Ready, Set, Go – time to caption a cover so strange, we have to ask you to give it a caption. Voting takes place in the comments, and she who hath the most votes gets the prize. The prize? $20 to the bookstore of your choice – Amazon or Powell’s. So, have at it.
This one brings new meaning to the word “private box.” Or, maybe not so private.
The Little Mermaid was captured and forced to perform for an audience. Thankfully, more people were interested in watching the Cinderella’s stripper act on the main stage.
performance anxiety
or how about, staged sex
I need a coffee, my neurones are not firing…
sideshow
Meanwhile, behind the curtain. . .
Actor: Please, let me kiss you!
Actress: No, I am trying to see the handsome man in the corner.
Actor: *looks* That’s your brother!
Actress: *sighs dreamily* I know!
Wilhelmina was trying to practice her role as she lounged decoratively on the divan, when Tony settled down behind her to breathe heavily into her ear. As she slowly turned her face towards his she tried to decide whether to give into irritation or lust. To push him away or to yank him on top of her.
Dude, why do I think this cover isn’t so bad?! What’s wrong with me?!
I kinda like the colors…okay, someone punch me!
No, no, Antoine, it’s too late. Save yourself. The python has already reached my hips. Remember…I always loved you….
::dies prettily::
She:“Hold on, I’ve got something for you
*farting sound*
OK, now what were you saying?”
Sorry – but the way her hips look tilted in that dress arrangement brought out the 11 year old boy in me (can you tell my son has been making a lot of fart jokes lately?)
Oops – formatting error – there should be “farting sound” in between the brackets.
Sort of ruins the joke, huh?
What happened>? Why did you wake me? Why are there all these people in my bedroom? Is this one of those dreams where I forget my lines?
Ooh, my word is himself 99, maybe it’s a meeting of the clones.
Not now, darling—why don’t you go fiddle with yourself while I watch Rome burn?
Della Reese wondered how bondage strap-on buttsecks (ironically staged behind the audience by the master of modern theater Bob “The Rock” Gibralter) would solve the case, but trusted Perry’s intuition. She was proven right when the murderer dropped a curtain on their heads, but would she make it out of the golden cord and her cross-dressing lover’s embrace in time to testify, or die buried under 50 pounds of cheap velvet?
As Chip’s hand went into the dress and down the back of his lovely Esmeralda, he began to squeeze her precious buttocks. He went lower, in between her legs, and a shudder went through him when he felt two pair of perfectly round balls.
Taking it Public (I get off on being watched)
You’re Doing it Wrong (It goes in the other way)
Balcony Love (since we can’t have Sex on the Beach)
The Mummy Princess (try getting out of this dress)
Tie Me Up (and then tie me down)
Pardon Me. (Do you have any Grey Poupon?)
Exit Stage Left
She:“Hold on, I’ve got something for you
<>
OK, now what were you saying?â€
Bren, even with the formatting error, once I read your explanation, this made me literally laugh out loud. And I’m still giggling. I hear the “Hold on, I’ve got something for you” in a kind of passionate whisper, mid-clench.
I vote for Bren!
Oops! The formatting errors are catching! I forgot to put your caption in quotes. 🙂
What do you mean, I’ve attached the legs wrong? I followed the assembly instructions to the letter! There’s nothing amiss with my polyester girl.
“Darling, no. You and I both remember what happened the last time you got a little overenthusiastic in bed.”
~or~
While she might enjoy it at the time, Anton was so well-hung that it left her walking funny for days.
Naomi Judd often missed her days as the living statue of Red Hell Theatre. Missed those nights, artfully strapped to her bench with golden cords, as the equally golden Rolof cleaned her eyebrows with his tongue.
Can has hip replacement?
I’m with Lizzie. Bren wins, hands down!
Now, will somebody please light a match? Or, you know, someone in the audience is going to turn around and say, “Eww! Somebody cut the cheese!” and then the inevitable reply of “Yeah? Well, he who smelt it, dealt it!”
Unfortunately for Brendan, the curtain came down before the first act was over. He didn’t find her, “Don’t worry, it happens to all men.” comforting in the least.
“Bob, wait!” She whispered. “I have the strangest feeling we’re not alone!”
—-
But seriously, what the heck is going on with her left hand?
It was only five minutes into his new burlesque ventriloquism act, that the audience turned their backs on Rory.
All the world is a stage, and…but wait! Why is everyone looking away? Damn, they probably think we’re Romance Novel Cover Models. Yoo hoo! I really can bend this way…lookie! And the gold rope curtain tiebacks do not hinder me in the least..
LOL I vote for snarkhunter.
The magical peacock lifted its tail, allowing Excretia and her lover a glimpse of the audience while remainining unseen. Traveling unseen in a peacock’s bum was a most novel form of transport. Dirk glanced with disinterest at the assemblage, then turned his back-nothing outside their secret peacock hideaway compared to Excretia’s beauty.
“Dr. Gildenhair leaned forward to make sure his patient was sufficiently medicated before he began the proctology exam. ‘There’s a group of residents observing from the gallery today,’ he murmured. ‘Try to make it as dramatic as possible.’”
Okay, for the next pose on Couples Yoga…
“Shhh, this is my favorite part.”
Got voyeurism?
“Don’t worry darling, your parents aren’t even looking.”
Wow, this one is hard.
How about, “Momma’s Got a Squeezebox”
Shoddy, I know, but not enough Java to think straight.
Peyton and Ash knew they’d have a tough time breaking in to the strip show business. To their frustration, though, even daily practice on the side stage wasn’t enough to overcome the crowd’s disinterest in their fancy dress historical theme.
“Yeah, that’s great, sweetie. Torrid passion, uh-huh. Oh, totally pulsing. Yeah. Hey, would you be a dear and go get me some Jujubes?”
Oh dahlink, I’d love to do the opera with you, but my hips need to be put back into place.
The box was all about being seen, and Alana was going to use that to her full advantage. Someone was going to give her ass a standing ovation, and it wasn’t going to be this clown.
“You’re blocking my view, darling.”
“The next scene. Let me show you.”
“We must be discreet about our secret love, momma.”
Lustily, the virile King Henry thrust his new bride down upon the silken pillows. “Thou shalt get kings of me,” he growled seductively into her ear. “I will have a son of thee, wench. Open thy legs and receive me—thy king commands it!”
“Permit me a moment,” murmured his bride. “A moment . . . wait . . . a little more . . . ah. Miscarriage finished. Mariah, take it away, and bring his Majesty another trough of oysters. Thank you. Proceed, your majesty.”