Vintage Category Art

From Karen D come some fine, fine specimens of old-skool Silhouette cover art. We give thanks to Karen, and to the used book store romance pile from which she rescued these cultural icons.

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Sarah: Wow. She’s almost logically proportioned (though what’s with the papoose looking thing on the right?) but poor DeSalvo. Not only does he have Ridiculous Hair, but his chest is 400% wider than the rest of him, and his leg is coming out of his… wait a minute. Is he a hero with no legs sitting on some dude’s lap?!

Candy: A man with a chest as wide as the Texas sky and a torso as short as Rhode Island. Hot!

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Sarah: Of course they are still married. Could you ever leave that mullet alone? It’s all stringy and greasy – rwor!

Candy: Matching mullets, matching mom jeans—that’s how you know it’s true love, baby.

And from Danielle F comes this homage to yet another 80’s fad:

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Sarah: When a man you’ve never met before suddenly tries to slurp your bleached blonde brains, it’s probably time you reconsidered your habit of getting shitfaced wearing a Flashdance-esque tiger-print nightie.

Candy: She thinks he wants to nibble on her ear, but little does she know that he’s that rarest of paranormal creatures: the Cheerful Zombie. Your tiger print will avail you nothing, now.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Michele says:

    In that first cover, John DeSalvo has the hair of a woman, meaning his hair style is distinctly female.

    At least that was my first impression of that lovely cover.

  2. 2
    Chrissy says:

    See the first guy, to me, with that button nose… Tony Curtis with a wig.

  3. 3
    JenTurner says:

    The guy in cover one looks like Conway Twitty with long hair! LOL!

    Don’t believe me?  Check it out: Conway Twitty

    “You want a man with a slooooow hand…”

    :D

  4. 4
    Charlene says:

    That leg cannot be attached to that body.

  5. 5
    Mary Beth Miller says:

    Cover 2: that is so totally Rick Springfield on the cover.

  6. 6
    ev says:

    Now I know where Janet got the idea for Lulu’s wardrobe from. Or maybe that is the dress she has worn!!

  7. 7

    Holy cow, #2!  I didn’t know Patti Lupone posed for Harlequin covers.

  8. 8
    amy lane says:

    OMG—I used to LURVE those mullets!  And you bitches brought all that shame just-a-hurtling back—thanks a LOT!

  9. 9
    Julia says:

    The third one made me laugh so hard. xD “Hi hunny, let me slurp your brains from your ear!”

  10. 10
    Shae says:

    I don’t think my day is complete without seeing a terrible mullet.

    I have a love/hate/zomg!! relationship with mullets. <3

  11. 11
    Tina M. says:

    Book Cover #2 Still Married:  Are you serious?  HE would be interested in her?  Good grief, like, how old is he to her?  Oh, she must remind him of his mom…I get it!

  12. 12
    Eunice says:

    Okay the papoose bothered me also, so I turned to my Google-fu!

    Mother To Be is the third book of the Navajo Family Blessings series:

    “WAS COYOTE, EARTH’S MISCHIEF MAKER, MEDDLING IN MATTERS OF THE HEART?
    Knee-deep in her forties, attorney Lillian Singer long ago left her Navajo ways behind. And tribal lawman Johnny Becenti despised her for it. So why had their People selected her to cajole Johnny out of his sudden self-exile? All she could do was bother him senseless! But aggravation soon sparked passion. And the lifelong warriors made love. But could they make peace? For they’d already made a baby.”

    Man, those last three sentences just solidifies the awfulness of this blurb.

  13. 13
    Deb Kinnard says:

    I don’t really believe that mullet is greasy. Just wet. They’ve obviously just crawled out of that rapids in back of them, having had a very hot time in very cold water.

    Er…maybe not.

  14. 14
    ev says:

    This year at the State Fair,one of the radio station booths kept a running total of mullets. By day 2 they had over 40. It runs 12 days. I wonder how many they had???

  15. 15
    Chicklet says:

    It’s the sheer, manic JOY!!! emanating from Couple #3 that creeps one out. And by “one,” I mean “me.”

  16. 16
    smartmensab-tch says:

    Can there be any doubt that “Coyote meddles in matters of the heart?”

    Thanks all for a badly need laugh after day no. Infinity (about 10 months) of working in the World’s Most Absurd accounts payable department. Really.

  17. 17
    Cat Grant says:

    I’m embarrassed to admit I used to own all three of those books. Ah, the ‘90’s!

  18. 18
    SonomaLass says:

    Cover #1:  I wondered from his hair and the papoose board if there was a Native American thing happening.  At least he doesn’t have a mullet.  Nor do they have matching hairstyles, although his is easily long enough to do that French roll or whatever she’s got going on.

    Cover #2:  Sontag vs. Sontag?  WTF?

  19. 19
    laurad says:

    Couple #1 named their son Sebastien.  He works for Airborne Cold Remedy now.

  20. 20
    eaeaea says:

    All the guys are wearing skinny jeans… did metrosexuals emerge in the 80’s !?!

  21. 21
    Wendy says:

    Braaaaaaaaaainsss…..

    lolz.  Cover snark makes me into cheerful zombie.

  22. 22
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    That first woman totally looks like she’s about to make out with her mom.

  23. 23

    Is it just me or does the chick in #3 look like Madonna from the 80s? My first thought was holy cow! I didn’t know Madonna posed for covers!

  24. 24

    Doesn’t MOTHER TO BE look like Marie Osmond? Sans bling, of course…Utah…Native Americans…Polyandry?

    She’s not forty-ish—she’s merely39!

  25. 25

    And Mr Happy Face in #3, is a DEVIL ZOMBIE, a rarely sighted creature. Check out the POINTED ear. C’mon. Who wouldn’t be happy with him slurping your brains out?

    DEVIL ZOMBIE: “When I’m done eating your brains, I’ll take you right to HELL.”

    TIGER LADY: “Does this dress make my ass look fat?”

    DEVIL ZOMBIE: “Too late. She has NO brains!”

  26. 26
    Anj says:

    And the lifelong warriors made love. But could they make peace? For they’d already made a baby.

    That. Is. Amazing. Between the cover and the blurb I need to own this book for sheer giggles.

    But poor Navajo man. It must be hard to have the hairstyle of a woman and the legs of a … backwards man? No wonder he went into self-imposed exile.

  27. 27
    Chrissy says:

    Those blurbs… umm… I swear, I have read stuff on writing groups that was bad.  But those writers are owed apologies for their rejections.  Seriously.

    THAT got published?

  28. 28
    mirain says:

    #3 makes me think the cover models were laughing too hard to hold their poses.

  29. 29
    Rene S. says:

    Couple #1 named their son Sebastien.  He works for Airborne Cold Remedy now.

    laurad, this killed me.  Tea came out my nose.  (ow! ow! ow!)

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