Creepy Stupid

There’s a huge ad in the subway for the Twilight movie, which opens Friday, and it gives me the serious creeps. I can’t quite figure out how all of the posters and promotional materials for the movie have taken a completely acceptable looking dude and made him Super More Vacant and Stupid Looking. In the movie stills he looks rather interesting. In the promotional pictures he’s… disturbed. He’s creepy in a completely absent and unfocused way. Seriously.

Take a look at this shot, which was taken with my camera phone so it’s not the best quality. Is it me or are his eyes aligned improperly, so that they don’t seem to be staring at the same point? It’s not quite Lazy Eyed Vampire… it’s more that feeling of unease that comes with wonky Photoshopping. I know when I look at some of the ads on Photoshop Disasters, it takes me a second to figure out why the photo is so disturbing, because I’m busy being disturbed without knowing the reason. Then I realize, oh, her arm is 4” too short or her head doesn’t line up with her body, or she only has one leg.

But with Vacant Vampire stare, I’m still creeped without knowing the reason for the creepy. Yet again, there’s something about Edward, and I can’t put my finger on it precisely. He looks normal in the still photographs but every artists rendering for the promo photos yields The Not Quite All There Vampire Boy.

And side note: what is up with the making of Kristen Stewart’s face and lips as rounded and babyish as possible in the movie posters?  In the stills she looks much, much older, but the movie posters? She’s got baby fat cheeks and a much, much younger appearance. What’s next, a Love’s Baby Soft advertisement deal?

Bonus enjoyment: hypothetical letters between Edward Cullen and Sarah Palin. Thanks to Liz W. for the link.

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General Bitching...

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  1. 1

    Is it me or are his eyes aligned improperly, so that they don’t seem to be staring at the same point?

    Either that actor has a seriously asymetrical head, or someone’s been joining photos together. Or scaling one side and not the other. Even his chin bumps are asymetrically sized.

    Makes him look deformed.

    How much do I not want to see this movie? I’d rather listen to Sarah and Todd Palin have sex than see this movie :)

  2. 2

    I’m curious enough to watch it when it hits TV.  But I’ll pass on the theaters…oh, shall I pass.

  3. 3
    loonigrrl says:

    I’m a big fan of the first book, and bought my movie tickets weeks ago, but . . . it’s amazing how much the Twilight posters make me NOT want to see the movie. Creepy is right.

  4. 4
    Ashwinder says:

    One half of his face is more chiseled than the other.

  5. 5
    ev says:

    We were at the mall yesterday and this crap is EVERYWHERE! It was bad enough when I was still working at Border’s, but it has even infiltrated Hot Topic and Torrid. Ick.

    While we were in Hot Topic a bunch of girls came in oohing and ahhing over Edward. My daughter couldn’t help but make snarky comments that they could hear. I had to walk out I was laughing so hard. She needs to quit lurking on this site. Bad habits!

    spamword-easy82- there are easily 82 reasons not to waste my money on this movie

  6. 6
    katiebabs says:

    Robert has a very different look to him, unlike most actors I have seen lately. I just don’t find him to be Edward at all, at least in the looks department. I shall see when I go to the movie.
    He needs to cut off that mop in his head, seriously.

  7. 7

    Someone just tell me when this book/movie mania will go away.  Meh all around.

  8. 8
    J.C. Wilder says:

    As a creator of a few Photoshop disasters – it looks like they split his face in half and in the shadow they brought out features that would make him look more sinister. Unfortuntely for those who are looking closely – it appears one half is his real face and the other is some sort of mutant parasitic twin…

    Yeah – that will give you nightmares. :)

  9. 9
    MS Jones says:

    In the promotional pictures he’s… disturbed. He’s creepy in a completely absent and unfocused way

    what is up with the making of Kristen Stewart’s face and lips as rounded and babyish as possible

    Here’s my theory: it’s a movie about a controlling guy (daddy figure) trying to put the skids on the controllee’s sexuality, and it’s being marketed to pubescent girls. The ads are designed to make Edward seem dangerous (not a daddy figure) while keeping the little-girl-who-needs-protection subtext.

  10. 10
    Ms Manna says:

    I hope the creepiness is deliberate, because it’s awesomely effective.  If hadn’t read Cleolinda’s recaps, I’d almost want to go and see the film, now :-)

    {makes plans to go see new Bond film instead}

  11. 11
    Lyvvie says:

    I’m not swept into the whole Twilight nonsense as it’s not being promoted much (if at all) in the UK. I am extremely creeped out by the Love’s Baby Soft ad you chose! She has a grown-up’s hand, Clairol curls and it’s so icky icky icky! That slogan: Ms. magazine must have had a field day when that ad ran. Yikes.

