More Blind and Not-So-Blind Items

A certain pub of the vowel variety was seen approaching one of their former authors, now a big double-diamond star in her own right for another publishing house. Despite proclamations that said author was persona non grata at their house since she departed, the pub rep present at RT was begging said author for a few books – e-rights only, no need to worry about that printy type business. Things must be rotten in Denmark for begging to supercede earlier vilification.

Meanwhile, a number of authors from one ePub had a marvelous time at the party of another ePub, even though in previous years, the first had drawn virtual barbed wire fences around their authors to prevent fraternizing (or sororitizing?) with the other group. And yet, when the grown ups got to socialize, a good time was had by all.

However, a good time was not had by every single attendee. From the RT Police blotter, a three-times-the-drama tale of a very pitiable cover model. Seems one of the Misters Romance had a history of instability, and his behavior caused a very big stir most of the weekend. First, he scored the room key card of an RT staffer, admitted himself to her room and waited for her return so he could serenade her. He was removed from the premesis soon after – but wait, there’s more. Said contestant returned, and was forcibly removed a second time, this time, according to witnesses, on a gurney.

And then it got interesting.

In the meantime, this contestant’s roommate was understandably horrified by the events so far, and related to other conference organizers how very scary the man’s behavior had been in the room, to the point where the roommate didn’t wish to sleep there. The organizers took pity on the fearful Mr. Romance and moved his room immediately. Meanwhile, the unfortunate model twice removed made his forced departure a hat trick of drama, as he returned to go after his former roomie, and was once again escorted from the premesis by Pittsburgh’s finest.

And there’s more from the police blotter? But of course. And the item, it is not so blind.

Multiple sources have relayed information about a showdown of Barnes/Ewing proportions – perhaps even Hatfield/McCoy levels.

Seems the daughter of one Carpathian author lost her digital camera. Luckily- or unluckily – the lady’s camera was found—by the daughter of another entourage-escorted author. The daughter took it upon herself in Reckless fashion to take pictures of her lovely lady lumps. And by ‘lumps’ I mean her most intimate of selves. No Other Woman would mistake the glory of that lion, or beaver, as the case may be.

When the Carpathian daughter discovered the images upon the return of her camera, she had words with the photographer’s mother, who apparently assured her that her daughter would be spoken to.

However, the caution and conciliatory words concerning the c-pics did not reach the entourage of the Princess of Fire. A few of them, heavily influenced by the Spirit of the Season, headed for a showdown on the dance floor the final night of RT, and had words with the Carpathian daughter, nearly, according to one source, coming to blows about the whole event, telling the owner of those now-very-interesting pictures to mind her own business.

Later, the rumble relocated to a different part of the hotel, and conflicting reports indicate that Pittsburgh’s finest were once again dispatched to placate the angry. The Carpathian mother was seen in tears over the debacle, and many a conference attendee was choosing sides. Perhaps one will wear blue, another will wear grey, and we’ll answer the burning question as to how well one’s bikini wax holds up during close photographic encounters. Regardless, I am hoping Orlando’s finest are not called to the hotel next year for any reason. Drama is one thing, but requiring the attendance of law enforcement is not necessary.

EDITED 4/22 – but wait, there’s still more!

More than one person has emailed me privately to say, “Not so fast, Bitch!” To which I say, “Say what now?” Never let it be said that Bitches don’t listen.

Seems many conflicting report has arisen regarding who took what photos and of what specifically. One source says that everyone involved needed anatomy lessons and not of the Grey’s variety, as the photo in question was a hairy underarm, and not at all one belonging to a woman (though if you don’t want to shave beneath your armpits, who am I to judge?) Another source says that the daughters of either party weren’t involved at all, and the entire showdown on the dance floor was an elaborate choreographed jam session of some sort… and you know, given the amount of production that went into the dinner and luncheon theatre spectacles, I would almost buy that and pay retail.

And a very friendly source who was so excited that a lush and handsome Mr. P. showed how to work her new digital camera told me that first hand, as her own eyes have witnessed, the daughter of the Princess of Fire did no such fanny-snapping, and that the pictures, according to Ms. Princess herself, were most definitely of an armpit, taken right in front of the friendly source, who emailed me immediately to say, “See how armpits can be larger than they appear?”



Romantic Times

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  1. 1
    Chrissy says:


    Oxygen tanks be damned.  I can’t miss anything like this again.

    anything81 —I bet more than 81 anythings happened!

