Nikki Lomax-Larson of Military Spouse Magazine has a bit of a problem. She’s a big reader.
That’s not the actual problem. Well, there’s multiple problems from where I sit. There’s her admission of secretly desiring to be the creme filling in a Weasley sandwich, and her statement that voracious childhood reading caused her to wear bifocals by third grade.
And then there’s this paragraph, which is a light, moist, seven-layer cake of problems:
But the one genre I never, ever touched was romance. I couldn’t bring myself to sample the “junk food” of the literary world. That was, until my husband deployed last October. And now I am hooked. Oh the shame! I am so desperate for romance and happy endings that I fork over good money to read about fictional characters “getting off.”
How do I know I’m an addict? Well, yesterday I dropped $100 on Nora Roberts’ books and some other “chick lit” books I found on sale. The call of the “BUY 4, GET THE 5TH FREE” sign was too great a temptation to resist, and I was scooping paperbacks with cheesy illustrated covers into my basket like a crackhead going after dime bags.
Like a corner junkie picking cigarette butts off the concrete, I found myself crouched down in the aisle at Borders. I hoped that no one would see me as I randomly picked books off the shelves, quickly assessed their rush-giving potential and either tossed them in my basket or back on the shelf. I probably looked guilty as hell, and ashamed too. Every time someone walked by the romance section I’d either duck or pretend to be looking at the books on tape. I even bought “books to cover the fact that I’m buying naughty books” books.
I doubt I fooled anyone. I definitely wasn’t fooling myself. I remember swearing that I’d never become one of “those women.” Egads, I’m now one of “those women” who own more trashy, paperback bodice-rippers than classics.
Anyone know how to break this habit before hubby comes back?
Oooh, boy.
I suggest a three step “You’re Being a Douchebag So Step Away From the Romance” recovery plan.
Step 1: Grab a ladder
Step 2: Get the fuck over yourself already
Step 3: See step 1.
I love the idea that buying romance from a troubled national bookstore is akin to buying drugs for a crackhead, or picking cigarette butts off the concrete. That’s just wholesome right there. God forbid anyone should read books about loving relationships, sexual exploration and happiness, particularly while one’s military spouse is deployed.
From the fallacy that Nora Roberts’ novels are bodice rippers to the part where she’s into the part where the characters get off, and now assesses books for their “rush-giving potential,” this whole column is a head-desk and a half.
I’d love to state my now-standard “Why be ashamed of what you read?” response, because my general attitude is that no one has the right to criticize my choice of entertainment if that entertainment isn’t hurting anyone.
But I’m more inclined to get the poor woman a vibrator to satisfy her need for a “rush,” and while she’s busy, sneak in and find loving, appreciative homes for all her romance novels. If this was her attempt to find commiserating romance readers, boy shitcakes, did she wiff that one with me.
If anything, I’d like some advice to help her cure herself of this habit so there’s more romance for the rest of us to buy. Any ideas?
[Thanks to Kerri-Leigh for the link.]
My only advice is: “grow up”.
Well, my second bit of advice is to mark the good parts and get her DH to read them when he’s home on leave.
Actually, I’m betting *this* is more what she really means about breaking the habit. How much she’s spending.
A book-habit this expensive? My bet is that it’s the deployment money flowing out of her wallet. I do it too – when the husband’s gone, my book buying goes up. More cash coming in, plus less going out because my general expenses are lower with my husband out of country. When he comes home? There’s a short period of withdrawal. (Unless I’ve sufficiently stocked my TBR pile.)
This made me laugh. Sometimes, I think I’m the only person who found that movie an utter snoozefest. The only good part was when Sandra Oh beats the crap out of Thomas Hayden Church with her motorcycle helmet.
And yes, Jennifer Armitrout, you win for best comment! LOLOL!
LOL! Absolutely. Give me a freaking break. Serious high five action to Jennifer for a most appropriate comment.
I have to admit I used to be like this woman, I kept my trade-paperback romance novels in 2 banker’s boxes in my closet and if I saw someone else near the romance section of the bookstore I would wait until they left so I could browse.
BUT when I started reading this fabulous website 2 months ago I was immediately infused with pride for my reading preferences and busted those bodice rippers right outta the closet to be proudly displayed two deep on our central bookshelf!
I’m more amused than offended by this. Seriously, does this woman really think anyone cares what she reads and is judging her on it? Unless she’s like, ya know, fifteen years old and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that everyone—everyone! is looking at her and criticizing her every action. I agree with Sarah, she needs to get over herself already. (And send some cash my way, ‘cause she clearly has way more than she needs!)