  12. 12
    darlynne says:

    I’m with Lyvvie about the Love’s Baby Soft ad: that was seriously creepy in a someone-call-DCFS-right-now way. OTOH, I really enjoyed the hypothetical letters from Edward to Sarah. What a hoot.

  13. 13
    Katie Ann says:

    I feel like I should be dabbing away a line of dribble from the side of his mouth in that first picture, bad artist!  *newspaper smack*  I read and loved all the books, but this movie makes me cringe baaaad.  I just cannot convince myself to spend the money to see what will likely be a steaming pile of angsty teenage declarations of neverending luuurve.

  14. 14

    Man. I can’t wait to see it! I’d be going Friday night if I didn’t have a class. So, we are going on Saturday afternoon.

    These books are just like Harry Potter books. They touched people’s younger, love seeking selves and made us fall in love with the characters. Stephenie’s writing is to blame. She does an amazing job with these characters, especially in the first book. After the first book things start to go down hill for me.

    I’m going to see it and I’ll be a contributor to their success at the box office and I’ll be happy about. Everyone deserves the recognition.

  15. 15
    Leslie H says:

    Yup, It’s the jawline. They look like they are from two different pictures. In fact if you cover up from the center vertically it looks like the entire face is two halves pasted together from slightly different angles.

    There is not enough money one EARTH to make me go see a movie in a room of screaming teenage girls. The pre and post movie floorshow should be pretty good though. There is nothing like several hundred girls doing the happy pee-pee dance.

  16. 16
    elianara says:

    It’s probably the lightning that plays tricks, but it looks like they’ve taken two pictures, cut his head in two halves, pasted them together and done scaling but left the left half slightly bigger. Everything to the left seems bigger; look at his jaw, his chin bumps, lips, nose and eye. And the lopsided grin that gives the right side a softer look with that slight smile.

  17. 17
    Morgan says:

    Is it just me, or are these hilarious letters written from Edward to Sarah Palin much more elegantly exectuted than the original novels themselves? If Stephanie Meyer wrote like this, I may actually have enjoyed the series a little more. Unfortunately, it was not merely the poor writing that had me cringing at every overly used adverb and angst riddled piece of dialogue. I can’t remember ever having been as seriously disturbed by anything the way I was with these books. In fact, I haven’t even managed to slog through the second one. Every time I try, I end up putting it down again within a few paragraphs—and I can read ANYTHING. Did anyone else have this problem? And what was it? The terrible writing, or the deeply sinister misogynistic undertones that you hoped were entirely passe by now?

    As for the movie, I will likely see it—though I am not sure I will go to the theatre to do so, unless the thrall of the spectacle is just too much for me to pass up. And, unfortunately for me at times like these, I will also literally WATCH anything. So I guess I will deserve whatever I get :o)

    No offense meant, of course, to those of you who so obviously adore this series. I am sure there are many things I love to death that you all would detest with the utmost derision. 

    Oh, and as for the boy who plays Edward—I find him quite handsome and appealing in interviews, but in promotions for this film and trailers and what have you, he seems very oddly shaped and unappealing, with flat eyes and malformed features…I wonder if it is just my inherent dislike of the franchise, or is there something else going on? Obviously I am not the only one to have noticed it. Does anyone else find him appealing when not in his Edward Cullen persona?

  18. 18
    k-chan says:

    I quite enjoyed the books, and while I’m eager to see the movie the Edward/ Bella posters creep me out too.  I much prefer the bad guy posters, they actually look human. . .

    were95. . .95 Were-creatures?  That would be interesting. . .

  19. 19
    Marta Acosta says:

    Agh, forgive any typos because I had to wash my eyes out with bleach after that frickin sick Love’s Babysoft ad…next to the phallic bottles, agh.  Who came up with this ad and how can we put him on an ice float to die, die, die a horrible death?  I would contribute two bucks to this effort.

    As for Robert Pattinson, I’ve been posting a lot of “Twilight” news on my Vampire Wire blog.  He’s one funny guy, seriously, saying whatever loony thing amuses him in interviews.  One of the “Twilight” posters was done by a young amateur photographer in a contest.  But, as a whole, the “Twilight” promo posters stink up the joint.  The cast looks much better in the previews, where director Catherine Hardwicke had control of things.  She’s done gritty, smarter movies, so I’m sure she’s going to spin the novels into something less squicky than old perv vampire stalking nubile teen.

