There’s never enough Hoff, not even at Smart Bitches

Bitchery reader Renee sent me a PDF that rocked my world:

CheapAss Toys Inc.‘s Poseable Hasselhoff.


Both Renee and I are totally enamored of the “removable chest hair carpet.”


Fun And Games

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  1. 1
    meardaba says:

    Ow.  I’m pretty sure I’m now emotionally scarred, if I wasn’t already before.  Thanks guys, I’ll be sending my shrink bills to you.

  2. 2
    Robyn says:

    I like the “one button’s enough” shirt.

  3. 3
    Kimberly Anne says:

    Garthe’s Pimp Cane??  I didn’t know Michael Knight even HAD an evil twin, but I guess that if he did, it would make sense that said twin would be twirling a pimp cane.

  4. 4
    darlynne says:

    I couldn’t figure out the extra chins, but perhaps they are movable jaws to simulate the Hoff talking??

  5. 5
    Tracy says:

    The removable chest hair is great! LOL But why make it removable?  Isn’t chest hair always there~or did he shave it at times?  I don’t remember LOL

  6. 6
    Dragonette says:

    I like the shorts – they look like they’re straining at the seams and come with a bulge. *snort*

  7. 7
    Kimberly Anne says:

    Michael was not the only one with an evil twin—KITT had one too!  It’s name was KARR.  No, I’m not kidding.  When my husband told me this, I went to Wikipedia, because I figured he must be lying.  No show is so lame to give both the hero and his talking car evil twins.

    I was wrong.  Fetch me the brain bleach.

  8. 8
    Mel-O-Drama says:

    Okay, this is almost as awesome as the Hoff Plane.

  9. 9
    Sphinx says:

    The Hoff: too much is never enough.

  10. 10

    Bwahaha! Sorority Hoff!  I think the next SB challenge should be printing out, cutting out, and making posables of the Hoff!

  11. 11
    JC Wilder says:

    I find it interesting that on said Hoff-groin, he’s wearing a thong with no indication of his gender.

    But if one looks at the mind-boggling Hoff-Pants, it looks like he’s packin’.

    Is this similar to Lee Press-On Nails except it’s Hoff Press-On Package?

  12. 12
    Kalen Hughes says:

    OMG! We must build these en masse and then we must have some kind of picture contest . . . Where’s Hoff Now? or What Hoff get’s up to when his daughter doesn’t have a camera or maybe Hoff as Fabio, Why yes, that is a My Little Pony I’m Romancing.

    Oh, PLEASE!!!!

  13. 13
    Kalen Hughes says:

    Tina thought of it first. *pouts*

  14. 14

    What I want to know is: Where was this thing when you went to his book signing???

  15. 15
    skapusniak says:

    Is this similar to Lee Press-On Nails except it’s Hoff Press-On Package?

    No, I think it’s pretty clear that this is all down to the technical limitations inherent in the posable paperdoll form—even with PDF!—making the proper rendering of the world famous Hasselhoffian Recursion needed for a strictly accurate representation of The Hoffian Package starkly impossible. ;)

  16. 16

    To Kalen: It’s ok, I posted the suggestion on the internet, that means it’s free for anyone to have!


    Word: position54

  17. 17
    TrishJ says:

    LOVE IT! I would personally go with the Knight Rider version.

    The radio station was talking about Hoff possibly doing a reality TV show about his adventures on the dating scene…not sure if it’s true, but I’m there to watch if it is!

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