No, I’m not actually giving away a corpse flower, though I’ve got four cats and an elderly dog, not to mention two boys under 4, so I’ve got no shortage of stanky options, should you desire odoriferous prizes.
But this here is not at ALL a stinky giveaway. Lauren Willig’s new book, The Temptation of the Night Jasmine debuted at #19 on the New York Times Bestseller list this week, and she and her publisher have offered a rather spiffy prize to celebrate.
Four lucky readers will win a hardcover copy of The Temptation of the Night Jasmine. One lucky winner will win the grand prize: a complete set of all five books in the Pink Carnation series.
All you have to do is come up with the #1 Most Rejected Title for Willig’s next book. The first book was titled The Secret History of the Pink Carnation. The second: The Masque of the Black Tulip. The naming scheme continues for the rest of the series.
Rejected titles should follow the format, and be as hilariously bad as possible. My suggestions: “Suspicion of the Swamp Blossom” or “Defection of the Coffin Flower.” “Gravitas of the Poison Sumac.” Or, if Willig makes the jump to historical erotica, “The Lotus Blossom’s Lotus Blossom.”
Comments are live for 24 hours – so ready, set, and grab your corpse blossom. Winners will be announced Friday 6 February.
The Willing Restraint of the Ramping Fumitory
The I-Can’t-Believe-He-Never-Called Sheer Nerve of the Bastard Toadflax
The Suggestive Stroking of the Lady-of-The-Night
The Kids-Are-At-My-Mother’s Glee of the Go-To-Bed-At-Noon
The Unexpected Appearance of the Pinus Ponderosa
The Wonderous Waft of the Cheese Bush
Oh, I never do these things but I couldn’t resist!
The Web of the Spider Plant
The Lure of Venus’ Flytrap
or
The Waxen Indian Pipe (this one takes place in the Colonies)
The androgyny of the ananas nanas
The anonymity of the ananas comosus.
The Discovery of the Stink Rose
The Deflowering of the Red Orchid
The Cynicism of the Jaundiced Taraxacum, says I
Okay, one more and I’m done. Ready?
The Tiptoeing of the Tulips
*boo* *hiss*
The Disappointment of the Wormwood.
The Seduction of Betty Prior
(Betty Prior is a pink rose from the 1030’s)
Secretion of the Passion Flower
(Passiflora coccinea and yes they really do.)
Security word “Method69” Lol
The Secret of the Stinkhorn Fungus
As a bonus, the scientific name of the Stinkhorn Fungus is Phallus Impudicus.
The Deflowering of the Tulipe Vierge.
The Spanking of the Amorphophallus Titanium
(real flower name that’s Latin for shapeless-penis huge) teehee!
The Lashing of the Devil’s Tongue
(another name for the lovely Amorphophallus Titanium)
The Prick of the Thistle
The Blowing of the Trumpet Flower
The Shackling of the Red Cockscomb
The Perplexity of the Apoplectic Peony
The Rumo(u)r of the Rancid Rosebud
The Traffic Ticket of the Terrific Tigerlily
The Irritation of the Imaginative Ivy
The Reproduction of the Redoubtable Rhododendron
The Halitosis of the Hanging Hydrangea
The Necrophilia of the Nervous Narcissus
OK, thought of some more:
The Ganglia of the Gleeful Gladiolus
The Deception of the Dastardly Daffodil (or Dandelion)
The Vengeance of the Vexing Violet
The License of the Lying Lilac
(I’m having office hours and I’m bored, can you tell?)
These are so great! How will Ms. Willig possibly choose between traffic tickest & halitosis, androgyny & tiptoeing, etc. etc. etc.
In the face of so much creativity and with zero floral knowledge I can safely give up all hope and just be silly. I would dearly love to read a story entitled:
The Secret Pink History of the Black Masque which deceived the Emerald into Crimson Seduction by means of Nocturnal Temptation of a Generic Blade of Grass
Ya’ll are killing me. I’m not playing, but man am I amused. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!
