Cover Snark Loves Editorial Assistants

This week’s cover snark is dedicated to the editorial assistants of the world. Y’all work hard for not a whole lot of money, and given the trend of layoffs, your work world probably just got a lot harder.

So, in grateful thanks to the editorial assistant who sent me a steaming, shiny, altogether brilliant pile of these cover cards, and to all the editorial assistants who kick ass and take names, this snark’s for you.

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Sarah: The Guardian of the war butterflies watches as two mutated specimens pry each other from their silky cocoon. But it’s way, way too early. Given how her skirt becomes a leg, and then becomes an arm on the spine, the Guardian butterfly will soon put them out of their sticky, passionate misery.

Candy: People. People. LEAST EFFICIENT WAY TO REMOVE CLOTHING. EVER. Unless the girl is seriously double-jointed.

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Sarah: This cover employs the subtle yet effective trifecta of old-skool awesome: the mullet? Check. The quivering mass of man-titty, barely contained by unbuttoned shirt that remains tucked into his pants?

But the epic win of this cover cannot be expressed in mere words, unless those words are HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT GIANT

ERECTION

EAGLE!

Candy: Yup. That there is definitely the biggest pecker I’ve seen on the cover of a romance novel.

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Sarah: Little Limp Feather, known as “Mullet” to his friends, faces a first for the romance hero—she’s just not that into him.

Candy: Wow. Never have I seen “DO NOT WANT” expressed so explicitly in body language adorning a romance novel cover.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Marie says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t comment on the terrifying giant sleeves in #2.  Also, something appears to be melting her feet… perhaps this is a new species of the monstrous Dress-Beast that devours its victims by dissolving them in blue slime?  Just look at her hand, frantically struggling to escape…

  2. 2
    Kate Pearce says:

    Well I know of at least one publisher who are moving offices this week-I wonder if they found these down the back of the filing cabinet-where they should’ve remained? LOL I think #3 is my favorite, especially the Mel Gibson lookalikey

  3. 3
    Lori says:

    That last one makes me think that dude has morning breath to go with his charming hair.

  4. 4
    Babs says:

    “Little Limp Feather”—whahahahahah. Yeah, I’m easy.

  5. 5

    Meh. Who’d want to read a romance where the heroine is desperately trying to escape the fugly hero? And someone explain to me what that feather hanging down from his waist means.  Is it an indicator of his lust? Pointing down means deflated no-can-do sex? 

    Gotta love that second one where the hero’s hand hovers above her bosom.  “WANT TO TOUCH.  PLEEEAASSE LET ME TOUCH.”  But she says “NO, THEY ARE MINE! MINE! ONLY I CAN TOUCH THEM!”

    *snort*

  6. 6
    Chrissy says:

    Umm… that really IS some Sorcerer if he can make a giant moth fly out of that poor, unused hoo-hoo.

    Thorn of the Rose or Revenge of Hebe?

    Hey, Mullet-Headed-Adopted-by-the-Tribe-White-Dude… is that a feather in your leathers or are you late for the Cheap Trick Concert?  Nice roach clip, duude.

  7. 7
    blueviolin says:

    Do Not Want, indeed.  She looks like she’d rather have a good nap, but he’s also looking at her with a rather intense look of disinterest.  The mullet says “yes,” but the eyes say “What’s that over your shoulder?  Oh, it’s a bunny!  I like bunnies.  Now, what were we doing?  Oh, right.  Any chance we can do this some other time?”

  8. 8
    beggar1015 says:

    I know that fashions change over time. I know what may look atrocious in one century was considered cool in another. But the hero on the second cover is wearing those puffy little short pants over baby blue tights and that just kills it for me.

    Also, am I the only one wondering how they’re able to sit on such a steep incline without sliding down?

  9. 9
    ev says:

    am I the only one wondering how they’re able to sit on such a steep incline without sliding down?

    I fugure his ass is caught on the Thorn Rose.

  10. 10
    ev says:

    is that a feather in your leathers or are you late for the Cheap Trick Concert?  Nice roach clip, duude.

