Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: This One Sounds Like That Creepy Song by “Heart”

OK, you know that horrible, horrible, tawdry and really skin-crawlingly revolting song by Heart that I can’t even name because just READING the title puts that earworm bastard in your head for the next six to eight weeks? The one about the one night stand that ends up in a pregnancy because the chick wanted a baby and so she banged some guy on the side of the road? No, wait, you like that song? I will pay you cash money not to sing it to me because I cannot stand it and it stays in my head for years. Oh, crap, I can hear it right now in the back of my mind… MAKE IT STOP.

Anyway, my mental torture notwithstanding, I have a HaBO from Suzanne, and while it doesn’t involve a pregnancy, it does sound very close to that creep-ass song:

I have been amazed at how well the Bitchery can determine a book from minimal hints, and wondered if you would be so kind as to ask them about a book I read years ago (probably early eighties, and I think I got it out of a bag of books my Mom kept). I was a young mother staying at home with the kids at the time, and was very caught up in reading romances (still am!).  I don’t think it was a category book.

All I remember is an attractive woman whose car breaks down while she is driving in the country, and she is stranded and rescued by a handsome guy (of course).  He takes her back to his cabin (or country house?), and of course they have a romantic encounter; she knows everything about him, but she doesn’t tell him anything about herself…very mysterious.  Of course, she is gone in the a.m. when he wakes.  He searches, she hides, etc. etc., then they finally meet at a party or something, and it turns out she is unhappily married to an older guy.  Thus the conflict, as he feels betrayed, yada, yada, and I remember vaguely, I think the old guy gets sick or dies, and anyway, after much hurt feelings and conflict, they get together.

Wow, can’t believe anyone will be able to tell me the name of this book from such a miserable bit of info, but would really love to read it again.

Do you think they can help??

Does this ring a bell? Anyone? Wait, what’s that you’re humming? STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

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  1. 1
  2. 2
    Lizzy says:

    I heard that song last night. And then I threw up in my mouth a little.

  3. 3
    SB Sarah says:

    Angela: you are unqualified eeeevil.

    I hate that goddam song.

  4. 4
    ilona andrews says:

    Oh God, Angela.  Now I have to go and clean this coffee I spilled.

  5. 5

    Airing dirty secret: being a Heart fan and a secret baby lover, that’s always been one of my favorite songs.

  6. 6
    Grace says:

    I still love that song, despite the cheesiness. It’s so catchy!

    (used98 – do you think she used 98 hot hitchhikers before one finally knocked her up?)

  7. 7
    MaryKate says:

    Mean, that was just mean. Damn it. Now I have that song in my head.

  8. 8
    Trix says:

    ARGH!!!!! IT’S IN MY HEAD; SHOOT ME NOW!

    (Caps are the only way to deal with the HORROR)

  9. 9
    lisabea says:

    No bell. None. Usually I think, that’s vaguely familiar…but then the Alzheimer’s hides the answer. This one? I got nuthin.

    Which means I read it in 1982.

  10. 10
    Maia says:

    That song ranks right up there with “Into the Night” by Benny Mardones on the all time creepy pop song list.

    She’s just sixteen years old
    Leave her alone they said…

  11. 11
    Rox says:

    Without actually knowing (which would be perhaps more helpful), my first guess would be that it’s a Danielle Steele book.  She has a couple of plots, one of which is that the heroine is unhappily married to a young guy before she finds her true love, and another one is that she is happily married to an old guy who then dies, leaving her to marry her true love. 

    It’s entirely possible that this book of which you speak is *not* a Danielle Steele novel, though, because the heroine is unhappy with her old guy first husband.

    Hmmm….

  12. 12
    dillene says:

    Yes, this set off my Danielle Steele alarm as well.  Beyond that, I can’t help you.

    I am both pleased and proud to say that I have no idea which song you are referring to.

  13. 13
    Gennita Low says:

    I can’t think with that song roaring in my head.  Argh.

    Long49.  Argh.

  14. 14
    Jessica G. says:

    I love that song.  I found an old CD of it a couple of days ago and have been singing along with it while sailing up and down the 101 freeway.  I also love the secret baby plot.  No idea on the book, though.  It reminds me of an ‘80s category, but then there couldn’t be any husband, young or old, under the strict guidelines they used to follow.

  15. 15
    Ann says:

    Now I’m seeing Carly from American Idol singing it and it’s Clay Aiken’s baby…  *shudder*

    But the book?  It just reminded me of Sandra Brown’s Texas! Lucky.  But I don’t think that’s it…

  16. 16
    ktg says:

    OMG. That song. That horrible song. Make it stop!!

