Give Us Yer Hoff

I know a few people, including myself, who want to be in Australia right now. Not only was there that whole RWA (Aussie) conference that just ended, but certain people from certain publishers are running around Oz having a grand old time (even though it’s winter there, oy!) and have I mentioned enough how much I love Australia and New Zealand? I might even learn to appreciate the salty strangeness that is vegemite.

Aussies and Kiwis are some lovely people. Having worked with scores of them in summer camps over the years, I can tell you, if you want to have a mad crush on a nationality, Aussies and Kiwis are the way to go. They’re gregariously friendly, and, if sweeping generalizations could be made (which they are round these parts like damn and howdy), they have a sort of beach mentality. Relax. Go outside. Have a beer. While Americans (sweeping generalization ahoy!) are inveterate workaholics, Aussies and Kiwis seem, from my faraway viewpoint, to be much more laid back, and gosh how I envy that. I’m not cut out to be a workaholic.

The other thing I love about the lands down under, particularly at this moment Australia, is the entire showbag concept. You go to a show or a fair, like the Royal Easter Show or the Royal Melbourne Show, and there’s show bags you can buy. Kind of like the baddest of the badass party favors, only you buy them. Different vendors put together bags for folks to purchase, from dude-centered magazines to something called the Bertie Beetle showbag. This September, at the Royal Melbourne Show, the Grand Ridge brewery will be selling a $10,000 “showbag” packed with beer and beef.

(Special note to Spoetzl Brewery: please sell showbag filled with Shiner Bock in New Jersey. Preferably at the Meadowlands, because I can drive there and pick up all my beer. xoxoxo, Sarah)

Also appearing at the Royal Melbourne? The same showbag that filled my heart with great chest-hair laden joy: the Hoff Bag. Filled with a t-shirt, wig, mug, fluffy dice, beer cozy (known in Oz as a stubby cooler), headband, wristband, air freshener, bottle opener, necklace, ring, all in a red cloth bag, the Hoff Bag is a piece of wonderment that will keep folks talking for years. Particularly the air freshener. That part nearly made Hubby fall off his chair giggling.

Thanks to two wonderful Australians, I have something SO cool, I’m not sure what to do with it. I have TWO Hoff bags. TWO. All that Hoffin’, just for me. From faraway Australia, the Hoff and his bag o’ booty arrived in Jersey, tempting me with the headband action and the fine beer cozy. Well, the beer cozy was easy to resist. I can’t buy Shiner in Jersey.

Now I have to figure out what to do with these here bags of Hoff. Who wants a small piece of Australia and a furry piece of Hoff? Who can resist the possibilities of The Hoff Bag? What shall I do to award these majestic bags of Hoff? Any ideas?

I mean, Hoff wig, y’all. HOFF WIG.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    MaryKate says:

    Sarah, I just can’t picture the hoff wig exactly. I mean, the photo is a guy. I think you’ll need to model please.

    You know, so we get an exact picture of the Hofftasticness of it all.

  2. 2
    SB Sarah says:

    Right now a camera is watching me type. I am bound to make at least 30000 typos.

    Marianne Mancusi wants me to pretend I’m blogging. Pretend? Pshaw.

    However, the offer of the Hoff wig on my head? Hmmm. Perhaps a modeling session.

  3. 3
    MaryKate says:

    Indeed. A modeling session. That’s the ticket.

  4. 4
    katiebabs says:

    As you get off the plane in Melbourne, each visitor gets their own Hoff wig. It will catch on just like getting laid in Hawaii.

  5. 5
    Damaris says:

    Oh my word. I cannot decide which is better, the Hoff Wig or the Mullet Wig.

  6. 6
    Buffie says:

    Maybe the wig would look better on a guy with much less clothing.  Just sayin’!  ;)

  7. 7

    Are you kidding me?  I would cut off my pinkie finger for the Hoff, such is my love for him.

    Bleeding, amputated body parts photo contest.  It’s the only way to go.

  8. 8
    Jill Myles says:

    This definitely calls for a Photochop contest. I’m thinking cover art montages.

  9. 9
    kmblush says:

    How about submitting Hoff quotes…  like the one made last night on America’s Got Talent…  “You guys were awesome – you’re as American as the Olympics!”)  A winner for sure!

  10. 10
    Ahlison says:

    The Hoff head wig… Where’s the chest wig???

  11. 11
    Claire says:

    whatever contest you think up it should be one which I can win.  cause there is some hefty competition around these here smart bitch parts!

  12. 12
    Suze says:

    I’m not cut out to be a workaholic.

    Then I assume you don’t consider running SBTB work?  ‘Cause holy GOD, woman!  When do you sleep?

    (and thank you!)

  13. 13
    azteclady says:

    Oh dear.

    I’m… almost… speechless.

