Introducing Our Smart Bitch in Training: DocTurtle

After reading two romances, one historical and one category, DocTurtle, it seems, has fallen and fallen hard… for you guys. He had such a great time reading and blog-reviewing Sex Straight Up and An Infamous Army that he asked for more romances to read and review for the awesomeness that is the Bitchery audience. As he wrote to me:

I can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had reading these books and writing these reviews, and how much I will be delighted to continue my association with your blog in whatever way you’d like me to…. I’ll leave it to you and your readers to decide just what it is you’d like from me in the future.  There seemed to be support for continuing a similar style of multi-part review….  In any case, I have to admit that I’m (gasp!) excited about reading more.

I’m sure you’re aware that I’ve learned a lot about your and your readers’ passion…and I’ve learned to measure my words more carefully, after my oversimplistic snarking that caused this whole wonderful kerfuffle in the first place! Until I hear from you again, please know that I await your orders and am at your service.

Since there is little doubt that DocTurtle is a man of much brainly brainness, so the “Smart” half is not in question. But why not see if we can make him into a well-read connoisseur of romance, a Smart Bitch in Training, as it were. So behold, and welcome DocTurtle – or, as he would prefer to be known: Patrick. And what better way to introduce him to y’all than to interview Patrick with Smart Bitch style nosy ass questions.

 

PatrickWhy math? What’s your specialty – what’s your PhD in?

Patrick:Unlike the majority of my students (who often come to college with no particular field of study in mind, stumble upon math when they do well in Calculus, and think “what the hell, why not?”) I’ve wanted to go into math or some related field for as long as I can remember.  (At one point I thought being the team statistician for the Atlanta Braves would have been the coolest career to which one could possible aspire.)  I can’t really say “why” since I never made a conscious decision to go into math.  I guess the closest thing I can offer to a “why” is that I like patterns and pattern-matching, and at the end of the day math is really not much more than the search for order and patterns.

My Ph.D. is just in “Mathematics.”  Nothin’ fancy there.  I have two specialties within that sprawling field of study: combinatorial and geometric group theory, and graph theory.  The second is easier to describe: it’s essentially the study of the structure and properties of networks made up of “nodes” and “edges” connecting them (think of a computer network, for example).  Meanwhile group theory is in a sense a generalization of the rules and structures of algebra that one would do in high school: how does one “add” and “multiply” and “divide” in a more general setting?  The kind of group theory I do most often arises in particle physics and theoretical computer science.

How much of a problem is Isomorphism within Coexeter Groups? Are they exclusive and snobby, or are they profligate slut integers who love ‘em and leave ‘em without thought to reputation?

Book CoverPatrick: Thanks to widespread attention from the international community and significant funding from various philanthropic agencies, we’re happy to say that isomorphism is no longer a problem for most of the world’s Coxeter groups.  The vast majority of Coxeter groups are now free to live an isomorphism-free life, growing to ripe old age and raising many healthy grouplets who will never know the horrors of isomorphism.

My 2005 book chronicles the plight of those sad creatures who are afflicted with isomorphism.  I’ll thank SB Sarah never again to mock those poor souls, and I’m sure she’ll be decent enough to oblige.

How did you meet Maughta? And how the CRAP do you pronounce that? Why did you get married in Lynchburg? Isn’t that a dry county?!

Parick: “Maughta” (my wife, of Judge a Book by its Cover fame) is pronounced “MAW-ta.”  There’s a long story behind the word “maughta”; suffice it to say that it’s a made-up word meaning “lizard.”  It’s the basis of about half of our inside jokes and most of our terms of endearment for each other.

As we love, titilliatingly, to tell the story, Maughta and I met when she was introduced to me as the childhood best friend of my then-girlfriend, soon-to-be-fiancee.  (Gasping horror!)

We were in fact introduced by my GF at the time, but no relationship-wrecking ensued: we didn’t really MEET meet for a couple more years, by which time the old relationship was long gone.  I was in my first year of my masters study and Maughta was in her junior year of college, both at the University of Denver.  (She grew up in Denver, I grew up in Montana and moved to Denver for college.)

We moved away to go to grad school together at Vanderbilt in Nashville, Tennessee, me in math and Maughta in the history of religion.  Nashville was an awesome place to live during grad school: it’s a beautiful city with lots of stuff to do and, of course, a stellar music scene.  We got married by a judge in the presence of a couple dozen of our friends at Sunset Grille, a restaurant in an “historic” shopping/dining district called Hillsboro Village, just south of Vanderbilt’s campus.  (The Village is filled mostly with Ye Olde Touriste Trappes, but there’s some goooood eats there, too.)

