Dara Joy Releases New Book, Candy Expires from Joy

Candy, it is often mentioned here, usually by Candy herself, is a big Dara Joy fan. I personally have never read Joy’s books, but Candy, she’ll wank on for hours about them. They are among her guilty pleasures.

So imagine the, well, joy when, just in time for Candy’s birthday, Dara Joy announces she has a new ebook for sale on her newly designed website. Pity I already sent Candy her gift, because I’d be hard-pressed to beat a present entitled Death by Ploot Ploot.

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  1. 1
    AgTigress says:

    ‘but Candy, she’ll wank on for hours about them.’

    Slightly off-topic, I’m afraid, but I am interested in language.  I have noticed the use of ‘wank’ in contexts that make little sense to me here, and this is another example. 
    So, do you really mean, ‘Candy will masturbate on for hours about them’, or has ‘wank’ acquired a different or modified meaning in American English?

    Just asking…  :)

  2. 2
    Ella Ashley says:

    I’m not going to lie. I adored Rejar (may or may not have something to do with the oh so John DeSalvo cover) and I loved Mine to Take. I never read Knight of a Trillion Stars.

    Having said that, I do wonder when Traed will get his own story.

  3. 3
    Teddy Pig says:

    wank = ploot ploot

  4. 4
    Kim says:

    Ploot Ploot- You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  5. 5
    not a wanker... much says:

    Ella Ashley – wank here in the Uppity Colonies has come to mean a sort of yammering or incessant babbling. It seems to be cousin to wonk, which is the noise the adults make in the Peanuts comics. ;)

  6. 6
    AgTigress says:

    Just don’t use it in the UK.  Please.

  7. 7
    Gennita Low says:

    Try looking up “ploot” at an Urban Dictionary website.  You don’t want to gift that to Candy, SBSarah.  Really, wank or no wank.

  8. 8
    Teddy Pig says:

    ploot ploot means funky vag or getting it on.

    Either way, ain’t no one I know ever use the term so it just sounds stupid.

  9. 9
    bettie says:

    wank here in the Uppity Colonies has come to mean a sort of yammering or incessant babbling.

    This from the definitive source on such matters, Urban Dictionary.com ;)

    5.    wank   
    1.British slang for masturbation or masturbating.
    2. An on-line discuss without purpose or substance that often involves pretension and bullshit.

  10. 10
    Miri says:

    I demand a review as soon as someone reads this! Pweeeeeese!

  11. 11
    Eli says:

    I have given in to my own inexplicable addiction to Dara Joy.  We’ll see if I actually get my copy.  If it had been anything but Aviara I might have had a chance of resisting.

  12. 12
    Victoria Dahl says:

    I don’t have any idea what ploot ploot means, but it doesn’t really matter. That’s the worst title ever. (It sounds like poot poot, which makes me think of diarrhea. Not a sexy way to go, really.)
    Such a bad title, in fact, that I didn’t really understand what the link had to do with the rest of the story, because it never occurred to me that could actually BE the title.

  13. 13
    Jennie says:

    Why, oh why do I feel the need to look up things like ploot on the urban dictionary, why?

    Let’s just say that with either definition the title doesn’t translate well…

    Spamword:  staff84
    His staff died from ploot ploot

  14. 14
    RfP says:

    I hope everyone’s $4.95s will get the cover model a shoulder realignment.

    Ew.  I just checked Urban Dictionary.  I now hope some portion of the $4.95s will go toward cleaning the ploot off the wanker.  Lordy, the things I learn on the internut.

  15. 15
    Kaitlin says:

    Huh…is it just me or is that the most original title and also probably the worst?  I dunno what Ms. Joy is thinking, but all I can think is UGH!

    My verification is running 83.  I’m definitely running…in the opposite direction from this books.  :P

  16. 16
    Liss says:

    Quick note on wank: It’s second meaning is derived from the first. That is, it started out as a metaphor to indicate that someone was going on and on and on for their own self-gratification, as no else was interested any longer in what they were saying.

  17. 17
    Stephanie says:

    So I guess it’s ebook now since so many people got ripped off from the last traditional book promised?showed72

  18. 18

    The title alone shows that there are still massively bad decisions going on in the Dara Joy camp. Yikes.

  19. 19
    Freezair says:

    I’m surprised we’ve gotten this far an no one’s yet mentioned “snu-snu.”

  20. 20
    Ella Ashley says:

    Um, thanks to whoever defined wank for me, but it was the comment above mine asking… but thanks none the less!

    When I think of wank I think of the Fandom Wank kind of wank before masturbation.

    Wank can also, in my head, be someone fan-fapping over something.

    EX- Ella can’t stop wanking over Ghost Hunters.

    Or Candy is wanking over new Dara Joy.

    Now real fun is looking up definitions for ‘wonky’.

  21. 21

    Death by funky foul va-jay-jay odor.  Gee, how can I possibly resist buying that?  Pardon me, I must go barf now.

