Help A Bitch Out - SOLVED!

Help a Bitch Out: Pirates of Condensation

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Bitchery reader Maria writes:

I have been racking my brain and beating up librarians all over town trying to locate a certain novel that I read in high school, the title and author of which of course escapes me.  So I am sure that my woes will be put to rest if you could post this, and then some smart-talking trashy-book reading bitch can give me what I need.

The book would most likely have been a Zebra *Heartfire* romance, or at least Zebra. (Hey, I loved those cool holograph stickers on the front of that line…I was in highschool, okay?)  It would not have been originally published any later than 1995, because I graduated in 1996 and believe the book was at least a few years old when I read it. I would guess at it being published somewhere between 1985 and 1993.

The book was a historical, same era as the Pirates of the Caribbean I would guess. It featured a saucy heroine with golden-blonde hair who somehow ends up on a pirate ship with a sexy, swashbuckling captain, who (of course) seduces her. She tries to escape several times, without success, and I cannot remember much on the ending/resolution. (She may have been a duchess/governor’s daughter/etc. and he may have secretly been a “respectable gent” who was just masquerading as a pirate to get into girls’ pantaloons). Now here’s the ray of sunshine: I remember that the pirate-captain’s nickname for the saucy gal was “Dovetail.” He called her Dovetail, and I recall a scene where they are on land (most of story takes place on the boat somewhere) and she escapes, he chases her down and she falls/skids down an embankment and cuts her shoulder up on some rocks. He pins here there and hovers his mouth over her nipple, in order to molest her through her shirt via condensation. All this just to show her that she secretly wants him and he has total power over her.  (That whole captive/captor thing gets me every time…yowza!)

I was with her until the “Dovetail” part and was going to suggest The Windflower but I know the heroine isn’t nicknamed anything resembling Dovetail. Anyone know this one?

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  1. Tina says:

    It could be A Pirate’s Love, by Johanna Lindsey, but I don’t remember if he called her “Dovetail”.  Per amazon, it was published in 1978.  The heroine, Bettina, is “pale-haired” and the daughter of a Comte.  The pirate is Tristan, but I can’t remember if he’s really a gentleman.  (Probably—as they usually are.)

    century42—well, it’s been a century or so since I read the book and I am 42…

  2. maria says:

    Nope, sorry…i tried that one already and it doesn’t have my Dovetail…i am pretty darn sure it wasn’t a Johanna Lindsey or Jude Devereux novel, if that helps at all…

  3. Cherry says:

    Is it “The Pirate’s Passionate Slave” by Robin Gideon? Here’s a bit o’ the blurb…

    “Lauren Masters was both terrified and furious when a gang of white slave traders seized her ship. The Virginia vixen swore to fight the cruel rake who carried her off to his cabin…until she saw that Derek York was no ordinary privateer. In his silk shirt and elegant waistcoat, York claimed to be an aristocrat on a secret mission…”

  4. Lost me with Dovetail. It was about the time I was reading the most historicals though, and yes, a LOT of pirates were on those covers. 🙂

  5. Viv says:

    Could be The Flame and the Flower.  Don’t know if it has a reference to “Dovetail” as haven’t read this one for years.

    Another one could be The Captain’s Doxy.

  6. Angelina says:

    Could it be Sea Mistress by Candace McCarthy? It was Heartfire and I think it was from the 90’s.

  7. Tibby says:

    I don’t know the book you want, but this site might be a lot of help

    http://www.historicalromancewriters.com

    It has options for looking up by hero/heroine, time period, and I think style.

  8. Susi-Bz says:

    Oh, I think I’ve read that one. When I was in the USA for the first time – in 1987 – I was very impressed with those romance novels with the stickers on them and bought several of them. Unfortunately, I remember neither the book title nor the author’s name, but if it’s the book I’m thinking of, there was one thing that was repeated several times throughout the book: the heroine was 16 and despite this, she had absolutely flawless skin. No spots, freckles, pimples. Oh, and now that I think about this, the author’s first name could have been Jennifer or Jessica.

  9. Kelita says:

    Coming out of lurkdom:  I immediately thought of Carol Finch: Midnight Fires.  Sorry, I couldn’t find a pic.  Man I used to love her!

  10. aspartaimee says:

    are you sure about the time frame?  that sounds like Sabrina Jeffries “The Pirate Lord” which was 1998 i think.  i don’t remember Dovetail specifically, but the rest of it sounds familiar.