SB Sarah’s reference is to a photo posted on my website and taken the day before the wedding.  We’d taken a trip down to Lynchburg (which is indeed located in a dry county) to show Maughta’s parents the Jack Daniels Distillery.  If you ever have a chance to go, definitely do: it’s a fun free tour run by the locals, and the countryside around the distillery is gorgeous.  It’s a great way to spend a half-day.

Besides reading Heyer, what else do you like to do? Crush integers? Calculate pi? Eat pie?

Patrick: Mmmmmmm…pie…

I love (in no particular order) running, reading, writing, and vegetarian cooking.  Most of my free time is spent on one of those activities, with or without Maughta.

Oh, and bowling.  I just got back into that a year or so ago, and I’ve got a nice team put together with me and three English professors from another nearby university.  We kick ASS.

I think you already introduced your readers to some of my reading tastes at the outset of The Challenge, but I might say that my tastes tend towards realism.  I prefer non-fiction to fiction, generally, and shy away from most speculative fiction, but I’m open to anything.  I love 19th and 20th century British literature, early Soviet literature, and Jewish- and Jewish-American literature (especially I.B. Singer and Chaim Potok).

What have you learned about the romance genre? What do you enjoy about it? What would you change? Obviously you’ve had a limited experience reading it, but first impressions definitely count.

Patrick: Wow.  I think the answer to that first question might paradoxically be “not much” and “shitloads,” all at once.

“Not much”: I’ve not yet read enough to suss out many of the genre’s conventions, standards, cliches, and expectations.  Maybe this is a good thing, since I’m therefore likely to read each of the next many books without any expectations in advance.

“Shitloads”: well, I’ve learned that it’s not a monolith.  While I knew before that there were many different sub-genres, I’m sure that I wasn’t aware of just what allowed one to distinguish between examples from those various sub-genres.  Of course, I’m still not aware of many of those distinctions (see “Not much”), but from reading the books I have read and from keeping regular tabs on SBTB’s posters and commenters I feel as though I’ve got a better sense of the many facets of romantic fiction.

I think it’s too early for me to be able to say what I enjoy about reading it…except to say that, as is the case in reading any genre, I’m sure I’ll find different things to enjoy about different authors’ works.  Let’s take the only two examples I can at this point:

I enjoyed O’Reilly’s ability to keep the pages turning, which stemmed in part from her ability to condense a tight plot and a believable romance (even if I wanted to smack the two protagonists upside the head several times) into a short short format.  Even though I mocked it at the time, I enjoyed her sometimes silly choice of words (“man-man” and “hoo-haw busting sex” first come to mind): she kept it fun.

I enjoyed Heyer’s gentility and concise choice of words.  As I said above, I’m a big fan of 19th/20th century British literature in general, and sly sardonic satire in particular, and Heyer’s best chapters had the latter in abundance.  I also enjoyed the richness of her language, and her attention to detail.

“What would I change?”  I really have no idea what to say to that.  It’s certainly not fair of me to change anything that would obscure or pervert a particular author’s intentions, so I don’t think I’d change a thing about the books I’ve so far read…if I were to interpret the question along the lines of “How would you write your own romance novel?” I might have more to say.  For instance, my own retelling of the Battle of Waterloo would have less blood and guts.  And I would have focused more on the inner workings of the relationship between Lucy Devenish and George Alastair, and maybe even between the Worths and the Fishers as more well-established couples: just because a romance is longstanding and stable, that doesn’t mean that it’s free of interest and intrigue worthy of chronicling.

Okay, so I guess I would change something about Heyer!

A final note: My thanks go out to SB Sarah for giving me this chance to introduce myself to the SBTB community more fully!  Thank you all for all of your support; I look forward to reading and learning with you all in the coming days!

Another cool thing about Patrick? Four words: teaching math through poetry.

Patrick: [At a recent conference] I was giving a talk on math poetry: I’ve invented new mathematical means for creating poetry. Here’s a sample; it’s got pretty deep mathematical structure, and though it’s not obvious on the face of it, the theme of the poem is deeply related to its construction as well:

Six

Are we so free that we must build
tight cages out of self-wrought bars?,
that, every barrier of old o’erperched,
bold walls we must before us raise
to repress our over-anxious powers?

Dreary now is Spenser’s sonnetry,
and empty are Keats’s odes:
a drove of words must measure more
than the essence it encodes.

So vowing, to this priesthood
I, in metered ciphered characters,
make an offer of my novice oath,
though a cheap and clumsy canticle,
in a passionately davened prayer.

You can read more about this poem and how I use poetry to teach lower-level math classes at my blog, plus more examples in the poetry section.


So what is SBiT Patrick reading next? Chase. Loretta Chase. To quote his email to me: “The Lord has arrived!” Stay tuned for more from SBiT Patrick in the coming weeks.

