It’s that time of year: we’re t-minus one month away from Valentine’s Day, and it’s time once again for media outlets to start pestering the romance writers because certainly romance writers, they are More Romantic and Sexy than the rest of us mere mortals. Pass the feather boa, because I need one to finish this entry.
A brilliant author forwarded me the following request from the Washington Post, and it is so over the top, well, judge for yourself:
Dear Romance Writers,
For a Valentine’s Day story for the Washington Post Home Section, I’m
hoping to feature the bedrooms of a couple of local romance writers (who
better to create a romantic ambience [sic] than you creative ladies? And if
there is a man among you with a romantic bedroom, that would be totally
cool).I’d appreciate it if you could send my query to your Washington area
members to explain what I’m seeking:*A couple of digital pictures of your romantic boudoir, preferably in
daylight (even if it was designed to look fab in candlelight).* You should be in at least one of the photos, since if you’re chosen, you
will probably be in the picture. (Feel free to wrap yourself in a feather
boa or come-hither pegnoir).*Your bedroom certainly does not have to be “done” by a professional
designer or decorator, but it should look good (if you want to declutter a
bit before photographing the space, by all means, have at it).*The rooms do not have to be frilly/girly/pink, Victorian or any other
stereoptyical romance-writer look. They can be Zen, minimialist, historic,
Art Deco, Scottish tartan, country, shabby chic, cowgirl funky, whatever.
The room just has to telegraph Romance and Love.*Those of you who want to share your sanctum sanctorum should include a
couple of paragraphs about what is romantic about it (extra points given
for a heart shaped bed), and perhaps where some of your favorite things
came from (great granny, your first great love, Wal-Mart, Sotheby’s),* I’ll need your real name and your nom de plume, as well as a daytime
phone number so I can get in touch with you. Practically speaking, the
rooms we choose will probably have to be no further than 50 -75 miles from
downtown Washington so we can get a Post photographer there to shoot it.Ladies, this is your chance to spread a little Romance Writer Valentine
cheer to your readers and to ours. I do hope you’ll spread the word. I
need the images and little eassays [sic] in hand by Jan. 25 so we can shoot the
following week.Thanks in advance for all your help. I remain,
Breathlessly yours,
—-
Oh. Holy. Shit. I started to giggle at the pegnoir but by the time I got to “extra points for the heart shaped bed” I had tears running down my face. Oh holy crap in a crap-shaped bed. Scottish tartan! Cowgirl funky! Oh, sweet holy shit.
First, in case this reporter is looking for what a Smart Bitch bedroom looks like: picture a large room with a bed and the following items: 1.4 metric tons of cat (because somehow they become the size and weight of ponies when they snuggle into the foot of the bed and take up ALL THE ROOM WTF), 8 spit up rags for baby with reflux, tv, clicker, and laundry. Lots of laundry. Oh, how romantic. Especially the spit up rags.
Second, what the crapping crap is this? Right after assumption #1, that we romance readers are all dim and enjoy icing-frosted masturbatory fantasies so long as they’re sheikh-y or Lordly, here comes #2: the romance writers all live in a frilly, fantastically tartan-lace wonderland, and don’t buy beds that are comfortable. They buy beds that are heart shaped.
Question for the Sci-Fi writers: do people assume you have bathrooms outfitted to mimic a transporter platform, complete with silver toilet? And you Women’s Fiction writers, do you have boxes of tissues on every flat surface? And Fantasy writers wear tights and wings, right? Wait, as long as I’m riding the Magic Assumption Train into The Land of Overused Metaphor, let’s go for the subgenres! Paranormal romance writers – you get kinky with the vamp teeth and the furry suits, right? And you sleep in coffins or caves? Harlequin writers have bedrooms made up like harems or Roman temples or boardrooms (that cannot be comfortable) or obstetrics offices (there are a lot of babies after all) right? And historical writers, how’s that corset?
Hello? Bueller?
Either way, I absolutely cannot wait to see that article about the bedrooms of romance writers. Srsly.
I think the li’l kid sleeping bag at the foot of my bed adds a tremendous amount of sexiness to my bedroom. (It’s for when the 7 yo joins us in the middle of the night and neither the DH or I want to bother with carrying him or sending him back downstairs to his own room)…
Yep. Screams “Sexy Romantic Bedroom” don’t it?