OK, just a few more:
The Passing of the Passiflora
The Serious Moonlight of the Night-Blooming Cereus
The Defrocking of Jack-In-The-Pulpit
The Adoration of the Almighty Aloe
The Wonderfulness of Wormwood
The Perfection of the Prickly Cactus
The Schadenfreude of the Narcissus
The Eruption of the Poison Sumac
The Lesion of the Leprous Lily
The Paradox of the Pussy-Willow
I love Lauren’s books and have been a fan since the Secret History of the Pink Carnation came out. 🙂 Yay! February is shaping up to be a great month for reading.
Catching Up with the Mustard Seed
The Relishing of the Yellow Mustard
Oh this is the sort of game I can get into! I love the other suggestions above!
The Corpulence of the Tuberrose
The Temulence of the Oregon Grape
The Turpitude of the Woody Nightshade
The Rashness of the Poison Oak
The Lure of the Stink Weed
BTW, love Willig’s series. I’m so happy to know she’s got a new one out.
The Depantsing of the African Moon
The Cramps of the Bleeding Heartwine aka Where the F is my Vicodin?
You Chrysanthemum, You Brought Him
The Torrent of the Golden Shower
The Wood of the Morning Glory
You know, I’m not sure stinkweed blossoms, so how about this:
The Paradox of the Pansy
Okay, last one:
The Infiltration of the Impatiens
The hanging of the witch hazel
The ringing of coral bells
The lighting of the torch lily
The mystery of the maltese cross
The dawn of Ozark sundrops
And YES these are all actual flowering plants.
The illegitimate tendencies of the Bastard Toadflax
“The Conundrum of the Cock-Like Crocus”
“The Vexation of the Vaginal Violet.”
The Vexing of the Virgin Violet
The Conundrum of the Concupiscent Calla-Lillies.”
Okay, here are my lame attempts…
Gingerly Following the Dastardly Deeds of the Wild Ginger.
The Capture(Rapture) of the Wandering Blue Lobelia.
The Crenelation of the Purple Coneflower.
The Tempering of the Fiery Firethorn.
The Entanglement of the Blue Monkey Flower.
The Plucking of the Twined Barberry.
Scaling the Ramparts of the Guarded Barrenwort.
The Itching of the Poison Ivy
The Penetration of the Purple Plumaria
The Titillating Tale of the Tenacious Tea Olive
The Stupendous Stamina of the Shepherd’s Scabious Stamen.
(There apparently really is a flower called the Shepherd’s Scabious (Jasione laevis)… go figure!
The Deflowering of the Passionate Peony
The Lingering Desire of Honeysuckle
The Secret Seduction of the Scarlet Pimpernel
The Romancing of the Dewy Rosebud
The Self-pollination of the Ghost Orchid
The Climax of the Jewel Orchid
Love orchids…!
And since nobody has said it, I guess I’ll have to:
In ur Aster, savin ur life!
The Haunting of the Deadly Nightshade
The Pulchritudinous Pleasure of the Phaelenopsis
The Swooning of the Sea Pink
The Hot-Fleshed Fancies of the Calla Lily
ooh, this is fun!
The cat’s paw of the kangaroo paw
The sniggering of the snakeweed
The posterior placement of the pineapple
The virile vengeance of the vinca vine
Betrayal of the Bastard Toadflax
Intertwining of the Hairy Beardtongue and Broad Dock
Sting of the Viper’s Bugloss
The Seizing of the Bindweed
How about “The Defiant Gesture of the Devilish Daffodil” or “The Dastardly Affair of the Artful Amaryllis” or “The Perfection of the Perfunctory Poinsettia” or “The Case of the Deceptive Dogwood.” Not sure if that last one is a tree or a flower (not to mention how it sounds like the title of a Nancy Drew book), but then again that could make it all the more fun for spies. I could go on but these are getting quite bad.
Seducing the Snap Dragon
The Beating of my Bleeding Heart
Deception and My Love-Lies-Bleeding