Ok, this book has nothing to do with one of the prizes, but I have an ARC to give away, and this cover makes me feel verry verrrry creative. And really, there is no law at Smart Bitch HQ that says I have to make any sense. Whee! So, two prizes, one contest, and my thanks to April for the linkage and the original question.
Take a look at the picture below the fold. In the comments, tell me what he’s looking at. A few words, a narrative, a poem, whatever. Just tell us what he’s looking at. The two best winners as judged by you all and yours truly will win either (a) a copy of Rhonda Nelson’s The Hell Raiser and The Loner OR (b) my ARC of C.L. Wilson’s King of Sword and Sky (which is due out in October). The fabulous folks at The Dorch sent me a digital copy and a paper copy, and when I asked and said “Please,” they said it would be spiffy to give my paper ARC away to one of you lovely readers. Comments expire in 24 hours.
So, on your mark, get set, and tell me: What’s he looking at?! What’s he saying to himself?
Carpe Testes!
“Ferrets? Again?!”
“Huh? I could have sworn I had something there earlier…”
‘Dammit! I thought I washed off that white discharge in the shower!’
____________________________________________________
‘Hmmm…these towels are very nice. Soft and fluffy, just like the saleslady said. I wonder if I can go into town wrapped in one…’
That wasn’t there yesterday. . .
*delurks*
“You’re still there?” he said, not particularly surprised. “I thought for sure the shower would get rid of you.
The little fire demon nestled snugly in his privates just grinned smugly up at him.
“I am trying to … entertain … a lady,” he said stiffly. “Do you know how hard it is to maintain the proper dignity of my manhood when I’m also having to explain to her why I appear to be on fire down there?”
“You’re part demon yourself,” the fireling shot back.
“So?”
“So it’s not exactly a *man*hood…”
“Oh, shut up,” he said, and went back to figuring out just how exactly he would explain things…
“Hell, raise it? I can’t even find it!”
Wow! 100% cotton really does feel softest?
Man, I knew that Mickey Mouse tattoo was a bad idea
Johnson was the master smuggler, literally defending his manhood his manhood. Seriously, who would ever guess he was a Julia Roberts fan if they could never find where he always hid the flash drives with her downloaded classics?
Naked, alone, and warm in his lovely private cabin, he undid his towel and reached into his sachel of goodies that had been surgically enhanced at great expense so that it could also function as a literal sachel of goodies and withdrew the flashdrive.
“Time to watch my favourite – Sleeping With the Enemy.”
***
“My baloney has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R…..”
Lance looked down at the jagged line of dissolvable stitches that crossed his rippling abs and said to himself,
“Enemies we may be, but at least she only stole the one kidney.”
Ah! Correction to the first sentence: “Johnson was the master smuggler, literally defending his manhood WITH his manhood.”
“Um…I thought this thing was wash and wear?”
JennK- Are you in some kind of distress, cause that icon is the international symbol of distress. Or a big insult. One or the other. I’m just asking is all…
Ok, it’s still there. Just checking, you know.
Chest, Nuts roasting on an open fire…
and for you SNL fans:
No one can resist my Schweaty Balls
He is looking at his pigsticker and thinking…
“I love you,
You love me,
We’re a happy family,
with a great big hug,
and a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me TOO!”
What the-? Is that a-? Holy shit, I’m a DUDE?!
Beam me up Scottie, there really is no intelligence down here, from what I see.
Pay close attention boys and girls…I’m going to make an Elephant
Azrael gazed with bemusement at his new form. He was familiar with humans, for Hell teemed with their numbers. Still, this was the first time he had possessed a human body, and his whole frame was awash with sensations. He stepped close to the fire, but Azrael soon retreated with embarrassment when the heat became too much. A demon bothered by fire? He would never live it down.
The body wore a wrap around its middle, and Azrael’s fingers were drawn to the soft texture. But there was more to explore, and Azrael boldly opened the wrap to discover it. Here was the source of so many human troubles. He had heard rumors in Hell about a man’s organ, but never knew if they were true. Already it stood at attention, as if awaiting something.
Idle hands, thought Azrael with a grin, and he let the wrap drop to the floor…
I swear it winked at me!
BEVQB has the best one so far…by far!
“Huh, John was right! This is much toastier than using the washroom air dryer!”
(yeah yeah, I know, I just had to think of something, because I’m drooling over the ARC!)
ev @ 10:32: I have no idea how or why it’s there.
What the heck did I do last night? Is that a new tattoo? And a piercing?
Damn, this strap on looks cool.
You know, when I sold my soul to the devil, I thought I’d get a full 20. Oh well, I guess a foot-long will have to do.
(odd that my word was growing95)
“ROYGBI…Alright! Send in the last one with the Violet lipstick!”
Top Secret CIA black ops, ex-Marine agent Jared stared, amazed to find that the mystic artist who had given him his phoenix tattoo had spoken truly. The bird had empowered him with the ability to shoot fire out of his cock. He could complete his mission now, and assassinate the beautiful terrorist by sleeping with the enemy.
And yet, this was bad, he thought mournfully, for now he was forever cursed to be a lonely, mournful, smoldering romance hero who refused to have sex because he would hurt her.
“Damn, I missed a spot shaving.”
Why didn’t you tell me that Nair …would…sting…so…much?
should thighs of steel be
inflamed ablaze cracked oozing
not so fresh feeling?
irony – “medical68”
“Crap, I washed the microdot down the drain. Q is gonna kill me for sure.”
There once was a really hot dude,
who admired himself muchly when nude.
But his man rod was teeny,
and ashamed of his weenie,
he decided to get it tatooed.
The things I will do for free books!
*droops head in shame*
Mhuscles – got ‘em.
Cahbin with Fhireplace – right here.
Mahssively huge penhis – right where I left it
Jhust anohther dhay……
Eve
He’s looking at his johnson, psyching it to get hard because he’s preparing to sacrifice himself for his country by sleeping with the enemy so he/she/they will reveal state secrets during pillow talk.
(I didn’t read the other comments so sorry if someone already suggested this!)
It’s a fairly common STD, he says.
The penicillin should clear it right up, he says.
Somehow I don’t think the Doc understood that “I’m pissing fire” wasn’t hyperbole.
(I heart BethanyA)
You put your right ball in,
You take your right ball out,
You put your left ball in,
and shake it all about…
“Whoa, when did I get circumsized?”