurate in terms of design and trim.

    Well, as much as you can tell by how it’s falling off of her.

    Can anyone explain to me how historical heroines had Norelco-ed legs? I’m just askin’…

  22. 22
    Eva Lynn says:

    …man.  I’m sure it’s just because I’m sleepy, but the first two times I tried to read the purple heart on the second cover, I read “Horrific Romance”.

  23. 23
    chisai says:

    Okay, this is gonna sound a little weird, buy after we broke up, my ex dated this chick who was the queen of romance covers.  Maria DeAngelis.  She’s on two of the three covers.

    We’re on good terms so I always get a kick when I see her.  Go Maria!

  24. 24
    eaeaea says:

    Cover 1 & 3 makes me think they’ve contorted their necks so far as to reduce the oxygen flow to their brains…

    Cover 2 – Are those yellow flowers poppies? Opium poppies.
    And the couple plus giant bird are all high…The fumes are making me hallucinate that his big hair is eating her hand.

    Avian smackdown – bring it on!

  25. 25
    JenD says:

    For some reason when I look at the first one all I can think of is ‘Together they form Voltron!’.

    Anyone else a little dismayed that the woman in the first one’s leg is about a foot too short?

  26. 26
    Claudia says:

    I like that it looks like the parrot was caught rolling its eyes :)

  27. 27
    beggar1015 says:

    Anyone else a little dismayed that the woman in the first one’s leg is about a foot too short?

    The guy doesn’t look right, either. If he were to stand up I think he would be of stunted growth. But hey, they can’t all be the towering giants that are usually cast in these kind of romance novels.

    spamword: ball84 *ahem*

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