What do you want to bet that his/her only research thus far has been to watch the movie She Devil a half dozen times? Heart-shaped bed? Seriously?
WTF? Do we get to rent a cabana boy to be in the picture too?
I think the romance writers need their own version of Real People’s Houses, a photgraphic expose of the real, in case anyone was getting confused by media stereotypes. http://www.flickr.com/groups/messyhome/pool/
I blogged about the dismissive crap romance writers have to put up with yesterday… but it’s odd this came up today.
READ IT HERE
Anyway, they could come see my bedroom but they’d have to put up with Ahmed sprawled across the bed scratching bits you don’t want to see and telling them to “buggeroff” every time they walk between him and the TV.
On a slightly sexy note he has a nice accent, gorgeous eyes, and does call it “the telley” if that helps.
You could always make her job easier and just send them this link:
http://www.paigecuccaro.com/html/the_cave.html
It has pictures of a lot of famous romance writer’s offices on it including Susan Elizabeth Phillips. LKH, etc. OK, it’s not bedrooms, but it might do in a pinch.
Jeez, you guys are slobs!
Note to self: Go make up your bed.
Nora Roberts called us slobs!
We’re such special slobs.
(And what’s this making up your bed thing that she’s talking about? Must be some sort of strange code….)
Gah, I have a Chinese opium bed decorated with cats and A: a stuffed camel; B: a stuffed teddy bear and C: a stuffed horsie. Plus Xmas lights because I like to glow. I guess that makes me Chinese, an opium addict, and a furry.
Theresa,
Thanks for posting that link to the writers’ “caves”. I always get a charge out of seeing how other writers have set up their lonely writer’s garrets.
I’ve got a cozy little space that serves multiple-duty for music, meditation, and writing: a 20 gallon aquarium full of tetras and loaches; 2 of my 5 1/2 guitars; 3 cram-packed bookcases; a lovely Myanmar Buddha for focus; and an 8-foot long chalkboard [and bukkets full of sidewalk chalk].
~ sigh ~
I lurves my little ‘Buddha Room’.
But whenever my lovely S.O. and I get a case of cabin fever, we bag up our laptops and head over the Highland Pub for a pitcher of Ruby [yum!]. A change of scenery can to wonders for getting the Muse to open up,… and it’s a great opportunity to observe the patrons and work on character studies and dialogue.
word verification: common34—sorry, neither.
*giggles* at TeddyPig – what, no inverted crosses or spreader bars?
Sounds like those nutjobs at the Post think you’re all Barbara Cartland.
There’s no way I could take a photo of my bedroom and send it out to be SEEN. I can’t even find the bed under the dog hair not to mention the three dogs.
My bookshelves are littered with skulls, bats, candles and strange sexual torture devices that ALL romance writers own…
The comments are even more fun if you read them with the OTHER meaning of “VD” in mind.
I, of course, being a Mole, live in a burrow. I guess the only people who might find it romantic and sexy might be wildlife biologists and journalists. Oh, Paaaauuuullllll…..
I have one stuffed toy on my bed (the mole collection is stashed where hopefully the cats can’t get at them)—a very fluffy, for some reason, platypus. The even-fluffier bimbo cat likes to climb on top of it and do things unlawful to utter to it.
Incidentally, cat physics experts, can you tell me why the weight increases when they lie on top of me?
I do actually have a scarlet feather boa, but it’s part of the outfit of a plush toy cat wearing a red hat and a purple dress.
The Tigress is an expert on Bronze Age jewelry, so no doubt her bedroom is heaped with it.
Shall I redecorate mine to match my interest in true crime?
Barbara Cartland at home:
http://www.birminghamuk.com/go/images/barbaracartland_m.jpg
http://bp1.blogger.com/_uZtk_npJu94/Rx79cwZSprI/AAAAAAAAANA/SUFN5XeTNGg/s1600-h/barbaracartland.jpg
Thanks to Smart Bitches and the ‘journalist’ who issued that kind invitation, I’m off to pitch a new reality show to the networks.
