The Only thing Missing is Fabio

Burger King has launched a scent to make men smell like broiled meat.

Go ahead, click the spray bottle. It’s hoppingly ejaculatory in its ardor for the burger scented spray. And when you get to the beckoning King, don’t forget to thank me.

(Holy shit does he freak me the hell out).

[Thanks to Michelle for the link.]

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  1. 1

    I may like the special sauce, but I don’t want him to wear it daily, KWIM?

    I think Gwen might enjoy it though:

    PS Perfume makers:  we get it.

  2. 2
    AgTigress says:

    Blimey.  Can’t think of anything else to say.

  3. 3
    Sandra D says:

    Some of them TALK, move the mouse around and click. And there are about 5 different versions of the King of Kreep.

  4. 4

    “She leaned closer, trying to capture his elusive scent.

    Was it musk? No, that couldn’t be it, nor was it tobacco or leather.

    Later, nestled in his strong arms, she realized it was partially frozen beef mixed with encapsulated salt, artificial flavorings, and dextrose.”

  5. 5
    Chris says:

    The Burger King is so flippin’ distrubing that I think I need brain bleach.

  6. 6
    Lisa Hendrix says:

    The BK king characters is disturbing enough fully clothed, but naked?  Eew.  And I wouldn’t walk over to Burt Freakin’ Reynolds if he smelled like meat—much less if he were rubbing the fur that way.

    Someone scrub out the inside of my skull please. This is going to screw up my dreams for weeks.

  7. 7
    Caty M says:

    *blinks*

    Never mind brain bleach – after seeing that, I need a drink.  Or Valium.  Or something.

  8. 8
    Margaret says:

    Holy crap! I mean, a barbeque-scented spray is bad enough, but the ad… every time I close my eyes, now, I’m going to see the King lying on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace, wearing nothing but a towel. Aiiyii!

  9. 9
    Glynis says:

    Tequila, barkeep, and keep it coming!

    Showed the site to my man. His eyes tried to wrench themselves out of his head and jump into a bucket of acetone.

    Argh.

  10. 10
    Leah says:

    There is no way I’m going to try that link now!

    An online discussion group I was part of several yrs ago has a whole OT thread about how much we hated the King and how creepy he was/is.  I do love the commercial where the women try to run him over with the minivan, though.

  11. 11
    AgTigress says:

    I had never seen that Burger King character before, and hope never to again.  At least I am immensely relieved to find that others find him, it, whatever, as repellent and creepy as I do.

  12. 12
    AgTigress says:

    Seriously, what kind of advertising consultants and focus groups are these people using?  Aliens?

  13. 13
    Suze says:

    When I first heard about this, I thought it was a parody.  It totally succeeds as a parody.  As an actual, marketable product?  Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

    So, this is a man’s cologne?  Who are they supposed to be making themselves attractive to?  The hordes of underfed, meat-craving supermodels?  Constantly-hungry Food Network hosts?  Um, anyone at all?

    Forget about taking a shower before you go out, men, nothing says “TAKE me, baby, I’m YOURS!” quite like the smell of fast-food greaseburgers.

    My dad worked in a slaughterhouse when my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother.  Somehow, she didn’t find the meat smell at all appealing.  He had to undress and hose off before she let him in the house every day.

  14. 14
    Julie says:

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell was that? That could cause any rational person to go sit in a corner and rock back and forth for hours on end.

  15. 15
    JoanneL says:

    I’m with the Glynis party…. hold the salt & lemon.

    Tequila, barkeep, and keep it coming!

  16. 16
    Theresa Meyers says:

    Holy crap.  My husband figurered it out! “The smell of grilling meat appeals to men.  Why in the hell would they make it a man’s cologne unless…they wanted to appeal to other men!”

    Of course this in no way diminishes the creeptastic eye-bleach quality of their ad.

  17. 17
    Cassie says:

    Argh!!!!!!!

    *curls into fetal position*

    I’m scared!  This is even worse than the Hoff music video where he was flying!

  18. 18
    Theresa Meyers says:

    Even more disturbing (if that’s possible) is that after showing it to hubby, he’s now going around the house humming the tune Burgerman by ZZ Top.

    (little snippet of the lyrics for those not familiar with the song)
    Chorus : Any way you want it baby, I am your burgerman.
    If you want double meat there, how ‘bout some fries on the side?You say the hot sauce can’t be beat, just sit back and open wide.

    OMG. Now I need ear bleach too.

    BWHAHHHHAAA. Spam word: hell84 I think the song probably is circa 1984. How do you know these things????

  19. 19
    J.C. Wilder says:

    My eyes….they BURNNNNNNNN

  20. 20
    Alvrodul says:

    How _is_ that going to make me feel, anyway? Hungry?
    *starts looking up vegetarian recipes and lifestyles*

  21. 21
    Alisha Rai says:

    Ew, ew, ew. Make him stop beckoning to me!!!

    Seriously, how much you want to bet that this was the brainchild of a bunch of drunk BK execs while they were on a retreat?

  22. 22
    joanne says:

    I’m too afraid to go to sleep tonight for fear that the King will haunt my dreams…………….and what’s with the glowing, floating wiffle-ball?

  23. 23
    Silver James says:

    The king is like the creepiest stalker thing evah! *shudders*

  24. 24
    Sarah says:

    I was discussing this with my parents, and my mom said “What, it makes women want to eat you?”

    That goes on the top of the list of things you never want to hear your mother say.

  25. 25
    Marilyn says:

    OMG, the creepy king saying Stop Drop and Roll made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

  26. 26
    Gesina says:

    Oh my sweet Jesus.  That is officially the most terrifying thing on the internet.  Thanks for sharing?

  27. 27
    Shyer Guy says:

    Publisher Cancels Rosenblat Memoir After TNR Exposes Hoax
    December 27, 2008 | 7:18 PM

    http://tnr.com

  28. 28
    Midknyt says:

    “She leaned closer, trying to capture his elusive scent.

    Was it musk? No, that couldn’t be it, nor was it tobacco or leather.

    Later, nestled in his strong arms, she realized it was partially frozen beef mixed with encapsulated salt, artificial flavorings, and dextrose.”

    That was fabulous.

    As for the product itself, I can’t imagine why any guy would want to smell like meat.  Or any woman going up, taking a big whiff, and getting all hungry eyed – sex or otherwise.

    I also didn’t really get the ad.  Beyond the fact that the Burger King is beyond creepy, um…isn’t this cologne supposed to be for men?  So why, when there are scenes of a woman giving a man a back rub, is there the Burger King?  If I was a man, would I want to see the creepy Burger King beckoning for me to join him before the fire?  It doesn’t do much for trying to market it to men.  Or anyone.  Anywhere.  Ever.

  29. 29
    ige says:

    Hmm… I wonder if that will attract some “Whopper Virgins” (the other campaign they are running)

  30. 30
    Katy says:

    HAHAHAH!

    “Nothing says romance…. like a boat.”

    HILARIOUS. I love it. I would totally buy someone this as a funny present, though.

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