Burma Sauce

My friend Schwern, by means unknown to God and Internet, found this little gem of a poster and promptly forwarded it to me:


Saucy, indeed. So saucy, Sarah and I decided we need to hold a contest for a Burma Shave-style doggerel contest. The prize? A $20 gift certificate to Babeland, where you can get any number of things, including any number of love sauces that hopefully won’t burn as much as Burma Sauce (not that there’s anything wrong with the burning, if you’re into that).

The rules:

Contest runs until midnight on Monday, 11/10/2008.

Submit your doggerel in the comments.

Winner will be picked by Sarah’s and my discerning judgment for terrible poetry.

Some verses to serve as inspiration:


Two cocks, one hole
I heard you say?
Only this
Can smooth the way…
Burma Sauce

As you drive down
the highway Hershey
Be a man
and show some mercy.
Burma Sauce.

(Note about the reference to eel porn: If you Google “Japanese eel porn,” the top hit will link to the inspiration for my verse. So. Um. Yeah. Not going to link to it directly.)

The eels go where?
I dared to ask
I must endure
This slip’ry task
Burma Sauce

The well is spent
The hole is dry
To ease the the path
You’ll have to try
Burma Sauce

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    rebyj says:

    The BIG MAN’s Friend
    One drop works wonders
    Just slap it on the end
    Burma Sauce

    * I’m pretty sure the ” one drop works wonders” is plagarized from some commercial but I can’t recall which…but here’s the disclaimer anyway!*

  2. 2
    Laura says:

    When you hear your partner’s cries
    Saying “stop, stop, I’m too small,”
    With Burma Sauce the answer lies
    Slick on, and one size fits all.

  3. 3

    I was flowing like a river
    And was heard to Kwai
    It really makes me quiver
    Burma Sauce

  4. 4
    Melissandre says:

    When you’re ‘bout to “save a life,”
    be it one-night-stand or wife,
    Burma Sauce will ease her strife!


    Want to try some
    Back door loving?
    Don’t be a brute!
    Please stop your shoving!
    Burma Sauce

  5. 5
    Galadriel says:

    Like a desert in your nethers?
    Trouble fitting in your leathers?
    Come down from St. Andrew’s Cross;
    Show that dryness just who’s boss!
    Burma Sauce.

  6. 6
    Carol says:

    In the fine tradition of the PSA ads:

    We all know
    The zombie threat
    So lock your doors
    And don’t forget
    Burma shave

  7. 7
    Silver James says:

    A dude
    Who thrusts
    mantitty wide open
    Is not thinking
    He’s just hoping
    Burma Sauce


    If you come
    backdoor route
    or down the tube
    When going there
    Please to lube
    Burma Sauce

  8. 8
    amy lane says:

    Mansecks huge or
    Mansecks small
    Burma Sauce will
    Lube them all
    Burma Sauce!

    If your ‘backdoor man’s’
    Hung like a horse
    Friction only
    Makes it worse!
    Burma Sauce!

    You want to make your ass-secks rock?
    Use Burma Sauce to slick your cock!
    Burma Sauce!

    (btw?  My husband came over to see what I was doing on the computer as I was writing this.  Uhm… he seems to think my afterlife plans need to include all of you, a kiddie pool full of ice and a giant fan.  I don’t know why he thinks this…)

  9. 9
    Lori Susan says:

    I like my secks
    in back and front
    it turns me on
    when my man does grunt
    Burma Sauce!

  10. 10
    clessiesgirl says:

    If your pussy’s all dry
    And your backdoor is too
    Put a drop on his cock
    And you’ll both yell “WHOOO HOOOO!”
    Burma Sauce

  11. 11
    Soni says:

    To Sarah Palin and John McCain
    You know we won’t forget’cha
    But here’s a salve to sooth the pain
    Poll results go where? You betcha!

  12. 12
    Soni says:

    Oh yeah…

    …Burma Sauce

  13. 13
    LadyRhian says:

    The only sauce
    I dare give father
    Since he began
    to dom in leather
    Burma Sauce

    Be a good girl
    dab it on!
    Cream’s last year
    Let’s get it on.
    Burma Sauce

    Here’s my gal;
    I’m in her end.
    Introduced her to
    “My little friend”
    Burma Sauce

  14. 14

    Don’t know my baby
    Daddy’s name
    What did I drink
    that was to blame?
    Burma Sauce

  15. 15

    My boyfriend hearkens
    From Rangoon
    He likes to come
    Atop my poon.
    Burma Sauce.

  16. 16
    Jennie says:

    About those Bhrothers, oh so fine…
    Steamy sex scenes – make them all mine!
    Wherever their Bhlack Dhaggers go
    Thoughtful Bhrothers in the khnow bring
    Bhurma Shauce!

  17. 17
    LoriSusan says:

    In haiku form:

    The sauce makes the ass
    double penetratable
    Call it Burma Sauce.

    Or limerick:

    There was a sauce from Burma
    placed on a gal named Irma
    Irma took it
    Where she shook it
    And it made Irma do the Burma-squirma.

    God I love doing these things!