And thanks to the two readers who posted this:
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought that movie was an overrated piece of tripe.
I guess you take it one step at a time with people. We got someone reading romance – and obviously loving it. More point for the fact that she obviously holds some influence. I wish she wouldn’t share it with her readership in such a negative manner, but give her a little time and she’ll get more comfortable. It’s almost a victory for us
Of course, I only came to that opinion after talking to my roommate who comes from a long line of military families and reading some of the comments. My first reaction was “WTF is her problem?! GET OVER IT!!”
Sorry, one more note: after reading some of her comments, I get even more hopeful! A lot of the people wrote in the comments section that they’re now inspired to pick up a romance next time they’re out.
Wow! You guys are being mean!
I was her about six months ago. I love to read. I found romance novels in college and was addicted. But who to talk to? In all seriousness, until last summer I’d never met another person who didn’t mock romance. And when there’s that kind of culture around you, it takes a lot to take your trashy book out of its box and wave it around at others all proud of it.
Heck, I found a group of friend who loved the Twilight series and it still took me a while to work up my nerve to recommend some “adult” romance they might enjoy. Finding this site and others like it where people openly embrace romance novels… finding that group of friends that will also admit they’re addicted… that made a big difference to me.
So when I read the clip Sarah copied, my thought was “geez, someone send her a link here and let her know that it’s all ok!” And it also comes across to me like she’s looking for other people who will admit to being addicted – perhaps without all the “turn in your vagina” stuff. I mean, good for you all that you have enough self confidence to not care what other people think. It’s not that easy when you don’t know a single other person who reads romance.
Wait, can you even get dimebags of crack anymore?
That behavior always made me a little sad. Working in a library, I see this a lot when teens are in the GLBT area upstairs. I always want to run after them and shake them and say “It’s okay, I can show you which ones are worth your time! Don’t be afraid of me, or of Marriage Under Fire—we just have to stock everything!”
Maybe it’s because my father always hid them from me and I had to work to keep them, but I was never ashamed of my romance-reading “habit.” People at work mock me for it (they also mock me for being an alcohol lightweight and for knitting in bars, so clearly, they just like to mock in general), but that hasn’t stopped me from convincing the catalogers to order more. Despite my town being hyper-literate, I don’t see a whole lot of literary elitism outside of the indie bookstores. But there’s music scorn aplenty, though! Hipsters always know how to make me feel like my iPod isn’t good enough.
What I want to know is, what would she be reading if not romance novels?
And dismissing an entire genre by comparing it to drugs is nice, how? She’s ashamed of her reading choices, that’s sad. But that she’s playing it for a joke in order to defend her preferences is even worse. And you know, it would even be one thing if she was a teenager or college-aged, but for heaven’s sake, she’s in her thirties!
She needs to strap on the Big Girl Panties and say, “Wow, I’ve been a snob about this, but look at the fantastic stuff I’ve found to read!”
Instead of potentially forcing other women to feel ashamed of their reading choices, she might have empowered them to say, “Hey, I read it too and by the way, have you read this author?”
Now wouldn’t that have made a marvelous article?
Carin—you have a good point, and we may seem like we’re overreacting, but frankly, I’m tired. I’ve been reading romance since The Flame and The Flower was first published back in the Dark Ages. Longer if you throw in books like The Scarlet Pimpernel and Mara, Daughter of the Nile and Katherine and Witch of the Glen and others from my youth.
I’m tired of being laughed at as a romance reader, I’m tired of being laughed at as a romance author. While most days I just brush it off, some days I’m on my last nerve and someone steps on it.
I’m glad you’re reading romance. Very, very glad. I’m vain enough to say I hope you’ll read my novels and find them entertaining. But this is certainly not the first time we’ve seen “funny” articles like this, and I fear it’s not the last time. But it would be nice if it was.
How about being a leader instead of a follower? How about saying this is what I read and enjoy and I didn’t ask anyone else to pay for it or comment on it?
BARB FERRER: For The WIN!!!
I think alot of people feel guilty when they start out reading romance novels. It’s probably because we still have the illusion that reading is this high-brow thing, kindof like eating your vegetables- if its painful to eat or to read, then it’s probably good for you.
I started out reading romances in boarding school when most of my fellows didn’t do much reading outside of school. At the time I felt like I needed to justify my reading habits both to myself and others, but I still kept reading.
