Links of Utter Awesome

First, thank to N. and Brandyllyn for sending me the second best line to ever appear on the internet, right after “I’m in ur ass, savin ur life.” Chris’s Invincible Super-Blog reads an episode of Tarot and the best thing to ever happen to my day occurs at the bottom.

Enjoy. Seriously. Not work safe, but fuck that, it’s Sunday.

And suppose you need a getaway for the holiday weekend (if you’re in the US and in a state that grants Monday off), consider the FantaSuites hotel chain, located in Wisconsin, Indiana, and, my favorite, Bumsville, Minnesota. (Bums? Oh, yah, you betcha!)

You could can sleep in a carriage, in a bed posed to look like it’s in a tree, a 10-sided spaceship bed, or in a makeshift igloo. I can only hope the guy in the sweater is part of the deal because that sweater looks pretty warm and I’d like to borrow it.

I have to say, one of my favorite Yiddish words is ongepotchket, and really, to define it, just close your eyes and pick one of those suites. Wowser.

They need a Tarot suite is all I’m saying.

[Thanks to Elise for the link.]

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  1. 1

    You Have To Get Out Of Here.

    YOUR VAGINA

    IS HAUNTED.

    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Best line ever :)

  2. 2

    Damn – why does this blog not have an edit function for the comments???  Sorry for the spoiler – all I can say is I had wine with lunch :)

    Spam word: children54 – no children were with me when the wine was consumed….

  3. 3
    S. W. Vaughn says:

    Okay – that was awesome. :-)

    The Skeleton Man is my new second-favorite awesomely bad super hero (because no one can replace Captain Hammer for that position).

    Thanks for the belly laugh. I needed that.

  4. 4

    What exactly is a 10 sided bed anyway????

  5. 5
    Midknyt says:

    What exactly is a 10 sided bed anyway????

    The ultimate D&D;or White Wolf gamer fantasy?

    I don’t know which was better…the famous line or the sound effect later on.

    Seriously though, can you imagine getting a phone call like that?  What on earth would make you think in said situation, you know what, self, the best way to warn this person is to tell them the truth.  Honesty is not always the best policy people.

  6. 6
    Eva Lynn says:

    I’d already seen the Tarot review, so while I find it, uh, haunting, it’s the hotel (chain!!!) that’s really boggling me right now.

    Wow.  Just… wow.  Those are just about the tackiest hotel rooms I have ever seen.  And I can’t help wondering how they look now, if the place still thinks they’re best advertised with 20 year old photos…  And goodness, AM/FM stereo?  VCR?  Amazing!

    There is a part of me that thinks they’re so bad they’re awesome.  But it doesn’t quite outvote the part that doesn’t want to touch anything in those rooms…

    ETA: I wish I knew why my gravatar doesn’t ever show up here.

  7. 7
    beggar1015 says:

    After reading the Tarot quote all I can say is Thank God my coffee was nowhere near my mouth at the time. I can’t help but wonder how I would have reacted to have this half-skeleton stranger catapult himself through my window and make this declaration in all seriousness.

  8. 8

    So *that’s* what all that moaning was…

  9. 9

    What a great review.  You’re right, that line’s gotta enter the SB vocabulary.

  10. 10
    Lorelie says:

    Sweet baby jebus.

    *wonders about getting t-shirts made*

  11. 11
    hha says:

    It is BURNsville, not Bumsville.

  12. 12
    Elise says:

    I have to say, I had the opportunity to take the “tour” of the Greenwood Fantasuites this weekend with a group of friends… and it was everything I had hoped and feared and more.  We were all wondering which room was the covert BDSM room, because of course there had to be one.  It was the “Medieval Room,” painted to look like a prison cell, with a four poster bed, discreet manacles on the walls, and some silk ropes tastefully hidden behind the headboard.  Classy.
    The smudgy fingerprints on the mirror above the bed in the “Desert Sheik” room were pretty sexy too.

  13. 13
    Lori says:

    Best line ever.  The only problem is that as some point I’m bound to toss it into conversation when I really shouldn’t.

    As for the hotel chain, the mind reels.  As Eva Lynn pointed out, there’s something worrying about a business that advertises with 20 year old photos.  Asndwhile I’m all in favor of folks getting away for a bit of fun I’m afraid I’d spend every minute there worrying about the quality of the housekeeping service.  That’s not sexy.

  14. 14
    Missy Ann says:

    I’m going back to bed now. Nothing can possibly top this; at least today.

  15. 15
    Lori says:

    Elise, I am totally jealous that you got to take the tour.

    However, this

    The smudgy fingerprints on the mirror above the bed in the “Desert Sheik” room were pretty sexy too.

    is freaking me out because it indicates that the cleaning service at this little love motel is no better than at an ordinary one.  And housekeeping in hotels is notoriously bad.  I’m not germ phobic but that’s just gross and I’d never be able to relax.

