Eight Days of Baby Food Magnate

Want some hilarious holiday reading? Start here and enjoy The Italian Gourmet Baby Food Baron’s Ironically Pregnant Virgin Mistress.

A new author will be adding on each day for the next eight. Bring it on, ladies!

[Thanks to Carrie Lofty for the link.]


General Bitching...

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  1. 1
    darlynne says:

    This was great! I can’t wait to see the next installment.

  2. 2
    Chanel19 says:


    Having spent 49 minutes researching romance novels in WalMart with my son, the title was fantastic.

    Our Wallieworld has a wonderful habit of stacking these type of titles together, so we snark opportunities abound.

  3. 3
    Caty M says:

    Oh, that is seriously funny.

    (*squints* Is that statement grammatically sound?  Probably not.)

  4. 4
    Babs says:

    “like a gloriously prancing unicorn” !?!?!?!

    Snort. Giggle. Wheez.

    I needed that laugh…

  5. 5
    Randi says:

    Oh, I love this! I’m glad Tumperkin started another round. *skips around, gaily*

  6. 6
    Jessa Slade says:

    Beverage launch alert:
    she found the black marker, whose smell was such a solace during her days of drudgery
    Thanks for the link!

  7. 7
    Suze says:

    BWA!  I enjoyed chapter 1, but chapter 2 proves that Ann Aguirre is a freaking genius:

    Lust surged through him like improperly cooked carrots forced through a colander.

    Ow, my lungs.

  8. 8

    ‘Cesar’ just makes me think of dog food, not baby food. XD

  9. 9
    Jenica says:

    Anyone else thinking that Doc Turtle would chortle over this?  I don’t know what would be funnier – these fabulous authors’ creativity, or his snark.

  10. 10
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Great stuff!  When it’s done, the writers should submit the entire thing to the judges of the Bulwer-Lytton contest.

  11. 11
    CherylPangolin says:

    I’m going to have to keep reading, if only to find out why this is an ironic virgin pregnancy title rather than a secret baby one!

  12. 12
    sadieloree says:

    Hilarious! Thanks for the link!

  13. 13
    Erin says:

    Those babies look creeeeepy.

  14. 14
    Rene S. says:

    Wow, that was hilarious! I can’t wait to read the next section(s).  Well played, authors, well played.

  15. 15
    Silver James says:

    Oh dear lord. It hurts. So good. I need a cigarette. (And I haven’t smoked in twenty years!)

  16. 16
    JaneDrew says:

    Hee! Brilliant!

    I have now gone back and read the previous round (“The Unfeasibly Tall Greek Billionaire’s Blackmailed Martyr-Complex Secretary Mistress Bride”), which was absolutely made of win (and also hummus). The link for that one is over on Tumperkin’s blog, where Chapter Three of “Ironically Pregnant” is posted.

    So, reading the earlier one, I realized that there were rules for writing—that is, phrases and situations that the authors got extra points for including. Which, by the way, is also awesome. I’ve managed to figure out one for the current round, but I can’t find a copy of the actual rules.

    Has anybody located them? Because I think it makes it even funnier to be on the lookout for the phrases.


  17. 17
    Mel says:

    I don’t think I can stop laughing.

    Smoothly he guided the hard, searching buckle into the willing depths of the slot with his strong hard fingers.

    And, in case you hadn’t caught on yet, he has

    strong brown fingers that were lightly dusted with crisp hair.

    This is made of win. And now someone says there are more of these? I must read! Thank you for the link!


  18. 18
    Erin says:

    Um… Where is day 4? They say it’s at Bettie Sharp’s blog, but that hasn’t been updated since October. :(

  19. 19
    Carolyn says:

    Day four is up! 

    Also, JanDrew, you’re right. There were no points this time, but Tumperkin, who created the project, developed the outline and a few “guidelines” of things to pepper in liberally and they are sort of fun to look for:
    -Non-English exclamations on the part of Cesar
    -The ‘betraying bulge’ in Cesar’s pants
    -the phrase ‘What could Chastity do? She had no choice but to…’
    -Hyperbolic, earth-shattering, or spiritual orgasms
    -Weird baby foods and baby food comparisions
    -Being treacly about children

  20. 20
    Randi says:

    bah! I’m not getting anything at Bettie’s page except the cover. wahhhhhhhh!

    single32: actually, I’m single and 34, thanks.

  21. 21
    Mel says:

    Yay! Betty updated! favorite lines from her section so far:

    No one would believe she was fit to raise her precious angels. She’d had sex! With a man! How could anyone trust two innocent babies to the care of a woman who had done such a thing?

    I laughed so hard my husband even asked what I was reading. I am ridiculously entertained by this.

  22. 22
    Chanel19 says:

    I can’t get day four!!!!

    spam word pool27 (and I’ve tried at least 27 times for that chapter)

  23. 23
    Erin says:

    Because, of course, the fact that he went after her makes HER a whore. Yes. And that she dare let herself get pregnant off of his un-raincoated penis makes her a gold-digging, filthy whore…

    (I know that this is satire, but that doesn’t mean it can’t make me face-palm.)

  24. 24
    Mary B. says:

    :(  I still don’t get anything for day four but the cover.

  25. 25
    RfP says:

    Day 4 is here.

    It’s currently the top post on Bettie’s blog, so you can just go here:

  26. 26
    RfP says:

    Mary B, Akismet won’t let me create a link, but you can go to the top of Bettie’s blog: bettiesharpe.com/blog

  27. 27
    Mary B. says:

    Oh!  Got it finally!  Sooooo worth the headaches!  The “claiming the ground with the pole-only not as painful as it sounds” metaphor was soooo full of win and awesome.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    earthgirl says:

    After tearing into the package, Chastity was briefly distracted by the bubble wrap.

    So awesome. I would totally do that, wedding day or not.

  30. 30
    shaina says:

    she’s the epitome of TSTL, but yet i can’t stop reading…it reads like some of the horrible fanfics one of my LJ communities searches out! i love it :-D
    i think my favorite part may be the magic marker addiction :-)

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