I sat down at the bar this evening and wrote the following: a somewhat poetic word summary of my first six hours at Romantic Times:
beefcake
mantitty
more mantitty.
mantitty is everywhere
chocolate gauntlet of author giveaways
bookmarks attached to chocolate (nom nom nom)
bar!
hooray bar!
also, hooray bar!
1500 people?! Are you fucking kidding me?
SQUEEEEEEE in the elevator as long lost friends unite
4 days of par-TAY
i can has more mantitty? YES I CAN.
I’ll be honest: when I arrived I queried anyone who was sitting down (pity my captive audience) my most befuddled question: What the FUCK is going on here? There are readers, avid, dare I say rabid, romance fans, running around in costumes and formal dresses, paying to pose for pictures with the Ellora’s Cave models, squeeing left and right and getting their groove on like nothing else. What IS this place?
You’d understand my confusion. Never in my life have I read a more confusing conference schedule, and I’ve been to popular culture conferences, composition conferences, fiction conferences.. you get the picture. Judging solely by the 2008 agenda, I can’t tell if this is a conference meant for writers, fans, readers, aspiring authors, or what. There’s sessions on how not to piss off your editor, and sessions all about this author or that author and I couldn’t tell you what the purpose of this gathering is just by looking at the schedule. Not to mention, the technicolor madness of the actual schedule is impossible to read unless one has ingested many, many tiny squares of funny paper.
Someone finally explained it to me: you know the sci fi conventions for sci fi fans, and the fantasy conferences for fantasy fans? This, it seems, is the romance equivalent. There’s costumes, parties, more parties, and sessions on all different things – and I suspect there’s a strong element of the “all romance fans are aspiring romance authors” attitude inherent in the selection of the sessions – but in essence, this is a four-day party all about romance. Romance fans get to meet up with other romance fans that they might only see once a year at RT. (Let me tell you – there was some squeeing in the elevator every time I was on it and long lost friends hugged it out at alternate floors.)
In prior years, I’m told, it was a party to celebrate romance, and now there’s a writer’s track, a reader’s track, booksellers track – and the layout of the program is like a migraine on paper. But bottom line: it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. If I were a more party-oriented person, I’d be way into it. I might have even brought a formal gown – as it was, I was hideously underdressed for the Ellora’s Cave party this evening.
EC, while I’m discussing it, is a major player at this here partay. The EC men, and I believe there are 10 of them but I didn’t count, are everywhere. When I arrived, they were holding court to a line of countless people waiting to have them sign the EC calendar. Later, there was another line of women in formal gowns waiting to pay $10 to have their picture taken with them.
Between you and me? I felt kind of sorry for them. They were oozing charm (emphasis on ooze) but it was very much an act that was eagerly consumed by many of the women waiting in line for them. But every picture? Flex the muscles. Every spare moment greeting fans? Flex the muscles. These are not men who are given a second to relax and let the gut hang out. Every moment was flexed. I’d be exhausted – I’m tired just thinking about it.
The EC party (pictures coming as soon as I get them off the camera and see if they’re any good) was a whole other story. First the EC authors were escorted one by one across the stage to much cheering, each author led by one of the EC gentlemen, as usual without shirts on. Man, it is a tit nipply around here, if you catch my meaning.
Then, there was a show. Or a skit. Or something. Picture a throbbing sound system playing Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” while the individual Ellora men lip-synched a verse. No, really. Picture that in your mind. Now add 1000 lbs. of OMGWTFBBQ and you will have an approximation of the expression on my face. Beefcake with added patriotism! Cover models who were proud to be an Americans! I was not aware there was a Yay USA Track here but apparently so.
So first there was a guy in a construction vest, then a dude in dress whites who pulled off the military posture marvelously well… and then another gentleman in dress blues that were at least three sizes too big for him. Major demerits. And each time a new costumed man appears on stage, they lip sync another verse of the song, and salute, and pose, and more flexing, and the crowd goes wild. Seriously – I was absolutely sure I’d stumbled into a strange universe where there was not a single soul who could taste the absurd floating on the air. It was one of those moments that I suspect I’ll have more of: this is clearly for fans of romance, but I am not among the group who “gets it.”
