It’s been awhile since we’ve had a contest, don’t you think? I mean, we’ve named sex toys, written LOL Romance queries, crafted LOLHOffs, and written cover copy based on nonsense spam words from Sarah’s inbox. But you know, there’s one place we haven’t been yet, one path we haven’t taken, one deep, dark secret ecstacy we haven’t yet explored.
You guessed it: anal!
Thanks to Kate from Ramblings on Romance, my eyeballs were forever assaulted by the first and absolutely real chocolate starfish. That’s right: an edible anus. (Can you imagine that “edibleanus.com” wasn’t already taken by some enterprising cyber squatter, emphasis on “squat?”) While the shop is closed right now and you can’t procure a chocolate representation of the Hershey highway for your very own until Memorial Day (and what a day to remember THAT will be), we here at Bitchery headquarters never want to skip an opportunity to exercise our abs with the romance and the absurd.
And speaking of absurd, check out the page for the “limited edition solid silver anus:”
55 grams of hallmarked silver, cradled in a magnificent presentation box and exquisitely crafted into that most sensuous of body parts: a unique, elegant and thought-provoking gift.
People come and people go. Our solid silver anus is immune from the daily wear and tear that similar products experience. A quality product immortalised in silver…for the man who has everything.”
Two words, people, two words: Father’s. Day.
Two more words – no, three: Smart Bitch Contest!
All awe and giggles at the solid silver booty holes aside, we must consider it our solemn dooty, I mean, duty, to hold a contest to celebrate the imminent sales extravaganza that is the solid chocolate doorway to the doody canal. Seriously! What better promotional effort could release wads of dollars from the tight brown folds of your nearest wallet like the Smart Bitchery’s purplest prose?
So, here’s the deal: send Sarah (sarah @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com) your finest over-the-top purplest purple (or brown) prose example of an anal sex scene (250 word limit, please!) by midnight tonight 21 May 2008, Pacific Time. I’ll collate and post them all and you can vote and giggle at the wonderment.
Winner as voted in the comments will receive a Smart Bitch Title™, a Romance Novel Magnetic Poetry Kit, and a gift certificate to Powell’s or Amazon, winner’s choice.
Any questions? Send ‘em where the sun don’t shine. Just kidding.