Comments are Closed

  1. Sandy Beck says:

    WooHoo! I just read Lord of Scoundrels myself (thanks to this blog) and adored it. I can’t wait to see DocTurtle’s take on it!

  2. Bhetti B says:

    I’m so unable-to-finish-sentences excited!

    It’ll be like Numb3rs! But with romance! (and snark!)

    And hopefully not a lot of exclamation marks!

  3. AQ says:

    Okay, this is totally tasteless but well to play off of DocTurtle

    Count MedicoFukslow

  4. Kismet says:

    Whoops, I thought it was Lynchburg, VA that was being talked about… that’s what I get for typing before my morning coffee ;).

  5. Glynis says:

    Yay! for Patrick.

    Am quite looking forward to his take on Loretta Chase.

    In re: poetry and math; it works!

    A few years ago I was back in college after a 17-year hiatus. Basic algebra, while always difficult for me, was kicking my ass for the third time in a row. Luckily, I was taking a poetry-writing class that focused on the traditional forms of poetry. Sonnets (Shakespearian, Spencerian, and Petrarchan), sestinas, pantoums, etc. filled my thoughts as I wrestled with writing in iambic pentameter and the other forms. All of the sudden, while going over some math problems, I was able to relate the Xs and Ys to blank spaces that needed to be filled—just like when I wrote poetry.

    Hot damn! and a 3.5 in the class. Huzzah!

    Yeah, poetry and math. It totally works.

    Suggested title: His Grace, Duke Demihypercubic of Honeycomb

    *grin*

  6. Wryhag says:

    Well.  Patrick likes bowling.  And he hangs with English professors. And he teaches via poetry (I once took a course called “Physics for Poets”). 

    Now, if he also drinks beer and has a man-crush on Michio Kaku, I’m sold.

  7. Yay!  Welcome, Doc Tuttle!

    And *ahem*  if you were ever inclined to snark/review a Shiloh Walker book, I’d be delighted to send ya one!

  8. joanne says:

    For the Count of Bitchery:


  9. Suze says:

    Count Hirri-Pi!  BWAHAHAHA!

    My god, I’m amusing myself today.  (Hirri is a Finnish word that seems to mean bait or border.  No borders on Pi)

    It must be because my funnybone has finally melted.  It’s been between -20 and -35 C since the beginning of December, and today it’s PLUS 1!!!!!

    NE Ohio?  Cold!  Although, this morning it was 4degrees F and so far the high has made it to an astounding 20degrees F.

    Feel the glee of the northerner!  Ha!  Take that, you southerners.  And, you know, the entirety of Canada east of Alberta!

  10. Barb Ferrer says:

    NE Ohio?  Cold!  Although, this morning it was 4degrees F and so far the high has made it to an astounding 20degrees F.  I did not move to the latitudinal equivalent of the Sahara desert to freeze my tush off here, grumble.

    I’m in Florida now.  Jacksonville, to be specific.  We’re going to have a low of 26F tonight.  Which, when I lived in Hudson, would’ve been fairly laughable, but in NE Florida is cause for great alarm.  It amuses me, actually.

    And I’ll tell you this, cold in Florida feels colder than the same cold ever did in Ohio.

    Which probably makes no sense, but I’m dying of hunger waiting for the double pepperoni pizza with extra cheese to arrive.

  11. EJ McKenna says:

    How awesome is this? It’s all kinds of awesome.
    Welcome Doc Turtle/Patrick.

  12. Marla says:

    What a great interview! I’ve really enjoyed Patrick’s reviews and I’ve been chortling the whole time, KNOWING he would get hooked! I feel like a vicarious crack dealer.

    I’m a traditionalist with romances, but I do like the odd ones. I’m thinking Moonraker’s Bride (Madeleine Brent): an English girl brought up as Chinese in Victorian era, with all kinds of cool shit like secret marriages, underground passages, cryptic rhymes leading to treasure… and some fabulously hilarious lines like “I’m sure China and Japan are much of a muchness!” Or – this is sort of contemporary – what about Scruples? I think it qualifies as a romance, and it is simply the best trashy novel I’ve ever read.

    Whatever you pick, I’m looking forward to more blog reviews.

  13. Kathy says:

    I LOVE DOC TURTLE!!!!!!  Of course, I’ve had a glass of wine and now in my mind seems like a rock star.  WOOO HOOOO!!!

  14. Bev Stephans says:

    Count of Monte Pi-thon!

  15. Diane/Anonym2857 says:

    Woo hoo! 

    As I drove past DU this afternoon on my way home from work, I thought of you and your wife.  :o)

    I am going to pull out my copy of LofS and read it in anticipation of the critique. It’s been in the TBR pile for much too long anyway.