Lucky for me, I had the most awesome aunt. When Aunt Terry found out that I enjoyed romance novels, she offered up her collection of Nora Roberts books. She was one of the strongest people I knew- she raised two kind and intelligent daughters on her own, and always had time for everyone who needed someone to help or to listen. Because of her, I realized that I was in a group with some really amazing company. Some of my best memories are talking about romance novels with her, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I think we need to embrace people who are starting out reading romance, or who fear it’s bodice ripper-ness and to show them that books that provide hope, joy and laughter are good and powerful things. Afterall, how many books make people happy and bring them together; I work in a bookstore and it’s always awesome to see how romance readers bond together like they’ve been friends for years. It always makes me think, “behold the power of romance!”
Sadly, I have to agree that the snark here is a little misplaced (although I did have a near keyboard catastrophe with my tea at the “turn in your vagina” comment—I am using that one in SO many situations now!). OK, the article is dumb and irritating, but I feel for the poor woman. Romance reading IS a bit like crack… not that I’ve tried crack, but don’t we all know that terrible feeling of withdrawal when you emerge from reading The Shadow and the Star or Lord of Scoundrels from the umpteenth time, and start tearing apart your bookshelves for something else to read? Really, people should be pointing her the way of used bookstores and library book sales, because reading romance at the rate I do, and that she clearly is going to, gets EXPENSIVE if you don’t know where to get your fix on the cheap.
Also, regarding not being ashamed of one’s reading choices… yeah, it would be nice to be such an adult that you don’t care about the huge stigma associated with romance novels… but it took years for me to get there (fortunately I started young). Like it or not, maybe her “hubby” IS going to give her a hard time… my boyfriend rolls his eyes at my books (though fortunately he has his Star Trek books I can sneer at in return, all in good fun), and the covers DO NOT help our cause!
Plus, it’s only funny to joke about being embarrassed buying tampons because people DO get embarrassed, and checkers DO give you a hard time. Don’t even get me *started* on the time that I got up to the RiteAid checkout counter and looked down to find I was carrying toilet paper, condoms, a romance novel, a chocolate bar, and a bottle of cheap wine (the essentials of life, right?). It may be stupid social pressure, but it’s *real*—when I bring my stack of lurid covers up to the checkout at Borders or wherever, I often DO pray for a female clerk to avoid the smirk I get from the guys. And often I get a raised eyebrow or a comment from people of either gender. So I feel like a gentle introduction to the sisterhood is in order, not a snarkfest… yeah, she needs to get over herself, but reading every single In Death book in a five day period will do that for her in no time! =P
Oh boy…this women really belongs to Twits’R’Us.
And if she thinks her husband would get upset about books, she might consider how he’d feel if she had an affair in pursuit of ‘getting off’.
My husband is a librarian and loves the fact that people will read period. He’s not terribly choosy about what they check out just says, ‘enjoy the books’ and moves on.
He also routinely looks at my collection, notes an author, asks how they are and occasionally tells his boss maybe the library should put something on the order list.
He’s also great about bringing new releases home.
Here’s my story about being embarrassed about what books I’m buying:
I used to be ashamed to be seen buying or reading erotica. In my mid-twenties, I had gone to the big city, to the big bookstore, and found a HUGE amount of erotica TREASURE. Had to buy it, couldn’t get it at home, internet shopping not yet an option.
I brought my big pile of erotica to the counter, and the only free cashier was a hot guy. Blush.
There was a problem with the machine reading my debit card. I had to ask him to hold onto the books while I went and got some cash. And then I was back in about 20 minutes, because I was leaving town the next morning and couldn’t wait for him to go off-shift, and he was the only cashier available AGAIN, so I looked really desperate for my erotica. Blush some more.
So, I was a little embarrased, but I got books that I wanted and enjoyed, and who cares what anybody else thinks about it?
*snort* Exactly!!!
I remember being vaguely embarassed about the romances I bought when I first started reading them. Though I don’t really remember the why of it now. I think it was mostly along the lines of what Marie said.
Now, I openly admit to “working for books” at Borders, since much of my meager part-time paycheck gets reinvested. I am also known as the “Romance Guru” in store. If they have a romance genre question, they ask me because I’ve prolly read it or know someone who has. I came out of the romance reader closet long ago.