    Must not drink whilst reading. You would think I would have learned by now.

    spamword- come61. No one on those covers has.

  11. 11
    joanne says:

    First thing I noticed on the second one was him watching her feel herself up.  The way his hand is kinda hovering, it looks like he can’t decide whether or not to join in.  Maybe he can’t reach because his arms are pinned from the pulled-down shirt.

  12. 12
    Liz says:

    dude, rape is a big turn off.  No means No!

  13. 13
    rebyj says:

    ev

    I fugure his ass is caught on the Thorn Rose.

    Best laugh O’the day!!! hahahaha

  14. 14
    Tammy says:

    are you late for the Cheap Trick Concert?

    I want you to want me/
    I need you to need me/
    I’d love you to love me/
    I’m beggin’ you to beg me

  15. 15
    Noelle says:

    Hey I think I went to high school with the last guy.  He gave himself the nickname “Wildfire” and tried to get it to catch on.
    It did, but not in the way he wanted.

  16. 16
    Chrissy says:

    You know, Thorny Rose girl, if you look at the actual ratio, is gigantic.

    She’s got some big hamhands on her, too.

    I’m getting a Drag Race with RuPaul flash.

    Sashay, Chante!!

  17. 17
    SonomaLass says:

    That there is definitely the biggest pecker I’ve seen on the cover of a romance novel.

      {snort, choke, gasp, wheeze}

    The third one (“neither of us is really interested”) reminds me of the scene in one of the Sookie Stackhouse books where she poses for a romance cover with a gay elf (IIRC).  Good laughs.

  18. 18

    biggest pecker ever!  LOL

  19. 19
    Booktender says:

    …ummm…is that the word PIN floating out of our thorny-rosed hero’s ass?

  20. 20

    Holy crap, look at the woman in that last one.  “Did I leave the iron on?  I think I left the iron on…”

  21. 21
    Sobocin says:

    I-I don’t know why, but that last one reminds me of the Twilight movie posters. I think it’s the absolutely listless and bored look on the heroine’s face.

  22. 22
    amy lane says:

    I am at a complete loss for words…. but mullets are dead for a reason and it’s really cruel for these *sniff* evil romance covers *sniff* to keep resurrecting them from the dead!  *sob* *wail* *blubber*

    Jesus, people, have you no compassion?  Let the mullet diiiiiiiiiieeeeee……

  23. 23
    snarkhunter says:

    Ah, Sweet Sorcery. The tragic tale of the first ever conjoined fraternal twins. A stirring tale of incest between a couple who share DNA and but a single pair of legs. Their desire for each other is only overshadowed by his desire to have two arms.

  24. 24

    Boy did I need this laugh.  Thanks ladies for making my day.

  25. 25
    Shelley says:

    she poses for a romance cover with a gay elf

    I’m pretty sure he’s looking over her shoulder longingly at the gay elf.

  26. 26
    Shelley says:

    Hey the chick in the 2nd cover is obviously one of the “Orange County Housewives” (the blonde one) and mullet-man is wondering if her boobs are real.  Duh!!  Or maybe he’s pissed because she wore the same color.  That is soooooo not right….

  27. 27
    Ashley says:

    Candy’s back! Candy, where have you been? letting Sarah write all of the posts tsk tsk. just kidding Sarah.  But really, did I miss something? why was Candy absent for a while?

  28. 28
    Anony Miss says:

    I scrolled down… and only three?? ONLY THREE?? I want more cover snark, oh yes I do! That was how I got into this site in the first place!!!

    “Do it to me one more time, once is never enough with a snark like you….”

  29. 29

    Methinks the Sweet Sorceress really is just trying to pass some gas.

    Oh, honey. That wasn’t me. It was the giant butterfly.

  30. 30
    Theresa Meyers says:

    *snort* okay Chrissy roach clip comment about the feather made me laugh. Tammy’s posting of the Cheap Trick song made me cry. *I’m laughing too hard*.  I think I may have woke up the children…

    Cover snark rulz.

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