Jane from Dear Author forwarded us a cover image that’s so spectacular, we had to share it. And challenge you to caption it with the appropriate sound effect.
Jane: Doesn’t it look like she is squishing his 6 pack together and the muscles are going to burst out through the skin like some pus from a pimple?
Candy: FWARGH! I physically flinched when that cover loaded.
The coy way her fingers baaaarely cover his manly nipples is hilarious. And her fingers are causing the surrounding titty to WRINKLE. Are her fingers the equivalent of super sour candy FOR NIPPLES?
Sarah: Awful, isn’t it? Like he has saline implants and she’s massaging them.
Do you think his man titty sounds like that squelch when you jump on a waterbed?
And behold, a Smart Bitch Contest is born! Caption that Cover—Onomatopoeia Edition: What is the sound made my his man titty when squished by her stubby little fingers? Feel free to weigh in with whatever caption you like, LOLs or otherwise, but we’re looking for sound effects, folks.
Winner as judged by Jane, Candy and me will receive a copy of a copy of Manhandling by Karen Anders, and a $20 Gift Certificate to Amazon or Powells (your choice).
Here’s a slightly-fuzzy close up of the wrinkly squish to, you know, inspire you.
shplunk….the sound her fingers make as they are devoured by his mantitty…kind of like the sound you would make diving into a pool of chocolate pudding…before you eat it that is.
Splork!
Miranda takes Well Hung, the owner of Hardass Nails, up on his offer to test the the tensile strength of her French manicure on his moobs.
The victims were found in an advanced state of livor mortis, the woman’s hand desperately—and inexplicably—grasping the nipple of her attacker. “Perhaps he first tried to suffocate her with his nipples,” the detective said. “She pierced his mantit with her poisoned nails. Alas, clearly too late.”
(I’m sorry. Truly, I am.)
Squirt
or
rrreeeee
or
eeeeeeeeeeek (as in omg let go of my nipple)
pfffttttttt….
*they both look at each other*
because neither knows what end that came from
squeaky
pant
squeaky
pant
squeaky*squeaky*squeaky
pant*pant*pant
squeaky*squeak—
POP*OUCH*pppppppppppppppppffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttt
As her hands pressed lightly on his chest it began to vibrate gently like a kitten.
“Yes, Madam,” said the salesman, “This model has a massage setting. Three different speeds: Purr, Vroom and Volcano.”
think yummy, squishy and Wayne’s World
scruummppscchwwiiinng
Weirdly, the first thing that popped into my mind was:
‘This is one of the strangest games of Blind Man’s Bluff I’ve ever played. Soft AND squishy….who is this?’
orannia
PS My verification word is ‘getting26’…..I so do NOT want 26 of them there covers!
HONK! SQUANKIE! SQUANKIE! (like a goose being slowly tortured to death)
“So you say if I press here, you dispense gumballs?”
Thu(d)splosh
Unless, of course, someone has already suggested that.
EEEEEE-eeee-EEEEEE-eeeee!
(kind of like a squeaky toy)
Forgive me all y’all with young kids who watch Dora, The Explorer. I think it sounds like Boots the Monkey’s favorite toy combined with Swiper’s typical lament:
“Squeaky-Squeaky” (wait for it)….. “Oh Maaaaan! Snap” as it sproings back into shape.
Or the gentle, jingle, jingle, tinkle” of a bicycle bell? Or “queef”?
if i squeese hard enough will i the milk for free, or do i pay for the cow
Eeerksplah….drip drip.
I think that cover takes the cake for yucky….JMO.
ssccchhhhhhhllllllllluuurrrrP….OP!!
Merrweruffleurfulll
The sound is: Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings.
Does no one notice that her nails are blue and there are reddish pattern marks on her knuckles? Does no one suspect demon or alien? Obviously the sound made would cement that in the potential reader’s mind. Demon aliens who mate through the male nipple.
Left hand noise: ‘CLEAV’ Right hand noise: ‘VAGE’
Manhandling for Man-cleavage
Shplursh
Shplorp
Ploop
schploob
or
sboob
Somehow the weirdly plastic and wrinkly mantitty reminds me of those completely creepy Real Girl dolls.
Hence, Mandy and the RealBoy