Nikki Lomax-Larson of Military Spouse Magazine has a bit of a problem. She’s a big reader.
That’s not the actual problem. Well, there’s multiple problems from where I sit. There’s her admission of secretly desiring to be the creme filling in a Weasley sandwich, and her statement that voracious childhood reading caused her to wear bifocals by third grade.
And then there’s this paragraph, which is a light, moist, seven-layer cake of problems:
But the one genre I never, ever touched was romance. I couldn’t bring myself to sample the “junk food” of the literary world. That was, until my husband deployed last October. And now I am hooked. Oh the shame! I am so desperate for romance and happy endings that I fork over good money to read about fictional characters “getting off.”
How do I know I’m an addict? Well, yesterday I dropped $100 on Nora Roberts’ books and some other “chick lit” books I found on sale. The call of the “BUY 4, GET THE 5TH FREE” sign was too great a temptation to resist, and I was scooping paperbacks with cheesy illustrated covers into my basket like a crackhead going after dime bags.
Like a corner junkie picking cigarette butts off the concrete, I found myself crouched down in the aisle at Borders. I hoped that no one would see me as I randomly picked books off the shelves, quickly assessed their rush-giving potential and either tossed them in my basket or back on the shelf. I probably looked guilty as hell, and ashamed too. Every time someone walked by the romance section I’d either duck or pretend to be looking at the books on tape. I even bought “books to cover the fact that I’m buying naughty books” books.
I doubt I fooled anyone. I definitely wasn’t fooling myself. I remember swearing that I’d never become one of “those women.” Egads, I’m now one of “those women” who own more trashy, paperback bodice-rippers than classics.
Anyone know how to break this habit before hubby comes back?
Oooh, boy.
I suggest a three step “You’re Being a Douchebag So Step Away From the Romance” recovery plan.
Step 1: Grab a ladder
Step 2: Get the fuck over yourself already
Step 3: See step 1.
I love the idea that buying romance from a troubled national bookstore is akin to buying drugs for a crackhead, or picking cigarette butts off the concrete. That’s just wholesome right there. God forbid anyone should read books about loving relationships, sexual exploration and happiness, particularly while one’s military spouse is deployed.
From the fallacy that Nora Roberts’ novels are bodice rippers to the part where she’s into the part where the characters get off, and now assesses books for their “rush-giving potential,” this whole column is a head-desk and a half.
I’d love to state my now-standard “Why be ashamed of what you read?” response, because my general attitude is that no one has the right to criticize my choice of entertainment if that entertainment isn’t hurting anyone.
But I’m more inclined to get the poor woman a vibrator to satisfy her need for a “rush,” and while she’s busy, sneak in and find loving, appreciative homes for all her romance novels. If this was her attempt to find commiserating romance readers, boy shitcakes, did she wiff that one with me.
If anything, I’d like some advice to help her cure herself of this habit so there’s more romance for the rest of us to buy. Any ideas?
[Thanks to Kerri-Leigh for the link.]
SisterZip, my favorite response to that sort of thing is in the movie Real Women Have Curves… the very young-looking, Hispanic main character goes to the store to buy condoms for the first time, and for whatever reason has to get them from the pharmacist… who raises a brow at the request and slightly snarkily asks her what kind she’d like. Her response? “Well, what kind do you recommend?” Worked like a charm. I agree that being bold is the best strategy, but it seems like denying that the shame exists for a lot of women does make us part of the problem.
Ann, romance has come up for me as a Borders “4 for 5” category on a couple of occasions… generally it leads to blowing the book budget, as this woman did.
And GrowlyCub, rather than feeling victimized by lack of respect for the genre yet again, I think that as the wise, empowered, sexy readers we are, we should see this as a “teachable moment.” Based on the way she bashes herself as a bookworm and nerd and now a trashy-novel addict, this insecure woman is more deserving of pity than anger. Unlike the GoodReads list, which is ridiculous…
Hmm, spamword is lies56… as in, hopefully by the time she is 56, she won’t feel the need to lie about her book choices?
For the longest time I refused to enter the romance section. I was IGNORANT, and didn’t realize that I shouldn’t be judging cover art based on a few (very dirty and crazy cheezy!) HQN’s from the 80’s I remember finding & snickering at that my mom had.
Then amazon.com entered my life, and a year or more later I realized I was buying books that were stocked in the ROMANCE department of B&N without realizing it. Once I figured out I was being a dummy- and realized that my love of romance started at age 12 when I first read fifteen by Beverly Cleary – I gave it up. I’m all in.
All that said, the woman’s comments and how she’s putting herself down for her choice of enjoyment is sad. I mean – some people like CRAP reality TV and admit it. That’s something I’d see as being far more shameful than loving romance stories. But no, the romance has a bad stigma attached for some. Too bad.
