Smart Bitches Love Cake, and Our Readers

Once upon a time, Candy wrote a review for Shayla Black’s Decadent which has since become one of the most linked-to portions of the site, and was the nadir of a little-known gem of internet delight known as “LOLPorn.” Seriously, people link to that entry with astonishing regularity.

I don’t know if we’ve ever really expounded on our deep love for the folks who read this site, but damn hell and howdy do we love y’all. When we hold contests with other folks, invariably they’ll write, “You have the best readers, OMG.” It’s true. You guys are freaking awesome. Why? Because of shit like this that is so funny I wheezed and Hubby came running to make sure I wasn’t going into anaphylaxis.

I received an email from Shae that read:

One of my favorite things on the planet is definitely the review for Decadent. My friend Heather and I quote it all the time. Her birthday was on Sunday (sadly her 26th, so no hope of her being a vhamphire who could be renamed Hheathher) and I had to think of something to get her. In the first week of August I figured it out! I would buy her the book that we had been laughing about for months!

Of course, just getting a book isn’t that fun. I decided that it needed something else – so I made a bookmark! I took the lol!pr0n that was accompanied the review, printed it out, and yay, instant bookmark. It looked a bit plain, so I commissioned a small penis charm with the words ‘life saver’ on it from someone on etsy. (Note from Sarah: OMG NOT WORK SAFE)

But Shae didn’t stop there. Oh, no. There was cake. There was ASS CAKE, as in CAKE shaped like an ASS with… oh, forget it, the pictures tell all.

Be aware: NOT SAFE FOR WORK. SRSLY.

This may be the finest frosted ass I’ve seen in awhile.

Then there was the gift itself.

A closeup of the gift strategically placed so that viewers can appreciate the AWESOME.

Lucky, lucky Hhteathher!

Happy birthday, Heather, and mad props to Shae. Seriously, I laughed so hard my abs hurt.

 

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  1. 1
    annemjw says:

    That is so cool, and more than vaguely disturbing. Happy Birthday!

  2. 2
    Shae says:

    Eeee, thank you so much for posting. *is honored*

  3. 3
    Julie Leto says:

    OMG!  I have no idea why, but I actually went back to that post the other day…(Oh, now I remember…someone suggested the famous phrase for your LOL on the Gilded Cage cover and I couldn’t remember where it came from, though I laughed hysterically.)  Shae, you’re hilarious.  Heather, hope you had a great birthday!

  4. 4
    ev says:

    really, you would think by now I would have enough common sense not to open anything on this website while I am eating/drinking. Obviously I had a brain fart and forgot.

    Happy B’day Heather. Hope the Ass tasted good!!!

    spamword- old35….

  5. 5
    Candy says:

    HAHAHA.

    Wow. I’m definitely forwarding this on to Ben. I’m so glad the hours we spent jointly surfing for the perfect assporn photo has resulted in so much appreciation.

  6. 6

    The look on her face is priceless: disgusted amusement. Happy Birthday!

  7. 7
    Lorelie says:

    Personally, I love Hheathher’s t-shirt, too.  :D Happy belated birthday!

  8. 8
    Shae says:

    Personally, I love Hheathher’s t-shirt, too.  :D Happy belated birthday!

    *blushes*

    I made that, too. :P

  9. 9
    Lori says:

    That is made of win.  If I had received such a totally awesome & yet completely disturbing gift I would have had the exact same expression on my face.

    My verification is church69.  Even I would never do that in church.  Dang.

  10. 10
    Brandi says:

    Unfortunately, Hheather doesn’t *quite* qualify for the nonplussed with a hot dog meme, weenie jokes notwithstanding.

  11. 11
    Lorelie says:

    You made that?  Dang it, I was gonna google when I got a minute.

  12. 12
    Shae says:

    You made that?  Dang it, I was gonna google when I got a minute.