And frankly, my hubs thinks he benefits from my reading romance. *wink* He often reads them with me. Though usually he only asks if I’m at a “good part”. lol
I see a woman who’s never been told it’s okay to read romance. I feel like she’s coming out the closet. She thinks there’s something wrong with her, and so she’s preemptively saying, “Look! I know there’s something wrong with me.”
That’s sad, but I think she needs a hug and for someone to tell her she’s okay. I’m reading this and seeing a woman with an enormous self-esteem problem, one that she has because she’s been told all her life that if you read trashy books, you’re a trashy woman—not a Smart Bitch.
Isn’t this exactly the kind of person the Bitchery should be reaching out to, to say, “Hey, you’re not on crack—you’re just a Smart Bitch, and there are a lot of women like you. There’s this book you should read—it’s called ‘Beyond Heaving Bosoms,’ and it is going to make you feel a lot better about yourself.”
HA!
I came to the realization a long time ago that if I tried to hide what I was reading, or if I was too embarrassed to go to a certain section of the bookstore, I would never read anything. I don’t think more highly of someone who only reads the classics, I don’t think any less of someone who only reads genre fiction. I don’t care what people are reading, as long as they are reading. Yes, even Oprah books… 😉
That’s exactly it. We are told that romance novels are dumb from an early age and it is enforced by our society. The teleflora commercial is an example of this. Just the other day I read a review of a book that had romantical elements and the reviewer said something like “It’s romantic but no means a bodice-ripper.”
This is a deep-rooted problem ladies.
Police93 – And it’s up to us to police the situation.
Before I finish reading the comments….
Jen B, Jennifer, and Barb…you crack me up! (And you’re so right!)
I used to be embarrassed to pick out romances… but then I was in 8th grade. I would pull them off the grocery store shelf and stuff them into my mom’s grocery cart. She’d check them to make sure they weren’t TOO risque and then pass them off as her own (talk about enabling 😉 ). Then I would go home and take a bandanna and make a book cover for my treasure so I could read it in school without having it confiscated.
I was buying them on my own by High School, but kept the trusty bandanna cover around just in case. Once I was no longer concerned about having my reading choices brought before the principle, I tossed out that old bandanna and haven’t looked back. Actually, I love nothing more than reading a great book in a very public place… I DARE you to make a comment to me. Usually it is women who make a “why are you reading That” comment. I make myself calmly list my reasons… and usually by the end of the conversation I have either converted a newbie into trying one, or discovered that they also read romance but are so insecure about themselves that they have to make fun (welcome back to 2nd grade ladies).
Maybe the comment I posted earlier sparked a bit of a debate about “being adult enough” to handle whatever reading choices I make. And that may well be true.
Back in the very early 80’s, I had no qualms about grabbing a Playboy, or those little books by such publishers with reader “experiences”, very graphic ones for the day. But I was 19, and real life was way way more graphic than what I read there.
I guess it all depends on your upbringing as to whether you hide from the romance genre, and the increasing focus on sexual encounters, or even the past books that hinted more than realized, such sexual encounters.
And in my small good ole boy town, I’ve found the male population to be much more open to the fact I’m an author, no matter the genre. Odd that. It’s still the women who tut-tut and hide behind the “I don’t read those kind of books”.
I’m trying to get bent out of shape about the romance bashing, but my main feeling is that this person hasn’t read any of the books she supposedly shopped for and claims to be embarrassed about.
I’m much more annoyed at the idea that she wrote this column because she couldn’t come up with a good topic and that she’s lying about reading romance to her audience for cheap kicks. Damn, I’ve gotten cynical. 🙁
Oh, let’s not be too mean. I imagine she feels the way I did when I first figured out I was into girls. It takes time to get over the shock that you like something you never imagined you’d like—especially when it’s something you’ve been taught you shouldn’t like. Sooner or later, she’ll figure out that she has nothing to be ashamed of. I now walk down the street holding hands with my high school sweetheart—whom I was afraid to touch in public back in the bad ol’ days of high school. Literary snobs (I used to be one of those, too!) could use some patience from people like the Smart Bitches if they’re ever going to wade out of the snobbery they’ve been steeped in all their lives.
And on the heels of this column, I get my February newsletter from GoodReads, touting itself as “The Love Issue.”
Buzzah? So I follow the link to see the rest of the list and this is what it says at the very top:
Groovy. Now romance is being excluded from lists of great love stories.
