And now, a visit to the silly land of Sarah’s uncaffeinated brain. The superpowered heroine, she is becoming a common little vixen, isn’t she? Women in romance novels, particularly the urban fastasy and paranormal type, are flush with the amplified sumpin-sumpin, which makes for an even more powerful Hooten-Nanny, if you catch my drift.
Think about it: heroines can raise the dead, send the dead back to bed, control the weather, identify all manner of noxious creatures, master hidden depths of earth-based strength, all while pulling the hero’s true love out of his wangster much like removing that sword from that stone.
Those powers are all well and good, but what about the lesser superpowers, the random things that some folks are blessed with, like the ability to always make flawless coffee (I do not has it. Hubby has it, bless him) or the talent of perfect gift giving? While up at 6:00 am on a weekend (PAH) wrangling many creatures in my own home, I came up with a few random superpowers I’d really, really like to have. Feel free to add your own to the list.
1. Wrapping Paper See Through: Seriously. I want the power to see through wrapping paper to identify the gift within, not because I’m a party pooper but because giving a young person a mountain of fingerpaints right before naptime = Bad Idea Jeans. Presents are awesome. Finger paints are awesome. But that momentary dread of, “What is it and should I let a child open it now?” is one I’d like the see-through power to avoid, please.
2. Instant Caffeination: I would like to so much as look at the coffee machine and instantly boot up. It might save me from walking into the doorjam (ow).
3. Fall Back Every Night: You know spring forward and fall back? I want One More Hour Power – wherein I can stay up late and then set the clock back an hour before I go to bed. That way I get more reading time, which makes me a happy, happy Sarah.
4. No DCO: the power to avoid falling into instant lust for any article of clothing that is Dry Clean Only. Or that makes me itchy.
5. FileMaker In my Brain: the power to file, categorize and remember any and all romances I’ve read, so that my entire life isn’t one big Help a Bitch Out session wherein I toss books about on my shelf while mumbling about the blue cover that had a hero who was a spy. I think.
6. Traffic, Please: If I can’t have Fall Back power, then I want traffic control. No traffic when I need to get somewhere, lots of it when I’d like to delay arrival, and freaking TONS when I have a good book on the bus and don’t want to arrive at my destination any time soon.
See, I think any one of these minor superpowers would make for a marvelous heroine. It would certainly make me the heroine of my own day, that’s for damn sure.