  2. 2
    Bonnie L. says:

    Wow, you managed to write a delicately phrased column worthy of any regency society rag.  Next time can you give more clues like, Ms. F____ or publisher O____ so that way we can really pretend we’re reading a regency paper?  HA HA

    So let me get this right, the daughter of one author found the lost camera of the daughter of another and decided to leave some pictures of her va-jay-jay as a parting prize on the memory card.  May I ask how old these women are, high school?

  3. 3
    hoosierneals says:

    You can’t make this stuff up….

    I know we all love fiction, but seriously, sometimes the truth just can’t be beat.

  4. 4
    snarkhunter says:


    have no words.

    Really. None.

    She took v-pics with SOMEONE ELSE’S CAMERA? I mean, taking them at all is kind of weird, I suppose, but i know that when I find a random camera, my first inclination is not to get up close and really, really personal with it. (Wish I had any idea who the people in question were.)

    Also, best line here? And then it got interesting.

    I get that the guy’s roommate was freaked, but what about the staffer? Was she okay? I’d be scared to death if some random guy got into my hotel room to “serenade” me.

  5. 5
    rebyj says:

    Coming in 2009:
    Dark Cavern:

    ” He picked up the lost camera, as he scrolled through the pictures he saw in vivid colors an oddly groomed set of lady lips. His body reacted, his fangs shot out, his lifemate (or one part of her) found at last!
    He picked up his massive erection, tossed it over his shoulder and set off on the most important spelunking quest of his life”

  6. 6
    Ciara says:

    Wow. More drama than a Sorority date party! It might make a great setting for a romantic comedy novel. :) man-titty, drama queens, stalkers and vampire balls, who could ask for anything more?

  7. 7
    MaryKate says:

    *making icky face*

    Well…that’s just so…wow.

    I’m with Chrissy, it definitely does make Orlando sound tempting.


  8. 8
    Ciara says:

    I had my camera “borrowed” at a frat party once, and had it returned with photos of someone’s manly-bits. I never did find out whose. It seems like a surprising prank for a girl to do though, especially one who is in attendance with her mother. the horror!

  9. 9
    Rachel R. says:

    “ He picked up the lost camera, as he scrolled through the pictures he saw in vivid colors an oddly groomed set of lady lips. His body reacted, his fangs shot out, his lifemate (or one part of her) found at last!
    He picked up his massive erection, tossed it over his shoulder and set off on the most important spelunking quest of his life”

    God help me, rebyj, but I think you may be on to something.  I can just see the Ellora’s Cave story now: “Cinderella: An Erotic Retelling”.  It has possibilities, no?

    I had my camera “borrowed” at a frat party once, and had it returned with photos of someone’s manly-bits.

    See?  It can be written for either gender!

  10. 10
    Chrissy says:

    You know, I only lost a camera ONCE.  It was when I was teaching at this summer program for gifted kids.

    I got it back after findig it in the lost and found at the end of that summer, put it away, and forgot about it.  This was in the pre-digital days.  Around November I remembered it and sent the film off.  Came back with five or six shots at the end of the roll of my absolute FAVORITE kids and co-workers holding a sign that said “whose camerea is this?” and doing adorable goofy poses.  I still have that photo scrapbook, too.

    I think, however, had I found a strange vajayjay on there I might have wigged.  (And thanked my maker it wasn’t mine.)

    Authors Gone Wild—PA 2008!!

  11. 11
    Sela Carsen says:

    Reby’s comment made me hoot out loud. Literally hoot. Woke the dog up and everything. The photo stunt was very…Paris Hilton-y. But, y’know, nawt hawt. At awl.

  12. 12

    The daughter took it upon herself in Reckless fashion to take pictures of her lovely lady lumps

    I’m…uh… stunned speechless.  Not an easy task.

  13. 13
    Lorelie says:

    telling the owner of those now-very-interesting pictures to mind her own business

    Wait, lemme get this right.  This certain somebody took pictures of her lady parts, returned the camera somehow and then expected the owner of the violated camera to “mind her own business”?  As in what, don’t tell mommy on me?

    I had my camera “borrowed” at a frat party once, and had it returned with photos of someone’s manly-bits.

    Ya have to be careful to monitor your camera around Army guys, too.  Just sayin’.