    I confess, math has never been my friend. My head tends to explode at anything past long division. I was one of those kids who used to grumble that there was no purpose for algebra in real life, and one of the primary influences that led me towards my business degree was a desire to avoid advanced math classes (back then algebra was all that was required). Imagine my amazement and amusement these days, when while doing some sort of research analysis at work,  all of the sudden it dawns on me that OMG—THIS is algebra! LOL Also, quilting is a primal thrill for me and lo and behold algebra has now become an extremely useful tool, with true value and purpose.

    And may I just say, God bless Fibonacci!  Those quilts wouldn’t be anywhere near as spectacular were it not for the Golden Ratio. 

    Anyway, welcome, and I’m looking forward to the reviews.

    Diane ;o)
    aka Viscountess Thrusston

    PS to Marla… Madelaine Brent might be an intriquing choice, considering she is actually a he.  MB is a pseudonym for Peter O’Donnell.

  16. Lynda X says:

    I think the book after Chase’s should be Carla Kelly’s “Beau Crusoe” or “Marrying the Captain.”  Both are fabulous!

  17. Darien Gould says:

    I posted a note to Patrick’s website about a “Love and Tensor Algebra” poem by Stanislaw Lem (from his Cyberiad novel). Though the technical terminology adds to the humor for us geeks, I thought some of the readers here may enjoy it as well. Here’s one of the stanza’s:
    “I’ll grant thee random access to my heart,
    Thou’lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
    And so we two shall all love’s lemmas prove,
    And in our bound partition never part.”

    If you want to see the whole thing, the magic of the internet provides at:
    http://people.ee.duke.edu/~wrankin/misc/tensor.html

  18. Kaetrin says:

    Welcome Doc Turtle aka Patrick!  So looking forward to your review of Lord of Scoundrels.  What a great book!

    *doing a happy dance*

    Thanks also to Sarah and Candy for opening up the Bitchery to the Doc.

  19. West says:

    @ Aunt Lynn- Yes! Josh Lanyon rocks my world (give his non-Adrien English a try as well, if you haven’t already). I totally agree with you.

    And welcome Patrick. We will think of a SB name for you. Well, they will, ‘cause I’m new here and don’t feel qualified (and if I don’t feel qualified after three margaritas, I’m just not going to).

  20. Efy says:

    Really liking the nicknames with maths bent:
    Square root of SB.  Too derivative..?
    Prime # SB (prime number – single male reviewer)

    I love Darlene’s –  Le Comte de Fibonacci-Zeequense.

    Welcome To the bitchery, Patrick.

  21. Tina C. says:

    Welcome, Patrick!  I discovered Lord of Scoundrels because of this site and enjoyed it enough to pick up Chase’s backlist (I think I’m only missing a couple at this point.)  I’m looking forward to your take on it, too.  (By the way, I really liked the suggestion of “Count of Monte Pi-thon”.  I second.)

  22. Tina C. says:

    Barb Ferrer wrote:

    I’m in Florida now.  Jacksonville, to be specific.  We’re going to have a low of 26F tonight.  Which, when I lived in Hudson, would’ve been fairly laughable, but in NE Florida is cause for great alarm.  It amuses me, actually.

    And I’ll tell you this, cold in Florida feels colder than the same cold ever did in Ohio.

    I have to agree with you on that.  I went to Florida State for grad school and when I lived in Tallahassee,  temps in the 30s weren’t uncommon in the winter and it was always more than cold enough for me to shiver and moan.  Now that I’m back in Kentucky, 30-something is not only not that bad, it would be a welcome relief (-4?  Really?  In Kentucky?  It’s just wrong.).  I believe we’ve hit our high today (it’s 22—a veritable heatwave!) and I’m looking forward to a nice, balmy mid-30s sometime in the next day or two.  Considering I’m cold when the temps dip below 70 and I don’t have my sweater, that’s really saying something.

  23. SusiB says:

    I’m looking forward to the Lord of Scoundrels review! And I support the suggestion for Patrick to read Agnes and the Hitman next…or maybe something else by Jennifer Crusie: Welcome to Temptation and Bet Me are my favorites.

  24. hope101 says:

    Welcome, Patrick! 

    I think we need another round of merchandising suggestions.  I’ll start with a T-shirt for the Love Count, or whatever his title beomces.  The caption:  “I’m earning my Ph.D. in Bitchiness”

    Loved, loved, loved L of S.  It’ll be interesting to see how much snark the good doc can summon.

  25. ASable says:

    Hmm, let me just say that if my math professors in college had looked like Patrick, I might have actually paid attention in class.  Instead, I used to hide my (yes, romance) novels inside the much thicker math tomes and fly away to far away lands where handsome princes, rakes and scoundrels came alive!

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