Caption This Cover: Theatre Edition

Ready, Set, Go – time to caption a cover so strange, we have to ask you to give it a caption. Voting takes place in the comments, and she who hath the most votes gets the prize. The prize? $20 to the bookstore of your choice – Amazon or Powell’s. So, have at it.

This one brings new meaning to the word “private box.” Or, maybe not so private.

Does this ruffle make my butt look big?

Categorized:

General Bitching...

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  1. Casey says:

    Would this songbird ever be able to escape her captor and sing on the stage, as in her dreams?

  2. bethanya says:

    And now…presenting…“Hamlet: The 4th Quarto”

    Gertrude: ” What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world – the paragon of animals!”

    grunt, heave, grunt

    Hamlet: “This is the very ecstasy of love!”

    grunt, grunt, wince

    Gertrude: “A little more kin—and less than kind.”

    groan

    Hamlet: “The Lady doth protest too much—methinks.”

  3. Alex says:

    No, wait, I have it!

    “As she demurely fended off his attentions, all the more to excite his passions when she finally gave in, they were both unaware that the curtain above them was darkening…twisting…living!

    At last, the lock to the Gilded Cage of Reality had been broken, and the legion Skin-Eaters of Old N’tharla’torok were among the first into the little space of light and warmth inside the Cage. These two would only be the first, and they would not have time to scream before they were smothered by the hungry, gnashing mouths. Neither would the audience of the theater. And then the rest of the void-spawn followed, and the world was drawn into eternal darkness.”

    Look at that curtain above them.
    I see faces.
    Do you see faces?
    I see Lovecraftian faces.
    They are not nice faces.
    Not nice faces at all.

  4. Cor says:

    “Not now, honey, act 2 is about to start…”

  5. “Darling, you’re right!  Exhibitionism IS the bomb!”

  6. Nicole Pinder says:

    Voting for:

    Ms Manna said on…
    09.22.08 at 06:39 AM |
    “Sorry, honey.  Not in my box.”

  7. Hortense Powdermaker says:

    Here’s my suggestions:

    Their kinky sex knew no bounds…

    A gold chastity belt guards her opera box. Can he get the lock off and stage an entrance?

    She has him coming and going. Then she leaves him behind. Now can he get her back?

    Aurelio has performance issues. All the world’s a cage. Then he meets a twisted vixen. Can her kinky love fix his cock block?

    – and I cast a vote for AndyG’s contribution.

  8. phadem says:

    Since I’m an unabashed Dune lover and laugher-at-er, I must vote for Galadriel’s entry:

    Even after squeezing the sandworm into the dress and clapping a wig on its head, Paul Atreides wasn’t sure the illusion quite hid its undulating form. Still, if dressing it up and taking it out was what was required, then so be it. After all, the spice must flow.

  9. RfP says:

    The other ushers sniggered as Jamie moved toward Mezzanine Left.  His appointment was at the velvet couch under the far stairs.  God willing, it would be both entertaining and profitable.

    She was on time.  A good sign, he hoped.  Approaching from behind, he bent to her perfumed shoulder to deliver his carefully planned quip.  Only the best seat in the house for the best seat in the house, my lady.

    Blast.  Judging by her scornful look, he’d have to roger her for free that night.

  10. SusannaG says:

    I am laughing so hard!

    But I am definitely voting for AndieG’s!

  11. Courtney S says:

    Add a few emtpy beer bottles and some half eaten nachos and you have the backstage of any local theatre.

    (Trust me I know..LOL)

    Oh..wait shit what’s my line again?

  12. Cate says:

    Dude, is that my ass or did the baby bump move over?

  13. Lyvvie says:

    He’s at the theater but the show doesn’t matter in fact they won’t even watch because she may be a mermaid with koi in her hair, but he’s been Touched By A Pink Angel…and soon, she will be too.

  14. endlessdesk says:

    haha. That is a strange cover….

    Enough Einstein, I smell good. Now get out of the way, I want to watch the show.

  15. Karen says:

    As another wave of the vapors hit her, Victoria distracted Jack to the wrong side in a poorly timed misuse of the left cheek sneak.

