Who’s the (Burma) Sauciest One of All?

When Sarah and I e-mail each other, independently and within minutes of each other, and pick exactly the same poem as our top choice for our Burma Sauce contest, you know it’s got to be good. And really, who can resist gratuitous parodies of The Eye of Argon? Not us.

So the wining entry, from Kaishai:

When Grignr wants
To bone a lass
He spills this on
Her rounded mounds of globular pale posterior flesh shining like unto two grand luminescent moons only slightly less craggy.
Burma Sauce.

Kaishai, email me (candy @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com) and let me know your address. The $20 giftcard should be winging its way to you soon.

Kaishai’s literary genius aside, Sarah and I voted to include these poems as strong contenders and worthy of honorary mention:

The only sauce
I dare give father
Since he began
to dom in leather
Burma Sauce

About those Bhrothers, oh so fine…
Steamy sex scenes – make them all mine!
Wherever their Bhlack Dhaggers go
Thoughtful Bhrothers in the khnow bring
Bhurma Shauce!

His lady shied
From backdoor blisses
But who’s to blame
If his aim misses?
Burma Sauce

See him wink?
You get the point.
Sauce it up
And hear him oink!
Burma Sauce

Amy Lane:
If there’s burning
In your anus
A drop of sauce
Will ease the pain-us
Burma Sauce

Thanks to all of you who played along! If there were ever any doubt about the ability of the Bitchery to come up with an inordinate number of jokes about anal sex in doggerel form, well, those fears have been put to rest.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    S. W. Vaughn says:

    OMG – Kaishai, you’re brilliant! I want to give you a prize now!!

    That’s the freaking funniest thing I’ve read in a year…

    You win the internet. Srsly. :-)

  2. 2

    Once again, I’m awed by the Bitchery.  Well done, one and all.

  3. 3
    SB Sarah says:

    Candy has
    revealed the winners
    who mixed poetry
    with sphincters.
    Burma Sauce.

  4. 4

    What, wait, my friend won? WOOT! Go Kaishai! She was hitting me with that one online and all her other contenders as well. :D

  5. 5
    Silver James says:

    Way to go winners! Well played, well written, and well laughed!

  6. 6
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Congrats to the winner.  I loved all the entries (though I didn’t dare weigh in myself!)

  7. 7
    Aroihkin says:

    Congrats Kassi! :3

  8. 8
    Kaishai says:

    Oh my god, thank you!  There were so many good ones, and writing them was addictively fun.

    Now to celebrate by reading the MiSTing of “Eye of Argon” again. ;)

  9. 9
    Kaishai says:

    Err—writing poems was fun.  Not writing the good ones.  Other people wrote the good ones, and I’ve officially not been awake long enough yet to be typing.

  10. 10
    misti says:

    wow. I didn’t know that anyone outside my college even know about The Eye of Argon. Well done.

  11. 11
    clessiesgirl says:

    Kashai – I think you should have won a year’s supply of Burma Sauce.  (What’s a year’s supply of anything?  How do “they” know what a year’s supply is?). 

    Great poem, using a great subject!  The Eye of Argon still makes me howl!

  12. 12
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Oh, The Eye of Argon is all kinds of wonderful awfulness!  And for those who never have read it but want to, here it is in all its glory:


  13. 13
    LadyRhian says:

    How do they know what a year’s supply is? Well, judging by this competition’s answers, I won’t hesitate to reply, “A shitload!”

  14. 14
    amy lane says:

    OMG—I truly am honored to be runner up!  (Or run up…either way!)

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