It’s a strange thing to be hungry, amused, and oddly tempted all at the same time, but thanks to the purple prose wonderment of the Smart Bitch Recipe competition for our fourth birthday, we’re all three, though especially amused.
We have six winners, plus the grand prize winner, who is one seminally lucky individual! (snrk)
The Grand Prize: Your choice of one of the six appliances featured PLUS a luscious semen cookbook. Oh, you’re all on the edge of your seats, eh? The lucky winner is:
Jean Poole for Cock-a-leekie soup. Indeed it shall furious leek for thee – and your eyes shall furious leek with feare at the syght of the cookbook.
The winner of the Hot Chocolate Pot with bonus frother (woo!):
Briony: Flan-ing the Flames of Desire.
The winner of the Coffee maker with insulated travel thermos:
Lyra for the hot-headed Impetuous Sauce of tomato and the quivering eggs of his desire.
The winner of the Mini food processor:
John C. Bunnell for Chocolate squared cookies: “Using the energy of a feisty heroine hell-bent on achieving her ultimate goal (or, if necessary, the raw unbridled power of an electric mixer)….” Well played!
The winner of the popcorn air popper:
Elizabeth Wadsworth for turgid creme brulee: “…your rigid, rounded kitchen implement until sugar has dissolved into sweet liquidity. Ejaculate mixture evenly into individual ovenproof ramekins and place them in a baking pan, shallow as a rake’s latest conquest.” Ejaculate into ramekins sounds like a really lowbrow m/m cooking erotica.
The winner of the Crock Pot, baby, crock pot!
Renee Somebody Chocolate orgasm cake: “teasing until the empty grotto warms to 350.”
The winner of the double sided food steamer:
Midknyt for a recipe that asked us to “excite your oven until it is hot and ready.”
Winners, please email me with your postal address so that we can get you your appliance winnings, and, oh lucky one, a copy of that seminiferous tubloidial cookbook.
Honorable mentions go to:
SonomaLass: for renaming “Beer Butt Chicken,” a SB Sarah fave, into Lifesaver Chicken, because that is AWESOME.
Amy: for hot hot dogs that should be topped off with a squirt of hot C.
Nadia for “Blood of one’s lifemate bhloody mharys” to share with the Brother, Carpathian, Breed, Lord, or Forebearer of your choice.
Lissa: “Chocolate dipped strawberries of love” Bonus points: molten passage!