After getting a somewhat hysterical email from Barbara Caridad Ferrer, we have narrowed down a field of hilarious entries to the top 9, who will receive a copy of It’s Not About the Accent with a grand prize winner who will receive a copy of both It’s Not About the Accent, and Adios to My Old Life, plus a copy of Guitar Hero III.
We have our winners! You guys made this ridiculously hard, you know that? Yâ€™all are wicked funny and had me envisioning multiple scenarios with these characters. So, using the very scientific methods of â€œOmigod, I just snorted Diet Coke up my noseâ€ and â€œI nearly wet myself laughing,â€ weâ€™ve come up with these nine finalists and one grand prize winner!
The Top 9
Fabiano (means “bean grower”, yeah baby)
Hotter than Paris and Paris
Posted by Lila
Name: Xavier Michael Santiago
Stage name: X as in album title “X”tasy.
5 word decription: He’s smart like Kellie Pickler
Posted by Angelina
Billy Joe Haggard
Five Words: As Country as It sounds
Lead Singer of the Country/Pop group “Dixie-Flavored Man Candy” or D.F.M.C. as they refer to it on the radio.
Posted by PattiR
his name is shev’lavio.
small s. apostrophe included.
Posted by sartorias
Samuel Edward Xavier
“My initials are my life”
Posted by SamG
He rocks harder with umlauts.
Posted by aurianrose
Robbie O: Because together they are Robiana.
Posted by RandomRanter
Javier Garcia, but he goes by Jaaaa-vier (He’s pissed that his parents didn’t have the common courtesy to have a unique last name so he wouldn’t have to come up with a new one. Which he hasn’t because thinking is HARD, vato.).
Oh, and it’s also the name of my sister’s ex-husband. She’d appreciate this.
Description: The universe revolves around him.
Posted by Maria
SB Sarah says: Getting back at the sisterâ€™s ex-husband? Bonus points.
Mama Herrera Likey Hasselhoff Era
Posted by CathyB.
SB Sarah says: PSST!! CathyB – please email me (sarah @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com) with your contact info, since I can’t contact you!
Barbara Ferrer says: Itâ€™s Hoff, man! How could we not? And think of the costuming possibilities! Leather…. And chest hair!
And our Sooper Grand Prize Winner is…
Given name: Juan Raoul Febrio
Sexy Lead Singer Name: Raoul Febrio
Name His Girlfriend Keeps Pushing For: Febrio
(because then they’d match SO MUCH BETTER! And it sounds like Fabio! And then they’d be Fabiana and Febrio! Which could be Febrianaâ€¦ or Fabrioâ€¦ like Brangelina, but Fab-ulous!â€¦ also, it’s about the number of letters he can manage to arrange correctly on any given day…)
His description: “Still dreams of joining Menudo”
Posted by JaneDrew
She had us at â€œMenudo.â€
Thanks everyone for playingâ€” it was huge fun getting to go through these! Jane, youâ€™ll need to let us know what system you want Guitar Hero III for, and no, SB Sarah, Iâ€™m not going to consider Benny Lava as a character name, even if his buns are fine. Sorry!
Well played, everyone. Thanks for some hilarious entries!