Move over, “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. I’m proposing “Extreme Makeover: Author’s Bedroom Edition”.
I figure for the first season, we can concentrate on romance authors. I mean, lots of pink and red. Heart-shaped beds. Oversized in-room Jacuzzi tubs. Maybe a ceiling mirror or two. And NO real lighting; only candlelight will suffice.
Bound to be a hit, right?
Now I’m off to throw out my regular bed, all my books, my desk and computer, my lamps.
And coffee? Pshaw. I’m starting my mornings with champagne from now on.
Sorry, I got lost at the heart-shaped bed, wondering where you could possibly buy sheets for it. And, hey, it’s cold (even here in California) and heating oil is expensive. Sweats rule.
Why doesn’t the guy realize that for many of us, our bedrooms are filled with books? (As is the rest of our abode, of course.)
I was just thinking about the fact that all artists, be they writer, artists, musicians or otherwise, are eccentric. The eccentricity comes from the craft as the craft comes from the eccentricity. That being said, I noticed my theatre fiend friend looks absolutely normal on the outside while I look like I’m trying to emulate Captain Jack Sparrow with the amount of eye make up, hair beads and jewelry I’ve made for myself. However, I’m relatively quiet and a bit of a loner while she will just go out and act like a complete dork for no other reason than it makes her giggle. I wear it on the outside, she wears it on the inside. XD (Her ambition in life is to bear sons and raise them as Spartans and she is a ghost magnet, what can I say? Me? I’m the sort that watched slasher films when I was six. >.> )
So that all being said, I’m an aspiring artist, writer and a musician. I draw comics and write when I don’t feel like drawing and bitch at bad fanficiton writers for their bad grammar and spelling when I don’t want to either. I just recently moved so the grand majority of our (my grandparents and I) house is still in boxes and piled other places. My room? HAH.
On one wall, there is an “old” map of the Caribbean in a blonde wood frame. There is also a red and green silk chinese wall scroll, both of these came from my great grand parents’ house, and three chinese fans that, one had been given to me with a massive split down the center that I fixed with scotch tape, and two I bought. (The taped up one is faded and has a woman playing an instrument, the one I bought at the arts and crafts mecca in Houston has a woman kneeling down next to pond with a horse behind her and the one I bought at World Market has a woman in a red gown playing a harp of sorts.) This same wall has my bed slightly off from it, which is covered in a sort of Indian bohemian vivid pink and gold pattern with a shimmery patchwork looking Indian-bohemian mess of a comforter that matches it, as well as a pillow case with Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist on it. There is also a book case with all my binders with my comic pages in them and my DVDs with a My little pony on top next to an angel, a turtle shell from my pet turtle and a statue of bastet.
The wall with my door on it has some of my artwork that I’ve printed out and some old stuff I did in highschool plastered onto it as well as an FMA calender and my friend Jerry Gonzales III’s artwork that he gave all his friends our senior year in highschool.
The wall with my closet on it has a large clock on it, a CATS poster, a Sailor Moon poster, an Egyptian archeology caledner and my dresser which has a basic treasure trove on top of it, simply because I’m too lazy to put the “gold” collectable coins away. I have a bookcase standing on top of the dresser that is weighed down with only a small portion of the manga I’ve bought over the years as well as my old CD player, a dragon statue, a stuffed turtle from doing an adoption of a sea turtle, the dolls I have made of Alphonse and Edward Elric, my own character AStra Knight as well, little plushies of Erik the phantom of the opera and Winry from FMA and Brave HEart Lion. Jean-Luc Picard stands on the top shelf with a violin in his hand next to a stone statue of Bastet and a glass covered statue of Bastet, a Brazilian wood jaguar and turtle (also from my great grandpa’s house) and a porcelain unicorn. Perfume bottles from BAth and Body works, a stuffed unicorn, a stuff wolf (also an adoption), and a fake raccoon skin hat from playing for Crockett’s birthday in San Antonio.