Then I found a conference attendee in actual dress blues – an actual member of the military. Being the shameless nosy woman I am, I asked him a few questions, and he was kind enough to answer all my nebby questions.
Staff Sergeant W., who is in active duty and on leave presently from the 101st out of Ft. Campbell, currently stationed outside of Baghdad, is here with his wife Annie Marshall who writes for Dark Castle. SSG W. is home in the US for a little over a week or so, celebrating his daughter’s birthday, enjoying some leave time, and… attending Romantic Times. Now that is a hero right there: vacation from service in Iraq, and he’s drinking watered down mimosas at the EC party watching cover models pretend to be military personnel.
So I asked SSG W. what he thought about the men on stage saluting and posing as Navy and Army service men. He was the one who pointed out the exceptionally oversized dress blues, and he was rather irritated that they folded the American flag completely wrong – but then he said, “They don’t come to Iraq and tell me how to do my job, so I’m not going to tell them how to do theirs.”
He definitely didn’t know it, but he adjusted my attitude right quickly: this may not be how I choose to be a fan of romance, but this conference sure makes a huge number of people really, really, REALLY happy.
While I am definitely not the target audience for the models and the Mr. Romance (one of whom campaigned HARD for my vote until I had to tell him I couldn’t stay for the pageant) and the costumes and the formal gowns (I didn’t pack one – lame of me!), there are 1500+ people here who are still downstairs having a ball dancing at the EC party, and that party will go on until after midnight. It’s like a bar mitzvah only everyone is older than me instead of younger. It’s a hedonistic celebration of romance, and I don’t honestly understand a lot of it, though I can tell there are some people here who look forward to this all year.
Meeting SSG W., for me personally, was much more inspiring than any of the men on stage pretending to be military or lip synching to God Bless the USA, and the ten minutes I spent talking (ok shouting over the music) made the rest of the EC party totally worth it. That and watching this one woman’s endowments slip their surly bonds while she jump-danced to “Come On Eileen.”
No worries lisbea—lookit how much I spelled wrong. Sheesh. “Depiction” & even Kathryn’s name and… oh lud I suuuuuuck. I’m going to be struck by copygoddess lightening and I will deserve it. ick on me.
Ooooooooo! I had no idea what an RT convention was like, but I am now super disappointed to be missing it. A huge-arse celebration of the romance genre? My cupa tea. Perhaps next year. Squeeee for some authors for me, will you?
I don’t see how so many people could deride Sherrilyn Kenyon’s swan hat when EC is hosting a side-of-beef show.
It’s context, Chicklet. Sherri’s hat shenanigans happened at the RWA literacy signing, where it was utterly unexpected whereas at RT, it’s just some feathers on someone’s head, compared to some of the other outfits being sported.
Context.
Thanks for the report. I have to admit…been there, done that. Very $$$ for very little return on the dollar, unless you are an erotica writer and then, yeah, it’s the place to be and pick up new fans. Other genre writers get lost in all the mantitty, “Got Sex” t-shirts, and outrageous costumes. But I will admit, the costumes were the most entertaining sight there.
Too bad you have to miss the Mr. Romance contest. Talk about cheesy!
Look forward to more reports
It’s context, Chicklet.
Sure, *we* have context for it, but any press coverage likely doesn’t. For most non-romance readers, any gathering related to the genre equals the genre, period. I’d just as soon not be associated with the butt-pinchers, thanks. [/snob]
“First the EC authors were escorted one by one across the stage to much cheering, each author led by one of the EC gentlemen, as usual without shirts on. “
Just want to make it clear…the MEN had no shirts on.
Us authors were expected to remain dressed.
Diana Hunter, who had the honor, the priviledge and the duty to take a model’s arm across that stage
Sure, *we* have context for it, but any press coverage likely doesn’t. For most non-romance readers, any gathering related to the genre equals the genre, period. I’d just as soon not be associated with the butt-pinchers, thanks. [/snob]
Nope, you go ahead and be a snob. The swan hats and man titty are always going to get the attention—it’s just how the game is played. I heard from a friend who’s there that one of the local stations sent a crew out to do a story that originally was going to focus on authors, then they decided they wanted to talk to a reader and they happened to snag one who’s a HUGE fan of EroRom. (Not that this is difficult at RT, admittedly.) And rather than have it be a piece on how women are much more comfortable and even reveling in all the choices available to them in the romance genre, it turned into sex-starved housewives.