  11. maria says:

    Nope, i am certain it is pre-1995 or so, and likely older than that…keep it coming, bitches!!!!

    and thanks, everyone!

  12. smartmensab-tch says:

    No idea what this one is, but I had to comment on the name “Dovetail.”  What the hell does THAT mean?

    You know, every time I think I’ve been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt, something new and bizarre turns up.  Thank goodness!

  13. Puccagirl73 says:

    Sounds like Passion’s Ransom by Betina Krahn

  14. nin says:

    did ya google?

  15. Tessa D says:

    Could it be Sea of Desire by Christine Dorsey?

  16. Anonym2857 says:

    A friend of mine who is too cowardly to post for herself (but with many other redeeming qualities) suggests MY WICKED PIRATE by Rona Sharon. She doesn’t remember the name ‘Dovetail,’ but says other similarities are there.

    The blurb on Byron says:

    ~~FIRST HE GAVE HER A WICKED KISS …

    Azure-eyed Alanis was by far the most exquisite treasure ever claimed by the black pirate known as the Viper, but his motives went deeper than his silken promise to ravish the feisty Yorkshire heiress.  Commanding the waters of the Caribbean was his means to an end:  reclaiming his birthright—and his blood debt against those who had betrayed him.

    THEN HE GAVE HER NIGHTS OF WICKED PLEASURE …

    Comfortably betrothed to a nobleman, Alanis never imagined the heady emotions involved in the true games of seduction—games this blackguard seemed to thoroughly enjoy playing with her.  Swept up into an adventure that soon revealed a gentleman and kindred spirit beneath the ruthless veneer of a privateer, Alanis began to soften towards her enigmatic captor, as her pride and her heart fell under his erotic spell…. ~~

    Diane

  17. lillipilli says:

    Not “Pirate’s Angel” by M Bauer? Heroine’s name is Ivy, she’s captured by (Dread Pirate) Drake Jordan who’s on a vendetta to avenge his best friend’s murder? Published by Zebra in ‘91.

  18. Lyvvie says:

    (As Tibby suggested previously) If you go to historicalromancewriters.com/publishers they list all of the Zebra genres and then list all books they published. I didn’t see any Jennifer or Jessica for the Historicals or Hearfire range. Closest I found in my skimming was Pirate’s Promise by Bobbi Smith. There’s pirates and a jailbait heroine. Best of luck in your quest.

    I did see bunch of titles I read in high school, so was fun for the nostalgia.

  19. Juliana N says:

    If it was a Zebra Heartsfire book, you might want to try this list.

    Skimming it, could it be:
    Desire and Deception
    by: Nicole Jordan

    or

    Sea Witch
    by: Sara Blayne

    Neither synops mention “Dovetail” but swashbuckling.. blond haired heroine.  ::wry grin::

  20. Erin says:

    LOL

    So I looked up “dovetail”:

    Dictionary.com
    –noun
    Carpentry.
    1. a tenon broader at its end than at its base; pin. 
    2. a joint formed of one or more such tenons fitting tightly within corresponding mortises. 
    –verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
    3. Carpentry. to join or fit together by means of a dovetail or dovetails. 
    4. to join or fit together compactly or harmoniously. 

    So this nickname was either incredibly romantic or incredibly naughty. Or both. Though, since the dovetail is the >meeting

    < of two other things…perhaps

    she shouldn’t have had the nickname, but rather her precious, jailbait female bits when combined with his precious, piratey male bits.

    Or something.

  21. SB Sarah says:

    Or it’s a piratical reference to buttsecks, where in his piratey male bits dovetail at an angle tightly between her corresponding rear mortises.

  22. Lorelie says:

    Azure-eyed Alanis was by far the most exquisite treasure ever claimed by the black pirate known as the Viper, but his motives went deeper than his silken promise to ravish the feisty Yorkshire heiress.

    Tell the truth!  You just snagged that from the AAR Purple Prose contest, didn’t you? 

    😀

    Srsly, tho.  Azure-eyed? Silken promise to ravish?  Feisty heiress of any brand?

  23. Anonym2857 says:

    ~~Tell the truth!  You just snagged that from the AAR Purple Prose contest, didn’t you? 
    😀
    Srsly, tho.  Azure-eyed? Silken promise to ravish?  Feisty heiress of any brand? ~~

    If only that had just been made up!  Actually I was avoiding the work I should have been doing and killing time doing a search of pirate books on Byron before my friend recommended that title.  And believe it or not, that blurb was one of the more lavender pieces of purple prose.  IMO, the blurbs on the back covers are actually worse for the image of romance than the front covers.