People should just put on their big girl panties, be who they are, and own it. I’m back to
Once I realized I was into the
well crap I hit post before re-reading my response. Ah well. Just have to say:
ditto.
Marie, I don’t feel victimized by her. I think she’s a liar. As an empowered, but not wise and only questionably sexy woman, I don’t care enough about her to even want to try. I leave that to my more enlightened sisters. Have at her. 🙂
Thanks rebyj and Barb. I recognized the name, but couldn’t remember the context. Needless to say if I ever had any inclination to join that site, which I didn’t (nor LT for that matter), that list would kind of nix that idea.
Marie, I taught my daughter (she’s now 24) to do what she feels is right. She didn’t tell me this until just recently (you know the mother’s mantra concerning their 17 year olds sex life…what I don’t know won’t hurt me), but she marched into a Walgreens and plopped two boxes of condoms on the counter to ask the pharmacist which were better…more ‘secure’. I guess I taught her a good offense was the best defense…or whatever. 🙂
Nether of us gives a rat’s ass what people think of what we read. We just make fun of them for making fun of us.
I think the saddest part of the stigma attached to romance is that a large group of the critiques are women putting down other women. I’m amazed by it and just find myself thinking… Shakespeare was a hack who wrote junk food? Jane Austin? Junk food?! Dear lord, I shudder to think what they’d say about Jane Eyre!
What is the problem with reading tales of romance? Isn’t it what everyone—at their core—has in common? I don’t believe there isn’t a person alive out there who doesn’t want to feel accepted and loved, who doesn’t want to feel they have a home with someone who cares about them, who would worry about them if they were sick or think to bring over chicken noodle soup if they had a cold. I think most everyone wants to find that other half of themselves out there and those that haven’t yet hold firm to the faith that they will. When did Love become a four letter word?
JT
even 38
I think I’m more sorry for Nikki Lomax-Larson than anything. I used to hide the covers of Laurell K. Hamilton books when I read them on public transportation even though I knew I was being ridiculous by doing so. There’s a lot of literary snobbishness out there; it starts really early and it shows up all over the place. Parents can drive school librarians (and their kids, I’m guessing) to despair with their concern over reading levels. Some people are snobbish about Oprah’s Book Club books, some are snobbish about genre fiction of any kind, some deride children’s and YA lit., and it’s all a darned shame. Which is all just long way of saying, I see where Nikki LL is coming from.
Having said that, there’s something profoundly wrong with calling reading she legitimately enjoys “trash.” And you can hear it in her words, under the “ha, ha. I’m so silly” tone – this deep insecurity that won’t allow her to consider that maybe her cliched assumptions about “that literature” and “those people” might be wrong.
Oh good, I’m not the only one. I can’t think of a single Oprah Book Club book I’ve read that hasn’t been unrelentingly depressing which is why I stopped reading anything she recommends.
Obviously this woman is new to reading romance and she still is very much aware of the stigma (albeit a stupid stigma) associated with it. Her husband may give her a hard time and she is obviously not confident enough to tell him to shove it as I do with the people who’ve mocked me for reading them.
From the article, though, it seems though that she thinks she shouldn’t be reading romance novels, though, which is a whole other kettle of fish. Even when I felt like I shouldn’t be reading romance novels (because I was 11 when I read my first adult romance novel and I felt like I shouldn’t because I was so young) it didn’t stop me and eventually my mom caught on to the fact that I was snurching her romance novels and started recommending the good ones.
As always my biggest issue is with the term “bodice-rippers” which I wish could be stricken from the English language because it is used by every non-romance novel reader to every novel that is in the romance novel section and it drives me up a wall!
One more thing:
I can’t imagine being embarrassed by what I choose to read. What business is it of anyone else what I enjoy? I’ve taken some crap about being a romance author but usually it comes from people who haven’t read my books or haven’t read ANY romance. More people need to stand up for what they enjoy. Who cares if someone else gives you the arched brow? Give it right back. And then grin. Big and wide with lots of teeth.
Do I understand correctly that you’re hoping to discourage her from buying/reading more romance – and thereby, one would hope, come to realize how mistaken she’s been? Makes this entry sort of an interesting companion to the one the other day about Do Not Buy lines, not to mention to the way men who snark on romance (such as DocTurtle) are dealt with.
In any event, considering that the offending column was written nearly a year ago (and I can’t find that she’s written anything else since last April), either Lomax-Larson has gotten over herself, been enlightened about her poor choice of clichés, or moved on to something else, in which case whomping her over the head probably isn’t going to have much effect.
@GrowlyCub: Color me cynical, because I had exactly the same reaction.
I do know someone who is slightly embarrassed about romance reading—my 16-year-old son! He was headed for the library the other day, and I asked if he could pick up a book that was on hold for me. “Is it one of your trashy books?” he asked. When I said, “Well, it IS a romance novel,” he said, “Then it depends. What does the cover look like?” I laughed so hard I cried.