  14. 14
    Marg says:

    Ah – the humble showbag taken to new extremes!

    I haven’t been to the Melbourne show for years. Maybe I should go this year.

  15. 15

    Okay, I’m ashamed to be asking this. . . but what did Hoff have written on the south end of his jeans?  [America’s Got Talent last night]  My perpetual fiance was talking over the TV, and then all of a sudden I see Hoff standing up and waving his butt at the camera.  I sort of vapor-locked at that point.  Someone please to explain?

  16. 16
    Phyllis says:

    I have found Shiner Bock in my grocery store here in California. In a few stores, in fact. I fell all over myself buying some, because I hadn’t had any since I moved away from TX *mumble mumble* years ago. Maybe we’re a test market.

  17. 17
    Mellie says:

    Gawd, I lurv me some Shiner Bock!

    SB Sarah- I looked online at their site- not sure how far you are from the Pennsylvania border- but it looks to be available there.  It’s also available in Maryland.

  18. 18
    SonomaLass says:

    A stubby cooler for my Shiner Bock (or my Lagunitas IPA)?  Hoff-tastic prizes?  Sounds like we need a LOL-Hoff competition, mebbe.

    SB Sarah, please to model only the head wig, not the chest wig, plzkthnks.

  19. 19
    SB Sarah says:

    Alas, PA has such strange liquor laws, at least, the last time I lived there anyway, I’d have to find a state store that had Shiner, and not many of them have online listings as to what brands they carry. I can’t imagine there’s a demand for it in northeastern PA, either, which is the closest part of the state to me.

    Maryland, however, is one of my very favorite states, and I might have to take a road trip to go buy beer. It’s only, what, 4 hours away, barring traffic. Beer run!

  20. 20
    Vicki says:

    Oooh, the best thing about PA was the drive through beer stores. And you had to buy a case at a time! My friend had too many beer cans after a party so we shot at them. Full beer cans really explode when you ding them with a .22!  If only we’d had mullet wigs to wear!

  21. 21
    LocoDempsey says:

    Gotta raise a hand and testify for Shiner.  I squee’d in delight when I even discovered Shiner Bohemian Black Lager at a local (Pasadena) BevMo.
    And I looked up the Hoff Bag on the Hoff’s site and must purchase it as a birthday gift for a very lucky soul.

  22. 22

    Yes, it is true… we Aussies love the Hoff. And may I say thank you, Sarah, on behalf of all the romance-reading, beach-loving, easy-going, laid-back Aussies? I couldn’t get to the Australian RWA this year, damnit – grrrrr, but I’ll be at next year’s with bells on…well, maybe not bells…maybe I’ll wear my “I Love The Hoff”  shirt? Hmmmm…

  23. 23
    ev says:

    Second try-

    They’re gregariously friendly, and, if sweeping generalizations could be made (which they are round these parts like damn and howdy), they have a sort of beach mentality. Relax. Go outside. Have a beer.

    I have promised Daughter when she gets her Master’s we will go Down Under (snicker). I may not come back. Ever.

    I love the Hoff.

    I dvr’d Talent. If I can read his butt, I will let you know what it says.

    They were keeping a Mullet count at the State Fair the other day. Day 2 they had 40 already. Who says NY isn’t full of rednecks?

    spamword- feeling69. yup, not touching that one.

  24. 24
    Anna says:

    OK, I know America is a tripped out place, but you don’t have showbags?

    My favourite is the cheese showbag. It comes with samples of the best kinds of brie, camembert, blue brie, quince paste and water crackers from the King Island Dairy.

    I’m not supposed to eat aged cheese because its meant to contribute to my migraines: but this year at the show I am definitely getting it.

  25. 25
    voodoo chile says:

    That whole show bag idea is brilliant I tell you! Just brilliant! I’ve worked with many Aussies & Kiwi’s and loved them dearly.  Wonderful people with a great appreciation for life.  The “Hoff” show bag sounds hysterical.

  26. 26
    annemjw says:

    It’s quite nice to come online and see your whole country being complimented!

    I shall send my own love back through the internet.

    Anne from NZ.

  27. 27
    Sarah says:

    And we have rugby players like Daniel Carter and Anthony Boric! What is not to love? ;o)

  28. 28

    And performers like Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe. The best of both Down Unders *grin*

  29. 29
    Danielle says:

    Oh, I love the Royal Melbourne Show! It’s awesome.
    (And I really can’t believe America doesn’t have showbags. Seriously? I would have thought they’d fit right in over there.)

  30. 30
    Angela James says:

    Australia was fabulous! I went and saw Wicked while in Melbourne. And I got to cuddle a koala in Brisbane. Loved it!

    Cindy is still gallivanting about Australia with her mom. I’d be jealous except I was ready to come home and see my family.

    Of course, now the jet lag is kicking my ass. Oh, the price we pay for world travel…

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