Bitchery readers send me the coolest links, I swear. And sometimes I get to read about things riiiight before they happen – like Earth Hour, where in at 8pm local time, you turn off the lights for an hour, and sit in the dark to send a message that you care about climate change. You can do lots of different things in the dark, according to the site.
The goal is the demonstrate that “by working together, each one of us can make a positive impact on this global issue.” Now, I’ll be home by myself, and I loooove to have all the lights on when I’m alone because like a 7 year old, I’m afraid of the dark. So if I do this, I’ll totally be sitting in a dark room with the dog… probably using my laptop to email people that I’m in the dark and mildly freaked out. Lest you think I’m a complete loon, I’m also afraid of heights, stairs (the kind with no backs that are just flats of wood on a big frame, omg they freak me out), and latex balloons. There. Now I’m 100% freak, right? Right.
From WryHag, a link that speaks for itself. WryHag says we ought to “pitch in and buy it for some particularly worthy Mary Sue who’s approaching or has passed menopause. Anita Blake could put Nikes with swooshes on the ends of those boards.”
SNORT.
Prof. Sarah Frantz offers a sequel to her tale of awesome names in South Africa. Last year, Dr. Frantz reported that there’s an Indian car that’s popular in South Africa called the “Tata.”
Well! It seems that Tata, the company, bought Jaguar from Ford. As Dr. Frantz’s awesome husband put it: “The Colonial Bosom bought the Imperial Pussy! What *would* Victoria say?”
Good question. Dr. Frantz says, “At least all the female parts are together now.”
In a very interesting article forwarded to me by Star Opal, I have word of a rather precedent-flirting-with offer from a Japanese used bookstore: Bookoff Corp, Japan’s largest used bookstore chain, has offered to pay over Â¥100 million (about $1mm USD) to several writer’s and creator’s organizations and associations. The offer is “intended to address complaints from these organizations that the growing used-book market has affected new book sales.” Whoa. DAMN. I had no idea there was a Book-Off in New York City, but there is. It’s right near the NY Public Library, oddly enough.
And finally, from Ciaralira, guaranteed to make you wheeze with laughter and bug the crap out of you, a relationship authority says that you should let you wife read romance novels then satisfy her when she’s all turned on, or else she might use your friend to scratch her itch. Or something. Oh, and romance is soft porn with little literary value, yadda yadda crap crap crap – but be nice to your wife when she reads it.
Yeah. Take a deep breath. I’m taking one now.
Uh, wow. That last link is… painful. I think my favourite part has to be “if she’s reading romance novels, it’s to get something that you should be providing for her and you’re not.” I wonder if he feels the same way about romantic movies?
…because letters written by women who think there is an apostrophe in the word “se’x” are a good source of information. I had to check the top of that one and make sure it wasn’t dated April 1.
Isn’t that every work of fiction ever written?
And I read sci-fi because I just haven’t got enough Martians in my life. My husband must become my sci-fi anthology! Then I won’t have to read any more! Hooray!
Well, of course one wouldn’t hear moaning, dear. I don’t generally moan while “relieving” myself in the bathroom. (I’m a little confused by the use of a term usually applied to urination to describe masturbation; could you tell?)
And I’m not entirely convinced that the letter from “Karen” was either a) written by an adult woman or b) written by a person who has read romance novels.
So happy to see people are still flogging the rotting carcass of the Romance=THE PRONS!!!OMGELEVENTY1!!! horse.
Cheers, bitches!
Sarah – I too am unable to climb stairs with no backs.
The Borders store near my work has them and everytime I’m in there it’s a white knuckled adrenaline kick anytime I need to look at anything other the fiction section. I hate just walking past them to be honest *shudders*
Ditto on the stair thing. Cold chills!!!
Wow… I haven’t read such good send-ups since Joan Rivers appeared on the cover of Cosmoparody magazine. Well done!
(snurfles happily with laughter)
I hate today. I never know what’s real and what’s not.