SonomaLass, well he’s a teenager and male, they are more on their dignity at that age and I guess he can be excused. 🙂 Although, I think you ought to send him to the library more often so he can outgrow the issue (kind of like allergy shots, grin).
One thing that always blows my mind away is this issue men have in the U.S. with feminine hygiene products. I lived the first 27 years of my life in Europe and every single boyfriend I ever lived with did buy tampons or panty liners for me at some point in time, without blinking or even a second thought. I didn’t give my husband a choice about this when the occasion arose here, because it never even occurred to me that this could be an issue! I finally twigged on this being a cultural phenomenon after seeing some commercial on TV and I asking him about it, but I guess he’s enlightened or old enough not to care. 🙂
Now, being embarrassed about buying condoms I can see a little more, because after all having sex is a choice we make, having our periods, however, is not. 🙂 Kind of related to this topic is a book I just finished reading, an older SIM by Kate Hathaway (Bad for Each Other), in which the heroine is deathly embarrassed about telling her husband that they can’t have sex because she has her period. I liked the book quite a bit, but I did smile a few times at what seemed rather ‘quaint’ attitudes considering that this was published in 1997.
Hey SonomaLass, my boys (15, 17) threw a HQN in the cart the other week. It had a Navy type on the front. After my WTF? moment, the oldest said, “well, you used to read to us all the time, now you can read a chapter with supper, hey, I might learn something.”
How do you manage to edit out the bits you don’t want to read to your kids? The 15yo just goes back over the chapter when it seems “abridged”.
I
Many years ago I saw a comedian do a routine about this that was hysterical. He said that he had no problem buying tampons for his wife because A) It wasn’t like people were going to think he needed them for himself and B) it was proof that he had a woman at home. He said it allowed him to feel smug, especially toward guys looking at girly magazines—-“You’re buying a centerfold? I gotta woman.”
Turn in your vagina, you’re making me embarrassed to be the same gender as you.
Jennifer, I just have to add to the chorus of how freakin’ brillant that line is. Defintely something I’m going to use from now on.
I found the article to be a piss-poor attempt at tongue-in-cheek humor that managed to show how dumb the author really is. I used to be kind of hesitant to tell people what I read/wrote but now I’m totally upfront about it. Of course I also can’t wait to see how they react to the word ‘romance’. I see it as an opportunity to educate and enlighten.
And when asked why I read/write romance, I tell them what my father told me after I told him I wanted to write romance: “The world needs happy endings.”
Am I the only one who thinks that the word “Hot” has no place anywhere near this book?
Or when they said “Heavy” they meant boring, depressing and will give you a good case of bonerdeath?
seemed67? yup, I would need to see a medical type after reading that book 67 times.
The Weasley Twins are cute, but given a choice, I would prefer to be the filling in a Severus Snape/ Lucius Malfoy sandwich.
Michele, I am so using this as my answer when asked why I read romance!!!
Lori, LOL!
Believe me, you aren’t the only one. The one thing I took away from that movie was, “Ye gods, two hours or so of my life that I’ll never get back again!”
month27—Yep, it does feel like that stupid movie is about 27 months long.
(Larissa)
I too am a military spouse and I write romance. I can’t believe that magazine would publish such tripe! She needs to get the fuck over herself!
It shames me that woman is a military spouse. Hell at my last base the OWC swapped romances like the delicious man-titty candy they are. 🙂
line16 – and she crossed it
I was over at Karen’s site and copping to buying tons of books last month, but explaining it away due to stress. I think I have a grasp on why a military wife might spend $100 at a pop.
It makes a lot more sense to me than shoes, which always left me perplexed during SATC. The woman in question, the one unworthy of her hoohah and who’s shame makes other military wives feel ashamed of her, is an admitted book addict. It’s not romances that are crack to her, it’s all books, and it seems like she’s bought out the other genres.
“Turn in your vagina…” I almost peed my pants.
Having said that – I was in university when I read my first romance, had ridiculed a co-worker for reading it…She left it behind and I read it during a nightshift because I had nothing else to do (work-shmerk). I hated the book! It was truly awful but I bought another because I had to hope there was better out there. Hallejulah – there was way better stuff out there. That was 15 years ago…Hi, my name is Kelly and I’m a romance-hot sex- good story-ripped men-smart women-addict and I don’t plan on doing anything but feeding the habit.
Maybe she’ll see the error of her ways too! Unfortunately, it’s probably going to take a whole lot longer.
Amen to that, Barb. Was she trying to be cute, funny or is she serious? But I AM sorry she’s so ashamed to read romance novels that she compares it to a crack or cigarette addiction (!) Hoo boy.