    I had to stop reading them before my eyes rolled once too often and got stuck in the wrong position. The mind boggles.

    Diane

  24. swooning says:

    Delurking because the description reminds me a bit of Laurie McBain’s “Chance the Winds of Fortune.” It wouldn’t have been a Zebra, though.

  25. NHS says:

    It this isn’t it then it really reminds me of one of my favorite all time historicals, Thief of Hearts by Teresa Medeiros, Bantam (1994). Featuring Captain Doom and Ms. Lucy Snow who was blonde “everywhere”. She was always trying to escape so aboard ship he took her clothes away. But before they were aboard ship he was masquerading as her body guard to take revenge on her father, a retired admiral or some such.

  26. mischab1 says:

    I remember Dovetail! That book was the first romance I ever read. Now if only I could remember the title….

  27. mischab1 says:

    Here is some additional stuff that I remember about the book.

    + When her ship is caught by the pirates she does a strip tease on the main deck. As soon as she gets her gown and petticoats off, she dives into the water and swims to shore and runs inland to hide. The pirate, of course, manages to recapture her.

    + She refuses to tell him her real name so he calls her Dovetail.

    + Most of the book takes place on the east coast.

    The book was published in the 80’s, 1986 – 1988 I think.

  28. maria says:

    HOLY CRIPES!!! SOMEONE ELSE ACTUALLY READ THIS BOOK???? and you remember things i had comepletely forgotten…the striptease thing doesn’t hit my memory at all, but him calling her Dovetail b/c she won’t give up her real name *sounds familiar.*  oh please PLEASE PLEASE *PLEASE* remember the title of this book, Mischa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and ps, SBSara- buttsecks?? i love it. i want it. no, not really.  wait, yeah i do….um…no

    and thanks to all you bitches for helping out on this AND for just being funtimes & making me laugh…  🙂

  29. Anna says:

    Claudia Dain’s Tell Me Lies?

  30. maria says:

    Nope, Dain’s TELL ME LIES is not a Zebra, and published in 2000, so it’s out of the running….but thanks for the effort!!!

  31. maria says:

    Hey ladies….after much searching, i THINK it might be Treasured Embrace by Marsha Bauer…if anyone has this on their shelf, please grab it and flip thru, looking for “Dovetail”….or if mischab1 is around, do you think this sounds like the one???

    thanks!
    -maria

  32. mischab1 says:

    That sounds about right.  I’ve been thinking the title had the word Embrace in it. I’ll do some more looking.

  33. maria says:

    Mischab1:

    try this:  http://romancereaderatheart.com/pirate/AuthorsB.html

    scroll to Marsha Bauer’s section and tell me whatcha think…sound right??

  34. mischab1 says:

    Sounds right to me.  And I just found a cover page.  http://www.biblio.com/details.php?dcx=4510026&aid=frg

    Is that what you remember?

  35. mischab1 says:

    I need a preview button. 🙁

    It’s definitely the book I remember.  Kent always made me think of Ken and Barbie for some reason.

  36. maria says:

    Fuh-shizzle i think that’s it!!!  THANK YOU THANK YOU MISCHAB1!!!  i’m 95% sure, tho i won’t be completely sure until i read inside and fine a reference to “dovetail”…but i’m sure enought that i’ve ordered it from a usedbookseller on Amazon, and once it comes in, i will post here that the mystery is solved…if it is, in fact, solved. But that cover looks familiar, and the date/setting/pulisher is right…i don’t recall the names or that striptease, but hey it was a long freekin’ time ago…

    i’ll report back once i have TE in hand!!!  thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!  if you are ever in need of some dovetail-buttsecks, you know you can count on me!!!

  37. alisa says:

    If you ever need another swashbuckler/pirate refence, this is a good site, especially for the pre-1995.  🙂

    http://www.romancereaderatheart.com/pirate/AuthorsB.html

  38. maria says:

    Just to let all you helpful bitchery readers know, the “dovetail” book was indeed TREASURED EMBRACE by Marsha Bauer…i just got it in the mail yesterday and it’s not at all what i described (he’s a colonial smuggler w/ a boat, not a full-fleged pirate!) so i know i confused you all, but i love the book and i love you all(esp. Mischa!!) for helping me find it again!  so thanks, bitches!

    -maria

    ps—i did remember the condensation scene perfectly, however bad my memory for other details might have been….

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