    Hehe, yep. I make a lot of shirts because its cheap and I love having customized type things. I made about 5 shirts for some friends because we are all obsessed with Dr. Horrible. Pic below, I’m on the right and the girl next to me has a V on her forehead because we went to Rocky that night. :P

    http://www.richweirdoes.com/omg/albums/userpics/182/normal_L_262.jpg

  13. 13
    SB Sarah says:

    Shae: do you have, like, screen printing equipment in your bathroom? You high on the funky fumes from the dye? Because, awesome.

  14. 14
    Shae says:

    Shae: do you have, like, screen printing equipment in your bathroom? You high on the funky fumes from the dye? Because, awesome.

    lol, I wish. I do a freezer paper stencil and then paint on the shirt. My friend Jen made a great tutorial that shows how to do it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQLtbZh2u-w

  15. 15
    Lorelie says:

    Jeeze, I’m only getting more jealouser and jealouser.  When I’ve tried to make t-shirts they look like. . . well, they look like I ironed them on.

  16. 16
    JennyOH says:

    I’m so glad you linked to the LOLporn entry, I haven’t been reading long enough to have caught it the first time around and my morning needed a little perking up (i.e. hysterical giggling).

    (And now I have have “Cousins.  Totally cousins.” from Cleolinda’s Troy In 15 Minutes in my head…)

  17. 17
    Kimberly Anne says:

    Shae, awesome shirts!  I learned the freezer paper stencil technique a while back, and now I’m just a wee bit obsessed.  My first project was a pirate apron, and it turned out better than I could ever have anticipated.  But I had to muddle through on my own.  I wish I had known about your friend’s tutorial.

  18. 18
    Aemelia says:

    OMG! I sooo needed that this morning!

    Happy Birthday Heather!

  19. 19
    Jennie says:

    I think the Etsy seller undervalues her work—where else could you get an individually handcrafted penis that cheap—it works out to $1.50 each—or a little more than a buck a f—k.

  20. 20
    kalafudra says:

    Happy birthday, Heather!

    And Shae, you aren’t, by any chance, looking for a new friend? Say one you can give awesome gifts to? Whose nick starts with “K” and ends with “alafudra”?

  21. 21
    KimmieB says:

    My friends and I always quote this article! Usually we bust it out of no where, to get the maximun “shock’n’laugh”!

    Nothing fixes a bad day like “in ur ass, savin ur life”.

  22. 22
    snarkhunter says:

    JennyOH:

    In conclusion, cousins.

  23. 23
    Teshara says:

    wow. that was a good morning if I’ve ever see one…

    ::rubs blurred vision::

    LOL! You know, you should make a warning about viewing things before the first cup of coffee :D

    Now I want a penis charm! WTF!?

  24. 24
    Silver James says:

    Shae, you are so made of awesome win! And god help me, I want to go read

    Decadent

    now. *ties self to chair* Muussst resissssst……

  25. 25
    Silver James says:

    *whew* I just went back and reread the review. I no longer have the urge. Thank you, bitches, for saving me. You two are my heroines!

  26. 26
    J.C. Wilder says:

    WOW – so you can have your ass and eat it too! Who knew?

  27. 27

    you can have your ass and eat it too!

    *dying*

    Is it wrong to imagine that cake with flesh-colored frosting?  Oh, wait, I think we need a picture of the chocolate anus candy Sarah linked to awhile back!  A few accents would make that cake really…um…inedible.

    Man, I am wallowing in the lowbrow humor this morning.  Sorry.  And thanks!

  28. 28
    Shae says:

    Is it wrong to imagine that cake with flesh-colored frosting?

    It actually did have flesh colored frosting (and the crack was a tad bit darker) but for the life of me I couldn’t get it to show up properly in a picture. *curses kitchen lighting*

  29. 29
    TarotByArwen says:

    Cherry Coke Zero ALL over my laptop.

    But it was so worth it. Hee.

  30. 30
    Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Hah, when I first saw the bookmark I honestly thought the woman was screwing a raw turkey with the feet still attached.  It took a closer look at the LOLPorn to see how wrong I was!

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