*sigh*
Which of course, must make those of us who write it, bon-bon eating, feather boa-wearing dilettantes lounging on chaises as we pump out (pun fully intended) the purple prose.
< /sarcasm>
Oh I just love to hear the reports that come in from RT virgins!
I went to my first RT all by my lonesome, so I had plenty of time to quietly sit and people watch. My head felt like it rested on a swivel, and I’m sure that from an outsiders point of view, my mouth seemed to be constantly open in astonishment.
The next year I roomed with two friends, both RT virgins. That was a hoot as well because behind their glazed over eyes, I could read every thought. And those were mostly, OMGWTF! hahahaha
Now, Ms. Sarah, where are those darn pics? (Nah, just teasing. Many people go to RT with the best of intentions, like posting pics on a regular basis, then find that every day there is like running the Boston marathon.)
Word-yes56 NO damn it, just turned 46. Don’t rush it.
I think there should be a “Poor EC Authors Whose Books the Company Won’t Put into Print” party in, say, Oconomowoc. We could wear our sweats, bring our own six-packs (the potable kind), and ogle slide shows of Don Knotts in various roles. Then we could get our pictures taken with . . . well, any man we could get to stand still.
To Cat Marsters especially
Which is why, Cat, I’m over here in Pittsburgh instead of over there with you! You can’t take this too seriously and I can come over here and party instead of remaining prim and proper and good, then put half the world between me and my bad behaviour again!
But behind the scenes, a lot of business does get done. I’ve sorted out a couple of things that would have been really difficult to do in mail.
Wryhag~OCONOMOWOC? Holy crap, you must be in WI to spell that city right!! I live near Oconomowoc! GO PACK!! 🙂
Cat:
It was Laura Baumbach and the ManLoveRomance group.
http://manlovebooks.com/blog/04/romantic-timeshyatt-author-targeted/
Also, one of the Torquere authors (I forget who, but I think Julia Talbot) paid for a membership in the Faerie Court, which is supposed to guarantee a review. RT promptly revised the rules so that they neither had to review a m/m novel nor refund the money.
I think I’ll stick with science fiction conventions
Damned straight, Tracy. I can pronounce it correctly, too, old Milwaukeean that I am. And I second the “Go, Pack!” God knows they’re going to need all the support they can get with BF gone.
Yeah, I can pronounce it correctly too! Mukwonago, Waukesha, Fond du Lac, Menomonee Falls etc. etc. A lot of tongue twister names around here. I love it when the radio or TV gets a new DJ/News Anchor form out of the area and the way the butcher the names! I’m evil I know, but you think they’d find out how to pronounce them BEFORE going on the air!
I’ve been a Packer fan for 15 years. I don’t know the Pack without BF!
Sorry for hijacking the thread, but seriously, I don’t run into too many Wisconsinites online!! :o)
Okay, there’s a very un-pc remark just begging to be made here, but God/gods/goddesses forbid I should be the one to make it. (Still chuckling to myself, though. I also laugh at ethnic jokes. Hey, gimme a break; I was raised in taverns.)
Note to self: don’t try to comment on blogs with 4 hrs sleep at an RT convention…
WE authors…not “us” authors.
Wryhag,
I get the joke too.
It probably resembles my daughter talking about sexuality and how, according to scared grown-ups, when she’s 18 the Gay Fairy will bop her and say “Be fabulous” or the Straight Fairy—but of course they don’t call him THAT…
Okay, there’s a very un-pc remark just begging to be made here, but God/gods/goddesses forbid I should be the one to make it.
No worries; it’s the kind of joke where you don’t even have to tell it—you just have to name the elements and let the listener provide the joke in their head. *g*
Sounds like the Girls Gone Wild crew should set up shop at RT 🙂
Loved the report, (although now I’ll be even more likely to chicken out from attending in 2009 like I had been planning…)