    Agh—my code is firm13—which is exactly what the Love’s Babysoft ad guy was thinking.

  20. 20
    Annmarie Ortega says:

    I read the first book and I didn’t like it at all. I describe reading it as feeling “nails on a chalkboard” the entire time. I barely got thru the first one so there is no way I will attempt book two.

    And as far as the movie… talk about overkill. I went to the website today and under links they have ‘Twilight Moms” (which ewwww seems sooo wrong. I didnt even click to see where it went) and “Twilight Latino” (what? lol Again, I didnt click on it). They also have a counter counting down the days, hours, minutes, etc until it comes out. And the soundtrack has a song by Perry Farrell (from Jane’s Addiction), and that seemed strange to me too, especially with knowing Jane’s music.

    I did like the actor who plays Edward in that one Harry Potter movie. But in Twilight he looks too strange to me.

  21. 21
    tls says:

    I was in Walmart the other day and saw a teenaged girl stroking the actor’s face in the Twilight poster.

  22. 22
    Kirstin James says:

    I know what you mean. He does look creepy/not all there. Have you seen those Twilight movie t-shirts? I mistook Edward for Igor at first.

    The book was alright (entertaining, but not well written).  I really have no interest in seeing the film, though. Unfortunately, my sister is a huge Twilight fan and has decided to drag me to the movie with her. I mean that literally, too. She will have to physically drag me to the movie theater.

  23. 23
    Randi says:

    The letters were awesome and full of win. I laughed so hard I was crying. Some people are so freakin brilliant.

    I am visually boycotting all Twilight ads. If I don’t see them, they do not exist. ;)

  24. 24
    Chicklet says:

    As for Robert Pattinson, I’ve been posting a lot of “Twilight” news on my Vampire Wire blog.  He’s one funny guy, seriously, saying whatever loony thing amuses him in interviews.

    My personal favorite is Pattinson saying he was really uncomfortable reading the books, because it felt he was reading Stephenie Meyers’s personal sexual fantasies.

    But then, I’m a horrible person. ;-)

  25. 25
    Jessa Slade says:

    He’s one funny guy, seriously, saying whatever loony thing amuses him in interviews.

    I’m interested in the interplay between character/actor, book/movie, franchise as a whole and how the audience relates. Especially after the DA posts on whether the author IS her book, I’ve found myself reading some of the Pattinson interviews and thinking he should be a little more respectful & appreciative of the audience supporting him.

    I am not a lovesick teen girl, but if I were, I think his snark about me would bum me out.

  26. 26
    Chicklet says:

    I am not a lovesick teen girl, but if I were, I think his snark about me would bum me out.

    But when girls are coming up to him at public appearances with fresh scratches on their necks so the scratches would be bleeding when the girls got near Pattinson, can you blame him?

  27. 27

    can you blame him?

    Okay, vampire stories have officially jumped the shark. That’s just revolting. And extremely disturbing.

  28. 28

      I am not a lovesick teen girl, but if I were, I think his snark about me would bum me out.

    But when girls are coming up to him at public appearances with fresh scratches on their necks so the scratches would be bleeding when the girls got near Pattinson, can you blame him?

    I can’t say that I’d blame him.  I actually feel kind of sorry for him.  He had no idea this movie was going to garner this much attention, I bet.

    If somebody came up to me with blood running down their neck, I’d be a little disturbed—and multiple somebodies?

  29. 29

    I had this pic as my desktop wallpaper for ages. I would stare lovingly at it for hours. I imagined he had a French accent and was all swashbuckley. *sigh*

    Then I found out last week that he was the same person as the creepy gaunt guy ont he Twilight poster and imaginary French swashbuckling boyfriend didn’t look so tasty any more (and also, I feel like a dirty old woman now.)

  30. 30
    Lauren says:

    I still think the worst part about the posters is how his hand is CLAMPED around her arm in a totally controlling, possessive way. It only emphasizes the stalker “I cut your brakes because I love you” quality about Edward; it’s mystifying and disturbing how many girls think he’s the embodiment of true love.

    But yeah. The Photoshopping on those posters is utterly godawful. They did an amazing job of making the actors on the poster look absolutely nothing like the actors in the movie. They’re supposed be dark and mysterious—I guess—but it comes across as pedophilic.

    “Why don’t you just have a seat over there, Mr. Cullen . . .”

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