    My antispam word: used11, just like that lady used the guy in that song!! *head desK*

  17. 17
    amhartnett says:

    Doesn’t that describe at least one release from every major romance author from the 90s and countless other categories?

    Btw, does it not make you absolutely insane that the morning after note basically tells him she only screwed him to ‘plant a seed’?

  18. 18
    Brandi says:

    I think I’ve completely managed to avoid hearing this song—I was thinking “What, is there something in ‘Magic Man’ I’m missing?”

  19. 19
    closetcrafter says:

    I used to rage to anyone or anything when that song came out as to how it was putting womankind back hundreds of years. It made me crazy every time I heard it.  And worse was the way they videoed Anne Wilson. GGGRRRR.  Still pisses me off.  I believe my roomates and I called it “the stupid bitch” song.

    I am a child of the 70’s and I LOVED Heart and they totally disappointed me.  Fortunately, Nancy Wilson was able to redeem herself in my eyes when I found out she is married to Cameron Crowe and has been for quite some time.

  20. 20
    Liviania says:

    Brandi and I were on the same wavelength with the Heart song.  Since I love everything I’ve heard by them, I’ll not listen to this song and pretend it doesn’t exist.

    Word: carried72.  Nope, that chick only carried one child.

  21. 21
    Kismet says:

    Ohhh, That’s what that song says….. I could never understand anything beyond the chorus. Ewww, now my ick alarm is going off…. and my local radio station plays it about once an hour.

  22. 22
    willaful says:

    It might be A Woman to Remember, a Harlequin Presents by Miranda Lee. I haven’t read it, but that’s the basic plot.

  23. 23
    Jo says:

    I never really listened to the words of that song and had no idea that the song was about that.  And now it’s going to be stuck in my head all night. (Which is lovely, since I’m studying for finals)

  24. 24
    Harlequin says:

    I always thought the song was about a woman whose husband didn’t please her in the bedroom so she went out looking for some action elsewhere, even though she still loved her hubby (“what he couldn’t give me was the one little thing that you can”). I totally missed the planting seeds and his own eyes parts. Huh.

    The two songs I *really* hate for their content are ‘24 hours from Tulsa’ (oh, honey I was just on my way home when I banged some tramp in a motel and realised I want to be with her rather than you and now I’m all upset cos I’ll never get to go home any more) and that pina colada song (I’m bored with my long-term girlfriend so I’ll go looking for some sneaky action with an anonymous chick who turns out to be my equally bored girlfriend and somehow this is hot and wonderful instead of all betray-y)

  25. 25
    TracyS says:

    huh.  All I ever could understand was the chorus.  Never knew what the song was about. ICK.

  26. 26
    Wolfy says:

    That song drove me nuts, though I’m a huge fan of Heart, ..now I got “Barracuda” on the brain, sweeet :)

  27. 27
    Wolfy says:

    (getting that “rooster in the henhouse” feeling) Can’t help it, ya’ll just so brutally funny :D

  28. 28

    Oh yeah, The Boinking The Hitchhiker Song. I’ve always hated it. Fortunately, I don’t find the melody memorable enough to become a brainworm.

    But closetcrafter is right about “Into the Night.” Creepy, creepy song.

  29. 29
    Ishie says:

    All varieties of creepy for me were trumped when I was on the bus in time to hear the driver blasting the new Caribbean hit “Daddy, Don’t Touch Me There”.

    Needless to say, my mouth was hanging open for the whole trip.

  30. 30
    Cat Marsters says:

    I am so glad to say I’ve never heard of that song (Now, of course, it’ll probably be played on the radio the instant I turn it on).

    Willaful, I also thought of the Miranda Lee book, but it’s not quite right in the details—she’s not stranded by the road, she picks him up at a party or gallery opening (he’s a photographer, she’s a model).  She goes out dressed like a hooker to pick up any guy with the right eye colour and get pregnant (classy) because her beloved older husband is dying and she’s desperate to give him a son (how she knew it’d be a boy, I’ve no idea.  Maybe it was the speshul way they did it?).

    Mostly what I remembered about A Woman To Remember was the toe-sucking scene when she cut her foot on the beach.  That, and the Special Modelling Gene that allowed her to be free from flab and stretch marks and anything else that might have prevented her from going back to modelling swimwear after the babbie was born.

    However, I think it was the first romance I’d read narrated mostly from the male POV, which did make it stand out.

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