  14. 14

    I’ll have to tell my daughters to hop-to and look alive. Baby Girl is so boring, helping out at signings and making nice with my writer buddies.

  15. 15
    Jill D. says:

    Just out of curiousity, how did the girl who took the picture of her va-jay-jay get caught?  I mean how was her va-jay-jay identifiable?  Inquiring minds want to know.

  16. 16

    Oh, so that’s what the big fight was about.  I thought people were just driven into a frenzy by the overabundance of free soft-pretzels.

  17. 17

    Pictures of HER Va-Ja-Ja and SHE”S insulted that the camera’s owner didn’t “mind her own business?” WTF??

    I’m like Bonnie L…give me some initials to play guessing games with!

  18. 18
    robinb says:

    Wow.  I was at the party the last night and missed all of that drama!  But, there was some extra drama with the cover model, and that was just a very sad story all around.  I hope he gets the help he needs before something irreparable happens.

  19. 19
    Mala says:

    Five seconds on Amazon with your carefully seeded hints and I figured out whose daughter the mystery hoo-hoo belonged to, but the identity of the poor Carpathian daughter whose camera the weeping petals ended up on…? Still a mystery.

    Man, and I thought Comic Con was full of drama!

  20. 20
    Shannon says:

    omg, rebyj, I cackled out loud.  Seriously. Cackled!

    Wow, who knew that things coud get that crazy at the RT con. It makes you curious how it will all go down next year.  Will there now be an ongoing feud between the two girls. Each year will it escalate? I do hope these girls are in high school, considering the immaturity of the action.  As a teacher, all I can think is… how long until that ends up on the internet?

    spam word: appeared 31 Her vajay-jay appeared 31 times on the internet before her mom grounded her for life.

  21. 21
    Ciar Cullen says:

    Really can’t imagine how anyone gets the impression that the romance writing world is tacky in any way…

  22. 22
    Sara says:

    I think you gave enough of a clue to figure out both authors. Interesting, I don’t know if your stories make me want to go or stay away.

  23. 23
    Robin says:

    And no one thought that the beaver-shooting daughter might be a love match for the serenading Romance stud?  Huh.

  24. 24
    Denni says:

    Sooo, brat child finds camera, takes adult pics of herself, returns said camera, then gets nasty with the now owner of her adult pics?  Ummm…hello, is the village missing an idiot?  A lot of people would feel an irresistable urge to post those pics somewhere.

    Rebyj…luckily I’m to smart to drink beverages while reading this site, or I would have snorted it when I read your post.  Still laughing.

  25. 25
    Denni says:

    BTW… Sarah, apparently JC Wilder was also impressed with mancandy Rodney.

  26. 26
    Silver James says:

    Okay. I’m pretty sure I know who the Carpathian writer is…And a Google/Amazon pretty much clued me as to the other mother. But the publishers….Dudette…wanna know… *teehee*

    Actually…after all this, I’m wondering if I really want to be an author after all….I mean…shee-it. After all that day-am dramah and shennanigans…and hoohaws hanging out.

    And RebyJ, you write it, we will ALL read it! Like Denni, I have also learned to keep liquids far from my face and keyboard when reading SBTB.

    Spaminator: hear56 (Yeah…I hear it sneakin’ up on me)

  27. 27
    closetcrafter says:

    Just saw on Liz Maverick and Marianne Mancusi’s blog a pic of the perp.

    Just want to remind everyone, after you lose the Mr. Romance contest, there is a lot of adrenaline out there, a feeling of being lost, having to let go of your cover-models dreams.  Obviously, its enough to send someone over the edge.  Heehee.

    And the camera drama centering around the royal families of uber-drama?  Awesome. I love events that are awesome in both their horrible-ness and their ridiculous-ness.  I hope the confrontations took place in costume, that could only make it better.  And perhaps someone could write a musical based on it since it took place on an dance floor. I’m not a writer, just an idea person.  Hmm?  Anyone?

  28. 28

    I really think there needs to be a Christopher Guest movie made on an RT Convention. It wouldn’t even have to be exagerated for dramatic effect.

  29. 29

    I’d heard the young woman who Beguiled the camera’s owner with her naughty bits was a cover model. Perhaps she was moonlighting? Auditioning?

  30. 30
    Shannon says:

    Marianne- You are so right!  I can just imagine Parker Posey as a crazed fangirl.

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