Last wall has a Hogwarts banner, a native american indian picture, Sweeny Todd poster (I lust after Johnny Depp), a maddened scotsman with a battle axe and wearing a ripped kilt in a picture and three pictures of Sara Pezinni and Jackie Estacado of Witchblade and The Darkness fame and a plastic sword leaning against the wall between my CD racks/book case and my TV table.
now, put in there a bunch of boxes at the foot of my bed I have to fight to put my bed covers onto my bed for, my wish bear and teddy bear on the floor because they’d fall down the space between my bed and the wall if I put them on my bed, a couple pairs of shoes on the floor, a box of inkjet paper to draw on and wires to gadgets out the ass everywhere, yeah that’d be my room.
Now if you want coordination, my bathroom is that. It’s a total homage to my hogwarts house Gryffindor minus the rampant lion and anything wizard related in there. xD Red egyptian cotton towels, a red floor mat and red and gold shower curtains. I am STYLIN’! XD
spamfoiler – entire47. I just gave a huge unnecessary description that no one will probably read anyway. Yeah, that was useless.
Well I’m a secretary and my bed is done up to look like a giant computer, and my wardrobe is a giant stationery cabinet.
Question, why make your bed when you’re just going to sleep in it again?
Anyways, unless I turf the assorted felines out of my bed, it won’t ever be made (and you don’t want to ever move a comfy cat, nuh uh, a moved cat is a grumpy cat…and that’s very bad.)
I don’t have cats or spit up rags, but I have laundry, laundry, and you guessed it more laundry. Followed by books and masive amounts of paper.
I also have a dog who weighs 12 pounds but has to sleep on my head. I also have moose on my sheets.
Nothing says sexy like moose covered flannel sheets. Except reindeer covered flannel jammy pants.
Watch out I write romance. LOL
I need to remember NOT to read this blog while at work. It’s just bad news. 😀
I may be a romance writer, but that doesn’t mean I like the color pink. Ugh! Blue, definitely. Pink makes me think of Pepto-Bismol.
This article makes me think of a bedroom done on Trading Spaces years ago. Sure the room was for a 14 year old girl, but it ended up looking like a sultan’s palace. Maybe that one would work?
Cowgirl. Funky.
…
I’m not going to bother touching the whole “not bothering to run even a spell check on a mass email to writers” aspect.
Hey, I make my bed, even if it requires tossing both cats and receiving the patented “evil-cat-glare”. I’ve found that a soft fleece blanket folded at the foot will coax the (hair littering) beasties to sleep down where they belong, most of the time.
I even wear cute little night gowns. Cold? That’s what the hubby’s for. After 20 years he’s even quit screaming while warming my icy toes.
As for the rest…yeah. Haven’t seen the top of my dresser since shortly after we moved in, it’s become the home of photo and video bits & pieces…for the kids;). The edge of jacuzi tub is the half-way house between clean clothes and the laundry bin. And, we’re not even going to mention floors and books.
Those whiney newspapers…get a clue finally, print some real news and people might buy your papers. Personally I’m tired of having someones political and social agenda shoved down my throat in the name of “news”. PS our local papers are widely considered to be uniformly awful.
Feather boas in the bedroom…don’t we call those cat toys? The slobbery remains soon to join the car hair and dust bunnies.
Just want to say that my bedroom looks like a bedroom-sized version of one of those hats that fly-fishermen wear. You know, the kind where they stick everything they don’t have vest-pockets for? Ooh, and the eighteen square inches of unoccupied floorspace really showcases the brown, 80s textured carpet. Now that is hot.
Former journalist here (who, last time she left a comment on this blog was misidentified in the ensuing WashPost article).
Many years ago, I wrote a feature about a local romance novelist for my newspaper. My editor refused to let me use the phrase “New York Times Bestselling Authors) in reference to several other local romance authors who were, in fact, New York Times Bestselling Authors, because, and I quote, if he hadnt’ heard of them, there is no way they were NYT bestsellers.
The edit also put in a lot of the “bodice ripper” and other generic cliche’s, changed the title to “My Randy Valentine” (WTF?!?!?!?!?!) and the photog asked the author if she would pose in a boa. She didn’t.
This kind of thing doesn’t surprise me at all. And even though the letter has been roundly ridiculed on our local chapter loop, I bet someone will bite.
