A Memorial Cover Snark

Jessa Slade forwarded me the following covers from the personal romance collection of the late RubyLee Schneider. Jessa writes:

She was the 81-year-old treasurer of the Rose City Romance Writers RWA chapter. She died this year and her library—these books among them—was distributed to the chapter members. While she might not have entirely approved of some of the language at SB, she did have a great sense of humor and would’ve cheered the spirit of community there. We miss her very much.

Any woman who donates her collection of romance to her RWA chapter is a winner in my world. I asked Jessa for more information about Ms. Schneider, and she told me:

RubyLee wrote historicals and inspirational romances and was an Eppie finalist in 2005. She was a charter member of Rose City Romance Writers and was treasurer at the time she got sick. Near the end, when our chapter president went to see her to pass on the group’s finances, RubyLee told her, rather dryly, “Don’t worry. I’m not taking it with
me.” Even after she had decided not to continue cancer treatments, she was still editing a manuscript. So any time anybody says they’re too old or too tired or too whatever to write, they just need to pull a RubyLee.

Imagine if you will the classic Regency chaperone who raps the forward hero with her fan and yet winks and looks away when the heroine needs to sneak off for her first kiss….  That was RubyLee.

Women like that are few and far between. Our condolences to her family: may her memory be a blessing. And so, to celebrate the life of RubyLee Schneider and her contributions to romance writing, bring on the cover snark on a few novels from Ms. Schneider’s collection that are simply howl-worthy. Thanks to Jessa for the scans, and the info.


Sarah: If your man has jaundice, do you tie a yellow ribbon around his little oak tree to measure his recovery process?

Candy: You know why she’s petting him with that smug look on her face? It’s because she’s suffocating him with cheap bronzer—a cut-rate version of Goldfinger, if you will—and she can’t wait for him to drop dead so she can collect on life insurance.


Sarah: Screw the heart for hire. I want to hire the horse who can fart out Jane Mansfield humping Rhett Butler with a bubble-butt.

Candy: Horse-fart/giantess voyeur/porstache fetishists. Now I’ve seen everything.


Sarah: Him: What do you mean, keep my eyes on you?
Her: Just wait. You’re going to say hello to my little friend. Literally.

Sarah: Let’s take a closer look at that little friend, shall we?


Little Friend: “Hello! Nice to see you this evening. I’m Sir Hidden Poon, the keeper of the prenup. If you think you’re getting any hair pie without signing these documents, you can kiss my peen. See my peen? It’s right HERE.

And if you don’t sign, just remember where I live. I’ve got a hot poker, if you know what I mean.

Candy: A homunculus theory of boners! A recapitulation of the homunculus of spermists? But why so old?

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    rebyj says:

    My condolences to the family of RubyLee Schneider as well.

    YAY more snark!

    The man in the first pic had me laughing out loud. Men in the 80s would mow their yards in brief like shorts like that. Of course in reality when they would take long strides stuff fell out of their shorts. Not pretty to see white man bits flopping around overly bronzed legs LOL. Gawd if only we had camera phones back then!!

  2. 2

    RubyLee seems like my kind of lady.  Condolences to her family and friends.

    Even after she had decided not to continue cancer treatments, she was still editing a manuscript. So any time anybody says they’re too old or too tired or too whatever to write, they just need to pull a RubyLee

    I’m going to think about this the next time I feel like I’m too worn out to mess with the WIP.

  3. 3
    Kathy says:

    The guy with the 70’s stache looks like he wants to throw up on her boobs.  Yew.

  4. 4
    Diane/Anonym2857 says:

    RubyLee sounds like she was a class act. Her family and friends were blessed to have her. 

    I’ve actually read all three of those books, and tho the plots of a couple of them have left my brain, I’d wager that two of the three were worth reading.  And the one with the Little Friend was probably the best.

    I had to howl at your comments, Sarah, because they really aren’t that far off!  LOLOL Sir HP is in fact the keeper of the pre-nup, so to speak.  Two old bored geezers were bemoaning the fact that their children (Grandchildren? Some sort of relation, anyway) had yet to provide them with progeny to spoil, and hadn’t even bothered to marry even tho well past the age of consent because they were too busy enjoying their free-wheeling NYC lifestyles.  In The Old Country (Poland), a matchmaker from the Orthodox church would not only find compatible ‘mates.’ but also negotiate a contract detailing what would be required for the two to agree to marriage.  The geezers talked Sir HP, a retired judge, into negotiating a deal between the kids. And the kids, seriously hacked off that their relations had ‘set them up with strangers,’  agreed to play along, figuring that it would keep the geezers occupied and out of their hair while they haggled over the contract.  Of course, romance ensued.

    The cover seemed odd to me, but I hadn’t given a lot of thought as to why.  I was so caught up in the awkward positioning of the couple and the Ken doll plastic hair, I hadn’t really looked at Sir HP in detail. I’ll never be able to read that book again without snickering. LOL

    Diane :o)

  5. 5

    Everyone in life should be so determined in their passion as to “pull a RubyLee.” That’s just impressive and makes me feel a bit guilty for not being more devoted to my own writing. But that’s what comes of having multiple passions; these last few years editing has dominated my spare time (considering I’m in grad school now, it’s amazing I have spare time at all!).

    Okay, even after reading Diane’s explanation of the plot of In Good Faith, I can’t fathom what cover designer would have thought it would be a good idea to put the old guy on the cover, except maybe for shock factor. I know if I saw that cover in the store I might well think to myself, “WTF? Why’s the old man there? Must read the cover to find out!” Ah, how weird is advertising psychology.

  6. 6
    amy lane says:

    The snark was wonderful—thank you for the laughs…

    And as for Miss Ruby Lee?  What a wonderful legacy to go with those memories.  The best way to honor a woman like that is to plan to be as feisty and real when we hit her age as she was.  (I can only hope:-)

    spamword—and53 And may 53 gorgeous and flirtatious young men be there to escort her to her eternal reward.  (No less than she deserves:-)

  7. 7

    81 years old, and seriously ill, yet still editing? Wow, she must have been one awesomely determined lady. I’m with Shiloh… next time I’m moaning and groaning because I feel too tired to write, I will think about RubyLee.

  8. 8
    Josieanne says:

    In Good Faith… if I recall correctly I can remember reading that one.  The ‘little man’ is the woman’s grandfather and wants her to marry another Jew.  In my closeted little WASP world it was the first time I had ever heard of Jewish people.  (I’m 31 now, so must have been young when it came out).  See romance does teach you something!

  9. 9

    My first thought was that the old guy was Hitchcock :)

    I’ve been traveling for that last month visiting family for the holidays – I’ve missed you guys! So nice to come back to some cover snark.

    Happy New Year!

  10. 10
    Darcy Burke says:

    We miss RubyLee! Thanks for celebrating her life with such awesome cover snark. RubyLee would’ve wanted it that way. And thanks, Jessa for thinking to do this—a great tribute to an amazing person (the Regency lady comparison is just perfect).

  11. 11
    Candy Kane says:

    On the “Silver Noose” snark: It’s spelled “J-A-Y-N-E” Mansfield, and I don’t think she was ever a redhead. I know she was a brunette before she got her hair dyed blond in an attempt to be like Marilyn Monroe (with what would later be Anna Nicole Smith’s body).

    That aside, it’s very sad to hear about RubyLee’s death—and even sadder when you realize that she liked the cover snarks. Wherever she is, I hope she’s happy.

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