  18. 18
    Melissandre says:

    There’s a universal truth:
    A lack of foreplay’s so uncouth!
    Here’s how you impress your dame,
    And make her want to scream your name.
    Use some of our Burma Sauce
    If the sheets you wish to toss.
    Burma Sauce

    If your world’s a bit unmanned
    We can lend a helping hand.
    Though there’s no one to embrace
    What helps you make your best O-face?
    Burma Sauce

  19. 19
    Kaishai says:

    To boldly go
    Where no man’s gone,
    Use some of this,
    Then get it on!
    Burma Sauce.

    When delving in
    Those holes of glory
    Apply, or else
    Things could get hoary.
    Burma Sauce.

    You met a fine wench
    In a tavern—
    Time to explore
    Her cinnabar cavern.
    Burma Sauce.

    Throbbing manhoods.
    Velvet steel;
    Without this stuff
    They’ll chafe and peel.
    Burma Sauce.

    Your little friend
    Would say hello?
    Pour this on first
    Or she’ll say no!
    Burma Sauce.

    If “Yes, oh, yes!”
    You’d hear him cry
    Make sure right now
    He won’t be dry.
    Burma Sauce.

    When Grignr wants
    To bone a lass
    He spills this on
    Her rounded mounds of globular pale posterior flesh shining like unto two grand luminescent moons only slightly less craggy.
    Burma Sauce.

    His “wife”?  A horse,
    And when they play
    He knows just what
    Will make her neigh.
    Burma Sauce.

    Whether you’re
    Sub, dom, or furry
    You’ll get slippery
    In a hurry:
    Burma Sauce.

    So you’ve read
    That dolphin FAQ
    And want to give
    Fish sex a crack?
    Burma Sauce.

    (All due apologies to Jim Theis.)

  20. 20
    Jennifer C says:

    When you’re about to “Save a life”
    Don’t forget to grease your wife.
    Burma Sauce

    SMTB is obsessed with ferrets,
    And claims mantitty has its merits
    Now they add to their cause
    With the infamous Burma Sauce!

    Word22… I think I use more than just 22

  21. 21
    AndieG says:

    When two hunky men
    want to try a ménage,
    pull out the only lube
    that prevents butt fromage!
    Burma Sauce.

    When you’re looking around
    for someone to screw,
    only one sauce will work
    to protect your hoo-hoo.
    Burma Sauce.

    If you like oral, anal
    or straight up the hoo-hoo,
    It’s the all-purpose sauce
    that eveyone can use!
    Burma Sauce.

    When bent over a chair
    or the back of a car,
    keep some on hand
    to make your lover say “Wrrar!”
    Burma Sauce.


    My spam word was special11.  And this is so special, isn’t it?

  22. 22
    clessiesgirl says:

    When your manroot has a twitch
    And you want to rip her bodice
    Read a bit of Smart Bitch
    And put a drop inside your codpiece
    Burma Sauce

  23. 23
    Sphinx says:

    His lady shied
    From backdoor blisses
    But who’s to blame
    If his aim misses?
    Burma Sauce

  24. 24
    Melissandre says:

    Though you travel near and far,
    To England, Rome, or Myanmar,
    Put Burma Sauce inside your pack,
    And use it when you hit the sack!

    My confirmation? With 46!
    My, that’s an awful lot of dicks!
    What helps a girl survive such force
    Without leaving her hoo-ha coarse?
    Burma Sauce

  25. 25
    sandra says:

    True story:  a few years ago, my significant other was doing the NY Times crossword, and the clues were based on the Burmashave ads.  He asked if I knew what they were.  “Yes,” said I, “They were a series of ads by the side of the highway, spelling out a rhyme, like – If you want to get a chick / Put Burmashave on your dick.”  Then I realised what I had just said and burst out laughing.  I still think it was pretty good for an impromptu.  So change Burmashave to Burmasauce and that’s my entry.

  26. 26
    Melissandre says:

    And I’m on a roll!

    What helps a man achieve his stride
    And ease the paths down which he’ll glide?
    What product has the lucky trick
    To make her cootchie nice and slick?
    Burma Sauce

    Romance heroes all attest
    That bedding virgins ain’t the best.
    Yet romance writers inist they do it.
    What helps these manly studs “go through it?”
    Burma Sauce

  27. 27
    ms bookjunkie says:

    Down the throat
    Or up the ass
    With Burma Sauce
    The ride’s first class!
    Burma Sauce.

  28. 28
    ms bookjunkie says:

    Having a partner
    Would be grand.
    For now its sauce
    In the hand.
    Burma Sauce


    It tingles, it burns,
    It gets me hot.
    Burma Sauce
    Sure hits the spot!
    Burma Sauce

  29. 29
    AndieG says:

    Back for round 2!

    If your lovers’ cock is rough
    when he puts it up your duff,
    Burma sauce will smooth the way -
    he can bugger you everyday!
    Burma Sauce.

    For dry hoo-hoo’s
    or a crusty cock,
    always keep
    some Sauce in stock. 
    Burma Sauce.

    “I’m fucking her ass,
    saving her life.
    Hand me some Sauce
    so I can get it done right!”
    Burma Sauce.

    spam word feel63 – does that mean I have to feel 63 things or I get felt 63 times I wonder.

  30. 30
    Lori S. says:

    I got nothing.

    I think the Japanese eel porn I Googled did permanent damage….

    My spamword is returned67, which is about the number of eels squirming up that woman’s…oh, nevermind.  *shudder*

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