  16. Casey says:

    “Why I are you trying to kiss my temple Can’t you tell by my bored look that my back has been broken.”

  17. Courtney S says:

    Is it just me or does she look like Leslie-Ann Down circa North and South?

  18. Maggie says:

    “Alone at last,” Hans whispered into her ear.

    He began to nibble at her tender lobe, but Eloise was distracted, and she began to panic.  She truly loved him, but she just wasn’t ready to explain her dark secret.  Would he still care for her when he found out that she was secretly only three feet tall and had been standing on the shoulders of her twin sister for their entire courtship?

    She didn’t believe that he could ever understand.

  19. Esri Rose says:

    Whoa, my mind is officially boggled.

    I’m casting a vote apiece for

    evabaruk

    Amie Stuart

    Marla

    Well done!

  20. Esri Rose says:

    And if I have to choose just one, it’s evabaruk.

    It was only five minutes into his new burlesque ventriloquism act, that the audience turned their backs on Rory.

    The more I read that, the more I laugh. Even the name “Rory” is funny in that context, somehow.

  21. The first caption I thought of was: “What? What?!”

    I would have found a better quote, but the YouTube video has been taken off due to copyright issues.

  22. Kate_B says:

    “Do I look perfect?  Tell me, do I look perfect?”

    “Yes, darling, of course.  I could just—”

    “Good, now don’t come any closer.  You’ll ruin it.”

  23. Silver James says:

    Look at that curtain above them.
    I see faces.
    Do you see faces?
    I see Lovecraftian faces.
    They are not nice faces.
    Not nice faces at all.

    Duuuude, Alex! You’re RIGHT! Run away! Run away! The faces…they are watching….

  24. Midknyt says:

    Ow.  I hope this is what Tyra meant when she said to be fierce.

    (That was my first thought anyway – she looks like she’s trying the broken-down doll look that they love so much.  I mean, look at that hip position.)

  25. GirlyNerd says:

    Im in ur ass
    saving ur life!

  26. Castiron says:

    She had always wondered what a Backstage Pass was, and now she was about to find out….

  27. Esri Rose says:

    Ah, what the hell. Here’s mine.

    “When theater design goes bad!”

  28. Lindz says:

    A Reader’s Guide to Victorian-Age Adult Theatre.

  29. The Nocturnal Intermission

  30. Melissandre says:

    1.  Little did Hamlet realize that this argument with his mother would fuel years of psychoanalytical debate.
    (didn’t see bethanya’s ‘til just now)

    2.  Let me do some new tricks, some old and some new tricks.  I’m very…versatile.

  31. orannia says:

    Excuse me, can you please move? I’m trying to watch the play!

  32. Marta Acosta says:

    The Diva and the Chorus Boy

    How he now regretted telling her to “Break a leg!”

  33. Melissandre says:

    Brings new meaning to the play A Flea in Her Ear.

    While I’m on a role… She Stoops to Conquer, Endgame, and Much Ado About Nothing

  34. RebekahC says:

    No, honey, we can’t have sex here. Not right now. Someone might see us.

  35. I’m sure President Lincoln will be fine. Take me now, Gaston!

  36. cheryl c. says:

    The show’s not over until the seduced lady screams!

  37. cheryl c. says:

    One more-

    She says, “No, a boxed lunch does NOT come with this performance!”

  38. Isabeau says:

    …Rufus had the sneaking suspicion that /something/ was wrong, but even their private box wasn’t private enough; he had to wait until intermission before he could look at the instruction manual for his new IKEA Opera Buddy…

  39. Kathsan says:

    Ah, I just came up with one more . . .

    “Is that David Hasselhoff?”

  40. LindaM54 says:

    She:“Hold on, I’ve got something for you

    <>

    OK, now what were you saying?”

    Bren, even with the formatting error, once I read your explanation, this made me literally laugh out loud. And I’m still giggling. I hear the “Hold on, I’ve got something for you” in a kind of passionate whisper, mid-clench.

    I vote for Bren!

    HEAR, HEAR!  She’s even holding up her hand provocatively in that universally understood “pull my finger” gesture!  😀

    ROFL!

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