Actually, if you are cynical then it’s contagious. Now that I read the article again there are parts of it that do sound weird. I haven’t been in Borders in a while, so correct if I’m wrong but, isn’t the 5th free if you buy 4th apply to a certain category of books? Usually is either kids or general. I haven’t seen that special in romance. I’m I miss-remembering this? Another thing is the Nora Roberts reference. Granted, I have only read one Nora Roberts book but she didn’t strike me as a ‘bodice-ripper’ (Ugh, I hate that phrase.) kind of author. Ugh, maybe I’m reading too much into it, but when reading it again it did sound odd. So who knows, maybe she did made it all up.
Weirdly, associating Nora Roberts and bodice rippers for the first time, it occurs to me….
Is this why some of her characters rip each other’s shirts off? So they can be bodice rippers?
Hmm….
Shoooot. I got over being embarrassed at 18 when I bought the first Playgirl magazine. The cashier at the drug store where I bought it was the pharmacist (i.e. dirty old man) and waggled his eyebrows at me and made a very rude, dirty comment. I looked him straight in the face & told him it was obvious that he didn’t have the attributes the pinups did. And besides, would he want someone talking to his daughter that way?
I was the assistant buyer for a very large independant bookstore in St. Louis in the early to mid 90s. They bragged that they had over 120,000 different titles for your reading pleasure. But only one four shelf tall bookcase , two sided space for Romance. It was hidden behind the staircase. I would complain that I would buy my books from them, if they would let me pick out what to sell. I convinced the store manager to move the shelves, add another, and faced out the covers. I ‘recommended’ authors & specific books. Their sales tripled in the first quarter. They then got it & started buying more.
Go figure.
I drifted over to the website and this is what I found:
http://www.milspouse.com/sex-across-the-miles-three.aspx
This writer is telling us to read erotic novels and *gasp* keep our hands busy (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
She might want to read her own magazine/website before calling the pot black.
Now, I’m off to find a Lora Leigh to read.
spamword: plan74, well I’m up for it if he is?
Wait, it’s okay for her to bash a whole genre, and profile herself and her column for Valentine’s Day by denigrating women who read romance, but it’s ‘mean’ for us to call her on it?
*headdesk*
try87, I have tried 87 times to understand this attitude, but I just don’t get it…
P.S. Sarah’s comment about the Weasley sandwich fantasy being a problem? Not cool. This blog shouldn’t be one more source of shame for women with “trashy” fantasies.
Who or what exactly is GoodReads? And is it mean for me to say I’m glad I don’t know and I didn’t get that newsletter? Cause there isn’t a single romance on there (cause as well all know Gabaldon don’t write them ‘dirty books’).
Well, now I’m getting all bent after all… grin
GC here’s my goodreads page. http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1913735-Rebyj
It sounds like her intent was to bash herself, not the genre. Okay, the genre’s getting bashed indirectly—because she’s making herself a part of it. She has some lingering shame, which is unsurprising in our culture. She’ll get over it if she really enjoys the books, and if she doesn’t have too many people getting upset instead of welcoming her to the fold. We should call her on her attitude—but in a compassionate way. If she’s going to be teased by her fellow romance readers on top of the anti-romance teasing she’s already afraid of, she’ll just go back to reading what she considers safe.
Growly, it’s another one of those virtual bookshelf sites where people post what they’re reading/have read/are planning on reading and share recommendations and the like with other readers. Kind of like a giant “If you liked this title, you might like…” list.
And people also give ratings on the books and reviews (mmm… and let me tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a one star review on your work calling the plot episodic and the romance not well integrated).
I actually signed up before I knew about the stars and reviews because I kept getting messages from friends who were on there and thinking, “ooh, cool, I can get recs.” But when I realized about the reviews and starred system, I didn’t go back. Life’s too short to stress over that and besides, that’s what amazon’s reviews are for. 😛
However, I still get the newsletter and while I normally just delete it, obviously, the title caught my eye.
*sigh*
Maybe you just don’t live close enough to wine country, LOL! I love that movie. Own it on DVD and frequently watch it. The rant about Merlot—No, if anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!—is something I could use as a ring tone I love it so much.
*rolls eyes*
Seems to me they’ve had plenty of time to grow up and realize that denigrating the most popular form of fiction might come off as insulting. I’m not inclined to give them any more. It’s like saying men haven’t had quite enough time to realize that discriminating against women isn’t ok, we should cut them some slack. Or that we should all just give the morlocks more time to adjust to the idea of equal rights for gays (while said gays continue to suck up being second class citizens so as not to cause the morlocks discomfort).
Crap, crap and more crap.