But is that blog for real? I mean…it can’t be, can it? Please, please tell me it’s not real.
In our university library the stairs are made of metal grating. So you can see down two storeys and they have no backs!
I think that should be forbidden!
Upon reflection (ie clicking some links), I feel quite certain that can’t be a real blog.
And yet…that’s a hell of a lot of work for a prank…
I’m so confused. I hate April Fools.
(Confirmation word: aid54. As in, please help the poor addled Snark.)
I think the “se’x” thing is to get around nasty email blockers that won’t let you use certain words (but I could be wrong).
Wow, that last link has left me feeling like I’ve taken a hit to the head by a club. And the more I look, the more I can’t stop looking! I scare myself sometimes with my inability to stop being inquisitive and I’m afraid I took myself to the dark side today when I realized I’m reeaaallly curious about the relationship guide that guy has put together. What can he be telling people?
And his post tags! It’s a wonderland for the ghoulishly curious! How can one resist clicking for topics tagged “How Women Behave” and “Alpha Male”. It sounds like some scientist just back from the zoo who’s just dying to share his new theories on human mating rituals.
I was at work during Sydney’s Earth Hour (an ICU, so lots of stuff I couldn’t turn off!). I did go up to the top storey of the hospital and had a wonderful view of Sydney with it’s lights out 🙂
Cendare, if that’s it, it makes sense, except that it appears without the apostrophe later in the letter. Possibly the blogger removed the apostrophes inconsistantly, in which case, it’s the blogger’s fault. Somebody is doing a poor job of editing somewhere in any case.
Dude! I get it now! All the times my husband’s been watching tv in bed and then suddenly turned it off and wanted to have sex with me? He must have a thing for Jay Leno!
Wow. That blog is just all about the ridiculous. I am amazed at what that guy wrote. Yes beacuase every time I finish a romance novel if I’m not getting satisfaction, then of course I’m going to go out and find it. Don’t we all?
I’m curious about what missing letters that apostrophe stands for.
Se’[e, I don’t need your dead ass, pudmonkey, because I got me some great books and toys right here under the bed, in this bo]x.
Because I’m an insufferable know-it-all, I’m popping in to say that the horizontal part of a step/stair is the tread, and the vertical part is the riser, so if you have a hard time with staircases that allow you to see through them, it’s likely because they’ve been built without risers.
In related news, I had a Cubano coffee right before dinner, and now I can’t shut off my brain. My idiocy, let me show you it.
Bwhahahahahahah!!!!
I am also not of fan of those sorts of stairs (or bridges, or planes, or interstates, or semis, for that matter). It’s funny how that little gap works on your mind. When I was in hs, we were doing a track unit in physed, and to introduce hurdles, we had to jump over a padded wedge the exact same height as an actual hurdle. I did that just fine. When we had to jump a real hurdle, though, with that huge space between the bar and the ground, I could not do it. I tried many times, but would always pull up at the last minute. So ended my glorious athletic career 😉
spam: provided86—why yes I did provide 86 bottles of apple juice last night!
OMG, I thought I was the only person on the planet who was afraid of latex balloons…
Riserless staircases used to bug the hell out of me too, though I’ve gotten used to it (if only because they use them in my apartment building and I live on the second floor).
I’m curious, though—you say latex balloons bother you, but mylar doesn’t? Is it because mylar usually doesn’t pop if punctured, but just deflates? Is it the squeaky factor?
It’s the popping and the fact that latex grabs your skin and holds on if it’s warm or wet. And the sound they make when they rub together?
*shudddddddder*
Mylar are awesome. Latex gives me the jibblies like riser-less stairs.
The scary thing about the stairs with no backs is that the bad guy can just grab your ankles right through them. Trufax.
Last link = Facile. Specious. Crap.
Jenyfer’s comment about Jay Leno: Bwhahahahahaha!
Sarah, I think avoidance therapy is what you need for that latex-balloon problem. Just avoid them.
Whoops. It was Lorelie who posted about Leno. Bwhahahaha! all over again to the correct person.