    Maybe she meant death by snu-snu, but typed ploot-ploot instead?  I’m confused, bewildered, and deeply disturbed.

  22. 22
    Charlene says:

    All aboard the failtrain! Ploot! Ploot!

  23. 23
    Charlene says:

    Oh, and “wank” probably first crossed the Atlantic in relation to fandom. To wank about something originally meant to go into massive yet totally irrelevant flamewars about things nobody in their right minds (even in fandom, which is saying a lot) would fight about, such as whether a character attractive to men could be a lesbian.

  24. 24
    AgTigress says:

    ‘Ploot ploot’ simply sounds to me like the kind of embarrassing baby-talk that is used for communication with infants on matters for which the adult terms are either clinical or coarse:  e.g. ‘do you need to go wee-wee?’  It is also too close for comfort to the British ‘poo’ and American ‘poop’ (as someone else has already mentioned), so for me ‘Death by ploot ploot’ evokes a distasteful image of someone expiring, totally dehydrated, after an exceptionally serious and prolonged bout of diarrhoea.

    I can understand, just, how the verb ‘wank’ might have been misinterpreted as meaning no more than ‘self-indulgent time-wasting’.
    However, if communicating outside any group where you know for certain that this diluted and toned-down American meaning is current, and certainly if communicating with Brits, it would be wise always to regard it as being in the same general area of potential offensiveness as ‘fuck’ and all its derivatives, or ‘cunt’.  It is at that level of specificity in BE, the sort of word which a wise person will avoid in formal social surroundings or in front of potential employers.

    I raised the matter here not because I was shocked or offended, but because I did not understand the phrase ‘wank on about’, and wondered what the intended meaning was.  Thanks to all who explained it to me. 

    I will not call you a bunch of wankers, because although you would all presumably find that only faintly derogatory, if I said it, believe me, it would be very derogatory indeed.  (It is also used almost exclusively of males). The differences between Englishes – American, British, Canadian, Australian and many others – are both fascinating and sometimes scary.  Really serious misunderstandings can, and do, arise because people casually assume that their own regional and social dialect is universal.

  25. 25
    Michele says:

    I can’t believe that title. I thought it was a joke to be honest.

    Ploot ploot: sounds like a bodily function gone horribly wrong.

  26. 26
    Anonym2857 says:

    ~~I don’t have any idea what ploot ploot means, but it doesn’t really matter. That’s the worst title ever. (It sounds like poot poot, which makes me think of diarrhea. Not a sexy way to go, really.) Such a bad title, in fact, that I didn’t really understand what the link had to do with the rest of the story, because it never occurred to me that could actually BE the title. ~~

    ~~Huh…is it just me or is that the most original title and also probably the worst?  I dunno what Ms. Joy is thinking, but all I can think is UGH! ~~

    Tired, beaten down and cynical sort that I am, I would think that the hideousness of the title was part of the plan.  The followers will buy it regardless, hoping for updates on some of their beloved characters.

    For everyone else, there’s the ‘buzz’ factor of even negative press still being press.  I mean, we’re all talking about it. Some will buy it just to see if it really is as good/bad/both as one would expect it to be.  Others may buy for the ‘shock’ factor of owning something with such a hideous title, perhaps hoping it will be collectible some day. I mean, think of all the Top 10 Worst Titles Ever lists that she’s guaranteed to be on. 

    Or maybe she’s banking on the titillation (or shitillation, as the case may be) … perhaps she needs ‘X’ amount of sales to justify she’s marketable enough for another ‘traditional channel’  publisher take her on, and this is the hook she’s using to get people talking, and perhaps curious enough to buy.

    Diane

  27. 27
    Jackie L. says:

    Somebody said that Death by Ploot, Ploot is a Valentine present for Dara Joy’s fans.  I can’t check it out, because if I go to her site a second time, I fear I will be scarred for life.

    Somebody bought Mrs. Giggles a copy and I think Angela James was gonna give a copy to DA. 

    Yes, time for another dueling review!  (Dontcha think?)

  28. 28
    SonomaLass says:

    I went to the Dara Joy web site, AND I looked up “ploot” on Urban Dictionay.  I am horrified.  Really.  I don’t think I’m scarred for life, but only because I’m tough like that. 

    Ew.  Just ew.

  29. 29
    Jackie L. says:

    Sonoma Lass—

    I visited her website once, back in the all pink days.  (No offense to anyone on this particular site intended.)  It’s the second visit I fear.

    Ooh, and if the dueling reviews does occur, I would love to see Laura V’s scholarly take on one of Dara Joy’s books.

    BWAHAHAHA.

    (That said, Knight of a Trillion Stars made my keeper shelf, hangs head in shame.)

  30. 30
    talpianna says:

    Well, apparently Laura V. wears a full-body condom at all times, so I guess she could handle it.

    I too have Knight of a Trillion Stars as a keeper—mainly because of the very funny and pretty accurate SF-con scene early on.  But it’s no Bimbos of the Death Sun!

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