Smart Bitch Contest: What’s he looking at?

Ok, this book has nothing to do with one of the prizes, but I have an ARC to give away, and this cover makes me feel verry verrrry creative. And really, there is no law at Smart Bitch HQ that says I have to make any sense. Whee! So, two prizes, one contest, and my thanks to April for the linkage and the original question.

Take a look at the picture below the fold. In the comments, tell me what he’s looking at. A few words, a narrative, a poem, whatever. Just tell us what he’s looking at. The two best winners as judged by you all and yours truly will win either (a) a copy of Rhonda Nelson’s The Hell Raiser and The Loner OR (b) my ARC of C.L. Wilson’s King of Sword and Sky (which is due out in October). The fabulous folks at The Dorch sent me a digital copy and a paper copy, and when I asked and said “Please,” they said it would be spiffy to give my paper ARC away to one of you lovely readers. Comments expire in 24 hours.

So, on your mark, get set, and tell me: What’s he looking at?! What’s he saying to himself?


Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    katiebabs says:

    “Wow, how did I get three balls instead of two??”

  2. 2
    Sarah Frantz says:

    Well, hey, Tinkerbell, light of my loins.  Let’s do some clapping to help you rise again!

  3. 3
    StacieH4 says:

    His wonderous shaft of light…or possibly his flaming sword of lurve?

  4. 4
    B says:

    His detachable penis?

  5. 5
    Jesse Bean says:

    His downstairs mixup?

    View here

  6. 6
    Barb Ferrer says:

    “He swore if I used it every day, it would work!  Damn that Billy Mays and the seductive lure of the Mighty Putty. “

  7. 7
    snarkhunter says:

    Why is there a roach
    Crawling up my manly thigh?
    Please don’t touch my dick.

  8. 8
    Eunice says:

    “Captain Maglite’s power may have been unusual, but it sure came in handy* for finding his keys.”

    *hur, hur

  9. 9
    Bernita says:

    Indelible lipstick.

  10. 10
    E.D'Trix says:

    My demonic cock
    Rampant in the fire light
    Hell-raiser indeed.

  11. 11
    Silver James says:

    In the rare case an erection lasts for more than four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

    Uhm… 9-1-1? I need a nurse…Yes. This is an emergency.

  12. 12
    LeaF says:

    Act 1 Scene 1

    He doth see his “Torche” burn bright
    Two pearls hang on the back of the light
    Like rich jewels in an Ethiope’s ear
    For mine eyes the feast is too dear!

    Meaning no disrespect to “Will”….

  13. 13
    Robinjn says:


    Towel to act as heat catcher….check

    All over body grease….okay, got that one done. Sure was hard to reach between my manly shoulderblades with the Johnsons.

    Heat source from fire. Got that.

    Dammit. That email said that if I did all this it’d get BIGGER. It’s not BIGGER. I wanted to achieve manly girth enhancement!

  14. 14
    Sara Fleming says:

    Fuck. Crabs again.

  15. 15
    KCfla says:

    Why did she laugh? I don’t see anything wrong……….

  16. 16
    Theresa Meyers says:

    *waking naked on a towel in front of the fire in a strange cabin with a ribbon tied about his manly bits*  “Well I don’t know where you’ve been lad, but I can see you’ve won first prize.”

  17. 17
    Anne Douglas says:

    Huh. When did I get one of those?


    Stupid damn scratchy towels! My poor Pwecious!

  18. 18
    Mel-O-Drama says:

    This definitely calls for more cowbell.

  19. 19
    Julie says:

    Walk softly and carry a big …

  20. 20
    Kimberly Anne says:

    Damn.  I wish my neck was longer.

  21. 21
    Laura says:

    “Huh – looky there. It does list to the right.”

  22. 22
    Christine says:

    “The porn director told me to come up with a stage name before we start filming.  I like the name Chuck Cockalot, or how about Ben McMightySack?  Or Mitch Meaty?  Oh, or Chief Big Hard Rod!”

  23. 23
    robinb says:

    Pamela Anderson!

  24. 24
    Jacquilynne says:

    “I wonder if these stitches are infected? Damn that bitch for stabbing me anyway. When will I learn not to go around sleeping with the enemy?”

  25. 25
    Chicklet says:

    “In retrospect, that Barry Manilow tattoo was a bad idea.”

  26. 26
    rebyj says:

    “Hey baby, think the fire needs more…………….wood?”

  27. 27
    Eeyore9990 says:

    Operator: Customer Service, how may I help you?
    Big, Buff, and Butch: What the hell did you do to me?!
    Operator:  Please explain the nature of your complaint. *sounds of bubble gum popping*
    Big, Buff, and Butch:  I saw your email advertisement and I bought it!  When the pills came, I took them as directed!
    Operator: Uh-huh.
    Big, Buff, and Butch: And now… I have a tiny cock sticking out of my hip!
    Operator: Uh-huh.  So what’s the problem, sir?
    Big, Buff, and Butch:

    Besides the tiny cock sticking out of my hip?
    Operator: Sir, when you say “tiny,” how small is it?
    Big, Buff, and Butch: I don’t know.  I didn’t measure it.
    Operator: Would you please do so now, sir.  I’ll be happy to hold.

    Minutes later…

    Big, Buff, and Butch: *sound of horror dawning* It’s… three inches.
    Operator: *chipper* Another satisfied customer, then.  Have a good day, sir!

  28. 28
    Amy says:

    “Damn, I’m good!”

  29. 29
    Becs says:

    Egyptian cotton.  I specifically requested Egyptian cotton towels.  I’ll never get dry with this thing, guess I’ll have to sit by the fire.

  30. 30
    Spider says:

    “Well, what do you know,” He thought to himself, “that mole does kind of look like Pinhead.  I knew I shouldn’t have stuck my d*¢k in that box.”

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