Seriously, I think she was trying to be cute. Didn’t succed, IMO. Any comments from other Weasley cream-filling-desiring, bifocal-reading, ashamed-to-read-romance military wives out there? (Larissa, I don’t lump you with those—and thanks to your family for their service to our country).
@militaryspouse: I refused to read romance aloud with my kids. We read Harry Potter, Narnia, Abberat, Oz, Tolkien and a bunch more fantasy authors. With the romances, I just left ‘em lying around and didn’t mention if the book or the bookmark had been moved. I know that all four of mine (the 16 y.o. is the baby, sigh) learned a lot from my books, and I’m glad. What good romance novels have to say about love and sex are good messages, much better than they got from other sources out there.
My oldest daughter reads a lot of the same books I do, particularly historical romance; one time I found that she had covered a pirate-themed romance in plain paper, because she couldn’t take it to school otherwise—the front illustration was “too explicit.” My high school senior disdains most romance, but she loved every book in the YA category of last year’s DABWAHA tournament—she’s dying to know what’s on the list this year. And my oldest son married a young woman whose reading tastes are also very much like mine, and he knows better than to EVER mock her “trashy books.” I take these as signs of parenting success, LOL.
Eve—you rock! I have SO much respect for military spouses—the life isn’t easy at all. All the moves, the time spent alone, the time spent worrying. I feel lucky that my husband is in the Coast Guard, because even though he’s gone a lot, he’s at least not overseas.
Amy, thank you! 🙂 I think I probably got a little too snippy, but I that chick pushed my buttons a little. I sent an email to the magazine and asked them to do a story about military spouses and military members who write. We’ll see what they say (if anything!)
Good luck with that Larissa :-). I hope it works out.
No need to apologize for getting snippy. What she wrote was pretty offensive. To give her the benefit of the doubt (!) she was probably trying to be funny; ha ha ha, look at me, I’m addicted to romance. Real thigh-slapping stuff, ya know?
But I agree with you—military spouses rock! You guys are awesome!
Okay, admittedly before I read romance novels I had a bias against it, but the moment I read my first novel I realized how much I had been missing out on! Not just the “getting off,” but the really GOOD WRITING! I mean, the (numerous) people reading romance novels are no dummies (see: uh….the readers and writers here), and we would not be reading these books if they were just about getting off. There are fabulous writers (and sometimes not-so-fabulous) in the romance genre as much as in any other genre!
Don’t get over it! Get hubby involved! And then read “Everything I need to know I learned from romance novels,” because seriously romance novels are freaking awesome. Shout it from the rooftops!
You should try being a PhD (in Russian literature, no less) who reads and writes romance. Oh, the eyebrows… still, I’ve found a good, long, didactic discourse on why Tolstoy’s novels are really just shopping and f*cking novels a la “Princess Daisy” tends to shut up most doubters. That, and pointing out the percentage of the book market that is devoted to romance purchases and the average demographic of the readers. At that point, my happy mockers are typically bored into oblivion and give up on the teasing.
Plus, I still get a kick out of shelving J.R. Ward and Kresley Cole next to Tolstoy on my bookshelves.
the only time I’ve been embarrassed reading a “trashy” novel is when I noticed the older “gentleman” across from me in the doctor’s waiting room was giving me the eye since I was reading one of Megan Hart’s books with the naked silhouette on it. EWWWWWWWWW………….. is all I can say.
I would think that Lora Leigh’s novels would not be called, technically, bodice-rippers but thong-rippers, don’t you? Having read all of the Nauti-boys line and several of her other series, I’ve seen a LOT of thong ripping going on. Any other votes?
As for the Weasley sandwich…..I’m a redhead with a red-headed brother and father, and thus inclined to have a natural pre-disposition to be nauseated at the thought of actually seeing a red-headed male nude, much less aroused and approaching me with an erect penis. So the thought of two of them, wanting to have sex me…wait…I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. I’m not against a sandwich, per se, just these two particular participants 😉
And I don’t give a rat’s ass-hat what this lady reads. If she’s so pretentious that she tries to hide the titles of her books, then she doesn’t deserve to get good titles from me. If I can walk around proudly telling people to go to a website called Smart Bitches Trashy Books for great recommendations, then she needs to get over herself. And I do this with a 5 year old, a 9 year old, and an 11 year old in tow. I just make sure they aren’t listening when I say it 🙂
wow, my spam word is feel37. If only! I feel every bit of my 47 years ACK!
I love you all so much I can barely stand it! LOL! MWAH!
This thread inspired a friend to turn me on to the site!
I LOVE romance novels. I started reading Barbara Cartland in the 4th grade, moved on to Kathleen Woodiwyss (sp?) and kept going right through the vampire hotties and the rugged Scotsmen in kilts from all centuries. Discovering Diana Gabaldon was a joy. I read voraciously – including whatever my husband leaves around (he inspired my interest in science fiction!).
Said hubby calls it “CLITerature.”