  16. 16
    Polly says:

    Yeah, I’d be thinking about the housekeeping the whole time too.

    Also, anyone notice that only two of the 23 theme rooms are nonsmoking? I’m not sure what that means—do people interested in fantasy getaways smoke more than others? Does taking a fantasy getaway make you need a cigarette more?

  17. 17
    Carrie Lofty says:

    Frankie Boyle, Scottish king of dark comedy, had a very similar line in this past summer’s season of Mock the Week (show of unbelievable greatness).

  18. 18

    *laughs helplessly at the money line*

    And also, this is the second most beautiful line in the entire post: “Sadly, the brief transcendence to nirvana doesn’t hold, and a couple of pages later, it all comes crashing down with a thunderous noise not unlike the death of all joy.”

    Well done, Chris. ^_^

  19. 19
    snarkhunter says:

    Awesome, amazing, FANTASTIC review. I must resist the temptation to make “your vagina is haunted” my sig line on my professional e-mail. No, I mean that. It’s really tempting. (It’s all about heteronormativity! < —-The sad thing is, people would buy that.)

    However, can I just say that that comic is apparently drawn by someone who REALLY hates women? Good GOD. And people buy it? Can you imagine a comic where a guy’s penis is cut off being good sell? (Oh, silly me. Girls don’t read comics. So no one cares about cutting out vaginas. *eyeroll*)

  20. 20
    JoanneL says:

    What to whisper to a pregnant woman in the Ob-Gyn waiting room? ………
    “Your vagina is haunted”

  21. 21
    gail says:

    Next dirty job for Mike Rowe?  Vaginal Exorcist!

  22. 22
    Charlene says:

    I can’t even stop laughing for long enough to think of what to write here. Oh God!

  23. 23
    Bonnie L. says:

    Is this where I sheepishly admit that my husband and I spent our first night as a married couple in the 50’s suite of the Fantasy Inn in Reno, Nevada? (No, we didn’t have a quickie Reno hitchin’, it is our home town)  It was actually rather fun because the bed was in the cab of a ‘57 Chevy convertible and the room was decorated to appear like you were parked out on lover’s lane.  The biggest plus was the tiled shower and hot tub that took up one whole end of the room. We were having so much fun that we didn’t think about the corniness or the cleanliness of the room. (IIRC, it was a pretty clean place)

  24. 24
    Lori says:

    Bonnie L. I actually think that’s cool.  I love fun/tacky.  I would totally go to one of those places in the Poconos with the champagne glass hot tub.  As long as the place is clean I think it’s fab.  I think I’ve just seen one too many of those special reports on hotel cleanliness or lack thereof.

  25. 25
    Claire says:

    ongepotchket!  best word ever!

    My boyfriends intensely Jewish father explained this word to me over thanksgiving.  So worth hearing from someone with that Brooklyn accent…

  26. 26
    ev says:

    And I can’t help wondering how they look now, if the place still thinks they’re best advertised with 20 year old photos… And goodness, AM/FM stereo?  VCR?  Amazing!

    Along with colored television sets!! Besides being very tacky that was the think that lept out at me.

    As for the comic, I will have to check it out when I hit my comic book store here to pick up my latest pile of goodies. I can’t wait to see it in, um, living color, so to speak.

  27. 27
    Leah says:

    My husband and I actually stayed in the Greenwood (Indpls) Fantasuites in November, 2002.  It was our first overnight away from our daughter (9 mos at the time).  We lived in Evansville, abt 4-5 hrs away, and Grandma was supposed to keep her while we went to a Springsteen concert.  The concert was postponed, since Clarence Clemmons had a detached retina, but we went to Don Pablo’s and enjoyed the hotel anyway.  As I remember, the hallways were really icky, but our room was fine.  It was the “Roman Room,”  with lots of faux marble.  The carpet was old,  but that was abt it.  My other favorite in Indy is “Sybaris.”  It has these little houses with huge beds (fake starlight above), and a pool (with lights and rainfall-thingy) in your room.  If you shell out, you can get the chalet, in which the pool has a slide.  You can buy all sorts of love aids in the office, and you can rent a “room” for an afternoon.  It’s a little tacky, a little pricey, but fun.

    response63….yeah, my mom isn’t getting any younger. I’d better line her up for some night this spring!

  28. 28
    Becky says:

    So, I know I read a romance where the 2 characters stayed in the Wild West Suite.  It may have been a Harlequin from the mid-90s?  It was part of their American line- I was want to say a presents.  I know that there was a motorcycle involved.

  29. 29
    Tae says:

    I’m glad someone else piped in about Burnsville, MN.  I’ve been to Burnsville, it’s not that interesting.

  30. 30
    Vicki says:

    It gets better. I read the comments and followed a link to the Haunted Vagina book site:

    http://tinyurl.com/8tafse

    I continue to be mostly speechless, except, of course, for the noise from my haunted vagina.

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