Me, I’ve put a moratorium on articles since the last person to interview me for the paper started out with, “You went to Yale, you must have read all the classics. So why are you writing THIS?”
*dies laughing*
Yeah, a second-hand bed that was one of the major battlefields of the Sexual Revolution, with 35 year old Peanuts sheets and msimatched pillowcases.
A shredded lavender prom dress, bespattered with blood, and a plastic tiara (I was queen of Zombie Prom).
An Epona banner.
Piles of fabric, boxes of yarn, a giant oval mirror.
The walls are half forest green, half white, and the border between is on upside down. The miniblinds are broken because the cats sit on the window sills.
Milk-crate nightstand holding reading piles that include Star Wars fanzines and craft books (crafter porn!)
A large Darth Vader head full of SW action figures. Also, a Kenner Millennium Falcon.
A closet full of boardgames, from the antique (Charlie’s Angels) to the obscure (Arkham Horror)
Nothing says romance like laundry and hobbies.
~don’t we call those cat toys?~
Some of us have big, sloppy dogs. And chew ropes.
Some of us have big, sloppy dogs. And chew ropes.
Note to self: “Chew” is not to be read as a verb.
Heart-shaped bed and sheets:
http://www.ecomattress.com/heartbed.html
Just in case anyone is eager to be stereotypical.
“Some of us have big, sloppy dogs”
Yes.
Who weigh more than we do, and sleep on the bed.
And shed.
And leap to vociferously insult passing dogs who dare pass by on the sidewalk at two in the morning, and howl along with passing sirens, and slobber dog snot on the windows.
Ummm. I write erotic romances for Ellora’s Cave. The househunk and I have been married forty years. The sexiest thing in the bedroom is my e-reader. We’ve never slept on a heart shaped bed… maybe we should try that on our Valentines Day trip?
Our bedroom is his office. Computer. Electronic junk. Desk. No toys. No swings. No cuffs or leather. No ropes.
Geez, now I feel like a failure.
I may sleep on a couch in my friend’s/roommate’s mom’s unfinished basement (and my roommate has a mattress tossed under the stairs in the middle of the room) but I do have a life sized cardboard cut-out stand-up of Johnny Depp of the Cap. Jack Sparrow variety in here.
Now THAT’S sexy. 😀
spamfilter: beyond23 … next year I will 😀
Hmm, I live within 60 miles of D.C. But I don’t know how well the photos would turn out given the number of puppy-puke stains on the carpet.
Darn that new puppy…I coulda been the next Barbara Cartland.
Hey thorswitch.
Spamblocker is the word you must submit to post your comment. The blocker for SmartBitches is often eerily appropriate for the discussion.
I found SmartBitches while I was looking for romance recommendations. Try the “GS vs. STA†section for recs. I love Vikings too…
Ladies and Gentlemen, the cat physics nearly made me pee myself.
I could make my bed, but then the cat would have to work harder to get under the covers, thereby leaving more fur than’s already on the bed…
Hmmm…mebbe I could knit TWO cats instead of just the one I was planning on if I made the bed…
Me, I’ve put a moratorium on articles since the last person to interview
me for the paper started out with, “You went to Yale, you must have read
all the classics. So why are you writing THIS?”
Diana, that’s when you literally throw the book at ‘em [one of yours, of course], saying, “Come back and talk to me *after* you’ve read this.”
To quote W.C.Fields, “Go ‘way, boy. You bother me.”
I took the wide-eyed, blinks-a-lot, “Why, whatever can you mean?” approach, I think.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the cat physics nearly made me pee myself.
My work here is done. 🙂
I got a Pug sprawled over my stuff. Two, really, but Max is in charge.
Gawd, he should blog about this.
Dog hair, books, and 18 fricking remotes for the television. Dirty men’s socks, random sweaters, and exercise equipment that doubles as a clothes hanger.
It’s a real love nest in there. *snort*
Surrounded by cats [all two of them]; a David Lo Pan action!figure!; Stitch [News Alert! Di$ney Corp. Acknowledges Alien Life on Planet Earth!] in seven manifestations; the Scarlet Pumpernickel action!figure!; writing prompts in the form of a Magic Eight Ball (TM) and a jarful of fortunes from those cookies.